State of Star Wars Address: One Year Down Posted by: Ric Nimrod 4-3-02 12:01am Greeting loyal Nimrodians, the Mighty Nimrod is here to satisfy your Star Wars soul BABY!! So Anyhoo... We have been doing this for a year now and my second column was a State of Star Wars Address... I will now deliver my address for this year. Silence PLEASE. Well, we are getting closer. Sneak Peek figures are popping up all over the place. All the trailers have been seen and we are now COUNTING DOWN. The soundtrack is ALL OVER the net (more on that later). Shit, we are in April and the film is out in May, WOO HOO!!! You can almost feel the sleeping giant about to wake up The excitement is building. It is what I think of before I close my eyes at night and it is what I think of first thing in the morning... STAR WARS IS COMING! But alas, the world does not seem to care about Episode Two like they did with TPM, and I am damn glad about it. Why am I glad? Well, despite the gigantic amount of cash TPM made, it left a genuinely bad taste in many people's mouths. Not only the "fans," but the general public as well (believe it or not there are people who just look at these things as movies). NOW I LOVE MENACE. It ain’t the best SW flick, but it does start with A LONG TIME AGO, IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY... and that makes it better than most movies... IMO. BUT the hype of TPM and the disappointment of the masses have left Star Wars in a GREAT place. King George is now poised to KICK OUR ASSES. Even a mediocre movie that had less Jar Jar would be am improvement to many. He can’t fail... no matter what he puts on the screen should be better than Menace (again, I like TPM). At the risk of sounding cliché, this will be the ESB of the prequel trilogy. This film should be constant adventure. TPM was basically a set up film; we all knew that going into it, it was a series of important meetings punctuated with action and a political set-up. It had to set the next FIVE FILMS into action. A difficult task without Binks, damn near impossible with him. I have gobbled up every spoiler I can find and this new movie should kick our little Star Wars asses... but we are easy to pacify, just give us some Star Wars. Joe Q. MovieGoer is not as easy to please. He needs more; he needs to be blown away... he hates EP1 because he was told to (and it was not up to par with the OG 3) and does not care if there is ever a new SW film. This is the guy Lucas needs to win back. And he will. I know this because I read spoilers and the spoilers say this film will be great (though we all must expect a little stiff acting and lame dialog... that is a SW trademark). Once the man delivers a fun adventure without a child in damn near every frame of the film and a bumbling idiot getting his tongue jammed in an engine, the world will be STAR WARS DRUNK again. And Attack of the Clones will be that adventure, the gateway between the lighthearted tones of Menace and the dark doom looming in EP3. And what about these spoilers? Why are there militant fans that actually get mad if you reveal the smallest bit of info? I do not reveal ANY spoilers in my column but people who expect to go into the film knowing nothing are LYING to themselves. In a matter of weeks we will see cereal, figures, books, toys, and a slew of other things that ALL have plot points revealed and characters explained. Christ, the sneak peek figures are all over the place and they reveal some info about the film and some characters. To these "spoiler free" Nazis I say this.... If it comes from LucasFilm IT AINT A SPOILER NO MORE!! I mean I can understand not wanting to know the important plot points BUT if you think you can have a clean slate going into the theater YOU ARE KIDDING YOURSELF! King George tells us what we he wants us to know WHEN he wants us to know it. Do these people consider the LucasFilm sponsored HoloNet news a spoiler? ... The site reveals characters and events in EP2. As for the mighty Nimrod... I am sick of waiting. A buddy asked me if I could see EP2 right now would I, I said yes. He asked if I would read the script to EP3 now, I said YES. I want to know the whole damn story ASAP... I have been waiting 25 years to hear the whole story as King George intended. I WILL SHOWER MYSELF IN SPOILERS... ME WANNA KNOW NOW!!! What the heck is a spoiler anyway? It can’t spoil the film... the film is Star Wars. PLUS we already know how it ends. JESUS, most of the world knows how The Lord of the Rings trilogy will end, but that does not spoil it for them. Allow me to spoil some films for you. ROSEBUD IS A SLED DORTHY WAS DREAMING BRUCE WILLIS WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME My point relax and enjoy the Star Wars... nothing can spoil it for you. Have you heard the soundtrack to Clones? I think this is some of the best music in the series so far and FAR better than EP1s music. It is awesome in every respect; it is all over the net so look for it if you ain’t heard it yet. Williams combines new themes with EP1 themes and classic trilogy themes and it is SW heaven. It is great. Of course SOME folks might consider hearing music a SPOILER. I hate the new figure poses. But such is life. I have heard that a ton of figures will be released this year, Clones as well as EP1 and classic trilogy. Speaking of figures, who in the hell is paying $200 for a toy fair Vader? Are these people RETARDED? Did they not know you could order them for $13 at StarWars.com? Probably the same people avoiding images of Clones so they stay pure for the first viewing. Maybe if they did not avoid any SW news in a lame attempt to avoid spoilers they would have seen the fan club was selling these great figures for $12, but screw it... let the fools pay $200 for a $12 toy. The State of Star Wars Shoot, this franchise is in a position to kick the asses of the world again, and I believe that George will do it I think that next month the world will remember WHY this is the greatest modern myth and the most lucrative film franchise in history. Happy Birthday to CreatureCantina and all of the wonderful Staff here, it has been a great year. And thank you for reading our stuff. The Mighty Nimrod is OUT