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CreatureCantina.com Headline Archive!
Posted by: Bill Cable
- Obama defeats Darktrooper in latest Fan Choice vote!
- "Huckabee" rejected as Cantina patron name... "Too strange"
- Revealed: Hillary Clinton played Emperor in original 1980 ESB holo scene!
- Plans to turn Geonosian execution arena into a shopping mall met with a few bugs
- Romance on Kashyyk, the truth behind Wookie Nookie
- Jabba joins Salvation Army due to misunderstanding. He thought it was the Salivation Army
- Darth Vader makes holiday donation to American Lung Association
- Star Wars toys sell well. Who'da thunk it?
- Calrissian upset holonet keeps referring to exports from Bespin as “Lando is passing gas”
- Star Wars Christmas Special to be officially labeled: Episode 4.5
- Santa shot down by Imperial cruiser, mistaken for Bothan spy
- Skywalker family needs your help at Christmastime, give ‘em a hand
- New Star Wars Christmas special set to include prequel characters along w/ more song & dance numbers
- Jango looses his head at start of holiday shopping season
- People at Sir Steve's Guide still whiny bitches
- Beedo Sookcool still has some money left - Hasbro not trying hard enough
- More Ewok figures planned for 2008 - and don't act all upset. You know you'll buy 'em.
- Skywalkers give thanks - for advanced prosthetics
- Jedi call in the Ghostbusters to deal with Sith spirits on Korriban
- Darth Vader’s Star Destroyer shot down, autopsy reveals it took two space slugs to the head, or bridge
- Skywalker family to go trick-or treating, be sure to be on the Luke out for them
- Post-Mustafar Anakin to go as Freddy Krueger for Halloween
- Jango dresses up as a clone for Halloween, no one really notices
- Watto not sure what to be for Halloween, says he’ll just wing it
- Chewbacca to go as Cousin Itt for Halloween
- Chalmun’s Cantina to host annual Halloween costume contest
- Solo’s Halloween costume to be made out of Han-me downs
- Pumpkin carving with a lightsaber, can it be done?
- Post-Mustafar Anakin to go as Freddy Krueger for Halloween
- Scientists converge on Bespin to search for elusive Cloud 9
- Spielberg to direct Sandtrooper-based documentary "Empire of the Sun"
- Ponda Baba and J'Quille reach Tatooine Top Ten with their cover of "Tusk"
- Palpatine declares: "If you ain't a Dark Lord, you ain't Sith"
- Stormtroopers to be the new enemy in Halo 4
- New fad sweeps the galaxy - Gonk Tipping!
- Cantina based reality show planned, "So You Think You Can Drink?"
- B'omarr Monks stage Raid protest
- Jabba the Hutt lights one of his farts - fourteen dead
- Empire tests "Shadow Snowtroopers," fails miserably
- Hasbro gives the thumbs-down to the Ree-Yees Liquor Cabinet Adventure Playset
- "Trek" Bites - Hey, it's a slow news day
- Mos Eisley Cantina to be granted landmark status
- Tonnika Sisters to appear in Doublemint Gum commercial
- Celebration V to be held in Bill Cable’s backyard
- Frank Oz denies being related to the Wizard of Oz
- Chewbacca denies being related to…oh, you get the idea
- Anakin Skywalker to appear on "Extreme Makeover: Cyborg Edition"
- Captain Typho’s demotion a mistake due to a typo
- Podracing possibly premiering on your I-Pod
- Chewbacca steps on mouse droid, creates first mouse pad
- Star Wars jumps on puzzle craze with Dooku Sudoku
- Hasbro announces swimsuit Jedi 3.75" line for summer
- CC.com ends world hunger and solves world peace, all while attending CE
- Calrissian to open resort condos on Naboo, calling them Lando Lakes
- C-3PO denies being related to the Tin Man from Oz
- Jar Jar gets drunk, Jedi carry him home only to be ticketed for carrying a loaded Gungan without a license.
- Swearing Clone dies mysterious death. Leaves everyone wondering, “Who made the obscene Clone fall?”
- Tresob cancels C4 appearance; children cry
- Lucas admits killing off leader of droid army was a grievous mistake
- Skywalker appearance at CE judged to be "Luke" warm
- Plans for Knights of the Old Republic III: Days of the Old Republic
- Customizer regrets chopping up figures
- Princess Organa to design own line of clothing named the "Leia"tard
- New hybrid speeder runs on Jawas
- Jango Fett debuts his new Clone cologne at CIV
- New from your post ofice: C3-P.O. Boxes
- A belated Memorial Day message - remember the Clones
- Suggestions now accepted for location of Jedi memorial site
- Happy Independence Day from the tyrants at CC.com!
- Darth Maul reveals he has a half brother!
- Beedo Sookcool sees number of Hasbro toys for 2007, weeps
- Sith Academy closes; only one student in attendance
- Ford forgets he played Solo during interview
- Man driven mad when Lego save game erased
- CC.com runs out of headlines yet again
- Secret VA area drugstore still selling Vintage figures
- It’s Indy vs. Anakin in: "Vaders of the Lost Ark"
- CC.com discovers technique for removing figs w/o opening package!
- Bothans reveal Imperials stole Rebel H-Wing design to create TIE Fighters
- How does the Geonosian execution arena smell? It Reeks!
- CC.com admits previous headline Acklay'd an egg
- CC.com to answer Qs submitted by Hasbro staff
- New website launched exclusively for Star Wars fan films: R2-D2ube
- Lucas denies all space battles in Episode III were filmed on the fly
- CC.com staff are possible figure choices for UGH in 2008
- Tony Danza cast in SW themed sitcom: Who's the Bossk?
- TAC campaign depresses older collectors; Sales plummet
- Anakin and Padme's wedding night video up on internet
- Star Wars kids vitamins are one thing, but Sarlacc-xatives?
- Palpatine to appear in: "Extreme Makeover – Facial Edition"
- HK-47 or an AK-47, which is deadlier?
- Chinese restaurants on Coruscant remove Order 66 from their menus
- Commander Bly remakes Weird Al's parody: "I Think I'm a Clone Now"
- Anthony Daniels to appear in new Bond remake: "The Man With the Golden Arm"
- Tresob beats FFXII; resumes miserable life!
- Die-cast Titaniums increase risk of shelf collapse
- Anakin replaced by Jar Jar in Prequel Special Editions
- If blaster fire comes from blasters, where do tractor beams come from?
- Startling revelations when the new Star Wars DVD's are played backwards
- Truth or Fiction? Cast of "Rescue Me" appeared as the Firespeeder pilots in ROTS
- Possible "Sith-Mania II" in the works
- Obama considers Finis Valorum as possible running mate
- Battle Droids to be used as crash test dummies
- Dooku and Saruman, separated at birth?
- Helen Mirren to make cameo appearance in new film, "The Emperor"
- Neimoidians report Droideka production is "on a roll"
- Mace Windu to appear in "Dragonsnakes on a Freighter"
- Yarael Poof suffers worst sore throat in history of the Jedi
- Neimoidians to appear on "Deal or No Deal"
- Rystall, Greeata, and Lyn Me star in sequel to "Dreamgirls"
- Grievous remains become a motorcycle on the next "American Chopper"
- Admiral Ackbar to become spokesman for Red Lobster
- Happy Valentine's Day Lynda! I love you!!
