Action Figures & Their Beers -- Cosmic Flop, More Like

by Beedo Sookcool
on 2026-01-29, 06:11:35

COSMIC DROP BERRY PUNCH BEER

I’ll just come right out and say it: I was hoping that this Berry Punch Beer from Beavertown Brewery in London would be lovely, because it’s flavoured with blueberries and raspberries, both of which I love, and it’s brewed with oats, which tends to make fruity and dessert beers a bit smoother and creamier. But it was none of those things. It’s 4.0% ABV and gluten-free, so . . . yay, I guess . . . ? It’s also watery, slightly too sour, and has the unpleasant catch in the back of the throat of artificial sweeteners. I don’t think it actually has artificial sweeteners in it, but it gives the same sensation of defensive mouthwatering right before I start to feel a retch coming on. It’s also slightly bubblegummy, which didn’t really work with Screwball, and it doesn’t really work with this one, either. In fact, this beer is a letdown, not because it’s terrible in and of itself, but more because it raises one’s expectations much higher than it can meet them. But there is a great (or rather, appropriate) figure I can team this beer up with, so I’m squeezing a review out of it.

This is the “Velocitron Speedia 500” mould of the Autobot Cosmos. He was originally a Wal-Mart-exclusive, one-per-case bastich that was going for obscene money on evilBay before Hasbro realised that if they made more, they could be the ones getting more money. And I’m not impressed with this figure. He’s cute and squat and chubby in robot mode, just like his G1 animation model, but in order to get him to look like that, there’s a lot of fiddly kibble involved, and most of it ends up crumpled up around the back. And his right shoulder is loose and floppy. In vehicle mode, he turns into the lumpiest, most unstreamlined-looking UFO you’ve probably ever seen. He looks like a Victorian doorbell. He is actually less sleek than his cheap little 1985 Mini-Bot version – the one that looks like an Arby’s Kids’ Meal GoBot. He comes with a weedy little pew-pew stick that doubles as a chequered flag, if you stick a chequered flag in the side of it, because he is apparently Cybertron’s answer to Lakitu when they’re playing Cyber Mario Kart 9000. He is a bit of a letdown. Did not meet expectations. In other words, a perfect match for Cosmic Drop in both name and quality.

Hasbro has been “upgrading” the old Autobot Mini-Bot characters into Deluxe-Class figures, and apart from Beachcomber, I just don’t like them. They’re overly-complicated, sometimes inexplicably so. I find that the ones that aren’t straight-up partsformers are just way too covered with visible external flaps, panels, seams, and hinges in vehicle mode for my liking, and even moreso in robot mode, with added kibble. They look like early Third-Party Triple Changers, fer cryin’ out Pete’s sake, and to quote the Smothers Brothers, “that is not a compliment.”

I do like that the recent Wal-Mart-exclusive re-dos of the moulds look more like the original toys from the 1980s, instead of trying to emulate the GEEWUN Cartoon “Accuracy” look, but we don’t have Wal-Marts in the UK, and they’re still overly flappy, gappy, kibbly, and hingey, so I think I’ll just stick with my old Legends-Class versions. They might not be as poseable, but they tend to be sleeker, in general. (However, I’m hoping that when Hasbro does more with the forthcoming Windcharger mould, including the inevitable Tailgate repaint, that they will also remember that they recently released a new version of Titan-Class Trypticon, and this would be an extremely opportune time to release a black-and-dark-blue Tailgate repaint as the Decepticon grease-monkey and Trypticon’s flunky, Wipe-Out. Brand synergy, Hasbro! )

As for Cosmic Drop, this beer may be one of those cases where if you store it for up to a couple of years, it might mellow out and become smooth and excellent, so I’ll put a couple aside to try that, and get back to you.

Drink this if you also like: Bubblegum, sours, fruity beers.