Over-the-top-rope Star Wars savagery!!!!
Posted by: Baldy 02.25.04 12:01am
Welcome everyone, to the galaxy's largest, oldest and most prestigious arena in the cosmos, Madison Quadrangle Gardens and Pawn Shop!  This is your announce team, Admiral Ackbar and Salacious Crumb!  Guys, take it from here!

AA:Evening creatures and beings from all corners and welcome to this months Pay Per View Extravaganza!  If you are just tuning in, you have missed a great show and are ready to see our main event!  An 8 man over-the-top-rope match!  It's a free-for-all and the winner gets to go on to meet the grand champ at the next PPV for the title!  Crumb, what do you think is going to happen in this match?

SC:Whooooohahahahahha, I am really looking forward to my boy pulling out all the stops to clean house tonight!
AA:And who is your boy?
SC:Well, Fred, the main door guy and bouncer is one of THE biggest and meanest Gamorrean Guards on Jabba's payroll so he is a favorite.  Also, he has an ace up his sleeve so don't count him out.
AA:Are you serious?  I hear he can barely throw his own weight around, much less anyone else's.
SC:There you go again Ackbar, always badmouthing anyone that doesn't like your BBQ sauce.....
AA:WHICH, by the way is on sale here at all exits!
SC:Shut up!  They are beginning to head to the ring!

AA:First to the ring is your boy Fred, weighing in at 428 kilos.  Damn he needs to slim out a bit huh?
SC:He isn't fat, he's just big boned.  And speaking of bones, here comes Amanaman, the scrawniest competitor tonight.
AA:He may be thin but he has an amazing arm length of over 5 feet each, nice leverage if you ask me.
SC:Well I didn't ask you.
AA:Thanks.  Anyways, here comes number 3, a fan favorite because of his high flying ring ability, the cruiser weight champ, Nag Olaaf, the Jawa from Tatooine!  He may be outsized by most here but this little guy is FAST.
SC:He isn't as fast as your ex-wife tho Ackbar!  HA!
AA:Why do you have to bring her up Crumb?  Geez... try being a professional for once...
SC:Now heading in is a large walking carpet, some dumb monkey I suppose.
AA:That's not a carpet, it's the expected winner here, Chewbacca.  He is favored mainly because he is so large and wiry.
SC:I thought it was the smell that would cause the other wrestlers to run away....
AA:Here comes the best tag team in the galaxy, Lobot and Lando!  These guys are not very impressive but their arsenal of moves is so deep and diverse, they may just be able to pull this off.
SC:I still don't see how these guys can wrestle anyone but each other.  Being all little and fragile looking.
AA:That may be an advantage tho Crumb.
SC:An advantage to other freaks like them maybe.  OOO!  Here comes another fan favorite, the baddest bounty hunter around, Boba Fett!  He is also a heavy favorite to win here!
AA:Only because he lies, cheats and blasts anything and anyone to win.
SC:You do what you have to in life Ackbar.
AA:Now coming in is Greedo, another bounty hunter.  Hopefully he will last more than 30 seconds this time.
SC:True, he usually loses all his matches but give the Rodian some credit for at least trying.
AA:I suppose so.  And now that's all our contestants.  Here is our special guest referee, Luke Skywalker, dressed in his traditional "Farmboy" outfit.  Nice touch if you ask me.
SC:Don't ask me cause I'll tell you that outfit screams for a girl to be wearing it instead.  And how did HE get this gig?  Who's nards did he stroke to do this?  You know, I bet he just whined and cried to get this spot.  That's the ticket.
AA:Hey Luke can do the job, give him a chance.  He is the Alliances best man you know.
SC:Whatever....

