But if you think about it... Kenobi does have one serious character flaw... a flaw that should eject him from this pedestal of popularity! Obi-Wan Kenobi was a Jedi of the Old Republic, raised under the old system. His midi-chlorian count was tested when he was an infant, and he began training as a toddler. Then he spent the next 40 years at the Jedi Temple, following the Jedi tenets. And one of the Jedi tenets is that you can't... in the biblical sense... know a woman.

So by the end of the Prequel Trilogy, Obi-Wan Kenobi was quite literally a 40-year-old virgin.

I was appalled when I first came to this realization. I've read EU tales of various Jedi going off and having illegal flings so clung to the hope that maybe Kenobi was once one of them. But an extensive Google search didn't turn up a single mention of any Obi girlfriends. So I guess it must be true.

That bring up an interesting dynamic. As we all know, no virgin can be cool. And that overshadows any of his talents and powers. Obi-Wan can deflect blaster shots with his lightsaber? Yeah... well I've had sex. Obi-Wan can jump a 3-story building? Yeah... well I've plowed the field. Obi-Wan can move space ships with his freakin' mind? Yeah... well I've reached home base more times than Barry Bonds. Who's the cool dude now??!!

Now this single player game will not be restricted to the forests of Endor, it is not known yet on what worlds they will make their presence felt, all LucasArts would say is that, "they will go wherever they are needed to combat tyranny in the Galaxy!" How they will get from system to system is still in the development stage though. Armed with their traditional weapons: Bows and arrows, spears, slingshots, bolos, stone axes, and whatever traps they can set up. There may even be some short lightsabers placed in certain strategic locales that they may make use of. They're going to need all the help they can muster as they will go against some heavy hitters including: Trandoshans, Imperials, droids, bounty hunters, Sandpeople, and even the Sith!

One new feature this will offer is throughout the game, the Ewoks will be able to pick up "cuteness counters". When enough are collected, they can use them to appear so lovable and adorable, even the most vile of enemy will just want to pick them up and give them a big hug. Getting the commando in close enough for a fatal strike. This will only be allowed sparingly due to it's devastating effect. The Ewoks will also be able to curl up into a ball and roll into battle, much like the Droidekas of the trade federation. So if ya can't spear 'em, bowl 'em over!

They say the key to the dramatic arts is conflict, and where else can you find greater conflict than in war?

Thus, war should lend itself to the greatest of all drama.

Indeed, the greatest of Shakespearean tragedies are shrouded in war with its the high political stakes and its questions concerning the value of human life.

For Shakespeare, however, war was not merely firing gunpowder, clanging swords, or blasting squibs on stage. No, the essence of war was conveyed as much through words, words that conjured fiercer, more epic, more spectacular battles in the theater of the mind's eye than could ever be put on stage (certainly four hundred years before the advent of computer graphics).

And so, seeking how to best convey the true drama of war, I have compiled the following dialogues, taken from public chatlogs of online Battlefront 2 matches, and assembled them in a script format for your great edification.

I call it a "found drama."

You may call it what you will.

But never call it Sally.

Hey Bill, hows it going? Well I have an idea for the comic. How about the sarlaac shows up at the cantina, and proceeds to eat jawa forcing whuher to hide behind the bar, as the sarlaac squirms around eating jawas and patrons, Jar Jar steps out of the womens bathroom..... I'll let that sink in. The sarlaac get scared and runs away screaming about how much Jar Jar ruined Episode 1, I dunno on paper it doesnt sound as funny, but it might look funny on a comic strip

Now... don't ask me how I'd draw the Sarlaac inside the Cantina. I had a rough enough time with the Rancor... the Sarlaac is bigger and lives underground... I mean, I appreciate the love and everything. I really appreciate it. But... well... don't be upset if I don't end up using yours. It doesn't mean your idea sucked... I just means somebody else's idea sucked less that yours. No hard feelings?

