Big-E for President
Posted by: Big_E 03.22.06 12:01am
After careful consideration, and hearing about the cool swag, I, Eric Franks, have decided to run for the post of Star Wars Fan club President.

I've also made this decision after hearing about the opposition in this race, Dustin Roberts of RebelScum.com. I believe that I am a better candidate than Mr. Roberts, a Fan's Candidate if you will, whereas Mr. Roberts is backed by a "big money" web site and may be out for pure financial gain.

My grassroots campaign will accept no money from big business and will rely solely on the kindness and generosity of those of you who acknowledge the benefits of Fan Club membership, warts and all.

When making your choice for Fan Club president I would point to several reasons why Dustin Roberts is not the best choice. His running mate, R2-D2, is the most obvious.

It's long been known that Dustin's running mate is an alcoholic and a womanizer. His rocky Hollywood career was the subject of the documentary "R2-D2: Beneath the Dome" and shows photos of him riding in limos with bikini-clad women. It's rumored that his girlfriend was pregnant out of wedlock and he suffered a near-death experience bungee jumping before his career was turned around by George Lucas in his 1999 film "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace."

Further instances of D2's debauchery were covered in a 5 part expose by CreatureCantina's Chief Hollywood Reporter, Marblehead. Titled "Way, Way, WAY Beneath the Dome" the articles exposed a history of partying and warmongering. Not only was D2 almost on the cover of "Penthouse" magazine, with an underage Traci Lords, but he was linked to the heavy metal cult band GWAR. As much as Roberts' campaign would like you to think that R2-D2 is a friendly sidekick, we here at the Cantina know the truth.

As varied as the problems of R2-D2, Dustin Roberts has his own ghosts. Mr. Roberts has a sketchy and violent history that is not widely publicized. At a collector summit during the April 2003 Pittsburgh ComiCon, Roberts was photographed punching out PSWCS Club President William Cable. Details of the ruckus were quickly hushed and the news wasn't widely reported but, much like the "Dean Scream," Dustin's "Presidential Punch" was caught on video.

Voting for Roberts/D2 in 2006 can only work to further the agendas of big business and corporate sponsors. In 2006, with Star Wars fandom in flux, you need the Fan's Candidate. Vote Eric Franks for Fan Club President and we'll take Star Wars back for the fans!

Vote for Eric Franks on the Official Star Wars Fan Club web site. After you register and click the "Join Now" button look for the referral box and enter efranks@netenigma.com.

My name is Eric Franks and I approve this message.