- CC.com staffer's attempt to cheap out on Valentine's Day fails miserably
- Tresob Yr's latest work nominated for academy award in animation
- San Hill to visit historic San Juan Hill
- Republic Commandos to appear on final season of "The Shield"
- Celebrate the 30th anniversary in classic style with Death Star disco balls
- Bill Cable to perform coin toss at Bears vs. Colts game
- Kit Fisto tries calamari, is arrested for cannibalism
- Clint Eastwood's next movies: "Transmissions from Geonosis" and "Colors of our Clones"
- Record headline prices cause web site shortages
- Jabba says "Vote for Jerry Springer and Oola" on Dancing With the Stars
- Cowell: Snootles too ugly for Idol
- Hoth-like conditions plague Midwest
- Carrie Fisher's metal bikini to be sold on Ebay
- Fode and Beed join XM radio
- New DC graphic novel to pit Boba Fett vs. Batman
- Palpatine to run against Obama in '08
- Imperial Tech: Thermal Exhaust Port Covers go on market due to "massive demand"
- Lucas premieres new game show: "Duel or No Duel"
- Oola to become judge on "So You Think You Can Dance?"
- "Scary Movie 66" to parody Star Wars
- Frank Miller writes on the Mos Eisley Cantina in "Scum City"
- Chalmun to open a chain of Cantinas across U.S.
- Sith vs. Bith in next "Battle of the Bands"
- Bib Fortuna becomes spokesman for Bumblebee Tuna
- Lord Vader to attend premiere of 'Guys and Duros' at Coronet Theater for the Arts
- Hasbro's plans for "Torture Me Han" pulled by Lucasfilm
- Doctor Evazan reports the Sarlacc has ulcers
- Gibson's next film: "The Passion of the Jedi"
- Chewbacca makes donation to "Locks of Love"
- Podracing - the next Nascar?
- Watto and Jawas team up to sell wares on internet
- Padme's death investigated on next season of "CSI"
- Hidden characters in next Mortal Kombat game will be Jedi and Sith
- CreatureCantina.com to decide location of Celebration V
- Boba Fett's ship renamed "Perfeclty Legal Captives I" in light of political backlash
- Oakland Raiders to change their name to Tusken Raiders
- Next "Survivor" to take place on Mustafar
- Isaac Watkins is AWESOME!
- Hasbro to debut "Tickle Me Yoda"
- Shmi Skywalker becomes spokesperson for birth control
- Sy Snootles to sing National Anthem at World Series
- MagnaGuards being considered for Secret Service
- New "American Idol" contestants to include Jar Jar
- Coruscant chosen as site for "Speed 3"
- Republic Commandos, Where are they now?
- Wal*Mart renovates Hutt Palace
- Star Wars Kid new spokesperson for Jenny Craig
- New Death Star possible site of next Wrestlemania
- Padme's death, a possible hoax?
- Anakin starts anti-smoking campaign on Mustafar
- Lucas' son submits SW fan film, gets declined
- Hutts open casino in Vegas
- Bounty Hunters from ESB to star in "Reservoir Dogs" sequel
- Sith Hall of Infamy to open on Korriban
- Hoth chosen as site for "Titanic 2"
- George Lucas starts a new line of flannel shirts
- Darth Maul starts handicapped Kabuki theater company
- INXS tour to include Chalmun's Cantina
- Freddy and Jason to go up against Boba Fett
- Empire premiers: "Padme's Funeral" - the musical
- Imperial Walkers donated to elderly
- Galactic Heroes are too cute
- Aayla Secura declines Playboy layout
- Playboy declines offer from Gardulla the Hutt
- Fan owns more holograms than Saga figs
- Sandcrawler races off to a slow start
- Recent Sarlacc vomiting compared to Pompeii
- Shuttle to Outbound Flight cancelled, due to weather
- General Grievous recalled, possible fire hazard
- Angelina Jolie's new baby has high midi-chlorian count
- Lucas approves of Jar-Jar Binks toilet seat
- Orkin vies for huge contract on Geonosis
- Aurra Sing hired to locate Bin Laden
- Scientists begin work on Hybrid Hyperdrive
- Official Pix employment records mysteriously disappear...
- Phil Wise: Yeah, I had to twist Sansweets arm but... wait, is that thing on?
- USC fan regrets neglecting to purchase 'clean' urine
- OSWCC: Vote D on Issue 3!!
- C-3PO to star in "Extreme Makeover: Droid Edition"
- Jawa selling prime ocean-front real estate on Tatooine
- Star Wars custom Build-a-Fig stores open worldwide
- Cody figures spread bird flu
- Congress passes action figure tax to help fans quit
- Father admits "I love my toys more than my son."
- Windu caught in steroids scandal
- Fan misquotes on SW Forum; Flamed to death
- Watto is Anakin's real father
- LEGO to release toys based on hit LEGO video game
- Man uses Bantha toy for toupee
- Collectibles now called "Obsessibles"
- Red Cross starts "Blood for Figures" program
- Fan buys "last figure" for 75th time
- Brown's Obi-Wan Code says Vader married and had children
- Lucas hires bootleggers to distribute next DVD
- New figure features 12-pts of breakage
- Incumbant Bill Cable ousted in PSWCS primaries
- Study: Nobody reads these headlines anyway
- Ore Ida unveils new snack, "Vader Tater Tots"
- Surprise finding: Cats preferred pet of the Empire
- George Lucas & Gene Roddenberry to collaborate on new show: "Star Trek Wars"
- Luke sets Land Speeder record at Bonneville Salt Flats
- Brock Yates sponsors "Cannonball Run Across the Universe"
- Life after Choppers: Trading Spaces(tm) Death Star-Dagobah Playset
- Wow... I got no ideas at all
- Luke & Leia to guest on “The Jerry Springer Show.” Episode to be titled, “Interstellar Family Affairs”
- R2-D2 to sue Volkswagen. Claims style of New Beetle infringes on R2’s trademark shape
- German man Han successfully accomplishes first Solo flight
- Study: Most readers fail to notice lack of new headlines
- Star Wars to become next reality show to stink up the airwaves
- It’s official! The CC.com website has now become older than its writers act
- Congresswoman Organa reprimanded for striking Royal Guard. Funeral to be held Thursday
- Hasbro to glue figs to cardbacks to thwart thieves
- Study proves: Voting for Willrow improves love life
- Bib Fortuna discovers cure for pattern tentacle-loss
- Collector gets Luke stuck in Falcon landing gear... the 100th Time
- Vote for Big_E!
- Vote for Willrow Hood!
- Vote for lower Trade Federation tariffs!!
- CC to sell exclusive George Lucas as Jabba's Dancer fig
- Confused stockboy leaves SWTFs in middle of aisle
- Is Jamba Juice really selling Jawa Juice?
- Secura's shocking tale of sexual harassment in the Jedi Temple
- Possums to be exported to Outer Rim as the new Furby
- Jaded collectors turn to Fisher Price Little People
- CC Staff benefits from Webcam dating Spam-mail
- Confused stockboy leaves SWTFs in middle of aisle
- Krayt Dragons finally off endangered list
- Ewoks riot after offensive Danish C-3PO cartoons
- Anakin to Vader SW Transformer rejected; 'Too obvious'
- Yoda not really dead, seen at gas station
- All 2006 and up Landspeeders to include MP3 systems by Alpine
- STEELERS WIN! STEELERS WIN!
