When danger leaves a package at your doorstop and peril drops by for a little visit, the Security of Bespin will be right there!

Watch the swift reaction and uncanny, feline reflexes of Capt. Cirrus when he finds out trouble is in the neighborhood!

I'm very pleased to announce the return of the legendary ClevoBobby!! CB was one of the founding members of CC.com, but had to bow out due to academic commitments. Now he's gainfully employed and has all sorts of free time. So he's back!

Take for example these items which were discovered together: A gallon of Trans Am Polish and a Bootleg “Star Wise-Guys” Bikerscout from New Jersey with “Fuggidaboutit Action Feature.”

And what about these two items? Upon digging a little deeper, I found a 5th grade graduation trophy with the inscription of “Most Likely to become a Porn Star”, presented to someone with the initials “SY”. Shortly after that discovery, I found a “C-3PO’s” cereal box written in Hebrew.

In the northern quadrant of the Bag, I discovered a cache of empty LaBatt’s Blue cans and bottles Maple Syrup (actually I found several of these). One can only assume these items came from Canadian IC initiates. Further south, in the “Breadbasket” area of the bag, I found an “Alien Mystery Date” board game, which evidently is a little-known marketing endeavor of the Sigourney Weaver movie. Near the bottom of the Bag, I unearthed two items that look like they've been in there a while and must've certainly been left by an IC founding member: A half-used supersized jar of Dippity-Do and a worn copy of “The Cynic's Dictionary”.

So anyway, we do have a winner. And the winner is: Justin Troutman of Jermyn, PA! Congratulations, Justin! Now if you could just have your mother E-mail me and give me permission to ship you this art, I'll get it right out to you!

Baldy: So Arnold, how have you been?
AS: Eye ave been gud mista Baldyman, my job is so grate, I luv it so so much.

Baldy: Are you a collector?
AS: Eye collect munny and tapes of all my old moovees and sometimes suhpeenas from vemmen hoo zay I grabbed them.

Baldy: So you grab women in your spare time?
AS: NO, don't make me smack you girly man! I grab nuthing! Except the odd donut or sahndwitch.

But I want to say that what SirSteve said couldn't be further from the truth!! I don't "hate" SirSteve. Life is too short to invest that pervasive of an emotion into silly little Internet squabbles. He wasn't my favorite person in the world those few times he E-mailed my web host and got the site shut down... but I don't hate him. I mean, I don't know the guy from Adam... how could I? I just feel it's my responsibility to report the goings-on in our hobby, and to hold people to account for their actions. In the funniest way possible.

Ever dutiful, ever vigilant, Security Officers of Bespin patiently await the call to arms at the SOB Headquarters.

These brave lads know that the safety of Bespin's residents and workers requires a watchful eye and an attentive ear...

Katie has been undergoing treatment for a severe brain tumor and he family is accepting donations.

DCSWCC members have donated various items to the charity auction and Creature Cantina's own Tresob Yr has donated five his "actors" from his Star Wars Action Figure Website. That's right, not only can you make a donation to Katie's family, you can take home a piece of Star Wars memorabilia AND theatre history!

Each SWAFT actor will also include a CD containing a home version of SWAFT as well as a Certificate of Authenticity signed by Tresob Yr himself to prove that your action figure did in fact appear in a SWAFT production. The sentimental value alone makes them priceless additions to any collection!

• Henry V/Bespin Han Solo http://tinyurl.com/8ljb5
• Dr. Faustus/Grand Moff Tarkin http://tinyurl.com/bu5vj
• Aurra Sing/Aurra Sing http://tinyurl.com/8ndh3
• Pointz/Greedo http://tinyurl.com/cux6g
• Bushy/Lobot http://tinyurl.com/855nn

Please don't let these hard working performers fall into the hands of anti-theatrical philistines, sadistic customizers, or voodoo witchdoctors!

Other DCSWCC members are auctioning off the following: http://tinyurl.com/7efcg

It's hard for me to believe as I write this that I'll be leaving in a scant 7 hours. After all those months of preparation. The PSWCS Booth is going to be awesome! The Collecting Track is going to be awesome! And... might I say... one particular Collecting Track panel is going to be particularly awesome...

Which panel you ask? Why, the Character Collecting panel which will be held at 10am on Saturday! Why, you ask? Because I will be on that panel! That's right... Goldenrod himself will be talking about his C-3POs! (and of course Mike will be talking about his Snowtroopers, and Cj his Han Hoths...) And we got a primo time slot for this puppy... directly opposite the talks by George Lucas!! Oh wait... that's a bad thing...

