Nimrod Speaks: Episode 10: THE ATTACK OF THE CLONES Posted by: Ric Nimrod 6-13-01 11:01am So the title was announced and the world of geekdom is in a tizzy and you expect ol' nimmy to rant and rave about it don't ya? WELL TUFF TITTY. Nimrod ain't biting. I am going to give no official statement on the title of the new film. No sir, not gonna do it. The clones I am referring to are the real clones in my life... that's right, Star Wars action figures. I love 'em, you love 'em WE ALL FRIGGIN' LOVE STAR WARS FIGURES! I mean, this very site was originally started for collectors to poke fun at collectors. So these toys are produced from the same mold by the thousands and sold. These toys, my friends, are the TRUE clones. Now, many of you are familiar with where I am currently in collecting. I seek out vintage, carded figures HOWEVER if I am in a store and I see a new figure I do not have... I buy it. I have stopped SEARCHING the planet for new figures and abandoned the completest mentality (with the new line;-). The popular consensus is that the newest line of Star Wars figures, titled Power of the Jedi, are the most realistic figures to date. I have heard customizers rave about the great sculpting, I have heard loyal collectors say things like "Man, finally they got a Chewie that is to scale and looks like Chewie" and "The detail is great on these new figures." IS IT REALLY? Well my collecting comrades, the ol' Nimrod has a problem with a certain new figure. The Bespin Guard. But why pick on the Bespin Guard ol' wise and powerful Nimrod? Well, the figure is all wrong. I have included picture examples, I do not know where Bill Cable is going to put these pictures on this here page BUT they are somewhere on the page so look at them RIGHT NOW. What do you see when looking at the three pictures? I see two fine vintage pieces and a DISGRACE to the new POTJ line. What are you FRIGGIN' talkin' about Nimrod? I am talking about a Military man who is a abomination. The 2 vintage pieces are both standing upright, the new figure has a slouch. People in uniform should not slouch. I slouch... that's why I never joined a anything that would require a uniform. I mean, this guy does not even have his HAT ON!! Why would it be necessary to make this figure with a removable hat? You never SEE any guard on Bespin without his hat. But my main problem is not with his posture or his hat, it is with his jacket. This doofus cannot even button up his jacket. Is Lando so jacked up on Colt 45 that he does not see this laxidazical attitude? Why can the other two figures from the vintage line seem to button up their uniforms and stand up straight with their hats on while this putz gets to slouch around with no hat and his coat opened up. Why, what kind of operation is Calrissian running up there. Is this guard the outsider of the troop? Is he "high" on pot? Is he the slack-jawed rube named Gomer? If he can slouch around hatless all day long with his jacket open then WHAT IS NEXT? Will they start leaving their shoelaces untied? Will they start wearing their pants down over their shorts, like the young kids lousy with the rap music? Will they forget their sox or undershirts? Will my vintage figures decide to open their coats and take off their hats in a sign that they are rebelling against the tyranny of Bespin? This could be anarchy. SO STAND UP STRAIGHT YOU PIECE OF PLASTIC! Put your hat on you lazy BUM! And for cryin' out loud BUTTON UP THAT JACKET. And is that a TWISTED SISTER PIN ON YOUR UNIFORM?! Nimrod is OUT!