- STEELERS WIN! STEELERS WIN!
- STEELERS WIN! STEELERS WIN!
- STEELERS WIN! STEELERS WIN!
- STEELERS WIN! STEELERS WIN!
- STEELERS WIN! STEELERS WIN!
- Gargan to launch new Victoria's Secret line of lingerie
- Jabba eats Crumb, PETA sues
- Secura's shocking tale of sexual harassment in the Jedi Temple
- Steelers Cheerleaders tour Cable's Rancho C-3PO
- Free full-size figures included with $7 mini-figs
- Next GTA video game to be set on Coruscant!
- Vader on Cable Original #100: "Most Impressive"
- Princess Leia sells New Hope White Robes to bald man on Rebelscum.com for undisclosed amount
- Gungans go onto Endangered Species list. There is much rejoicing.
- Lynn Swann to run for Moff of Al'Nasrl Sector
- Holiday Special jokes no longer as funny
- Porkins family to sue McDonalds for obesity issues
- Initial headline of 2006 just barely exists
- Final headline of 2005 lacks creativity
- Droids demand defrag leave
- University geeks begin intramural lightsaber fencing
- Celebrate the season - VOTE FOR WILLROW!!!
- Doctors unveil ROTS-Edition pacemaker
- Empire declares Kwanza a fake holiday
- Christmas Trees infested with EWoks
- Santa Claus replacing Rudolf with a flying Dewback
- Jar-Jar Binks burns down Theed Palace durring Hanukkah celebration
- Nope... nobody wrote any headlines this week, either
- Aw crap... no more headlines
- Remember how Arctic Padme won? We take full credit.
- What we really need here are some sconces. Brighten up the place.
- This crap is free. Be thankful.
- Halmark announces Kwanzaa ornaments: Lando, Panaka, Jar-jar
- Yoda's hut sells for 1.3 million credits
- Man Loses Thumb Playing BF2
- Sarlaacs on Endangered Species List
- Pilots prefer MP3-compatible R2-units
- Several normal-looking women enter RS Costume Contest
- Fan trapped in Vader costume one-week after Halloween
- Anakin leaves Padme for Twi'Lek Dancer
- FCC Demands Snootles Wear a Top
- R2-D2 new Rubbermaid container spokesperson
- Hasbro Offers POTF Trade-in Deals for Saga Resculpts
- Empire announces "eco-friendly" Death Star
- Trooper TK-1138 tired of being called THX; "My name's Bob!"
- Severed Finger Found in Blister Pack
- CC.com to Vote off Staff Members to Boost Ratings
- Paint-Your-Own-Stupid-Clone Sets Due in 2006
- 1:3 Collectors Cannot Identify Last Figure Purchased
- Kotobukiya to Produce Candy Corn Troopers
- Jawas donate Power Droids to hurricane relief
- Binks sues Lucas over cut scenes in ROTS
- Fighters to fly w/o shields to save gas
- Lucas to Begin Prequel Special Editions
- Palpatine appoints Mike Brown Governor of Kamino
- billcable judged eBay's most nicest seller
- "Death of a Stormtrooper" breaks box office records
- Collector forgets to check toy aisle in Target
- Hasbro proposes new "disposable" figures
- Pegs go cold; collectors' morale sinks
- "Death-sticks" seller paroled from jail
- eBay adds new software for finding frauds! Website to close in 3 days
- CN's CW Replace TPM and ATOC as Episodes I and II
- Thundercats are the new Gungans
- Clone sues over identity theft
- Bootleg figures prove cooler than licensed products
- Boy shows too much interest in chick-figs
- Vader's "Magic 8 Ball" prediction: It is certain
- Fett Opens online bounty hunter academy
- NAACP boycotts LFL: "Why are all Stormtroopers white?"
- Cyborg technology encourages poor fire safety
- WOTC to release new 12" miniatures
- Scientists discover "Death Star-like" moon
- Teens break record for number of people fit into a Landspeeder
- Bootleg Ep 3 Beta tapes on sale now! Ask Sandy
- "Star Wars Babies" cartoon to air this fall
- Empire extends "Employee Discount for Everyone" on used TIE Fighters
- 73% of girlfriends fake liking Star Wars
- Dewbacks found to taste just like chicken
- Have you killed your Tresob today?
- Hoth is the new Las Vegas; what happens here, dies here
- Unleashed line now fun-sized
- Empire permits gambling on Tusken Reservations
- Man regrets Jar-Jar tattoo
- Are moisture farms fronts for a prostitution ring?
- CC.com headline writers ON STRIKE!
- Robotic arms and legs all the rage on Coruscant!!
- Bale Organa takes himself to court for bad acting
- RS Forum news: MOC redefined in Clintonese
- Cloak and Dagger takes on new meaning with Ep 3 release
- Palpatine to endorse "Oil of Olay"
- Yeung Ling found to have connection to missing Jedi kids
- New MTV show to air: "Pimp My Astromech"
- Investor accidentally sells mom on eBay
- Ewoks obliterate JediDefender servers... AGAIN!
- Tattooine exports sand to stave beach erosion
- James Earl Jones denies it was his voice for infamous "NOOOOO...."
- Unopened box of 3POs now alive
- Target Exclusive Vader with REAL lava
- Nerd dies arguing SW not sci-fi
- Collector tries to buy Carrie Fisher
- Pillsbury Dough Boy Used as Stand-in for Hologram CG Effects
- Man leaves entire collection to his dog
- Darth Tater not made from real potatoes
- Space Slugs no longer endangered
- Lucas abandons script for fanfic
- Study: CC.com ad-clickers have better sex lives
- Man collects E3 actors half-eaten donuts
- Ewoks replaced with internet-ready droid - "Iwoks"
- Burger King to offer new "wookiee sized combo" with "bantha sized price"
- Woman weds droid
- Mon Mothma to propose red planet/blue planet political map
- Ewok-Wookiee offspring dubbed "Ewwoookkiee."
- Darth Vader named spokesperson for new "black power" movement
- Man stands in line at C3 and lives to tell the tale!!!
- CC staff - all really the same guy
- Figure glasses replaced with figure beer steins
- Indianapolis braces for huge influx of geeks
- Jedi Academy admissons down, students prefer Sith
- Lucas dares man's five-year-old to write better script
- New SW PSA urges children to stay away from lava
- "Gen. Grievous" renames self "Gen. Happyface"
- Scientists prove figures move when unwatched
- CC.com - 4 years older; infinitely more powerful
- Wives of Collectors Support Group opens
- Chewbacca to Undergo Electrolysis Procedure
- Baby Gap to offer exclusive baby RotS outfits
- Aalya Secura nude scene cut from E3 to prevent "R" rating
- VOTC Han requires knee surgery
- FCC bans footage of XXX Wing Fighter
- Jawas start online auctions
- Vintage figs now "antique"; POTF2 figs now "vintage"
- 3 in 5 Saga figures suffer from peg-warmer syndrome
- Geek's head explodes watching E3 trailer
- G.I. Joe infiltrates Star Wars shelf
- Celebration III canceled - being a geek is now too cool
- Man starves after trying to lift fork with his mind
- 2:3 Ewoks have fleas
- Natalie Portman CATCHES THE RED CARPET ON FIRE!
