Why Disney is Killing Star Wars for Me – The Force Awakens

by Beedo Sookcool
on 2017-09-06, 11:27:08

I swear, I’m going to go back to light-hearted beer reviews and comedic flights of fancy, but I just have to get a couple of things off my chest that have been bothering me, the first of which has been bugging me since December 2015. Namely, why I did not enjoy The Force Awakens nearly as much as everyone else I know expected me to.

Three words: It was lazy.

Many, many, many more words: Look, however much time and effort was put in by the Special Effects crews, the costumers, the actors, the film crews, the conceptual artists, it all comes down to the script was just a rehash of A New Hope, with some extra bits. Like they were cynically trying to push all the fans’ nostalgia-gasm buttons by hiring a bunch of memberberries to write the script and change a few names around. It honestly felt like they had a checklist and were trying to include all the best stuff from Episode IV (and some stuff from V):

  • Hotshot pilot: Wedge / Poe
  • Youngster on a desert planet longing for something more out of life: Luke / Rey
  • Scrap scavenging on a wasteland planet: Tatooine / Jakku
  • Disgusting fat slob of a local kingpin: Jabba the Hutt / Unkar Plutt
  • Han, Chewie, Leia, Luke, C-3PO & R2-D2: Yup!
  • Evil Masked Guy with Lightsaber: Darth Vader / Kylo Ren
  • Evil Masked Guy with Lightsaber’s even more sinister boss, in hologram form: Palpatine / Snoke
  • Irreverent old mentor figure: Ben Kenobi / Han Solo
  • Irreverent old mentor figure dies at the hands of Evil Masked Guy with Lightsaber: See above
  • Stormtroopers and other blatant Nazi types: Yup!
  • Tiny, wrinkled, suspiciously wise alien designed to look like an old Japanese person: Yoda / Maz
  • Funky alien bar: Chalmun’s Cantina / Maz’s Fortress
  • Funky alien band in funky alien bar: Modal Nodes / Maz’s Band
  • Funky background aliens and robots in funky alien bar: Scads and oodles all over the place
  • X-Wings, TIEs, Star Destroyers, cool shuttles: Check!
  • Giant planet-killing base: Death Star / Starkiller Base
  • Attack on said giant planet-killing base: Affirmative!
  • Training in the ways of the Force (minimal): Definitely!
  • Lightsaber fights between mismatched opponents: You betcha!
  • Giant planet-killing base goes all ’splodey: KA-BOOM!
  • Final shot, pregant with emotion, leaving you eager for the next film: Yavin IV Awards Ceremony / Old Man Luke

So, yeah, They were totally playing on “Easy” mode. And now, so I’m not a total buzzkill, [Too late! - Bill] a fun music video spoof. I was thinking of doing something a bit similar, but I got beaten to it.

CreatureCantina.com is not affiliated with Lucasfilm Ltd. or any of its licensees... damn them to hell. Can't they see a golden opportunity when they see it? Buy us, you fools! You already own our souls and all our money... buy US!!! This site uses Google Analytics. It does not collect or share any additional user data.
Star Wars is © 2018 Lucasfilm Ltd. All rights reserved.