Action Figures & Their Beers -- Piece of Cake . . . ?

by Beedo Sookcool
on 2026-01-14, 06:59:15

MARKS & SPENCER / VOCATION BREWERY BLACK FOREST STOUT

Black Forest cake is one of my all-time favourite desserts. So when I saw this on the shelves at Marks & Spencer, I snagged a couple of cans, and was eager to get into them. Well . . . more on that in a bit.

Brewed for M&S by . . . hey, it’s Vocation Brewery, the same folks who do the Life & Death and Naughty & Nice! This is a “stout with cherry juice, lactose and flavouring,” It comes in a slightly larger-than-average 440 mL (15.5 fl. oz.) can, and clocks in at a decent 6.5% ABV.

The bumf on the absolutely horrible sandpapery label says:

“Crafted in collaboration with Vocation Brewery, this beer has a winning combination of rich chocolate malt and juicy cherry and pairs brilliantly with a ripe cheese or a rich chocolate tart or pudding. Tasting notes: Bold notes of cherry, blackberry, blackcurrant, and chocolate on a base of roasted barley and Dark Crystal malt. Malts: Extra Pale, Chocolate, Jumbo Oats, Dark Crystal, Roasted Barley.”

Dark Crystal malt? Shame I don’t have any Dark Crystal action figures to team up with this brew!

So, yes, I definitely get the chocolate they were going for, and the fruitiness is indeed heavy in cherry, but as they say, also tinged with blackcurrant (which I love) and blackberry (which I do like, but it’s one of those fruits that can range from amazing to going terribly, sourly wrong if used improperly). In this case, it’s trending toward the sour, and I’m not liking it. In fact, I’ve been tarrying over a can of this while typing up notes for my various work-in-progress reviews, and as it warms up, it’s getting noticeably more and more sour. Yecch!

Also, despite having lactose mentioned in the ingredients list, it doesn’t taste anywhere near as creamy as a lot of the milk stouts and dessert stouts I’ve tried over the years – and as a result, it doesn’t really put me in mind of Black Forest cake. It tastes more like someone tried to approximate a European cherry cordial chocolate (the ones with real booze in them, not just booze flavouring) using melted-down Tootsie Rolls, a chunk cut off a cherry Chuckles, and some NyQuil. Then dipped it into a pint of Guinness.

Turns out, the perfect figure to match up with this beer is my Black Series Collection Shadow Scout on Speeder Bike, taken from the 2014 Target-exclusive Imperial Shadow Squadron set. A black-armoured Scout Trooper on a black speeder bike, for zooming through the Black Forest. Plus, after I spent many years away from home, he’s covered in dust, which perfectly matches the weird dustiness of the Tootsie Roll flavour this beer invokes. And like the beer, this figure is a bit of an overpriced letdown. It’s just a low-paint-budget repaint, yet I got charged a ridiculous exclusive price tag for it.

In summation, Black Forest cake still remains one of my all-time favourite desserts, but I will not be buying this beer again. Which is a shame, because I’ve loved every other beer of theirs I’ve tried

Drink this if you also like: Stouts, chocolate stouts, dessert stouts, sours, goses, Tootsie Rolls, NyQuil, masochism, or a life of quiet desperation.