- Palpatine admits "Confused by my own plot"
- Missing accessories on the rise
- Kenner Accused of Doping 1995 Star Wars Action Figures
- Boba Fett Spends Another Valentine's Day Alone
- POTF3 to feature removable clothes/ correct anatomy
- Ewoks to Testify in Michael Jackson Case
- Jawas protest Empire's No-Droid-Left-Behind program
- Galactic Heroes' scores drop on SATs
- Drinking Mt. Dew reduces midichlorian count
- Kenobi endures three-hour surgery to extract peg from foot
- COMMTECH Han retires
- Groundhog emerges to see Wampa's shadow. Eaten shortly thereafter.
- Aayla Secura's tentacles are fake!
- Holiday Special DVDs explode in players
- ReValveIt begs for DT saber tree close-ups
- Ewok shorts shown to relieve hemroids
- C-3PO fetishist: "Why can't I just stop???!!"
- Lazy headline writers forget to do their job
- Ex-Con makes lives better on Dantooine by donating his own arms
- Forrest moon of Endor starts new life as Ewok safari hunting lodge
- Rancor's top complaint: "I'm hungry!"
- Galactic Senate still in debate over "Less Filling/Tastes Great"
- Lockheed's Skunk Works secretly creating new Rebel starfighter
- Yoda & Kermit to record duet. "It's Not Easy Being Green"
- Droopy McCool quits band after MoveOn.org gig
- Jawa Juice replaces Sunny D as the new health drink in the Outer Rim!
- CC.com staff wishes you a Merry Christmas. Send presents.
- C-3PO checks himself into rehab for WD-40 addiction
- Swiss Army to be new supplier for Clone Troops weapon systems
- Padme makes Vader sleep on couch after Target Wake-Up ad
- Eight-year olds maul collector in Target parking lot
- IG-88 addicted to huffing Pam
- Empire develops "Nair" bomb to combat E-Woks
- Chewbacca knocks out Lenox Louis in ESPN ad gone bad
- Actual girl rumored in TRU Star Wars aisle
- McDonald's reconsiders Klume; hires Gardula as 'more accurate' spokesperson
- Admiral Ackbar to replace Rather on CBS Evening News
- FX-7 discovers new adhesive treatment for decapitated figs
- Mynock. Kosher substitute for Thanksgiving turkey.
- Pacers-Pistons tussle over who shot first. Han or Greedo.
- Turkeys delivered to Kashyyyk, Chaos ensues.
- Taun taun meat found to be high in carbs and is taken off the Atkins list
- Kea Moll named for top ten spot on Galatic Pr0n Honors list
- Fan abandons date at theater to blog on ROTS teaser
- Bossk to be new spokesman for Oil Of Olay.
- Wuher starts "designated driver" program for patrons
- Palpatine's "sock hop rejection" jumpstarted his evil rise to power
- Myo denied speeder license due to lack of depth perception
- Jawas slaughtered in Ronto stampede
- Characters named after Crazy Lucas' "Empire of Apples" collection
- Sy Snoodles shamed in SNL lip sync flap
- Senator Kerry votes FOR Imperial Army before voting AGAINST it
- Vader loses consciousness during "Enchilada Nirvana"
- Protocol Droid Reunion: 3PO known for being "light in the lifters"
- Jerjerrod's "White Power" movement makes little impact with ranks
- Vader's suit goes for a walk - out all hours
- Ackbar's drunken run-in with police: "It's a Trap!"
- Padme's "Horny Housewives" debut during Ani's tour of duty
- Old Ben rumoured to be "whiffy"
- De-Briefed! The Rebel Alliance Prisoner Scandal
- Ki-Adi-Mundi extradited to Remulac in mistaken identity case
- AFA Collector utilizes "Seal-A-Meal" in a whole new way!
- R2-D2 busted in file-swapping sting
- Seavers to consult 4-LOM and Zuckuss on new bounties
- Kitster "jacked" for his FUBU jacket at Tatooine University
- Banking Clan leader San Hill reveals his "low carb" lifestyle
- Viva Cuervo! Eeth Koth's Jedi "Hard-Man" Endorsement
- Cantina punch-out over "Solo's Sloppy Seconds"
- Save your soul - bid on my auctions!!!
- Don't miss Monket Week!!!
- Wuher signs deal with Amazon.com to sell net-based drinks
- Padme's bumper sticker: "My kid beat up your Emperor!"
- Han cited with penalties for years of past Falcon registration fees
- Carbon scoring and chewing gum found when Luke first inspected R2
- Lando at Mos Espa: "I need a speedo of rich 'Calrissian' leather..."
- Humiliated Power Droids' phalli used as jump starters!
- Why R4-M9 went to the Dark Side: called "conehead" in Astromech school
- "Hamburger Helper" mascot to star as Vader's hand in E3
- Billy Joel to score "Droids! The Musical (In Trouble Again)" on Broadway
- Luke and Leia separated to keep from playing "doctor"
- Owen Lars saved a lot of money on his speeder insurance!
- Jacques Cousteau uncovers: "SpongeBob lives on Kamino."
- FDA cracks down on Kellogg's after numerous cereal-induced accidents
- Kellogg's 'Midi-ChloriO's' allows kids to Force-choke bullies AND is part of THIS good breakfast
- Tanus Spijek wins role as next Predator in "Predator Takes Manhattan"
- Campaign to elect Spirit of Obi-Wan next Pope underway
- 9 out of 10 Mynocks agree: 220 volts better than 110v
- Threepio's operation encumbered by stray WiFi transmissions
- Consumer Report: Sandcrawlers beat Hummer's H2 for fuel efficiency
- Gangsta rap hits Jabba's Palace with "My-T-Jawa and da Hood"
- EV-9D9 loses role as original Yoda puppeteer
- Max Rebo Band gets the hook opening for Mandy Moore
- B'omarr monk religion started as a Halloween costume
- "Great steaming piles of mynock dung" Yoda's life extender
- Momaw Nadon mistaken for coat rack while falling asleep!
- M&Ms to release red "Sith Nuggets" on Episode III release
- R5-D4: a lame Al Qaeda plot in a galaxy far, far away...
- Wol Cabbashite becomes first genitalia with a name!
- Evazan: Botox at it's best!
- Vader to Ozzel: "You're Fired!"
- Report: Senator Organa urged to "Raise da Roof!"
- Fishnet is in on Ryloth!!!
- Young Rebel Snowspeeder pilots buzz Imperial outposts for fun
- Coruscant's Red-Light District teaming with Vl'orpp and "the Phlat"
- Kmart to launch "Gardula the Hutt" feminine hygiene line of products
- Shmi trampled by revellers in Mos Espa New Solstice celebration
- Rumor mill has it that the price of Star Wars toys to rise
- Huttese to be taught in inner-city Coruscant schools
- The truth behind Kyle Katarn's ventriloquism tricks!
- Sandcrawler Driver Union demands better handling on sand dunes
- Vader caught nude in vacation hot spot: Exclusive Photos!