The production has yet to be cast, but I'm told the motion picture will contain a lot of well known songs including: "Force Lightning," "I'm Getting Buried in the Morning," "Sith Apprentice going on Sith Lord," "Jar Jar the Senator's Dead," "How do you Solve a Problem with the Republic," "I'm Going to Wash that Mandalorian Right Out of my Hair," "Naboo Bayou," and the soon to be hit, "Springtime for Vader." The show will also feature plenty of dancing with "Clones in Clogs" doing their own rendition of "Send in the Clones," and the Mos Eisley Ballet under the helm of Boris Kolenkov.

Only, it seems one very important ARC trooper is missing a distinctive component of the ARC trooper uniform...

"The Empire has recently begun impounding ships and jailing captains that are behind in their import duties," said Amdan the Hutt. "This has severely impacted our ability to provide the processing plants on Coruscant, Kuat and Sluis Van with the gas required for processing into the fuel we use. Moff Kohl Seerdon has been especially dutiful in his arrests. I guess controlling the bacta supply wasn't enough for him."

Representatives from the Emperor's office, in their own press release on the Holonet, suggested that citizens cut down on their use of fuel and conserve where they can. "We believe that unnecessary hyperspace jumps for vacations should be limited. We also hope that this will impact the Rebel's ability to attack further out from their hidden bases."

Ouch! No insect known to man can sting the way a damaged figure does. I know this all too well, my friend. I was just going to fold the card in half and stuff it in an envelope, but since you requested that I take special care, I will put it in a star case, in a 12x12 Priority mail box full of foam peanuts. I hope that will make you happy, your royal majesty! All jokes aside, though, that is the way I will ship it, and I will insure it for $400 free of charge, but only because you're Bill Cable. I have admired your website, your artwork, and your pleasant disposition (mostly anyway) for a long time, and I am honored to sell this item to you. And BTW, FYI I voted ICMG! OMG, LOL! I'll get the package in the mail and send you another message with the DC number asap. Thanks for bidding.

• Droids Stormtrooper custom front
• Droids Stormtrooper custom back

Initial counts show attendance was up some 673% from previous years. The longest line wasn't for Kristen Bell or Thomas Jane, it was for the information booth due to all the inquiries from guys regarding where the CC.com booth was, who from CC.com was here, and were they going to be here all weekend. The most commonly asked question from the female attendees was, is Bill Cable single? Wizard ended up having to post signs all over the convention floor stating the error, flyers denying the internet rumor were inserted into all the goody bags, and announcements were aired over the public address system at regular intervals letting everyone know about the lack of CC.com at Wizard World Chicago.

Most of the fans were deeply saddened, but tried to enjoy the convention as best they could. Some attendees became very angry though, and started a riot in the parking garage, blocking traffic and refusing to leave until they got Tresob Yr's autograph. Police were called, tear gas was used, and multiple arrests were made. Now even though I did attend, I went incognito to avoid the paparazzi. One fan, so distraught by the thought of not getting to meet her idol, Darth Danno, threw herself in front of a car, laid there for a half hour before she realized the car was parked and empty. She is now under psychiatric observation and I've had to change my phone number.

I guess this fantasy grew to such proportions that numerous events set up in CC.com's honor had to be canceled. The Coffee Klatch with CreatureCantina, the Bill Cable look-alike contest, and the celebrity Jell-O wrestling match for charity pitting the guys from CreatureCantina.com against the girls of Camp Dangerous Curves. (Maybe that's why Kari Ann Peniche never showed up at their booth, even though I waited and hour and a half for her on Sat. to sign my Playboy!)

"I knew we were onto a good thing with the Ultimate Galactic Hunt," said Head. "Website exclusives that take forever to ship, an exclusive Clone Wars Gunship that we made, like, ten of, a Target-exclusive Grievous that only shipped to half the stores in the USA, a San Diego Comic-Con-exclusive 501st Stormtrooper that's only available in one building on the planet for about an hour, a mail-away exclusive George Lucas that required you to track down ridiculously underproduced army-builders to complete the coupon, and twelve different chase 'pewter hologram' UGH mini-figurines distributed amongst only ten chase UGH characters -- I was proudest of that last one -- it all adds up to what we think the collectors REALLY want from this hobby: a challenge! And we're happy to give it to them." But for all his successes with the UGH, one thing didn’t sit right with Head.

