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Know Your Enemy
Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.08.04 12:01am
A Star Wars Figure Collector's Survival Guide
There are few things about collecting that are more irksome than when you are desperately trying to hunt down that one rare figure you really need to finish off your Coruscant Night Club sequence, only to see some punk at FFURG has managed to acquire the fig and replaced its head with a Rodian's. And so Creature Cantina presents...
The Collector's Survival Guide Part 3:
Every day dozens of action figures are taken off the collector's market.
Many will line a shelf in a spare bedroom.
Many are proudly put on display at computer terminals.
Many are tucked away by hoarding investors.
But a significant number of these figures fall into the hands of THE CUSTOMIZER and will never be heard from again...
- Name: The Customizer, a.k.a. The Mutilator
- Affililiation: Blockbuster Video Cardholder
- Weapons of Choice: Scultpy, Rusty Tools, Scalding Water
- Vehicle: Re-tooled Mustang
- Allies: Pearle Art Supply Chick, Ignorant Yard Salesman
- Enemies: The Investor, The Completionist
- Missions:
- RARE VINTAGE MAKEOVER: Acquire as many mint-condition vintage figures as you can and "improve" them by rescultping them as less memorable figures from the Prequels. The fans will love it as much as Lucas's Special Edition edits!
- MAD SCIENTIST: See how many figures you can make to satisfy reclusive collectors' unnatural fetishes for Jedi Astromechs, Cyborged Ewoks, and Gamorrean Slave Girls.
MEET Bill Cable!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 12.08.04 12:01am
Just in case you haven't been paying attention, I've been pimping this Garrison Carida Toy Drive for the past couple weeks. So far, PSWCS is up to about 140 toys and $120 in donations. They'll use the cash to buy more toys, and donate them all to Garrison Carida this Saturday at Toy Cave in Carlisle, PA. Wooo... you try to work in that many plug links in three sentences...
I'm sure you can figure out what I'm going to say next. So you know where I'll be Saturday. Stop by and get your "CreatureCantina.com SUCKS!" photo with yours truly! All two of you Pennsylvania-area readers who aren't members of PSWCS and planning to attend anyway. It'll be fun!!!
Best & Worst in Star Wars collecting 2004!!
Posted by: Big_E 12.08.04 12:01am
Another non-movie year comes to an end and we're now faced with the final installment in the Star Wars saga. The year 2005 will see a huge bombardment from TV with the final chapters of the Clone Wars cartoons, to theaters with Revenge of the Sith, to store isles with collectible toys, clothes, books and food tie-ins.
So with news coming of all the stuff that's going to be available in 2005, I pause to recap the year that WAS in the world of Star Wars collecting. This is the good, the bad and the ugly as I see it.
Last year I added the Exclusive category and this year I'm adding another new one as well as revising an existing one. Previously I had Best and Worst Figure 3 3/4," but with the onset of the Galactic Heroes and Jedi Force figures I'm changing this category to encompass all figural toys.
The new section this year will be Busts and Statues. This is kind of an offshoot of the Non-Toy Collectibles section. I'm leaving that in to hold things like Master Replicas, Code 3 and various other items.
Click here for the rest of the story.
We're here. We're geared. Get used to it.
Posted by: Bill Cable 12.15.04 12:01am
I don't know how much trouble I'm going to get into using civil rights slogans in a comic strip, but at least I can fall back on the excuse that IT WASN'T MY IDEA!!! Don't shoot the messenger... or in this case, the artist. If you're offended, hunt down and shoot the writer! And prepare for the worst in this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
Know Your Enemy
Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.15.04 12:01am
It's that time of year for stringing Christmas lights, stuffing stockings, and decorating indoor conifers in neo-pagan festivals.
And by that warm, fuzzy feeling that enters our heart as we push our way through now crammed toy aisles to take advantage of holiday savings, we know that this time of year is really special for the children.
That's why the Star Wars Action Figure Collector's Survival Guide is taking a special look at KIDS for the next few weeks.
Not only do those little people compose our primary competitors on the market, they are the number one threat to the preservation of mint-condition Star Wars collections everywhere.
If they haven't already infested your home, you can be sure that one or two of them will be caught burrowing somewhere in your house as relatives pay their visits and drop off their recycled gifts of fruit-cake (assuming your excessive Star Wars collection hasn't already ostracized you from the rest of your clan). So read and learn, before it is too late...
The first subject of our study is that most notorious and familiar of adversaries -- that miniature muncher himself, THE BITER...
- Name: The Biter
- Affiliation: Flinstone's Kid
- Weapons of Choice: Teeth, Diaper
- Vehicle: Car Seat
- Allies: The Wiggles, Barney
- Enemies: Child Safety Locks, Gravity
- Missions:
- The Shelf Elf: No respectable rugrat ever let something like altitude and safety prevent them from wreaking havoc. Create a makeshift siege machine from pillows and other household items in order to assault your uncle's most valued figures way up on the top of the bookcase.