One thing I will mention today... I ran into a press guy at C3, and on Sunday apparently he got into some sort of martial arts contest with Ray Park. If you happened to catch this big, blonde guy kicking Darth Maul's ass, and you happened to take some photos of said event, please E-mail me at cable@creaturecantina.com so I can get you in touch with him. He really wants those photos.

(Norfolk, VA—April 25, 2005) — With the final installment of Star Wars just a month away, fans are turning out in droves, not just to line up to buy movie tickets, but for the opportunity to thank the man who brought the saga to life on the big screen.

A new web site — ThankyouGeorge.com — has been established with the goal to provide millions of fans with an easy means to sign a tribute to George Lucas in celebration of Star Wars — a story that has taken six movies and nearly three decades to tell.

"It is evident by the numbers of fans logging on to ThankyouGeorge.com that Lucas has touched lives, fueled imaginations, and brought generations of people together," said Dan Madsen, spokesperson for the ThankyouGeorge.com. "We feel it is fitting to pay tribute to him and the momentous completion of the Star Wars saga."

Star Wars fans from all over the world can visit ThankyouGeorge.com to sign the official tribute free of charge. In addition to adding their name to the letter, fans are encouraged to write a personal note about what Star Wars has meant to them over the years. Star Wars actor Mark Hamill was the first to thank Lucas on the website, "I would like to thank George Lucas for rekindling the childhood imaginations of those of all ages, and for showing us that artistry and integrity are not mutually exclusive." Fans will also be able to view the notes of gratitude from others and discuss their experiences on message boards and blogs. Later this year, a bound copy of the tribute will be presented to Lucas as a heartfelt token of appreciation.

ThankyouGeorge.com will be an online hub where fans can organize and coordinate Star Wars community events using a variety of tools, including a group emailing service, event listings and community boards.

The web site is encouraging fans to count themselves among those who are thanking Lucas by wearing special red "Thank You, George!" logo t-shirts (available at the site). "Many fans were there at the beginning 28 years ago and have followed the Star Wars journey through the years with friends and family, to its culmination. This is a unique opportunity for them to mark the event by signing the tribute and wearing a visible symbol of gratitude and appreciation," said Madsen.

For more information, visit www.ThankyouGeorge.com.

• http://swaft.info/deskjob/c3sad.html
• http://swaft.info/deskjob/c3sad2.html

Ever true and honest, Security Officers of Bespin take their responsibilities seriously and perform their duties with honor.

They, above all others, know to respect proper authority, for authority forms the basis of the law.

So, in addition to covering the event for CC.com, or perhaps I should say in spite of that endeavor, I was there to pimp out PSWCS. And the first thing I did after arriving was set up the PSWCS booth. I'm not gonna go into that much here, but you can see it all on the PSWCS Celebration3 events page. The booth turned out fantastic. We gave out our swank PSWCS/DCSWCC/OSWCC exclusive C3 patch (the most limited LFL licensed exclusive available at C3!!!), raffled off a carded figure and recruited all sorts of people. It was great. But that's neither here nor there... just figured I'd plug the PSWCS one more time...

Now for my CC C3 write up. And now we face the dilemma. Do I post the sexy babe photos now, save them to the end to make everybody read through the whole thing, or scatter them throughout? Each approach has its advantages and disadvantages... Ah well, I like to be nice to my readers, so here you go...

Oh those poor, poor Ewoks!

Kids, your toys should not be played with in this manner, these are sick perverted people. And if anything Bossk would be Chewbacca's bitch!

As any good SOB knows, a pistol can be very persuasive.

Though they obviously prefer not to use force, the Security Officers of Bespin are equipped with the most reliable and precise personal blasters legally available in the Empire...and they always handle these lethal weapons with the utmost discipline.

Look out because you never know where the "sign" will show up.

The young woman wanted to give me props on my Grievous drawing. Understandable, as it's one kick-ass drawing! But for someone to go through the trouble of sending me an E-mail about it... that's just unusual. And it made me feel great.

But that's not where it ended. Not only did she send me praise... she sent me a scan of her own Grievous drawing! And man... this piece is flat-out awesome. I just had to share. And if you like her Grievous, you can check out more of her art on her DeviantArt web site: www.da-phase-meister.deviantart.com

I was approached by an online costumer a few months ago to actually be a model for their new line of Star Wars costumes. Seems they had seen my work before and thought with my past fame in the Pr0n business ( I say past due to StevieWhy, you rat bastard) as well as in the Star Wars collecting realm I would be a good spokesmodel.

