The State of Star Wars Address... Posted by: Ric Nimrod 4-11-01 11:01am Hello loyal minions, welcome to the ranting of Creature Cantinas in-house jackass, Ric Nimrod. I am said Nimrod and as promised last week, this column is my STATE OF STAR WARS address. I will separate the state of Star Wars into separate areas. The first area is the films them selves. 1- THE FILMS Well, we are four years removed from the special editions and 2 years out of TPM, HOWEVER no DVDs to enjoy on our home entertainment centers. I could bitch about Greedo shooting first, but that has been bitched about a million times. That said, I think that "The Greedo Incident" is the only shortcoming in the SE's (unless Lucas can digitally improve the directing and acting of Return of the Jedi). On the other hand, Episode One has a few shortcomings. Where are our perceptions of Star Wars now that we have learned that a Midi-Clorian count determines how strong a person is with the Force, or now that we know Vader HAS NO FRIGGIN' FATHER?! These are big flaws in our beloved story... MUCH BIGGER FLAWS THEN THE ASININE ANTICS OF JAR JAR (Although, I do not mind the Binks character). BACK TO THE DVDs. Yet another release of the Classic Trilogy on VHS and the absence of TPM on DVD prove it to be a bit of a drag to watch the films at home. AND HOME IS THE ONLY DAMN PLACE YOU CAN WATCH THEM, as there are no SW films in the theater at this time. SO since Mr. Digital revolutionary REFUSES to give us his masterpieces on DIGITAL FRIGGIN' VIDEO, we are forced to watch our beloved films on the primitive format of VHS. Or are we? It does not take a whole lot of investigating to find the bootleg DVDs. I had the bootlegs for over a year AND they are worth it. I sold them to a friend, as I was low on cash HOWEVER I plan on buying them again. The DVDs are of great quality (at least the ones I had) and a port of the LaserDiscs. They ROCK! The bootlegs BLOW THE DOORS off the official VHS versions and you can find all 4 films in a set for $100-$125 (with a little investigating ;-). I will, of course, address the DVD situation in future columns BUT for now... I recommend telling the bloated King George to get bent and buy his product from the bootleggers. ANYHOO... the state of the films is certainly good. We are a year away from a new film, six months away from the "HYPE MACHINE" and, if my sources are correct, a DVD of TPM. King George has not screwed the story up too badly (YET) and the magic is still there for me. 2- EXPANDED UNIVERSE I do not read any of the novels (however I did get into the Shadows of the Empire) so I could care less about the "Expanded Universe". This said, I have taken heat from a member of the collecting club I belong to. And because I do not like the EU (I find it, at times, more harmful to the franchise then helpful) this little JAWA TURD has the UNMITIGATED GALL to accuse me of NOT BEING A FAN! I understand that the uber-geeks need more then the films and toys can offer. There is a market for the comic books, the novels and the RPGs... and if you are this kind of SW geek then MORE POWER TO YOU! HOWEVER... just because I (and MILLIONS of fans just like me) do not spend our time on these things IT DOES NOT MEAN WE DO NOT LOVE STAR WARS. I do not care for the bulk of the EU... but dammit, I love Star Wars! HOW DARE ANYONE accuse a fan of NOT being a fan because they enjoy Star Wars differently? No matter really, this person is then human equivalent of a Rancors butt-hair. 3- COLLECTING The new Power of the Jedi line of figures are really nice and follow the POTF2 tradition of realistic looking (with the exception of the '95 line) figures. HOWEVER I, like many of you, have a few issues. THE FIRST ISSUE I HAVE IS THE LACK OF CERTAIN FIGURES! I am still looking for a Motti, a Sio Bibble, and TC-14, now I have to look for Dagabah Vader and General Leia! Thanks to a friend in the collectors (shout out to OSWCC) club, I finally found that damn R2 with holo Leia. AND I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS FIGURE! This figure of R2 has a restraining bolt on him HOWEVER when R2 projected the image of the Princess to Obi-Wan THE BOLT HAD BEEN REMOVED! Shit, Luke removed the bolt the first time we see the image in hopes of viewing the whole image. THERE