- Consumerism...Literally: See how many action figure accessories you can eat when no one is looking. Start with rebel pistols and work your way up. Double points if you can swallow Darth Maul's lightsaber without choking.
Learn about all the Star Wars Action Figure Collector's Enemies!
The Investor - That OTHER Collector - The Customizer
Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 12.15.04 12:01am
This week's shot should really be called "Lee Fay's Quick Shot," as the idea comes from Sandy's loyal coworker Mr. Lee Fay. Sandy reports that Lee is "not a fan of the site," which leads me to ponder just why he's wasting his company's time putting together ideas for it. I mean... doesn't he have better things to do? Like maybe monitor the security as a bunch of people's houses? Or was his favorite BBW porn site slow in updating that morning? Or maybe he's one of those obsessive non-fans... you know the kind who hate a site, but for whatever reason dedicate their lives to demonstrating just how much they don't frequent it? Like those guys in the JediDefender.com forums who constantly talk about how horrible RS has become? Or maybe Sandy just knew how lame this idea was and wanted to pawn it off on some fictional "coworker." Whichever the case, here's the product:
We came. We saw. We kicked some ass.
Posted by: Bill Cable 12.15.04 12:01am
Last Saturday Garrison Carida invaded Toy Cave in Carlisle, PA, to raise some toys. You may have heard something about it here. Well, I'm thrilled to report that the drive was a stunning success! PSWCS collected 415 toys... more than double our total in 2003! We have to especially thank one collector from Montgomery, Alabama who sent in over 100 toys. I hesitate to post their name without asking, but if you saw the plug here know that we owe our success in large part to your generosity.
The great work Carida did during the day was unfortunately ruined by their conduct at dinner following the drive. I mean, I've never heard such filth. But they did give me a textbook example of taking a joke too far that I'm thrilled to share here. So one of the guys said in a kid voice "What are Midichlorians?" And another answered in a Qui-Gon voice "Midichlorians are the single-celled organisms in our bodies that destroyed all the magic that was 'The Force.'" Everybody at the table gave a good chuckle. He continued, "On some planets, they're called Herpes." Now everybody at the table is gut laughing. Rolling on the floor. It was great. So he continued, "They're what I gave you last night after I was done with your mother..." Silence. Mood broken. In the Jackson era... just a bit too far. And that's how the whole dinner left. One double-entendre after another. And after collecting all those toys for sick kids, you could hear the angels weep.
But I had a blast! I mean, the kids walking down the street LOVED the Stormtroopers. My daughter just stood there and looked up at them for like 2 hours. She was in awe. Everyone had a great time. And the guys even gave me a plaque to honor me and CreatureCantina.com's support for the garrison. Here's a pick of me all misty-eyed...
All-Con is just TWO MONTHS AWAY!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 12.15.04 12:01am
Believe it or not, All-Con is only two months away!! I can tell by the look on your face that right now you're thinking "What the f*&% is All-Con??" Well, All-Con is just the biggest multi-format convention in Texas! Think 31 flavors of geek all wrapped into 3 days in February. Yes, it's that big.
They tried to talk me into flying down there to sign autographs and stuff, but they'd only spring for a 4-star hotel... and Mr. Cable doesn't roll like that. So they had to settle for just one Star Wars mega-celebrity: Gerald Home! Home played Squidhead in ROTJ! Or "Tessek"... for you modern collectors. He doesn't do many US appearances, so this will be a unique opportunity to meet the actor behind the legendary face tentacles.
And that's just for starters. As the awful "All-Con" name suggests, this convention covers all manner of weirdness. Wanna walk around in lingerie? They're doing Rocky Horror. Wanna play with 1" plastic men? They're doing HeroClix and a bunch of other of those goofy games. Wanna see half-nekkid chicks? They're having costume contests, plus the types of women who like to flaunt it always gravitate to these things (as evidenced by Baldy's Dragon-Con Coverage). Can't make any promises there, though, as it will be the middle of winter. But it's warm in Dallas in February, right?
So mark your calendars for February 4-6, 2005. Dallas, Texas. It'll be the place to be. And if you want to see one of the worst Flash web presentations you'll ever come across, check out the All-Con Flash presentation. All it lacks is cheesy music.
There but for the Grace of God...
Posted by: Bill Cable 12.22.04 12:01am
One of the Troopers at the PSWCS/Carida Toy Drive urged me to feature Oznemoc more often in my comic. I know it's been a long time... but this site tries to be timely, and thus it's hard to include a character based on a guy who's just completely gone by the way-side. And I was actually pretty shocked to find I hadn't done an Oznemoc comic in over a year! That is... unless I missed one when I went through to find color references. At any rate... I figured out how to work the sucker into the comic again. Check him out in this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
End of the forums.