AA:And now, Luke gets the guys ready to go!  Seems like there may be a little tension down there but I am sure things will be exciting!  And there is the bell!  Lando and Lobot immediately go for Fred the Gam Guard!  Since he is pretty big, I guess they want him gone fast.
SC:And over in the back corner, Greedo is going after the Jawa!  Smart move Greedo, go for the small guy and lessen the numbers....Wait!  What's that Greedo has in his hand?  Is that a blaster?
AA:He better not try that!  Luke will disqualify him immediately if he sees it!  OH MY!  HE SHOOTS! HE SHOOTS!  HE SHOOTS!
SC:Calm down you ninny!  He didn't hit anyone but himself.  It seems Greedo whipped out the blaster to shoot Nag and then Amanaman bumped into him and the blaster went off and hit Greedo in the foot.  What an idiot.
AA:Now Greedo is in trouble!  Chewie sees him and takes advantage, lifting the injured Rodian over his head and dumping Greedo right over the top and onto the floor.  That HAD to hurt!
SC:Yes indeed it should have.  What was that?  27 seconds?  Nice long stay for him this time.  All the commotion has made Luke check into it and Lando and Lobot almost have Fred the Gamorrean over the ropes!  He is dangerously close to going out!  COME ON FRED!
AA:After the Greedo bit, who knows what stupidity these guys will try...... uh oh!  Who's that jogging down the ramp?  Lord what or whoever it is, it ain't pretty!
SC:YES!  It's my girl Gargan!  She's here to help out Fred!  Go Girl!  Whoo hoo!
AA:Gargan heads around to the side where Fred is close to being dumped and climbs up on the edge of the mat.  Hey Ref!  Get her out of there!  What the hell?  No woman!  For God's sake don't do it!  Guys, IT'S A TRAP!  IT'S A TRAP!
SC:WHOO HOO!  PUPPIES! All 6 of them too!  Show 'em the goods Gargan!
AA:Folks, it seems Gargan has pulled off her 3 tops and bared all for Lando and Lobot to see!  Come on Ref!  Do something!
SC:Ha ha!  It looks like Luke IS doing something, throwing up in the corner!  But strangely, Lobot and Lando are not even fazed by this display!  They heave Fred right over the top and he lands on top of Gargan!  Damn it Fred!  Now I can't see the puppies anymore!
AA:Hey Crumb, look over at the Ref!  He is still reeling from the awful sight of Gargan's bare chest and is stumbling backwards towards Fett and Chewie!  Watch it Luke!  Don't hit the........(smack)............backpack.  Oh well, looks like Fett is out of the match.  When Luke fell backwards, he hit the "ON" switch for Fett's jetpack and he just took off like a rocket.  Ouch!  Fett is officially out of this match as he goes headfirst into the bleachers on the close side of the arena!  Poor guy can't catch a break.
SC:At least I get some satisfaction from that though!  The jet flames have ignited the nasty coat of Chewie and he is now on fire!  We don't need no water, let the stupid carpet BURN!  Ooooooowahohohohoho!  That's just great!
AA:I don't see the humor in watching someone get burned Crumb.
SC:Just cause the ex burned you in the divorce?  Get over it!
AA:That was totally uncalled for!
SC:Lighten up will ya? Here eat some BBQ sauce....
AA:Back to the action folks, we now have only 4 contestants left, as Chewbacca has fled from the arena in flames.  We will give you updates on his condition as we get them.  So, Lando and Lobot, Amanaman, and the Jawa are left.  Who will be the victor?
SC:Well it isn't gonna be Amanaman, he is getting pummeled bigtime in the corner.  And Olaaf is sitting back just watching.
AA:I can't blame him.  Why get in and hurt yourself?  Let the others do the damage and go in for the kill later.
SC:Lando and Lobot grab Amanaman and throw him into the ropes as they bounce of the near side.  OH!  That had to hurt!  Amanaman just gave the duo a monster double clothesline!  Both guys are out cold on their backs!
AA:Yes, things change quickly in the ring.  Amanaman grabs both guys and flips them over the ropes, eliminating both in one swing!  Now it's down to two guys!  One big, one small.  Nag runs at Amanaman and tries for a head butt, but misses and flies thru the bottom and middle ropes.  Wow!  He turns it around and zips back into the ring and kicks the knees of the Amanin!  He crashes to the floor and Nag heads for the top turnbuckle!  Will he do it?
SC:I hope he misses and breaks his nose, if he has one.
AA:Can you be any more negative Crumb?
SC:Sorry, I lost a load of credits on that stupid Fred.  He is sooo going into the rancor pit when we get back to Jabba's....
AA:Perched up high, it's Nag off the top with a high Mynock Splash!  Wham!  Right on the mark.  Luke lays down and starts the count 1...2... and he pulls up!  Amazing!  After that move hardly anyone gets up!  Nag seems upset and grabs the Amanin by the arm and pulls him up.
SC:That was dumb.  Nag is gonna pay now as Amanaman stands up and grabs the Jawa by the throat!  Get set for a towering choke slam Ackbar!  Nag has to be at least 15 feet in the air!  He calls for the slam and down Nag goes! 
AA:MY GOD! MY GOD! MY GOD!  Nag has been choke slammed right to HELL!  He actually went thru the mat!  He has got to be broken in two!  Get some help out here dammit!
SC:GREAT!  Absolutely stunning move!  With his incredible reach, Amanaman has almost broken the sound barrier with that slam on poor Nag.  While still standing in the ring, Amanaman reaches down the hole and holds down Nag.
AA:1....2.....3!  It's over folks! It's over!  That was absolutely hideous!  I can't see how anyone can live thru that carnage!  Can we see it again?
SC:There's the replay Ackbar!  Are ya happy?  I still can't believe Fred lost!  I am so pissed!
AA:Settle down you idiot....  I told you not to gamble on this.
SC:What??  Don't tell ME what not to do jackass!  AAAAHHHHHH!
AA:AARGGH!  My eyes!  get this little monster off me!  AHHHH!!!
SC:HEEE HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEEEEE  That will teach you to talk trash to me!  Chomp Chomp!  Bite Bite!
AA:AHHH The pain!  Get him OFF!!!!!!