- Padme's babies can't hide from Anakin's Force-based Pregnancy Test
- Rick McCallum checks in Betty Ford for his addiction to foul language
- Kaminoans-The new Tuna Helper spokesmen
- Details of Anakin's Pre-Empire plastic surgery lawsuit!
- Hasbro starts sueing collectors to regain prototypes, starting more lawsuits than the RIAA
- Ewok Entertainment Television airs "Kick it with Wicket"
- Eopie chips fuel secret Tusken child labor camp
- Tarkin's daughter gets lucrative Imperial Navy marketing contract
- Is Mace Windu Lando's father? Smoooooth for generations!
- Threepio shows up "Corn Pops Dancers" in subway challenge
- Koko the Wookiee masters American sign language!
- Dex's Diner's "Disco Days" puts WA-7 in mechanical rehab
- Top selling toy on Tatooine: Tonka dump trucks
- C-3P0 to join "Queer Eye for the Straight Gal"
- "Max Rebo Band is a playset, not action figures" top collector complains
- Old Ben teaches "Know Your Scat" to Jundland Waste Explorer groups
- Star Tours downsized to an Arab with a STAP speeder
- Revealed: R2 mistakenly carried plans for "Death Townhouse" instead
- Corey Feldman turned down Ewok role
- "X-Wing" is actually code for pilot "bedroom" reputation
- Carrie Fisher prefered 3M brand duct tape over Duck Tape brand
- Van Halen "On Fire" lyrics originally described Anakin's transformation to Vader
- Lars homestead arranged "Feng Shui"
- CC.com - 3 years and slowly puttering out...
- New model Landspeeders get supplemental restraints
- Blue Milk counters male erectile dysfunction
- Bib Fortuna on Jabba's water bong: "Busted!!!"
- Qui-Gon sued for spamming holo projectors
- Wampa to Hoth weather man, "Wanna see my 18 inches?"
- Teebo impresses the judges in "Ewok Idol", takes 2nd!
- Twin Ion Engines make comeback at Vintage Starship Show
- Scandal: Going "Behind The Green Door" with Padme's sister!
- Tom Servo vs R2D2 in "Celebrity Droidmatch"
- Star Wars was just supposed to be a Halloween costume party
- Tauntaun herd quarantined for over "mad beast" disease
- Jango's "Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Zam" Confession - and the twist!
- Windu to debut "iced out" saber in E3
- Power Puff Girls made their film debut as Jawas
- Les Claypool asks Lando to join Primus on reunion tour
- Luke Runs Personal Ad to Find Date
- "League of Extraordinary Ugnaughts" goes over big with Jawas and Ewoks
- Northeastern states advised to "bundle up Hoth-style"
- Binks scores perfect 10 in diving for Naboo State
- "Idol" reject William Hung replaces Sy Snootles
- Oola takes over for Martha Stewart on "Living"
- Microsoft supplies Academy with XBOX units for X-Wing training
- Extra: Malakili's dramatic suicide act after Rancor demise
- Clone Wars characters spoof Yellow Submarine on Cartoon Network
- Gorton Fisherman missing in Gungan Sea
- Anakin discovers Padme's "Handmaidens" aren't what he thought
- Revealed! Jabba is Jewish
- Boonta Eve hooligans jailed for "chuba joobling"
- "Obi-Wan Ben-Dover" nickname causes trauma during Academy days
- Report: Rebel Trooper helmets ineffective against rain!
- Report: Death Star Commander helmets top choice for rain!
- Great Palpatine's Ghost! Vader was a Eunoch!
- Emperor's "State of the Empire" theme: Jedi suck
- "Moff Divers": $2 Billion in entertainment for the Empire's Upper Eschelon
- Lord Maul wins big at Burning Man Festival
- Currently reindexing the forum. Back soon.
- Death Star II insurance claim breaks Lloyd's of London!
- Ewoks in brutal civil liberties dispute
- Toilet-Cam scare in Mos Eisely Cantina!
- Mos Espa's rampant totty - and the prostitution sting!
- Old Ben's poltergeist destroys Chewie's bagels!
- Jabba's genitalia found: in poor condition.
- Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" Hits #1 on Endor
- Light-headed Tibanna Gas miners strike for more filtration and lower tar
- Parents boycott Episode III over new character: "Dilh-D'oh"
- New Death Star Shopping Complex - The Darth Mall
- "Saving Princess Leia" beats out "The Aurra Sing Story" in ratings
- "Trouble with Tribbles" in Star Wars Universe "code" for VD
- Ewok Christmas Album In Stores Tuesday
- Luke of Mara: "She'll have to sew them back on first!"
- "MoistureFarmAid" to benefit late Lars family
- "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Wookie" - Number 1 Bestseller with Kashyyyk Children
- Young Luke Skywalker gets a Hummer!
- Battle of Hoth Veterans report digits lost to frostbite
- Report: Fireworks started the Clone Wars
- Exclusive: Boba's "womb experience" during Sarlacc incident
- Bubo gets pissed on and a vendetta ensues!
- Han & Leia's knock-down-drag-out 20th Anniversary party
- Anakin buffing up at East Coruscant gym
- Jedi Training Academy: Financial Aid Available!
- Snowtroopers and Grand Wizards - solid link evidence!
- Rainbow decal on Falcon causes rumour in smuggling circles
- Sadism in Jabba's dungeon - a Droid's story
- Biker Scouts: Moon of Endor the "Russian Front" of the Galaxy
- Dooku down on his luck in Vegas
- Hasbro to rehash entire Vintage line!
- Vodaphone licenses Commtech Readers for new Cellphone model
- Dexter's Diner cited for salmonella
- Social Security Administration vs. Yoda - new precedents that can change your life!
- Jabba finds missing sandwich under armpit
- Jango breaks contract to offer DIY cloning kit on TV
- Battle Droid vets find mannequin work
- Leia VS Padme Jell-o wrestling, Friday 9:00pm, Exclusively at CC.com
- Ebay Today: A whole lot of assholes!
- Martha Stewart and Chancellor Palpatine to wed
- Alert: Geonosian residue blocks visibility on starship windscreens
- Nielsen: Bo'maar Monks prefer "cerebral" entertainment
- Palpatine RECALLED in stunning Dantooine election!!
- Death Star blows up Dantooine!!
- Luke Skywalker's "Bullseye Womprats in 10 Days" Available at Amazon.com
- Retired Admiral Motti reopens Vader conspiracy theory
- Peter Criss out, Darth Maul in as new KISS drummer
- Vintage Ugnaughts strike for replacement aprons and toolkits
- Leapin' Lizards! Yoda to tour with Cirque du Soleil
- Death Star II: First Month's Rent FREE!
- Gungans ride out hurricane Isabel
- "1001 Uses for your Tauntaun Carcass" tops Coruscant Best-Seller's list
- Clone Wars Yoda: "Look Ma! No hands!"
- The Day Dantooine Died: Exclusive Catastrophic Footage
- Kenobi reaches 5,000 credit tab at Wuher's
- Empire reduces lease payments on Death Star condominiums
- What terrible secret does Jar Jar Binks keep about his ongoing speech therapy?
- Wookiee hairballs cause coughing fit in Senate
- Valorum Autobiography: "Of Twi'leks and Sex Toys"
- CGI Advances help Master Yoda's Proctologist Retire
- R2 + C3P0 join cast of "Queer Eye.."