• Star Wars Carded ESB 47-back Han Bespin
• Star Wars Carded ESB 47-back IG-88
• Star Wars Carded ESB 48-back Removable Limbs C-3PO
• Star Wars Carded ROTJ 65-back Darth Vader

He's going to be listing another couple dozen figures in the next couple months, so add him to your favorite sellers list.

I also have some stuff on eBay. But I don't just auction stuff. I auction HUMOR! I had an idea while working on my latest Droids custom figure for a funny auction, and I just went with it. It's received a fantastic response so far, so I'm sure you'll appreciate it. Check this out:

• Vintage 4" scale Star Wars 'personal massager'

In addition to this gag auction, I have a few other things up. One thing I posted is the first Droids Stormtrooper I put together. Now... this is a risky proposition. Usually I only list the last one or two Droids customs on eBay. Then I can say "The only ones remaining from a limited run." and people freak out about it and bid it up. Here I gotta auction it as "If you don't win this one, I'll have 14 others." So there's no urgency to bid. And on top of that, the guys who agreed to purchase one from me directly might start grumbling over my price if this one goes too low. But I figure I'm gonna get some good exposure with the Vibro auction, so I might as well make use of it. So check it out, and for the love of God PLEASE BID!

• Vintage Droids cartoon-style Stormtrooper custom MOC SW

What else do I got? Well... along the funny line, I have some art. Want some "Cable" art? Here's your chance! But it's probably not your cup of tea. See... a couple years ago I entered the OSWCC T-shirt contest with an original idea. It features caricatures of a handful of OSWCC members under a symbol that read "Woo-Ten Klan." I thought it was fantastic, and paid homage to some of OSWCC's founding and contributing members. But they didn't like the idea, so I had to change it to OSWCC Klan which was stupid, and the idea didn't win the contest. I stumbled upon the old art, and now you can own it! And maybe you can make your own Woo-Ten Klan shirts!

• Original Art from failed OSWCC Woo-Ten Klan shirt entry

And lastly among my SW stuff, I have a couple Gentle Giant busts. Daddy needs some money for DragonCon. So bid them up!

• Gentle Giant Sandtrooper Corporal Celebration3 RARE
• Gentle Giant exclusive Chrome Darth Vader bust RARE

Skye thought of another costume. And it's brilliant! Because there was one time Chewbacca wore something else - during the Life Day ceremony in the Star Wars Holiday Special! I was amazed and impressed by the depth and breadth of his Wookiee knowledge.

Not only did Skye commission a Life Day Chewbacca drawing, he created a special section for it and my Droids custom Chewbacca on his Chewseum web site. This special section can be found at: http://www.chewseum.com/chuffizi/. I'm honored to have such a prominent place on his site. And he just gushes about the quality of my art, so I'm flattered as well.

So check out the Chewseum! And check out the latest Cable Original drawing:

The story revolves around a young Twi'lek named Imin Heet, and her story of being sold into slavery as a young girl, going from one cruel master to another, until she ends up in the hands of Watto, who wagers her in a podrace and loses to Jabba. The Hutt is only too happy to accept her, as his last concubine gave her life to save him. (Actually, an assassin tried to kill Jabba and in trying to escape, the Hutt fell on the slave, crushing her.) He changes her name to Orgasma and begins marketing her to satisfy the desires and fantasies of the local scum and villainy, but not without adding numerous credits to his already overflowing coffers.

She becomes one of the hottest commodities in the galaxy as she sheds her clothes for layouts in Huttsler, Hutt Society, and PentHutt. Also appearing in films like: "Hutts like Butts 18," "Neimoidian Nympho-Nurses" and "Sex over the Sarlacc." She even endorses a new line of vibro-massagers. The precious little down time she has left is spent sating the sinful desires of her obese overlord. I'm sorry, but does anybody really want to see Jabba getting it on? Does he need any stimulants to assist him? What do they call it? "Vile"agra? One good marketing ploy is the popcorn buckets will also double as vomit bags.