Posted by: Bill Cable 12.22.04 12:01am
As announced a couple weeks ago, I'm shutting down the never-used CC.com forums very soon. Well, soon is probably Thursday. I've put together a dummy forum frontpage that'll look like the current front page, but won't work... so everyone can appreciate the look and forum name jokes for perpetuity. I just gotta finish up the glitches there and it'll be ready to go. So it's your last chance to say goodbye before everything there is lost forever. But it was a little fun while it lasted.
HARD Times for Mr. Wise?
Posted by: Lord Melbury 12.22.04 12:01am
I was shocked and horrified to see that Mr. Wise has now had to resort to pyramid schemes and mass emailings to earn his living. I'm sure his Viagra is every bit as good as the next guys' (or next forty-thousand guys'...), but I'm afraid I'll be passing...
Known throughout the Star Wars community as "Hammer Time", Mr. Wise's male enhancement offering is surely something to consider. Use the email below to contact him discreetly!
-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Re: Support Request Form
From: "Phil Wise"
Date: Tue, December 14, 2004 5:57 pm
To: melbury@creaturecantina.com
You'll see, it's amazing...
Crank Captioners Ravage RebelScum!
Posted by: Bill Cable 12.22.04 12:01am
A security hole in the RebelScum.com web site is being exploited by a raving band of lunatic caption writers, causing extreme embarrassment to the venerable Star Wars site. Imagine a young child's horror as they click on an innocent-looking RebelScum link, to be greeted with a photo caption as offensive as "We get off looking at blue cleavage" or "Twi'lek chicks: 31 flavors of fishnet sexiness."
The 'Scum tech staff is working frantically to resolve the problem. In the mean time, we here at CreatureCantina.com are giddy to present a number of these nasty footnotes, along with our own editorial quips. To better manage the laborious URLs RS likes to use, I plugged them all into TinyURL.com... but if I did it right they should all pop up to the Scum. Enjoy!
Sandy Rivers, Tresob Yr, Jedi Tronzo and Big_E contributed to this report.
'Tis the season to slack off
Posted by: Bill Cable 12.29.04 12.01am
One update a year I put down the blowtorch and pliers and give the staff the week off. Guess which update that is...
Exactamongo! It's the update between Christmas and New Years... which just happens to be this week's update. So there ain't much to see here. The only thing I have, just like the other 51 weeks out of the year, is my "The Cantina" Comic. It's my holiday gift to you. Plus... after almost 4 years why break the streak now? Not bloody likely! So enjoy this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip... it's all the CreatureCantina.com goodness you're gonna get.
Let's just get this over with...
Posted by: Bill Cable 01.05.05 12:01am
I was up all night chatting with friends on-line, so I pretty much ran out of time to write up an intro to the comic. So just read it. Here's this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
Know Your Enemy
Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.05.05 12:01am
A Star Wars Figure Collector's Survival Guide
War is Hell...and children can be some its chief devils.
Watch the ranks of casualties grow as the nearest runt, fresh from tearing through Christmas presents, tears through your pristine collection of newly acquired figures in a fit of blind fury and plotless violence.
Hope you bought enough deluxe Bacta Tanks when they went on sale, because you're about to get the chance to set-up that medical bay diorama you've always dreamed about...
- Name: The Basher
- Affiliation: Pokemagotchi-oh! League Champion
- Weapons of Choice: Sheer Violence
- Vehicle: Dirt Bike
- Allies: Comic Book Store Owner, Scruffy the Uber-mutt
- Enemies: Homework, Cooties
- Missions:
- The Good Stuff: Forget this little kiddie Playskool Galactic Heroes rubbish -- you want to play with real toys -- toys with articulation and potential choking hazards. Dig around closets and air-tight containers until you can find your uncle's hidden stash of plastic joy. Hint: The more tissue paper they are wrapped in, the more fun they are to play with.
- Aggression Play Therapy: Your family therapist says that a lack of outdoor activities leads to a lot of pent up hostility. Manage your anger by using your Uncle's action figures to role-play alternative strategies for dealing with the schoolyard bully...or face life as a ritalin junkie.
I Was Sold on eBay
Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.05.05 12:01am
Tresob Yr
The Story of Princess Leia Organa Sends Shockwaves through the Action Figure World!
During a SWAFT NEWS expose, Gary Longsnoot uncovered a vast conspiracy of investors selling action figures over the Internet. Thousands upon thousands of action figures are snatched from marketplaces each year, thinking they will be taken to loving homes where children or thirty-year-old balding men will play with them. Instead, they mercilessly were displayed and sold over online auctions; carelessly packed into boxes, sometimes even flimsy manila envelopes; and shipped to remote locations. Princess Leia has chosen to tell Gary her story.