- Bib Fortuna Tatooine Gambling Paradise ransacked by rival Tusken Mafia
- "Cable is incapable of contributing anything positive to this world" - Chris Stojonowski
- Lucasfilm Ltd. to buy all "Star Wars"-oriented sites for $50,000 each
- FLASH: Mawhonic Can't Keep Contact Lenses In
- Dual Transverse Approximators - truly complex or not?
- Lando Calrissian's "Get Your Freak On Tip #23" finally works on Leia
- Geonosian on Geonosian Larval Gang Violence on the Rise!
- Experts: Jawa STENCH Clears Human Acne
- PETA: Unfair Treatment of Wampa in ESB Production
- VADER IS LORD!
- Sebulba's Get-Out-Of-DWI-Conviction Tips
- Post-Endor Threepio: "I'm Bigger Than Jesus!"
- Galactic Enquirer: The REAL Luke and Leia Story
- Kessel Spice Miner Clerics call for Mua'Dib State
- The startling truth behind BoShek - Germophobe!
- Why Tarkin's known as "Grand-Maw" on hot summer nights
- Lightsabers under testing for U.S. Armed Forces
- Palpatine's shock-free "young skin" techniques
- McCallum on Epi. 7,8,9: "Hell yeah, we're ******' makin' em!"
- Admiral Ackbar: "It's A Trap!"
- Darth Anakin - jaded hippy
- Kosher Gamorrean Guard Dishes for your Rancor
- Planet Naboo stocks plummet, Wuher blames new Droids policy
- DNA evidence inconclusive on Ewok/Gremlin relation
- German metal band, Rammstein, to score Episode 3
- Mara Jade's Exclusive Porn Pics!
- Zuckuss new "Breathe Right" strip spokesman
- Planet Naboo files Ch. 11, blames Outlander Club
- Dooku to Saddam: "Goodbye, old friend."
- La mejor historieta basada en Star Wars que he visto
- Shmi's Immaculate Conception: A Festivus Miracle!
- Lama Su Indicted for DNA Swap Deception!
- Fred Flintstone and Owen Lars create new fertilizer: Jabba Jabba Doo
- Death Star II: If you lived here, you'd be home
- Eopies don't fart, they explode at 50
- Mustang Ranch to hold special Star Wars promotion, "Lay-A-Leia"
- Senator Palpatine is really DICK CLARK!
- Protocol Droid smashed into "who-knows-what" on Kessel
- Bill Cable: The Vincent van Gogh of Star Wars!
- Clone Trooper IQ Up, Coordination Down
- The smooth skin techniques of Tusken women
- Amanamatopoeia of the week: "Gonk!"
- Episode 3 Spoiler: Jar Jar Dies! Fanboys Rejoice
- Study: Bantha Poodoo great for blaster wounds
- Fettish to retire: "Thanks for the memories"
- DIY DeathStar Kit, $49.95
- Hasbro: Making figures people actually want!
- A-Wings: the "Ford Pinto" of Ship-to-ship Fighters?
- Oppo Rancisis: "the FORCE made me this way!"
- Young Luke Skywalker SELLS GRIT!
- New hair growth formula from common asteroid cave bats: "Mynocks-odil"
- Breaking News: Star Trek BLOWS!
- Will Train Jedi for Food: Old Man Kenobi's Panhandling Rap
- Vader's body-odor reclamation unit on the fritz
- Jabba the Hutt visited by Richard Simmons
- Flash: Carded Collector crams 1000 figures into safety deposit box
- CreatureCantina.com MARCHES ON!!!
- Lemmings adopt AFA as official SW grader
- Tonnika Sisters to replace "Coors Light Twins"
- Yoda credited for "Shock and Aw" war strategy
- Dr. Evanzen - Not really a doctor at all!
- AFA Grades Count Dooku - AFA 05: Barely Alive
- Clones called to duty to aid in war against Iraq...Go Get 'Em!
- Anakin Skywalker to appear in Short Circuit 3
- C-3PO sues the Academy, "My likeness was stolen for use as the awards trophy."
- Dr. Phil vs Yoda - Who's Wiser?
- Jar Jar Binks joins the cast of Naboo Public
- Jango Fett: The Cookie Jar! Coming Soon!
- Mace Windu named new Bic Spokeman
- Jawa Juice: Is it what we think?
- Dooku + Yoda: Grumpy Old Men?
- NEWSFLASH: BHC Forums down!!!
- Yoda to Chuck E. Cheese, "I am your father."
- John Williams out, Jon Bon Jovi in for E3 soundtrack
- "Fakes! Bribes!" Jane Abbott reveals all!!!
- Medic droids adopt 'Bob the Builder' motto: "Can we fix it? Yes we can!"
- Rick McCallum to have gastro bypass surgery
- AOTC leads pack in Oscar nominations... not
- Gus, Jordan agree to pistols at 10 paces.
- This just in - Hasbro to re-release every single Episode I figure in Saga packaging
- CC.com staff runs out of headlines!
- *blank line*
- *blank line*
- Lando Calrissian: "Pimp of the Year" - The Dianoga Times
- New warning stickers required for lightsabers
- Princess Leia Revealed: Sticky buns, stickier situations
- Jedi Gone Wild! Now on DVD/VHS!
- Han Solo to debut designer vest line
- Wuher on his liposuction: "It sucked.."
- Greedo: "My name? Mob ties? Fahgettaboutit!"
- Lightsaber Viagra? Why is Dooku's saber "curved"?
- Coruscant granted new Arena football franchise
- Lucas to direct, "Dude, Wheres My Landspeeder?"
- Update: Every 2003 Saga figure is a REPAINT!!
- Dengar named new Band-Aid Spokesman
- Gen. Dodonna sits in as "Father Time"
- Greenpeace to protest on waters of Kamino next week
- "Scalping," "SirSteve" uttered in same breath
- Coming Soon: SW Holiday Special... Part 2!
- Merry Christmas from Santa Hybrid!
- Gundark Egg Nog, now at Dexters!
- Jedi sent to enforce Iraqi inspections
- 2003 Chevy Landspeeder: Now Available
- Rumors point to SirSteve damaging silver R2's...
- AFA: Now grading YOUR LOOKS!
- Dexter Jettster vs Iron Chef, Sunday on Food Network!
- Could "Mike" from Galatic Hunter be the elusive "bananapunk?"
- Dark Hybrid: He's not dead..not yet, anyway!
- Sir Steve to co-star on ABC's Alias
- "I invented Star Wars", boasts Al Gore
- Eminem pens SW song: The Real Clone Trooper
- Sam's Club to offer deal death stick multi-pack
- Who is St Eve?
- "aisle sniper" brought in for questioning regarding recent shootings
- New Star wars Promo: Padme Puddin'
- Philip Wise is rejected in yet another offer to buy Creature Cantina
- Jango on lightsabers: "They suck!"
- Revealed: Silver R2 actually not silver at all. Lawsuits to follow?
- Jeb Bush to star as corrupt council member in EP3
- Strom Thurmond to play Palpatine's father in Ep. 3
- New SW promo: Jabba JELL-O!
- Bill Cable is out of headlines
- Jane Abbott turns up another new 12" outfit... er.. another old 12" outfit...