Orgasma meets and falls in love with a bounty hunter, much to the displeasure of the Hutt. The bounty hunter is shot multiple times, and left for dead. But a little known corporation named OCP resurrect, rebuild, retrain, and rename him, turning him into: ROBO-FETT. Now the story becomes a tale of revenge as Robo-Fett starts hunting down all those responsible for his demise, even doing battle beneath Jabba's throne room with the Hutt's pet Wampa (a Wampa...on Tatooine???).

The movie climaxes (literally and figuratively) with a fight to the death between gangster and bounty hunter that gets Orgasma so excited at the thought of having two beings fighting over her, she works herself into such a state of ecstasy, she accidentally strangles herself with her own lekku. The two combatants immediately cease their skirmish, stare dumbfounded at what has just occurred, then turn and stare blankly at each other. Jabba just shrugs, offers the assassin a high paying position as his own personal hitman, complete with paid holidays and vacations, medical and dental coverage, and a 1138K (after all, this film does occur during the time of peace and prosperity within the Republic.) As for Orgasma, her body is fed to the krayt dragons, and her clothing and possessions are sold off on the holonet auction site eBounty.

Actually, it's been a like a year since this one was commissioned... so I guess it's been a while since anybody wanted one of these. There goes that joke. Stupid huge back-log of drawings...

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah... some weirdo actually commissioned a battle-damaged Mustafar Darth Vader from me. I'm not sure why... maybe he has a thing for amputees. Nah... that's probably not it. He just must have a thing for hard-core awesome extreme artwork! Yeah, that's it.

So here's my latest. Be warned that it features lots of gore, charred flesh, stumped limbs... truly a PG-13 drawing for a PG-13 movie. It's not for the faint of heart.

The new line, called "Saber" will be available in 7 different fragrances, each named after a form of lightsaber combat: Shii-Cho, Makashi, Soresu, Ataru, Djem So, Niman, and Vaapad. Now what each one will actually smell like hasn't been revealed. But I have been assured that the fragrances of these products will remain true to their tag (no pun intended) line: "Become a Force to be Reckoned With." I hope so. That's all us guys need, to spray one of these all over, or take a shower with one, and end up smelling like a wet Bantha or a decaying Tauntaun carcass.

Lucas Licensing is also issuing a disclaimer on the products that "These fragrances and body washes are only intended to make you smell great. No Force powers are given or implied. Ingesting any of these products in the hopes of gaining the ability to perform the Jedi mind trick would prove harmful, fatal, and extremely stupid. In addition, pouring these products over any toy or replica lightsaber will NOT turn it into a real lightsaber and make you a Jedi Master, but it will damage the item, especially if said item has electronic parts.

Tomorrow I'm going to Dragon*Con. I'm headed down there to hang out with a group of Vintage collectors... hopefully pick up an item or two. But as of a month ago I only have one mission to accomplish: meet Anthony Daniels. It should be a pretty simple mission given he's going to be signing autographs... I lay down my $20 and he really won't have a choice in the matter. But there's still a challenge... I gotta hope he's game for posing with the CreatureCantina.com SUCKS sign. That'd be my ultimate prize... getting a photo of the actor who played C-3PO holding my goofy sign. After him I can try photos of the rest of the half-dozen Star Wars guys, but his is the one I really want. I mean... as a 3PO focus collector that'd be a great piece for my collection!

But it's always tough. I'm a bundle of nerves any time I ask a celeb to pose with the photo. I think it's all those bad experiences with Peter Mayhew. He's one of the very rare few to say no, but each no really sticks with you. You get a no from a guy and it just makes you dread asking the next. I felt really bad after Marc Singer from the Beastmaster shot me down. He blabbered about some agreement he had that prevented him from endorsing something or other. Very lame. Then there was Lou Ferrigno, whose answer when I asked was "Twenty bucks." And now those things just bounce around in my head as I'm waiting to ask the next Star Wars celeb I meet.