Leia asked to meet with us at a family-oriented boardwalk near her beach residence. "People get the wrong idea when they see me," she said. "Wholesome family values. That's what I'm all about. Sometimes I feel like no one can see through my metal bikini."
G: It's a pleasure to be able to speak with you today, Leia.
L: The pleasure is all mine, Gary.
Click here for the rest of the story.
The first Cable Original of 2005!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 01.05.05 12:01am
It's been like two months since I've posted anything in the "Cable Original" gallery. But that's not because I haven't done anything. I've just had a few pieces that I've been forced to sit on until their recipients got them. I'm finally able to reveal one of them! And man... was this one fun. Nothing's better than doing one as a gift for a friend. Well, maybe except for doing on for a paying customer who's a friend.. but I digress.
This gift was all about swanky presentation... and I achieved maximum swank for anything that involves an Imperial Dignitary. Check out what my buddy found under his Christmas tree:
Nice, huh? That's a minty-mint loose Imperial Dignitary mounted on a custom POTF cardback that's cut out to show off a minty-mint framed "Cable Original!!" How's that for swanky presentation? I say it rawks! And the recipient agrees, reacting "It's better than a kick to the daddy bits." Don't you wish you found such a thing under your Christmas tree? You should have asked your wife like 2 months ago... you moron!
Well, you've seen my latest fantastic art obscured by a cut-up POTF cardback print-out... wanna see it unobstructed? Then check out "Sim Aloo" in the "Cable Original" Star Wars Art Gallery!!! I'll bet you didn't know his name was Sim Aloo! Or much care. But look up "Sim Aloo" on Google Images in a couple weeks and you'll see this "Cable Original" front & center! Wooo... I love that fame.
You probably shouldn't even bother...
Posted by: Bill Cable 01.12.05 12:01am
So this week's comic is an inside joke. And unless you're part of a very small subset of our readership, you're not going to have any idea what the point of the strip is. And if you're part of this subset, well, you'll probably be more offended than amused. So don't even bother reading. Or maybe just check it out for its aesthetic beauty. Yeah right...
At any rate, here's this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
Funny stuff we didn't write!
Posted by: Bill Cable 01.12.05 12:01am
No... we're not resorting to plagiarism in order to fulfill our content quotas. We haven't sunk that low. Yet. It's just that this thread over on RebelScum was too funny not to share. It's funny on SO MANY LEVELS. You'd be well served to empty your bladder before clicking this link if you'd like to avoid any accidents.
Lesson of the day: If it aint broke......
RIP The Ohio Star Wars Collectors Club
Posted by: toasty 01.12.05 12:01am
The group is shattered. Its grand halls lie in ashes after a firebombing from disgruntled members. The member in question, "Techn0d00d" is being held by Grove City police by a anonymous tip from a OSU employee. When questioned as to the reason behind the fire, "Techn0d00d" replied with a series of rave/techno beeps, clicks and whistles.
Word has it the OSWCC Imperial Senate has gone to ground in their sheltered bunkers strategically hidden around the world. The trouble started when the Senate announced the annual OSWCC t-shirt would be drawn by world famous artist and philanthropist William Cable. We tried to reach Cable for comment, but he assistant stated "Eee is bizzzeee vith heez latest master peeze!".
One mysterious comment posted on the Rebelscum forums by "gooney bird" stated "Screw OSWCC! I'm moving to Arkansas!"
The PSWCS has graciously announced to take on any stranded OSWCC members as "outlanders" for a reduced annual fee of $49. PSWCS was reported to have earned over $1.2 million in fees for 2004 alone. With the influx of Ohio members, rumors have it that PA is petitioning to have Ohio renamed "East PA" and turn the beloved Cincinnati Bengals into the Steelers training camp.
A an opportunity for you bounty hunters
Posted by: CanadianCollector 01.12.05 12:01am
This came in from guest contributor "CanadianCollector." Beware the high cost of the fashion faux pas!
Know Your Enemy
Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.12.05 12:01am
A Star Wars Figure Collector\'s Survival Guide
And now to conclude the SWAFCSG's report on those diminutive terrors to collectors across the globe: KIDS.
What's cuter than a spear-chucking Ewok and twice as dangerous? Why, a little girl with a sweet tooth and proclivity for the visual arts of course!
She might be innocent and charming, but that never erased the magic marker from a Wookie or straightened out a bent card back. When it comes to preserving your action figures, danger can come in the most darling of packages.
- Name: Little Miss Sticky-fingers
- Affiliation: Junior Pixie Rainbow Corps Cadet
- Weapons of Choice: Sucrose, Mucus
- Vehicle: Tricycle
- Allies: Santa Claus, Anything cute a fuzzy
- Enemies: Proper Hygiene, Frogs
- Missions:
- Battle Damage Features: Help your uncle have a more realistic battle scene on his computer desk by getting your filthy little fingerprints all over his fingers.