- Palpatine to use clones for new arena football team
- Boba Fett spotted ALIVE; Elvis fans gain hope
- C3P0 voted off Survivor: Tatooine
- Tarantino to Play Tarkin in EP3: "Did you see a sign outside that said DEAD TROOPER STORAGE?"
- Palpatine denys prior service as Catholic Priest
- Han Solo seeking NASCAR sponsorship
- Yarna spotted at Sea World of Kamino
- McDonald's plans to open store in next Death Star
- Lott Dodd drops out of re-election campaign
- BREAKING NEWS: New Saga Sandcrawler is a REPAINT!
- 1st Annual Gungan Water Festival; special guest-SpongeBob Squarepants
- George Lucas ranked #1 by "Exploiters Monthly"
- Planet Naboo buys out Dexter's Diner
- C-3P0 finally comes out; R2 not surprised
- Chewbacca to star in new flick, "The Yeti"
- REVEALED! Yoda is Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon
- Jake Lloyd to open lowrider shop on Tatooine
- Death Star 3 targetting Iraq... because they deserve it!
- "Hotties of Hoth" calender in stores now
- What kind of mushrooms was Lars growing?
- Gary Coleman in Episode 3, starring as Mini-Mace
- REVEALED!! Lobot IS Mr. Clean
- Gargan, big draw at Hooters Tatooine
- Darth Vader had halitosis
- Secret Agent Powers on Portman "that's a man, baby!"
- Britney Spears weeps as Anakin weds
- Jabba's private fetish; feet
- Obi Wan dropped by Grecian, Dooku new spokeman
- BHC Forums: Does post count size really matter?
- Saga line 2003; 4 New Maul sculpts
- Owen and Beru Bedroom Tape Rivals Pam and Tommy!
- Millions of landspeeders recalled; improper droid restraints sited
- CIII Exclusive: Bounty Hunter Ricardo Mullaccm
- Latest fashion: Tusken garments made from hemp
- Canada to stop recieving Star Wars Saga figure shipments
- Family feud over Jango's body: to freeze or not to freeze
- Aayla Secura's new clothing line: "Jedi Night-ies"
- Movie Pirates Respond to LucasFilm: "YAR"
- Jango Fett's head on display at Planet Naboo
- Hasbro on paint errors: "What errors, those ARE variants!"
- George Lucas "Unleashed" figure in the works
- Hasbro's newest variant: Packages w/o figures!
- CC.com prepares for waves of hate mail
- Ewan McGregor: New Maybelline Mascara model
- Another... Cantina... Headline!!!
- Boba on Jango's death: "Yup. Heads are going to ROLL! Yup."
- WorldCom goes belly up, San Hill to blame
- SirSteve hired as Fred Durst body double
- Jabba the Hutt joins Jenny Craig
- Steve Austin sues Lucas over bionic rights
- Canine joins Sith - Count Scooby-Dooku
- Ep2 breaks record for most reviews by idiots in only 4 days
- McCallum on "The New Guy: My f***in' life story!"
- Zam Wessel's sister, Nuclear, to appear in E3
- GWAR to play 3 sold-out nights at Jabba's Palace
- Yoda denies his "badass" side
- Fan at EP2 opening: "Suck my Dooku."
- "Yoda and the Younglings" added to Ozzfest 2002
- Price of scrap drops, 1300 Jawa's to lose jobs
- Confirmed: Padme - Next Maxim Covergirl!
- Celebrity Boxing's Next: Cable v/s Comenzo!!
- Cantina serves new drink: Qui Gon Jinn and Tonic
- Yoda after Dooku battle: "Mmm..works well Metamucil does!"
- Dexter Jettster now on Food Network
- Taun We hired as Area 51 Tour Guide
- George Lucas to Hasbro: MAKE ME MORE MONEY
- Spotlight on Aayla Secura:Twi'lek Temptress
- Geonosis: Galaxies New Vacation Hotspot
- Clone trooper to show "variant" in June Playgirl
- Jorge Sacul is GEORGE LUCAS!
- John Williams to release "Jedi Raps," with guest stars Wu Tang Clan, DMX, and Ludicris
- Yoda senses disturbance in the force, located somewhere in central Indiana
- Rick McCallum on Spiderman: "It was ok. Not great, but pretty f@ckin' good."
- FEMA issues Comenzo warning for Indianapolis
- Jar-Jar hottest rare shortpack at Midnight Madness
- Pit Droids to intern at Pontiac plant
- Vader is Luke Skywalker's FATHER!!
- Rick McCallum replies to Rebelscum takeover rumors: "No fucking way!"
- Shasta negotiates for Ep. 2 softdrink tie-in
- Bill Cable named "Link Whore of the Decade" by Wired magazine
- Senate breaks to see ET in theaters
- Dagobah Swamp selected for Survivor 5
- Lucas on McCallum: "He's got a potty mouth!"
- Bingo Fett to be in EP3. B-I-N-G-O is his name-o
- Clone Trooper officer wants own identity
- Plaid Pride Inc = Stock Market Gold?
- Count Chocula rumored to be Dokuu appretice
- Classic Trilogy released on Beta
- Windu fighting "Shaft style" in EPII
- Bootlegs of AOTC Soundtrack spreading like wildfire!
- Wuher on Droids victory: "They can't drink anyway!"
- R2-D2 shines as Oscar presenter
- A Flock of Seagulls to score Ep.3
- Boba Fett: New NRA president
- Ziggy Stardust to appear in AOTC
- Droids win discrimination suit.
- Recent BHC Baby Boom! "Who's your daddy?"
- "Fanboy" added to Merriam-Webster Dictionary
- John Williams to score Spaceballs 2
- Retail sales reach all time seasonal high says Watto
- NFL's Vikings relocate to Cloud City
- Sy Snootles Band = Grammy Winners!
- Eeth Koth + Darth Maul: Seperated at Birth?
- Luke Skywalker to model new Ralph Lauren "Hoth" Winter line
- Obi Wan Kenobi: New Grecian 5 Spokesman
- The Dirt on Amidala and Skywalker
- Empire files for bankruptcy. Ties to Enron likely cause.
- Dengar joins Fett in search for bin Laden. Bounty raised.
- Watto spotted at Compton Swap Meet
- Salacious Crumb returned to captivity
- Emperor presses for Death Star proton torpedo defense system. Critics: too costly
- Rystall to be a mother, father undetermined.
- Nite Stalker: Man or Monster? Pt .1
- Droids vs Wuher court battle: the Saga Continues
- Bib Fortuna auditions for MTV's Tough Enough
- George Lucas to get a new hairstyle!
- Princess Leia in love? "I did it all for the wookie."
- Jar Jar Binks new Hooked on Phonics spokesman
- Klaatu recieves Skiff Pilot diploma
- Lando Calrissian voted Smuggler of the Year by AP
- Yano the Storyteller: Decendant of Yoda?
- NOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!
- Droids vs. Wuher court hearings underway
- Mon Mothma: "Why do they call me 'Mon'?"
- BoShek beats Solo's 12 parsec run at Kessel. No one impressed because BoShek sucks.
- Now Hiring: laid-off CSW news reporters!
- Endor hosts "Rockin' New Years Eve" w/ Dick Clark
- George Lucas recieves new flannel for X Mas!
