The Total Saga Re-Edit: What’s All The Hub-Bub, BUB! Posted by: Ric Nimrod 6-13-01 11:01am It is EVERYWHERE I look, in magazines, newspapers and all over the FRIGGIN’ Internet. The Fan-Fu*#in’-Tastic, Too Damn Good To Be True, You Will Wet Your Pants, Awesome, PHANTOM FRIGGIN’ EDIT!!! I am sure you have heard about it by now. A few dudes with an AVID and some spare time have re-edited Episode One to fit what they thought would be a "better" version of the film. Less Jar Jar (with re-edited dialog), new dialog with Nass and the Neimoidians, less Anni being a “yippie-golly gee” jack-ass, and no midi-chlorians. (I have not heard if the "virgin birth" crap is in the cut or not) I have not seen it. Actually, like a bad case of the crabs, the darn thing is spreading... I hear that there are actually a few different "Phantom Edits" floating around. I am very anxious to see a version... BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY! I mean, I am happy with what Lucas offered in TPM, why change it? Just because some dingleberries bought a VHS tape and played around on their computers doesn't mean that in the "Official" Star Wars cannon Jar Jar is cooler and Anni is not a cocky little snot. BUT I MUST SEE IT!!! I keep telling myself that it is not important, it is not a real collectable. Shoot, it is not even up to EU status (no offense to the EU fans out there). It is unnecessary! Be that as it may.... I NEED TO SEE THIS!!!! I say to myself ‘I am a film maker, I can do this on the AVID at school, or really... darn near any G3 or G4, I could make my own. I am SURE I could do a better job (not). STILL I MUST SEE IT!!!!! This is the best damn marketing job since the ol' Blair Witch invaded independent cinema. I hope the Phantom Editor gets a good job outta this. I have found myself OBSESSED with finding a copy... and I can not even reason WHY I need to see some dudes fan-fiction so much. I know the media has ONCE AGAIN brainwashed me into needing a useless idea. YET STILL I AM COMPELLED TO SEE IT!!!!!!!! And then I thought... why not change history. I mean, people do it all the time. re-cut Jedi so that the Ewoks are not around so much and so that Lando dies in the Death Star. Why not re-insert Greedo shooting first in ANH? And as for Empire Strikes Back, well... I reckon you could not make that one better, BEST JUST LEAVE IT ALONE. Why don't we take ALL 4 films (so far) and edit them into one big long film like FFC did with the Godfather films. COMPLETE WITH THE PHANTOM EDIT, GREEDO DIES LIKE A DOG, AND LESS EWOKS! Yeah, and why not wipe your coke-crusted nose with the American flag, because you must be HIGH! BUT I HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS!!!!!!!!! It is just wrong to re-edit another mans work. King George made this film and we should respect his vision. I mean we fell in love with that vision 24 years ago, if somebody where to have taken some footage out of ANH, WE WOULD HAVE BEEN PISSED!! I mean, you can add footage BUT NOT TAKE AWAY FOOTAGE! Remember what the Joker told Bruce Wayne at Vicki Vales apartment? He said "Never rub another mans rhubarb!”, and then he shot him. I mean, whats next? Will some kids start re-shooting scenes? Never mind that Han Solo is played by an African-American or that Leia is now a six foot tall blond, I just thought it would be cool to add a sex scene in my new "edit" of the films. This is BLASPHEMY! How can we, the Star Wars faithful stand by and let some commoner like our selves TAMPER WITH OUR MYTH. I can in no way justify these actions. DOES ANY ONE HAVE A COPY? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!! SEND ME A COPY! nimrod@Creaturecantina.com. We now return you to your regularly scheduled porn surfing, Ric Nimrod