Celebration 3 was my best time getting photos. They had all the Star Wars people sitting in a big hall, so each could see the others posing for the photos, and they really got into it. The later ones were trying to one-up the earlier ones. It was fun as hell. I don't have a clue how Dragon*Con will be set up, or if the actors will all have real long lines so they're trying to move everybody through as fast as possible. It might be kinda like Billy Dee Williams, who didn't even raise his eyes from the table the entire time he was signing. It could end up just ruining my whole weekend.

Hey, don't laugh! This is the stuff that keeps me awake at night!

I drew this new drawing. It's freakin' sweet. Or as my patron said: "indeed i got it -- and it is so AWESOME!! i love it!" Man... quoting a random person to fill space on deadline... after all these years I'm really a member of the mainstream media! So here's the latest masterpiece... and it is legitimately, really, really awesome. Check out the Dewback!

• Tatooine Edition: Will be covered in sand.
• Mustafar Edition: Will be melted.
• Hoth Edition: Will be sold in the frozen food section and need to be thawed out before watching.
• Utapau Edition: Will have numerous holes in it.
• Kamino Edition: Will need to be dried out first, but can be cloned easily.
• Dagobah Edition: This one is on backorder as retailers are "swamp"ed with orders.
• Death Star Edition: The most expensive edition, as it is programmed to blow up your DVD player after watching.
• Kashyyk Edition: Disc will need a shave and a haircut before watching.
• Coruscant Edition: Extremely rare! You'd have to "order 66" of 'em to get this version.
• Naboo Edition: Comes encased in a casket, but is the only set to offer twin DVD's.
• Ryloth Edition: Comes with a jar of Lekku wax and a coupon redeemable for a free movie ticket to "Showgirls II: Slave Girls"
• Geonosis Edition: This one is being delayed as there are still a lot of bugs that need to be worked out.
• Bespin Edition: Just like any other edition except the price is in the clouds.
• Endor Edition: Comes with a seed packet to plant your very own sequoia tree in the backyard.

But I really should have started doing something before Chris listed this latest batch. I should have helped him add the terms "Clear Bubble" and "Unpunched" to his eBay vocabulary. Now, I know most AFA-caliber collectors probably see the grade they want then click on the auction, no matter the title. Then they'll see the photos and it's all good. But I still think it'd help for those people with specific wants to at least put the term somewhere in the auction description. I mean, sure a lot of people will check out our AFA80 Luke Hoth just because it's an AFA80. But I can't help but think more would check it out listed as an AFA80, clear bubble, unpunched Luke Hoth. And a bunch of these are like that! The Bossk is like that. The TIE Pilot is like that. The R2-D2 is like that. The Zuckuss is like that, and where can you ever find a CB, UP ESB Zuckuss??!!

Sadly, the Fett is punched. But otherwise it's just drop-dead gorgeous. Crystal clear bubble. A couple 85 sub-grades. It's a thing of beauty. So don't miss out!

• Star Wars Carded ESB 48-back Boba Fett AFA 80
• Star Wars Carded ESB 47-back Luke Hoth AFA 80
• Star Wars Carded ESB 48-back Bossk AFA 75
• Star Wars Carded ESB 48-back Tie Pilot AFA 80
• Star Wars Carded ESB 48-back Zuckuss AFA 80
• Star Wars Carded ESB 48back R2-D2 w/ Sensorscope AFA 80
• Star Wars Carded ESB 47-back Luke Bespin AFA 85
• Star Wars Carded ESB 47-back Leia Hoth AFA 80

DO make sure to warn your roommates if you snore. A little snoring is to be expected when you stay up till 5AM or so drinking and wandering a convention area. Letting roommates know ahead of time helps them ignore you when it seems chainsaws are running at 6AM when you are facedown on the floor and incoherent.

He was hamming it up and everything. He seemed to like the photos I showed him of past celebrities quite a bit, and wanted to represent. He could not possibly been more gracious and engaged for the few minutes we talked. And it was the coolest thing, when I gave him my card he actually remembered me from a correspondence we had almost five years ago. I sent a few of my C-3PO images to AnthonyDaniels.com (which are still on the site by the way), and he remembered it all these years later. The experience was exceeded my every expectation.