- Boba Fett confirms bin Laden hunt underway
- Sy Snootles Band fired, Dave Matthews Band to fill in
- Solo to star in "Gone in 60 Parsecs"
- Bespin Guard shaves
- Leia had Bespin Dress tailored
- Luke Skywalker dyes hair
- Lando gets teeth capped
- Snaggletooth has height change operation, dyes outfit
- Han has head size change operation
- Calrissian to spearhead "Jheri Curl" revival convention in Tatooine
- Lobot and Kojak: Seperated at Birth?
- Malakili acquires new rancor, still misses "his baby"
- Winnie The Pooh: Ewok or Ewannabe?
- Jabba's palace tagged with graffiti. Crime lord undaunted but puts out bounty "Just because."
- Dismembered gambler found. Wookie prime suspect.
- Value of fake vintage protos SKYROCKETS!
- Hoth, newest stop on extreme golf tour
- Queen Amidala's Winter Fashion Exclusive
- Jennifer Lopez newest addition to Jabbas Dancers Squad
- Ugnaught Purvis makes mint freezing baby shoes in carbonite for new parents
- Palpatine wins 22nd consecutive term in landslide
- Imperials vs OSHA over Stormtrooper armor
- Lak Sivrak sighted begging at dozens of residential doorsteps
- Ewoks now illegal as house pets
- Temptation Island: Calamari canceled in scandal. Man eats local.
- Almanac predicts bad winter for Hoth.
- Ephant Mon on the outs with wife; affair with Twi'lek dancer suspected.
- Whore, smuggler form new cheese company - "Gargan-Solo"
- 5 Moisture Vaporators damaged by youths playing Vaporator Baseball, new import film "Stand By Me" blamed.
- Jeff Gordon to race at next years Boonta Eve 500
- Jabba depressed: "This Mos Espa Weightloss Program sucks!"
- Lak Sivrak hired as new Rogaine spokesperson.
- Beware - restored "bent Wookie" on eBay... described as "never bent"
- Insiders are selling off key pieces because they know something your don't
- Clean-up on Level 5 Detention Block AA-23
- Indianapolis mayor confesses: "I'm a Trekkie!"
- Han and Greedo reconcile differences on Oprah
- Idiot pays £1500 for fake Meccano VC Jawa
- Hasbro removes "Darth bin-Laden" figure from winter line-up
- Mr. Furley hired as new Webmaster at Yakface.com
- Luke completes training, severs own head
- New Study: Juri Juice shown to lower cholesterol
- Kenny Baker arrested for crack possession
- BREAKING: James Earl Jones picked up in CA on crack cocaine charges
- Star Wars alum Rick McCallum busted for CRACK!
- Jabba to introduce new soft drink: "Slurm!"
- A great disturbance is felt in Ohio this past weekend
- George Lucas tells everyone who doesn't like "Attack of the Clones" to 'piss off'
- Micheal Jackson immortalized in a figure... Tito is next
- Beru figure now available in Extra Tasty Crispy
- Jabba's Gamorrean Guard Urrghgg wins pig calling contest at local fair
- CreatureCantina voted #1 humor web site by CreatureCantina writers
- Gargan arrested on six counts of prostitution
- Boba Fett found to be a crossdresser
- EpIII named: Clone Alone: Lost on Coruscant
- Mysterious flanneled man falls in love with his own clone. Asks question "Am I gay or just self involved?"
- Bush to decide on B'Omar Monk brain transplant research next week
- Survivor: Hoth Edition begins airing next week
- Sammy Hagar signed to do "remake" of the Star Wars theme. To be titled: "I can’t fly 55! And EDDIE CAN KISS MY @$$"
- Emperor vetoes bill for Campain Reform
- Darth Sidious to star in Palp Fiction
- Imperial Laundering reports Stormtrooper armor susceptible to "yellowing"
- VERY RARE BARE FOOT & PREGNANT VARIATION OF SLAVE LEIA!
- Giant slug swallows Space Shuttle
- Barbi in torrid three way love affair with 100th edition 12 inch Luke and the Britney Spears doll
- Amanaman Confesses: He is just a manaman in a costume!
- Jawa Eye-glow linked to Chernobyl explosion
- Try not
- Ree-Yees to be organ doner for the One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater
- K-Mart Blue light specials this week: Hydrospanners, Arctic Obi-Wan, and cheese
- Lobot: " I was just listening to REO Speedwagon."
- UTINI!!!
- General Madine to star in Copola's Appocolypse: A Long, Long Time Ago
- Imperial Gunner Fired
- First Wampa born in captivity at San Deigo Zoo
- Han Solo completes carded collection with addition of rare Irvin Kershner action figure
- "Jenny Craig a fraud" Gargan accuses
- Jar Jar Binks releases exercise video: Jammin with Jar Jar
- Yoda diagnosed with Dyslexia
- Neil Armstrong in a speach to the Flat Earth Society: "It's not a moon, it's a space station."
- Stormtrooper Union planning galaxy wide strike next month
- Palpatine switches parties - disrupts balance in the Senate
- Vader, Kenobi complete circle
- UN seat added for Star Wars Ambasador Stephen Sansweet
- Incom discontinues the &-Wing fighter due to design flaws
- Rare variation of POTF2 Han Solo no-pants found in a Wal-Mart in Alabama
- What are you doing Dave?
- Archaeologists discover new type of dinosaur bones in Northern Tunisa
- Mos Eisley Cantina under new managment
- Lucas' plans AFTER EP3: Make an experimental film about why brown paper bags are brown. Script may take 10-12 years.
- Time travelers report: Traveling through Hyperspace "a lot like dusting crops..."
- Chewbacca signed on for series of Mentos advertisments.
- Luke, Leia to appear on Springer's "I Kissed My Sister" episode.
- Astronomers discover a galaxy far, far away.
- Cincinnati riots over Kenner closing
- Cincinnati man gets trapped in dumpster
- God Plans Thunderstorm, Tornadoes for Celebration II
- Home Shopping Network plans lame Star Wars hour
- Lego "Master Builders" create full-sized Lego Death Star
- Gus Lopez trades collection for Star Trek memorabilia.
- Droopy McCool goes solo & signs huge contract with Geffen Records. Sy Snoodles in a jealous rage!
- Empire sued by AT&T for copyright infringment.
- Tunisia overrun by Rebels.
- I found Ploo.
- I Bent My Wookie
- Zuckuss, 4-LOM switched at birth
- VERY RARE "Erect Nipple" variation found on some orange carded POTF2 Leias
- Pegs warmed
- Click Here and you might win a free POTF Anakin Skywalker(C8, SYB)
- Scalper Arrested in FBI Raid on Virginia Beach Home
- 301st Figure Released with Little Fanfare
- North Bogandwa Star Wars Collecting Club increases membership to 6
- Pam Anderson turns down Lucas' offer for part in next Star Wars film
- Death Star 3 Opens Today - Emperor Says "Third time's a charm."
- Vinyl Caped Jawa to Guest Star on "That 70's Show."
- Sir Steve Knighted by Queen Elizabeth - Now Known as Sir Sir Steve.
- Leia Blaster Lost.
- Time Machine Invented - Vintage Prices Drop.
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