Tronzo's "From a certain point of view"
Posted by: Jedi Tronzo 08.17.05 12:01am
How to pick up chicks at a convention!

This week I would like to explore the topic of dating. Well, not just dating for the average person, but dating for a Star Wars fan. Now, I will say that for you “basement dwellers,” you know who you are, it can be pretty hard to find a date. The inflatable doll that you so conveniently named “Padme”, will only get you so far. Sure, you may enjoy those Friday nights getting to know each other and those cold winter nights cuddling under the blankets, but “Padme” really isn’t good dating material. “But Jeditronzo, I love 'Padme.'” C’mon, she is not a good conversationalist, she doesn’t have a mind of her own, you can’t be seen with her in public and I am pretty sure your parents and therapist will disapprove of her. My friend, it is time to move on, it is time to let “Padme” go.

But, don’t worry my friends Jeditronzo is here to help!!!

I am going to explain two methods of picking up chicks that might help you find true love. The first method is the Bobafett14 Method. It is named after it’s inventor Bobafett14. Now, I must tell you, not everybody can pull off the Bobafett14 Method. You must have the boldness of Han Solo, the charm of Lando and the wit of young Obi-Wan Kenobi. I know that it is a lot to ask, but my friends, one wrong move and you will get slapped not only in the face, but you might get slapped with a restraining order. Bobafett14 was able to pull it off and so can you.

First, you will need a video camera. Second, you will need to leave the basement. Finally, you need to find a good Star Wars/comic book convention. While at the convention you need to scope out all the chicks that are in costume. Her costume may give you insight into her personality. Is she bold and daring like Mara Jade, snobby like Padme or demanding like Princess Leia. Don’t let the slave Leia costume fool you. As attractive as it might appear, it could mean trouble. I now it is every young man’s dream to have a woman wear the slave outfit, but it could just be in the famous words of Admiral Ackbar; a trap.

Now once you have targeted your dream girl, you simply follow her around like a lost puppy and videotape her all the while. Now, while video taking, you’ll need to do some sweet-talking. Tell them how great their costume is and how good they look in it, women love this kind of stuff. State laws may vary, but I am fairly certain that in all 50 states this is legal, so long as you don’t follow her home that day and to work the next day. It sounds simple. But you need to have the boldness of Han Solo to do it. When she smiles, that is when you need to be Lando smooth. Because my friend, at this point things are looking good.

Note: If you get kicked in the groin, it is time to go home.

The other method is a pretty successful method. Though pathetic; it is tried and true. The Rebelscum Method is more suitable for those of you that are less daring and not quite ready to leave the safe confines of mom and dad’s basement. My friends, this is a safe, easy method and the best part is you don’t have to deal face to face with rejection.

It is so simple. The only differences between this and the Bobafett14 Method is the camera. Instead of the video camera, you’ll need a digital photo camera for the Rebelscum Method. Now here again while your at the SW/comic book convention scope it out for Ms. Right. Ask them if you can take a picture of them because their costume is absolutely great. Remember a little sweet talk and flattery goes along way. Once you have captured the perfect photo, run home as fast as you can and upload the photo from your camera. Oh my, this is so easy. Once the photo is on your computer, post the photo on all the major SW sites and forums along with the following explanation.

Will the person in this photo please contact me at (your email address). I loved your costume and want to know what material you used in making it as well as any directions & instruction that you may have.

Now how easy is that, you then just sit back an wait for your dream girl to contact you. That is easier than shooting fish in a barrel. If the person never contacts you, it doesn’t mean that you were rejected is just means that she never saw the photo. Brilliant!!!

Well my friends this concludes another wonderful edition of “From a certain point of view.” I wish you all, my friends, best of luck with your pursuit for love.