Vintage Myths DEBUNKED!!!
Posted by: Baldy 05.26.04 12:01am
Howdy folks! I know I have been slack beyond words for the last couple of weeks but after my vacation to Hawaii, I really have had no urge to do anything except lounge around the backyard in my Bermuda shorts with a Mai Tai in hand.

Since my interviewee has not responded to me yet, I decided to forego Meet and Greet this week and instead I am doing an editorial about myths in the world of collecting Star Wars toys.

We have all heard some rumors running about certain areas of the Star Wars world and I wanted to go over a few of them here to help people understand a bit better as to what they mean and what they really are.

The first and probably biggest myth in the Vintage Star Wars collecting world is the existence of the Inner Circle. It is supposedly a group of high-end, egomaniacal elitists that hoard all the good stuff that most collectors dream of owning. I have one and only one thing to say about this group: There *is* no Inner Circle.

Secondly, there are no Australian Vinyl Caped Jawas in the world. Period. All the ones that have surfaced are regular Jawas with cut down Ben Kenobi capes.

Third on the list is the whole "Vlix Conspiracy" deal. What it boils down to is that we all know that the carded version of Vlix is very rare and hard to find. Supposedly someone has a case or two of them and they leak ones and twos out periodically to keep the prices high. In reality James Gallo manufactures these in his garage as he also owns all the real ones in the world. So only HE can really say if any of them that show up are real or not. So that solves that.

There is no Inner Circle.

My personal favorite is that bootlegs are bad for the hobby. This is so wrong on so many levels it makes my teeth hurt. So many critics say they aren't really real, they are sh*tty looking, they take money out of Uncle Lucas's pocket, yadda yadda. Puh-lease. Bootlegs are fun, cool looking, interesting, are way cooler than Lucas's stupid ideas nowadays and he still makes money because of them. I mean geez, its like these naysayers are being paid by George to make people stop bootlegging stuff. Hmmmm..... Give bootlegs a chance and see what they can do for you. Take for instance the leads from Brazil and Mexico. These great toys not only look neat, they can kill people in so many ways they are like Commandos. You can get lead poisoning, bop your kid brother in the head, trip someone with one, launch them from a rubber band gun, etc. How fun is all that? Well, after reading the above it *is* kinda bad I guess. Make up your own mind about it as the law says I cant do that for you.

Fifth up is that most vintage collectors are fat, sluggish nerds that live in our parents basements. I will have you know that I moved out 3 months ago and the shed out back is very comfortable and the ladies just love it.

Sixth is that Ebay is good for the community. This is wrong on the main instance of one thing: AVAILABILITY. What happened to the good old days of having to do some work for what you wanted? Making phone calls at 2 AM, setting up rackets to get protos from Kenner employees, mailing coded messages to other collectors and such. Ebay has made it too easy to get anything you want at any time. Just look at all the Porn you can get nowadays. Its all over Ebay, especially that damned Pr0n King guy. He has so many auctions up you cant search for anything without at least two of his smutfests popping up. I swear you would think that Pr0nKing.com would get shut down after all this but NOOOOO, it still rules. Y'all should drop by and see how bad it is really. Pr0nKing.com check it out.

There is no Inner Circle.

Another huge myth out there is that the Emperors Royal Guards are cool characters. Give it up people. All they do is stand there with umbrellas and hope that Vader doesn't Force Choke thier dumb do nothing asses. I mean come on, move once for us guys! Prove you can do anything even if it is die like the rest of the Imperial schmucks.

This leads me to another big myth and that is that Bounty Hunters are cool. Hell no they aren't cool. They all suck, especially the Fett family. Jango gets his ass handed to him by Mace Windu, and poor Boba got killed off by a blind guy with a stick that had a pet rug yelling at him. Guys, at least get offed multiple times to even try for cool, like my boy Durge. In the Clone Wars cartoon, he gets fooked not once, not twice, but THREE times by Obi Wan. Talk about a sh*tty hunter. Wow, he can regenerate, gee whiz that's cool. Too bad he HAS to do that because he sucks so much ass and gets dead 4 times a day. Come on guys, I bet Ewoks hunt better than most of y'all.

The next two myths circulate from the popular animated show Droids. Ok it wasn't popular and the characters sucked but hey we got figures from it! The Droids line was to keep going well into the 90's but one myth sunk it for good. The release of a boxed Droids Skiff. Supposedly some guy had one and then he didn't. It was also supposedly the ONLY one in existence. Well, I know what happened. It was made in huge quantities and sold overseas in Botswana. All the kids used them for surfboards and most of those kids drowned within 5 minutes. So as to avoid this in the US, they weren't released into wide distribution. We did find out however that Canada got the entire leftover supply from Botswana and it still didn't help get rid of the moose problem.

There is no Inner Circle.

The other myth pertaining to Droids was the infamous 12 inch prototype C-3PO that Bill Cable found. After a few days, jealous people from all over told others that it was a hoax and they even went to great lengths to fake pics of Bill painting it and making it himself. Well Bill had the last laugh as it WAS a real prototype and he wound up keeping it for himself and not sharing pics of it with anyone. It is still a one of a kind piece and will never see the light of day again thanks to all the jealous collectors that bitched about it. Thanks you turds.

Steve Sansweet is an icon in the SW universe and now we all know why. He was found to be running a website under an assumed identity, that being Sir Steve. We all know its true since both of these guys obviously know EVERYTHING about SW no matter what. You can make sh*t up and they still claim to know you are wrong. They both have bad haircuts and they both bore me to tears. But they knew that already.

And last but not least, Ron Salvatore killed Chewbacca. Get over it guys, it's a done deal. Chewie stunk, mumbled and was a heavy drinker. Dammit, that's not entirely true. the guy who PLAYED Chewie was stinky, mumbled and was/is a drunk. Sorry. Still, Ron killed him and that's that. Quit bitching and sending him hate mail. He actually enjoys the attention so piss him off by stopping. Plus Wooten hates the extra sorting of mail he has to do......

That's it for this week people. I am done for now but rest assured I will return!