- Won't He Be Surprised: Uncle sure will miss you when he's gone... that's why you should make sure to draw him reminders of how much you love him someplace special where he is bound to look -- like on the backs of all those carded action figures he keeps on his shelf. Doesn't R2-D2 look funny with a mustache!
CC.com Receives Limited Bust
Posted by: Bill Cable 01.12.05 12:01am
Gentle Giant continues its giving ways by presenting a limited run chrome bust to CreatureCantina.com. Coming on the heels of the chrome Sandtrooper that GG sent out for Christmas, this limited Greedo bust is also to thank fans who have supported the company.
"Greedo is one of the integral characters in 'The Cantina' cartoon at CreatureCantina.com," said GG spokesperson Charlotte Rock. "We felt that the comic may have led to an increase in sales of our bust and thought that we would honor the writers and editors with a small token to kick off what will be a huge year for us, as well as on-line fan sites."
As word of this bust hit the forum circuit, reaction was mixed. Although most liked the look of the bust and thought it was "cool," there were some who felt slighted.
Said one poster named Jimyboy, "This is OUTRAGEOUS! Gentle Giant has destroyed their credibility! Why can't *I* get this bust? I read Creature Cantina every week, I DESERVE IT! And I'm not paying scalper prices on eBay and you KNOW these will pop up there. Screw it, I'm selling all my busts, that'll teach them to screw their fans."
Limited to 10 pieces, Greedo has a smoke chrome finish, almost pewter in color, which complements the other chrome busts. Said CC.com's Tronzo, "I thought it was cool of GG to send out something like this. All the staff here appreciates the easy money..er, RECOGNITION, that Gentle Giant is showing us. It makes it worth writing for the site."
As of this writing, only 2 of the Greedo busts have been listed on eBay.
I blame the flu
Posted by: Bill Cable 01.12.05 11:30am
So I was putting together this week's update last night. Feeling like crap. Runny nose. Kinda light-headed. I knew I was probably coming down with the same flu that my wife and daughter both had. So I'm blaming that for forgetting to post Steve "Solo" Rensi's latest GPD comic. I got it ready. Formatted the images and uploaded them and everything. I just forgot to post a link. So here you go...
Episode X, chapter 2: Toy Wars
The skills to pay the bills
Posted by: Bill Cable 01.19.05 12:01am
Here's another comic for you. I don't know... it's kinda funny. I wouldn't count it among my best. I had no ideas or motivation Sunday night when I usually draw the things up, so I just kinda fell into an idea late Monday and churned it out. I hope you appreciate this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
Updates to the Collecting Dictionary
Posted by: anonymous 01.19.05 12:01am
This article was sent in anonymously so as not to have any negative repercussions on the author. But for the right amount of scratch I'll give him up. Or you can grease the wheels with a little SW booty. Not the sex kind... the prototype kind. E-mail me. We'll talk.
It should come as no surprise to the vintage community that Oxford dictionary is adding certain collecting terms and catchphrases to it's next edition. With the inner circle already controlling world politics, (they've cleverly managed to get a ban on any threads started on rebelscum so that word can't get out) some of their lingo has entered common language. Today we will be looking at 6 new terms.
Wootened/Wootening - Slow shipping. "Man did I ever get wootened on that deal. It took that guy 3 months to ship after I paid!"
Salvatored - When a major character in a novel or story franchise gets killed out. "Damn, that Ron S. salvatored chewie!!!"
Pulling a Revalve - Asking for info and then "Hi, I need measurements to verify my Double Telescoping Lightsabers, but I'm really going to make near perfect fakes and sell them! Then I'll lie about putting repro markings on them and... I just pulled the perfect Revalve!"
DecadeToyed - being scammed beyond belief. "I won this auction on ebay with a minimal description, but it had a vinyl cape jawa, double telescoping Vader that the seller said he bought at a garage sale. When I got them they were fake. Damn I was DecadeToyed." or "Wow, that three pack auction on ebay all of a sudden has a huge sticker covering up that nasty tear. Someone DecadeToyed it!"
ChrisG hair - One who has perfect hair. "Man, did you see Bill today? Dude's got ChrisG hair."
okeoke'd - Being shot in the gut by your father-in-law. "Quit molesting your cousin and stop beating on your aunt! BLAM!"
Toy Wars 4 from Tresob
Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.19.05 12:01am
The battle of "Who's the best action figure photo comic strip creator on CreatureCantina.com" continues with Tresob Yr's latest "Toy Wars" entry. He was supposed to write up some sort of snappy intro to the thing for me, but I guess he forgot. So this is all you get.
He did want me to note that an astute reader would notice that he skipped "Toy Wars 3" as an homage to Steve "Solo" Rensi's "flattering parody." I think that's Tresobish for "lame pile of crap," but my dialect may be a bit rusty. At any rate, here's part one of Tresob's "Toy Wars 4."
CreatureCantina.com basks in the island sun!
