More Top Tens from The Vintage Beedo Collection

by Beedo Sookcool
on 2010-08-29, 03:34:34

Well, gang, at this point, I'm just killing some time until Bill finishes his big C5 coverage, then I can bombard him with requests to post images for more varied Vintage Beedo Goodness.

Yep, it's early 1998. The Special Edition Trilogy is still running in some cinemas. Bud Lite is still being taken seriously as a beverage (I only use Bud as lethal slug and snail bait). And my chain of part-time service industry jobs in the last couple of years I attended Kent State were really starting to pall. This led to the last list presented today, which was then a launching point for a whole mess of workplace disgruntledness (I niether know nor care if that's actually a word) lists. Anywho, here's what passed for Star Wars humour 12 years ago, before Creature Cantina, YouTube, Family Guy, or Robot Chicken . . . .

TOP 10 IMPERIAL BUMPER STICKERS

10. REAL PILOTS WEAR BLACK
9. MY KID ARRESTED YOUR HONOR STUDENT
8. JOIN US!
7. TIE FIGHTER PILOTS’ UNION, LOCAL THX-1138
6. IMPERIALS DO IT IN FORMATION
5. ONLY WIMPS HAVE SHIELDS
4. THAT'S NO MOON...I’LL SHOW YOU A MOON!
3. MY OTHER SHIP IS THE EXECUTOR
2. I BRAKE FOR.... I DON’T HAVE BRAKES! AAAAAAAAHH!!!
1. IF YOU AIN’T A DARK LORD, YOU AIN’T SITH

TOP 10 REBEL BUMPER STICKERS

10. IF YOU CAN’T BEAT ’EM, RAM ’EM!
9. REMEMBER ALDERAAN
8. IF YOU CAN’T BE GOOD, BE CAREFUL
7. IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU ARE TOO CLOSE. LOOSEN UP.
6. MY R2 UNIT SAYS “PBBBBBBT!” TO YOUR SFS TARGETING COMPUTER
5. IF YOU OUTLAW BLASTERS, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE BLASTERS
4. I HAVE SHIELDS
3. STAY ON TARGET!
2. I AM NOT THE SQUADRON LEADER. SHOOT SOMEONE ELSE.
1. I FLEW THE DEATH STAR ASSAULT, AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY BUMPER STICKER

TOP 10 LINES YOU’LL NEVER HEAR IN A STAR WARS STORY

10. Stormtrooper to Captain: “Sir, do you ever feel... you know... not so fresh?”
9. Leia: “I love you.” Han: “You’re not getting my Bud Lite.”
8. Palpatine Clone: “Get the cocktail sauce! It’s fried Calamari tonight!”
7. Vader to Admiral Motti’s criticism of The Force: “I think someone needs a time out.”
6. C-3PO: “Oh, you never listen to me anyway. Go ahead and die. See if I care.”
5. Jabba: “Solo, you scamp! You’re a naughty boy!”
4. Luke: “So what if she’s my sister? She’s hot!”
3. Greedo (in Huttese): “Going somewhere, Solo? Where’s my hug?”
2. Anyone: “Y’know, I’ve got a good feeling about this!”
1. Imperial Officer: “Inform the Commander that Lord Vader’s shuttle has arrived — and me without a thing to wear!”

10 MORE REALLY BAD JOBS IN THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE

10. Stormtrooper (Can’t stress this one enough.)
9. Skywalker Family Psychiatrist
8. Big Gizz’s personal scratcher
7. Skiff Guard
6. Wookiee-Baiter
5. Vader’s Wingman
4. Emperor Palpatine’s Mistress
3. Admiral / Captain in Lord Vader’s fleet
2. Jabba’s Personal Urologist
1. Jabba’s Personal Gynaecologist (Since Hutts are hermaphrodites, and this is such a repellent thought, it deserves a double mention.)

Next up from the Vintage Beedo Collection: Top 10 Job Complaints from various grunts in the Empire, and possibly a cartoon or two! Until then, take it as easy as possible, and may your hunts be rewarding!