Brooding: An Open Letter to George Lucas
Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.12.08 12:01am

Dear George,

How are things going for you? Everything cool? I imagine you must be very busy between putting together your new cartoon, live action show, video game, and giving your stamp of approval on countless sundry items. It must take quite a toll on your time...which leads me to my next question: How's your love life?

I only ask because I care, George...and from what I've been seeing as of late, you've got me worrying quite a bit.

I'm your friend, and I want what's best for you...for us.

See, I've just gone and done something pretty drastic, something I never thought I'd be capable of doing. I intentionally threw away an unopened Star Wars action figure -- a new one at that. When the package echoed in the dumpster, it was like the sounds of a million collectors suddenly crying in pain.

The objectionable figure in question is Maris Brood, from the Force Unleashed line. You must know her, because, as I've read, you are intimately involved with the development of The Force Unleashed video game. Besides, it's difficult to imagine you can quickly forget giving the stamp of approval on a character like her.

When I first acquired the figure, I realized that it had been sculpted in rather provocative attire with a suggestive pose. To be honest, I didn't spend much time inspecting the figure before completing the sale, since new figures, and female characters in particular, are often hard to come by (but I'm not here to complain about Hasbro's distribution practices). I'll admit it; I've been known to buy female figures. I'm a red-blooded American male, and I appreciate the female form as much as the next geek...I mean guy.

It wasn't until I had gotten home that I had noticed just how provocative the figure was. Provocative really doesn't convey the right degree of provocation. Sultry, vampish, risque, or slutty might be better words to describe this figure, although the most appropriate adjectives would surely have my letter blocked by your spam filters.

Before I go further, let me point out that I am a regular contributor on the Creature Cantina fan site. Since you are no doubt a regular reader, you must know that my association with the site means that I have a fairly high tolerance for puerile humor and male wish fulfillment. I also have been willing to follow Hasbro's toy line through the various sculpts of Prince Leia in slave outfits (and, I will concede that at least Maris Brood is wearing pants, which is more than I can say for Leia).

But Maris Brood is on a different order of sexuality altogether. The thin strip of clothing on her top barely covers her chest and looks like something out of an erotica catalog. Or so I would imagine. Her elongated and twisting torso is exposed entirely too far below the navel. Her slanted posture and out-turned legs make her look like a woman of ill-repute. And, of course, she has a gaping cavern of cleavage. In short, she looks like a human trafficking victim in the Southeast Asian sex trade. I would expect this kind of plastic smuttiness from some PVC Hentai figurines or Todd McFarlane, but not Hasbro...and certainly not from Star Wars.

At this point, I would like to remind you that your Star Wars action figures appear in toy aisles, next to items like Pokemon and Transformers, and that I frequently have to step over or on children under the age of thirteen to acquire them.

If you want to continue moving the Star Wars franchise in the direction of erotica, it might become necessary to start putting parental warnings on the figures (at the very least, adding stickers will keep variant collectors happy for weeks).

I'm looking forward to the day when I can start passing along my figures to my kids, but I wouldn't even feel comfortable putting Maris Brood on my desk at work. In fact, I was so disappointed with the adult nature of the figure that I simply threw it out. I walked right out to the dumpster and chucked it.

I was too embarrassed to even try to return it at a store.

I, a grown man who has been known to squeal like a school girl in the middle of Toys 'R' Us without so much as blushing, a grown man who has plunged headfirst into clearance bins at KB Toys without a second thought, a grown man who checks Rebelscum.com before reading the world news without fail, was too embarrassed to even attempt returning this toy at a store.

I realize from a marketing standpoint, scantly clad female characters must be very attractive products. I realize that Hasbro was merely producing the figure from a video game, which (I hope) has a higher maturity rating on it than the toys you are selling (which claim to be appropriate for ages 5 and up). I realize that parents can make the choice for themselves whether or not to buy this figure and let their children play with it.

But couldn't we do better? Would Maris Brood really have sold fewer units if she had a bit more clothes, or at least a bit more paint? Would the latest Star Wars video game really sell fewer copies if it didn't feature women with nearly exposed nipples? Even Lara Croft of the Tomb Raider series has better taste.

We're Star Wars collectors. We are willing to buy pretty much whatever you and your licensees want to sell us. Couldn't you give us a little more than the lowest common denominator?

Do you really think we are all just sleazy pervs?

Or is this really where you want to take the bright and imaginative world you've constructed? Is Maris Brood what you think we want, or is it what you want?

Don't women deserve to be represented a little better in Star Wars. I know Leia had a metal bikini in Return of the Jedi, but, in context, she was literally a victim of slavery. It might have been exploitive, but it was still acknowledged to be a bad idea within the story of the film...and she got her revenge for being humiliated, didn't she? But we had less reason to swallow Padme's all-too-convenient bare midriff in Attack of the Clones. This is when I started worrying for you, George. Was it necessary to inflict violence on women for the cheap thrill of seeing Natalie Portman's navel? What were you thinking, George?

And there was Aayla Secura's bare midriff and low-cut tankini. Why a Jedi, who apparently forswears erotic love, would run around dressed like a sorority girl skank is beyond me. Then we saw Shaak Ti suddenly acquire a plunging neckline between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, with even less clothes promised for her in The Force Unleashed. Plus, promotional clips have indicated that we'll see more of the same with the revamped (pun intended) look for Assajj Ventriss and navel-exposed padawan. There appears to be a serious and growing fabric shortage in the Star Wars universe...is the Emperor buying up all of the galaxy's cloth for his extensive wardrobe of black cowls?

We love Star Wars, George, and we love you. You have our attention, and you'll probably have our continued customer loyalty whether or not you make things more wholesome or more degrading.

I'm not calling for a boycott, I'm just asking you to give us more respect.

Faithfully,
Tresob Yr