So I went in for pictures and wardrobe fittings. It took a lot of time and I had to do some working out as well as a few other body modifications, mainly shaving my goatee. And I also had to wear makeup so the glare wouldn't kill the cameras. But everything worked out fine and I now present to you my finished ad for the site! Just click on this link to see me in all my glory! Just don't mind my big feet in those awful sandals.......

http://www.zoogstercostumes.com/r15244.html

I've been doing this thing for free for 4 years... paying all the hosting fees out of my own pocket... so it was about time to find somebody else to pay those bills. If Google is willing in exchange for posting an ad banner, I'm more than happy to take them up on it. I customized the color scheme so they fit in pretty well. And it's working... after a typical, slow weekend we've already earned enough to cover half our month's expenses!

So how can you - a loyal CC.com reader who enjoys and appreciates our content - help out? Simple: Click an ad! We get a tiny bit of money just for pageviews with the ads on them, but the REAL money rolls in when people click on them! If every reader would click on JUST ONE AD every week, we'd be sitting pretty. So please... if you love us... click an ad.

Now, if you remember from last week's story, on Thursday night I attended the Collectors Social Hour. At that event some of the guys from the collecting track, myself included, handed out Ewoks animation cels to those in attendance. I posted a couple pics of the people hunting through some of the cels I laid out. Well, it turns out I was captured in the process by my friend Tom Garvey from across the table. So you saw my POV last week, and now you can see his!

Look at that guy control the crowd and keep those rabid dogs at bay!! That was one masterful effort... if I do say so myself. Now... moving on to...

I don't feel good about it. But I will own up to it. And I want it to be out in the open. See... this is how it should be done. No lies. No excuses. You don't see me saying, "my last name is NOT Cable," or "It was my cousin." And I certainly won't claim I'm using the profits to pay for camera batteries. Nah... I'm on the up-and-up here, even when my actions might not make everyone happy.

As a courtesy to the readers who might get POed, I'm not gonna link to the auctions. I just wanted to post this disclosure so nobody thinks I'm trying to hide what I'm doing... hoping nobody catches it. And while I feel a little bit bad about it, I don't feel TOO bad. I mean... it'd certainly be more noble to sell these at cost to someone... but eBaying these is certainly not nearly as bad as buying up all the 41-44 figures at every local retail outlet and dumping them at the closest comic shop. And at least I'm doing it in the open... not hiding behind some anonymous eBay handle.

Fighting against the cunning criminal mind is a battle of wits. Security Officers of Bespin have to be quick, resourceful, and innovative...

First let’s start with the cover. I give the cover two very enthusiastic thumbs up. When I bought the magazine I totally thought there would be more SW things in the mag as well as a great pictorial of Bai Ling. I loved the lightsaber that Bai Ling was holding and the Playboy Bunnies hiding in the blade were terrific. Bai Ling actually looked good. I admit I was disappointed to hear that it was Bai Ling featured in the magazine and not some of the hot Jedi women. You know who I’m talking about: Amy, Nalini, and Orli.

The Star Wars article was nothing great. It was the same old BS that you can get from watching the dumb “I love the 80’s” show on VH1 with that moron Mo Rocca. By the way if anybody had to have gotten their ass beat in school growing up, it was that guy. I was hoping for some inside info into Revenge of the Sith info or at least some cool “Did you know” type stuff.

Now, Bai Ling. Oh my where do I begin, what a let down. After reading her article, I wanted to go seek professional psychiatric help. Yes I really did read the article, because in my opinion she wasn't much to look at. Now, I don't want to start some new holy war with the readers that have never left their mom and dad's basement and have never seen a woman naked other than what they can see on the proverbial "fuzzy channel." She should have never have been released from the mental institution. No kidding she really was in one, they even gave her shock treatment, but she can’t remember. She talks about how she hooked up and slept with some guy and then goes on to some other ramblings about floating around like a butterfly and swimming with whales or some crazy crap like that. She sounds like an 8-year old on acid. I mean what a total f-ing freak.

If it is true, thank you George for cutting her scenes from the Episode III.

It was an ordinary September Tuesday when Steve, the owner, got a phone call from a man he met years ago at the big Chicago Kane County toy show. Apparently this guy was planning a big move and wished to sell off the contents of his toy store and whatever else he had packed away in his attic. Steve and I planned to leave the following night, drive to Indy, crash at a motel, and then arrive at his house early the next morning. Steve also added, "From what I remember, this fella is a little odd.”