Posted by: Bill Cable 01.19.05 12:01am
I don't think there's any place we here at the Cantina would rather be hanging out than on a beach in the Caribbean. But do we get to go? NOOOOoooooOOoooOoooo... We get stuck up here in the cold and snow. Except for Sandy... he's in Texas. It's probably kind of warm there. And Baldy... he's in Georgia or South Carolina or something. I don't even know where Melbury or Tresob are. They could live in the Caribbean for all I know.
Crap... what was I talking about? Oh yeah... fantasy novels. I finished the first book of the "Song of Ice and Fire" series by George R. R. Martin just before the holidays. Quality book. It's got violence and sex and crippled dwarves. I have the second book here on my desk, but I have this crap update to write up so I won't be getting started tonight. And what's up with the R. R.? Do all fantasy authors gotta have the double-middle initial? I mean, could you try any harder to parrot Tolkien? But still... quality book.
Wait a minute... I think I lost my train of thought. Oh yeah... the Caribbean! We can't be there (as far as I know), but our readers can! And our faithful reader Joe Kersavage kept his favorite Star Wars site foremost in his thoughts during his recent honeymoon in the Dominican Republic. Personally, I would have been thinking more about smurfing the smurf outta my new wife than taking a photo for this site, but that's not to say we don't appreciate it. Heck, we appreciate it so much that we're throwing it up on the front page! So here's Joe. And be sure to check out where else in the world CreatureCantina.com has traveled on the "Cantina Celebrities" page!!
Baldy's Meet & Greet!
Posted by: Baldy 01.19.05 12:01am
Once again, from the bowels of the earth, comes the Meet and Greet Spectacular! I know, I know, it's been two forevers since I actually made an update to this site but so far it seems Mr. Cable has continued to survive without my help. But now, it's a new year and I must make an effort to keep readers at least a tiny bit entertained for a change. Who knows, you people may even learn something from one of my interviews....... yeah right.
This week we get to see the younger, softer side of Star Wars collecting. My interviewee this week is a Rebelscum and Galactic Hunter regular and has a wealth of info at his fingertips. Always ready to lend a hand, it's Tommy!
Baldy: What is your name and where do you live?
TG: Thomas J. Garvey III and I live in Orlando Florida. I spend the summers in historic Cape May, New Jersey.
Baldy: How long have you been into SW?
TG: Since around 1994, when I was 12. I'm 22 now.
Baldy: How long have you been into those silly flowered shirts?
Click here for the rest of the story.
Make the pain stop!
Posted by: Bill Cable 01.26.05 12:01am
OK... I'm feeling a little better now. Sunday night I was in rough shape. My beloved Steelers... so many errors... it was torture. And it was the motivation for this week's strip. It's kind of morose. But if you're into that, maybe you'll like it. Check out this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
10 great uses for a dead Ewok
Posted by: Baldy 01.26.05 12:01am
- Foyer area rug. You know that mud will just wipe right offa that pelt....
- Hat rack. Multiple levels for fedoras and pimp hats alike.
- Punching bag. They may not last long but the sheer thrill of beating one of these carcasses will keep you punching for hours.
- Wine rack. Fill the belly with ice and put the wine up his butt or in his ears.
- Lawn Jockey. One of those guys that holds the light in the front yard with his little red hat and coat on.
- Garden gnome wannabe. But more "Earth Friendly". This statue will decompose ! YAY! Even the tree hugging hippies will like this guy.
- Target practice. Just about *any* weapon will do real damage and add hours of family togetherness to your home.
- Flower vase. Fill the innards with peat moss and mulch and then plant your favorite perennials in any open body cavity.
- Place mats for the pets. Will absorb all sorts of pet stains and they can double as a chew toy.
- Throw pillows. You can get multiple ones from a single hide and they come in oh so many cool colors. Just make sure not to use the posterior fur, it always reeks of leftover "Yub Yub".
Galactic Postal Delivery #11
Posted by: Steve "Solo" Rensi 01.26.05 12:01am
Even feared and famous Bounty Hunter's get the cold. So what does one Boba Fett do when he comes down with a nasty, iki-poo cold? He goes to GPD's Research & Development Team of course. Warning: Do not operate heavy machinery while viewing this comic.
Episode XI: I Hab a Cod
Wanna plug CC.com? Here you go!
Posted by: Bill Cable 01.26.05 12:01am
My new favorite contributor Tresob Yr decided to put together some very cool banners to help plug the site. So if you work for a web site and want to post a banner link, here you go...
Snazzy, huh?
Tresob also put together, perhaps as a gesture of truce, a nice banner for Galactic Postal Delivery. I know... I was thinking the same thing... "GPD??" But he did it. And you can use it to plug your favorite photo comic! Enjoy!!
Toy Wars 4 - Part II
Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.26.05 12:01am
See the threat of a gambler's vice!