Of course I couldn't walk away without a good photo with him...

They asked, "What the crowning point of Episode IV?" He responded, "When Flash Gordon blew up the Borg cube!" Now it's one thing to upset a woman, it's completely another to upset a woman about something she holds dear (like CC.com), especially when she's wearing 6 inch stilettos. Boy did he get his comeuppance! Here I thought the torture scenes in "Hostel" were brutal. Instead of pin the tail on the donkey, it was "shove the Sharpie". I'm not going to go into details, suffice it to say he wasn't lovin' where the Sharpie's were being shovin'. I guess someone got the whole thing on video, but this isn't the kind of website where we could show it. "For heaven's sake man, think of the children!!!"

This week's purloiner both posted their wars on eBay. I found both of these auctions because... well... I'm always scouring eBay for anybody who'd dare steal my original ideas. I stay up until 3 or 4 am most nights hunting and pecking. ("pecking" in the mouse clicking sense, not "hunting and pecking" in the poor keyboarding sense... I know it's a confusing use of the phrase here, but I so love the way it rolls off the tongue...)

As you saw above, I'm doing a run of Droids Stormtroopers. Their weapons are customized Vintage Vibro-axes, that resemble the Vintage cartoon weapons. A great, original concept, no? Trust someone to try to horn in on that action:

Custom Star Wars Droids Imperial Stormtrooper w/ Vibro

It's one thing to steal my ideas. It's entirely another to steal them, then utterly fail in the execution. What a piece of crap! Cheesy screen-cap graphics (especially when compared to my stunning, original Droids-inspired art). NO COIN! Huge, generic bubble. That's just a cluster... bomb from start to finish. It was deserving of only getting a single $10 bid.

My second imitator, while not nearly so incompetent, still blatantly stole my idea. Check out this very nice 12" Droids C-3PO:

1985 12 inch Droids C-3PO prototype Custom

Well done, but a blatant rip-off of my idea!! Remember this blast from the past? 12" Droids C-3PO prototype. I did that thing as a gag 3 years ago (a gag that worked, btw... had all kinds of Vintage guys fall for it!). And now an exact copy shows up on eBay.

This art is truly awesome and powerful! I couldn't be more happy with my purchase. It will have a place a honor on my wall. Thanks so very much!!!

Ah... I love the feeling of making my customers happy. I get all warm inside... just like after a couple shots of Jack Daniels. Is there any better feeling in the world? I think not.

Gaze upon my latest crowd-pleaser... Clone Wars General Kenobi!

Bearing an uncanny resemblance to the unfortunately named Jedi Master Plo Koon, Master Samos has made a spectacular debut into the world of fan-based action figure photo-comics, making shrewd use of some familiar background art. Indeed, not only does his comic employ Bill Cable's very own masterfully computer-rendered backdrops, his comic's subtle, sophisticated, and erudite themes rather effectively emulates the typically highbrow fare on CC.com itself. And while the rest of Master Samos's site is virtually non-existent, we look forward to witnessing it blossom into a pre-eminent shrine of fan-based goodness. Master Samos's homespun charm and almost hourly e-mails to Cantina staff members perfectly define the qualities that the CC.com Goldenrod Award seeks to applaud.

Thus, I confer upon Master Samos's Website, the title of CC.com Goldenrod Award Winner, with all of the corresponding rights and privileges due thereunto...which pretty much consist solely of being allowed to post the accompanying graphic with an embedded link to http://creaturecantina.com.

But one of their newest statues really has me tempted. I've always been a sucker for Twi'leks, and they're doing a very nice Oola. Check it out:

Attakus Oola statue

Gorgeous, no? It perfectly captures the likeness of Jabba's gorgeous dancer. In fact... it's almost too realistic. If you look closely... is that... why it is! It's a nipple! I can't believe LucasFilm would sign off on that! And if you look, it appears all of her mesh clothing is soft goods. So, if my observations are correct, in theory you could modify this statue into your own topless, anatomically correct Oola.

I want one.