The next evening we took some cash out of the bank, loaded our overnights into Steve’s van, and headed off to Indy with my head filled with dreams of 12-backs, 12" figures, and boxed vehicles and playsets galore.

Nearing Indianapolis, Steve and I decided that a stop at Quaker Steak & Lube was in order. To be quite honest, however, when are wings and beer not in order? We started easy: medium wings and Coors Light. As the night wore on we gradually moved up the ladder in terms of the ass-kickingness of the various wing sauces. The Louisiana Lickers are damn good I’ll tell ya. Eventually, the discussion worked its way around to whether or not we were going to give the feared "Atomic" wings a go. This is the King Sh*t on Turd Island of wing sauces...the ones that come complete with a warming about touching your pecker after you eat them. Internal debate: do I eat the Atomic Wings? Well, Alan Shepard strapped himself to a fuel tank and shot himself into space and boys ten years younger than me stormed the beaches of Normandy so surely I was capable of this petty act of bravery. Besides, I'm sure Batman and Johnny Cash would eat Atomic Wings were they here. I ate 24 of them.

One of the coolest pieces I got was this little, metal, Japanese figure manufactured under the "Zetca" label. There were 5 Zetca toys produced. R2-D2, X-Wing fighter and TIE fighter are all relatively common. C-3PO is very rare. The Landspeeder... well... that one is just ridiculously rare. I'm talking "most dealers haven't seen one in person in their lives" rare.

Thank goodness I'm a 3PO focus collector so that I'll never feel the desire to complete a Zetca set. I'm more than happy just get my hands on the 3PO by itself. It's a really cool piece. The whole card is only 5.5" tall. The figure... less than half that. The card has really kitchy graphics. Gotta love the instructions on the back! Here... take a look!

Cool-looking. Rare. C-3PO centric. What more could you ask for?? How about a custom-built protective case?! That's right... I had that acrylic case built especially for this uniquely-sized collectible. I just sent the measurements to my buddy Oscar from Oscar's Cases. Gotta love that Oscar's Cases quality! And now I never have to worry about dusting the thing.

Last week Emperor Palpatine was spied amongst the crowd inside the cantina celebrating his victory over the Jedi and rise to supreme power. Toasting his victory with a gin and tonic, Palpatine was more than once seen propositioning a few ladies of the night who were in attendance by saying, "Hey, babe. How'd you like some of this vitamin 'E'?"

Through anonymous sources we have reason to believe that C-3PO had a Siamese twin. They were connected at the leg, a most unusual location. This provides meaning as to why C-3PO has one leg of a different hue from the other.

Pruneface performing his Marilyn Monroe impression.

"This is going to be much better than that other Holiday Special," Lucas told Creature Cantina reporters. "It's going to be much darker and scarier. I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable letting my kids watch it." Subtitled Rudolph of the Sith, the plot follows Rudolph's rise and fall as he succumbs to the temptations of the evil Santa Palpatine (Ian MacDiarmond will be reprising his role for this made for TV movie). "The special will explain precisely why Rudolph's nose glows that eerie red color," Lucas further explained. "Plus, I wanted to tell a movie about how wholesome religious holidays could become a force of Western imperialism. You know, the first Holiday Special was produced during Vietnam, and it's truly unbelievable the parallels between Christmas and Vietnam." No station has yet bought the rights to air the Holiday Special, though it is further rumored that George Lucas might in fact start his own cable channel as an outlet to run his own movies 24 hours a day.

And me in my T-shirt
and my PSWCS hat,
about to settle down
to see some Jedi get capped...

HOLY CRAP, CAN YOU BELIEVE YOU'RE GONNA WATCH ROTS TODAY???!!! Well, not technically today, but before you next sleep. That is unless you're one of those freaks who stays up past midnight Tuesday so you can catch the weekly CC.com update as soon as it's posted. Or you're only now just reading this on Thursday after seeing the movie already. Or you just can't make it to a midnight showing. Or you plan to see it over the weekend. Or at a matinee Thursday. Or you live in Japan, in which case you have a bit of a wait ahead of you...

What the hell was my point again? Oh yeah! We have a movie to see! It's ROTS Eve! Geeks around the world, REJOICE!!

I've been alarmingly ineffective at avoiding spoilers this time around. I put forth a good effort, but I was forced to look through a few books for a PSWCS-related Celebration3 project, and pretty much blew everything. I haven't read a script or anything, so I know I have a bunch of surprises in store. But I'm not going in as much a virgin as I did with TPM and AOTC. Unfortunate, but I can't exactly erase my memory. And I still expect to have a BLAST!