Witness the effeminacy of vanity!
Watch toys behaving badly as Lando tempts our hero to a decadent life of gaming while Han's own obsession with his plastic effigy grows. Gander at all this and read a pun-fully humorous punchline in this week's thrilling three panel installment of TOY WARS FOUR: THE BEST LIFE DAY PRESENT...EVER!
CreatureCantina.com v/s GODZILLA!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 01.26.05 12:01am
Last week we were thrilled to receive a "CreatureCantina.com SUCKS!" Around the World photo from the Dominican Republic. I mean, wow... Caribbean paradise... who could ask for more?
Well this week, one of our readers kicked it up a notch! Our buddy Eric sent in a photo for the complete other side of the world! It's from the land of Takara and Kubricks... Godzilla's favorite stomping grounds... Japan!
How cool is that? I mean... it's not the South Pole, but Japan ain't too shabby! Eric took it at Osaka Castle. I've never heard of the place, but it kind of reminds me of the first two Onimusha games. Thanks again to Eric, and be sure to check out the Cantina Celebs page yet again!
And that's a wrap.
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.02.05 12:01am
Well that's it for this week. I know... kinda lame... only 3 stories. Granted 3 GREAT stories... (lest my staff ever think I take them for granted), but only 3 none-the-less. And that's including this comic! I was thinking of doing a story about Sandy being dead since nobody's heard from him in almost a month, but then I thought "What if he really is dead... that wouldn't be cool." So I punted on that idea, and now here we are. But hey... at least the 3 stories you get are quality, including this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
Toy Wars 4 - Part III
Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.02.05 12:01am
An afternoon's stroll proves alarming
As a cautious droid sees ancient fears
Arise from a seeming double-vision,
But the goldenrod's exclamation
Proves a golden inspiration
To a roguish scoundrel --
All in this week's eye-catching installment of...
Toy Wars 4: THE BEST LIFE-DAY PRESENT...EVER!
Another Baldy's Meet & Greet
Posted by: Baldy 02.02.05 12:01am
Yet another interview you ask? Why yes! It *is* another fine interview of a collector from wayyyyy out there. And I don't just mean that by his location folks, trust me.
Baldy: What's your name and where are you from?
BW: Broc Walker and I currently reside in Murray, Kentucky....(okay okay, so I have always lived here)
Baldy: What is your states initials?
BW: KY....why ever do you ask?
Baldy: Oh no real reason...... ( snickers to himself ) How long have you been a collector?
BW: Like a lot of other collectors out there, I had the toys as a kid but didn't start actively collecting until the relaunch of the line by Hasbro back in the mid 90's. Then around 1997 I began collecting vintage again once I realized how bad the modern line sucked. It started with a beat up ROTJ Klaatu that I promised my wife would be the only one I would buy.....8 years and 200+ carded later, here I am :O)
Baldy: Has it always been SW or was/is there anything else?
Click here for the rest of the story.
Comic
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.09.05 12:01am
Well, the pics from All-Con came in a bit late, so I'm completely out of time for the comic write-up. So enjoy more Lando in this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
Candles are not Toys!
Posted by: Jedi Tronzo 02.09.05 12:01am
My mom, and I am sure your's too, told me many times not to play with fire cause I might get burned. Well I did get burned, but that never stopped me from playing with it. When I got to high school I use to always have candles burning in my room, because I thought it was cool and the chicks would dig it. And I can still hear my dad saying, "Don't let them burn without supervision, cause you'll burn the damn house down!" Well I never burnt the house down. The only way I knew to build a camp fire was to use gasoline to start it, now I just use a blowtorch, no kidding. When I got to college I had candles lit all the time when my friends and I were passing the ole "peace pipe" around. I had a few close calls of burning the house down, because I passed out. When I would finally come to, the candles had burned down and wax was running down my stereo and dresser. At the time it was funny.
Well, I still burn candles. However, I think I finally have learned a lesson after all these years. Maybe I should have listened to my dad. I was in my Star Wars room in the attic one afternoon and went down to the kitchen for a drink and a sandwich. I was gone a total of 5 minutes. I left my ceiling fan on and the candles burning. When I got back to the attic several candles had burnt down due to the ceiling fan and the wax ran down the shelves of my vintage Star Wars ships and GI Joe vehicles.
Burning the house down is one thing,,, burning down my Star Wars collection is another! Mom and Dad you were right candles are not toys.
Toy Wars 4:4 - CONCLUSION!
Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.09.05 12:01am
Gentlemen, take note!
Ladies, BEWARE!
The chains love won't keep a scurrilous scoundrel from his vice,
They'll merely lead him to devise this strange device!
Valentine's a week away but Love's already here
-Or a facsimile thereof-when Leia finds Han
Too good to be true in the last leg of
Toy Wars 4: THE BEST LIFE-DAY PRESENT...EVER!