SHOULD NOT BE A RESTRAINING BOLT ON THIS FIGURE. Also, why has it taken until now to get a decent Chewbacca? Resulpts do not bug me too much; as a matter of fact I am really looking forward to the new Lando, however it can be overwhelming. I understand that the major characters must be available at all times BUT do we need 3 or 4 Obi-Wans at one time? I think that each main character should be represented ONCE a year and in ONE sculpt. My main focus for the past year and a half has been vintage figures (since the new stuff can be such a bitch to find) and I find vintage collecting to be a far more rewarding experience, however I do like the style of the new figures. So, while I do not actively seek the new stuff, I will always check the toy isle in Target or Wal-Mart when the Ol' Lady and I are shopping and if I spy something I do not have (VERY RARE) I buy it. NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love the new stuff and love to buy it... I just no longer SEARCH for it. I no longer have that empty pit feeling in my stomach when I can not find a whole assortment. BUT... I still get that exited charge in my soul when I see something I do not yet have hanging on that store pegs. I do not like the card backs of ANY figure in the line since 1995. I, on the other hand, LOVE the card backs of the entire vintage line. I expect the POTJ line to stop for about a year or so when Episode 2 comes out. This will allow the Episode 2 line to be promoted in support of the film. HASBRO PLEASE LISTEN! Give us a retro looking card, with a BIG glossy picture of the character and a GIANT logo! This style of card back has gone on long enough. BIG COLORFUL PICTURE ON ACTION FIGURE CARD MAKE NIMROD VERY HAPPY!! All that said... State of collecting is in fair shape and if Hasbro shapes up a little (thank the maker they abandoned that CommTech chip crap), with the next film only a year away I think we will see it bump up a notch. 4- VIDEO GAMES While LucasArts does a fair job, their games are mostly rip-offs. Demolition for the DreamCast is pretty cool as is StarFighter for the PS2 BUT what they really need is a return to the glory of the Super Star Wars games of the SNES days. THOSE are fun games and a good translation into the next-gen systems would be great. But really... lets look at the rip-offs. Dark Forces/ Jedi Knight - Doom Demolition - Twisted Metal/ Vigilante 8 Jedi Power Battles - Any lame arcade game Super Bombad Racing - Mario Cart Podracer - ALL racing games AND THE LIST GOES ON So, that said, how about ripping off one of the great games OF ALL TIME... Tony Hawk Pro Skater. Why not an extreme hover board contest set in the SW universe, we already have an underground fighting circuit as well as a demolition derby. The state of Star Wars video games at this time is poor HOWEVER the upcoming EverQuest based game should improve it. 5- FAN CLUB I admit it, there is something in my soul that flashes back to an innocent time and the little boy in me comes bubbling to the surface every time I see a new issue of SW Insider in my mailbox. THAT SAID, since Wizards of the Coast have bought the club, IT SUCKS. Issues are often late, the info sucks and the products offered are lame! The fan club needs something more the new regime is bringing. If it stays like it is right now I WILL NOT be renewing my membership (when it expires in the year 2005;-). With a new film on the horizon the club had better improve or new membership will decline and old memberships will expire without renewal. SHAPE UP! OK, OK... I have gone on long enough. The current state of Star Wars is very acceptable and EP2 will only improve our situation (unless it sucks). I have faith that King George will blow our minds with the next installment thus recapturing the imaginations of the world. I love Star Wars now more then ever, and will until I gasp for my last breath on this vile planet. (Despite what ol' JAWA TURD thinks) To me Star Wars is like the afterglow of lovemaking, the smell of home cooked food the thrill of driving a motorcycle full throttle down the highway BREAKING THE FRIGGIN' SPEED LAWS BABY! In a word, for me, Star Wars is the BUZZ! My next column will address the DVD issue in full, complete with rumors and facts SO I WILL C' YA NEXT WEEK! Ric Nimrod