Help me, Sandy Rivers. You're my only hope!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 07.02.03 12:01am
I'm very excited! Last week I received my first correspondence from a fan since joining the CC.com staff. And, what's more... not only did one true fan reach out to me through the magic of email, but three emails came flying into my life!

It seems CreatureCantina.com has a fan base that reaches all corners of the globe, because I was amazed to find that all three emails came from NIGERIA!

Alas, what my Nigerian brothers emailed troubled me to the core. Here are some excerpts of all three emails:

From: Prince Abiodun Igeh, Crescent Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria.
Dear sir,

My name is Prince Abiodun Igeh.I am the first son of Chief Bola Igeh (late Attorney General of the Federal Republic of Nigeria) who was assassinated by the present government of President Olusegun Obasanjo. Before his death, my father deposited 38 million dollars with a security company and was looking for a foreign investor who could help him invest the money into real estate. Now that he is late, I am the only custodian of all the documents backing up this money with a security company.

Please, I need your assistance in moving this money out of the shore of this nation before the next coming election which I believe will be very bloody. All I need from you now is to help me receive this money and arrange on how I'll meet with you in your country for the final disbursement/investment of the funds into real estate. If you are willing to help, please send your phone and fax numbers. I await your urgent replay if you are capable of championing this project.

Best regards,
Abiodun Igeh

From: Charles Harry
Dear Sir,

My name is Mr. Charles Harry, the eldest son of the late Dr. Marshall Harry, who until his assassination on Wednesday, March 5 2003, in our Abuja residence, was the South-South Coordinator of the Buhari/Okadigbo Presidential Campaign Committee (PCC). A few minutes before my father was assassinated, he called me on my Mobile Telephone and told me that he had some trunks in our family home in the village that I should move them to safety immediately, in the event of his death. The following morning, I traveled to the village and accessed his inner rooms and discovered five trunks full of money, all totaling to Twenty Three Million, Four Hundred United States Dollars only ($23.40M).

Dear Friend, you do not have to doubt the authenticity of this mail to you, because we are really oppressed, and we need the assistance of a God fearing person and a good natured man to help us clear our funds from a security company. For your assistance, we will be ready to allow you have 20% of the entire funds. As soon as I hear from you, I shall furnish you with the whole details of how to finalize the transaction and other information you might require.

I await your prompt response.

Charles Harry

From: Dr. Uba Jega.
Strictly Confidential & Urgent Business Proposal.
Re: Transfer Of Usd $21,500.000{Twenty - One Million, Five Hundred Thousand Us Dollars Only.

I am a member of the Federal Government Of Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (N.N.P.C). Sometime ago, a contract was awarded to a foreign firm in the Petroleum Trust Fund (P.T.F.) BY MY COMMITTEE. This contract was over invoiced to the tune of us$ 21.5Million Dollars. We not want to transfer this money, which is in a suspense account with the P.T.F. into any overseas account, which we expect you to provide for us.

Share:
60 % of the money would be for my partners and I.
30 % of the money would be yours, for providing us with a safe bank account.
10 % of the money has been mapped out to cover any expenses that might be incurred.

If interested in assisting us, please contact me via my secured email address, as soon as possible.

I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation.
Yours Faithfully,
Dr. Uba Jega.

WOW! Nigeria is in some serious SH%T! My theory is that since Nigeria is so close to Tunisia, the Empire must have taken over the country and these brave souls are starting the new Rebel Alliance! Now's my chance to become a Hero and be rich at the SAME TIME! I'm just like Han Solo!

I've sent them everything they requested... now it's time to just sit back and let the cash roll on in.

I wonder how you say "May the Force be with you" in the Nigerian language of Yoruba?