The All-Con Report!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.09.05 12:01am
This past Saturday our buddy, "Super Collector's Wish Book" author Todd Cartlon pulled off yet another impressive feat... he organized and executed a massive sci-fi/collecting convention! All-Con, as it was aptly and unfortunately dubbed, was held in Dallas over the weekend, and though nobody official from CreatureCantina.com was able to make it out there, we were able to exert our considerable influence to sneak our way into the festivities.
The most prominent CreatureCantina.com element at All-Con was the presentation of the latest "Cable Original" drawing to Star Wars alum Gerald Home! That's right... my art has entered the possession of a real, live, actual Star Wars actor! A few months ago Todd approached me about doing a special "Cable Original" drawing for his little convention. He said he'd even pay for the thing, so I was all over it! The only condition was that Todd chose the pose, which is a little more control that I usually give up, but what the hell. I even went along with it after he told me the lame-ass pose... he wanted a drawing of Squidhead, the character Mr. Home played in Return of the Jedi, signing an autograph. Signing an autograph?? Do they even have paper in the star Wars universe, much less an 8x10 glossy???!! So I looked around some SW tech looking for anybody using anything with a writing instrument, and did my best to put together a datapad with some Aurebesh gibberish. It ended up looking kind of cool. Not the action poses I usually do, but fun nonetheless. Check it out in the "Cable Original" Gallery.
As I said, my art was presented to Gerald Home. Now what would a presentation be without some photos?? Not much of anything. Thankfully, Todd had somebody take a shot of him handing off the art to its new owner...
My art in the hands of an actual Star Wars actor. It's a thing of beauty. Now I just gotta get him to show it off to George so George can give me a job...
But that wasn't the only place CreatureCantina.com crept into All-Con. We were all over that place, you could almost say we took over!
And to top it all off, Todd was nice enough to send in this brand new steaming pile of Celebrity Photos! This is the best haul we've had since C3!! I gotta hook up with convention organizers more often.
So congrats to Todd on a successful convention! And thanks much for the cool photos! And if anyone down in Texas missed All-Con this year, you missed a great time and should check it out next year!! (That plug's a freebie, Todd)
Milk it for all it's worth!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.16.05 12:01am
People are loving the Lando story line in the comic. I had a guy PM me last night that he literally laughed out loud at the last one. LAUGHED OUT LOUD!! That's quality, damnit! And believe it or not, I wrote that one all by myself! Speaking of which... send in some ideas, you lazy punks! I'm tired of all this work.
As with any successful series, it's the publisher's job to milk it for as long as possible. So enjoy the continuing exploits of the smoothest guy in the galaxy in this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
An outtake from SWAFT's "Beowulf"
Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.16.05 12:01am
Hoth Han and Kit Fisto have a little fun hazing the new talent on the set of Beowulf.
Check out the entire production at http://swaft.info!!
R2-D2 to Sell Prize Possession
Posted by: Jedi Tronzo 02.16.05 12:01am
Since the pre-equal and the dawn of CG (computer generation), work has been scarce for our favorite little droid, R2D2. In the early 80's when times were good and R2 was drinking heavily and partying like a rock star, our friend R2 made a little investment. We all know of R2's fondness of women. That's why he invested some of his money.
Now he is on hard times, again, and needs to free up some cash. So, he is selling is prize possession.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4358471666
Some regulars at the club include Bib Fortuna, Max Rebo, Bob Raspet and Phil Wise. So hurry if you want a chance to see Oola and Aayla Secura jiggle their "goods" one last time.
Thanks for the memories R2D2!
Sandy's Quick Shots!!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.16.05 12:01am
He's Back!!
GPD's homage to "The Cantina"
Posted by: Steve "Solo" Rensi 02.16.05 12:01am
To show my "love" for Bill Cable & CreatureCantina on this the most wretched of all holidays, I went back through the CC.com archives and found Bill's first "The Cantina" comic and did up Galactic Postal Delivery style! And no that doesn't mean adding profanity, big explosions and dirty jokes...although...hmmm...that would be interesting to see at the Cantina.
Did Cupid pass you by this Valentine's Day?
Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.16.05 12:01am
Looking for a relationship with someone who can really give you the emotional support you need while hunting ROTS sneak preview figures?
Well, never fear, Star Wars Collector -- Creature Cantina has got your back!
Take a break from surfing eBay and meet up with one of our eligible singles looking for a dose of lovin' in this great big, lonely galaxy.
Find Love on Creature Cantina Personals!
A letter from my newest fan
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.16.05 12:01am
As reported last week, my most recent "Cable Original" Artwork was commissioned for Gerald Home, the actor who played Squid Head in Return of the Jedi! Word is that he LOVEs his drawing! Believe it or not, he actually checked out this site last week. And despite that fact he still decided to send me an E-mail praising my artistic efforts!! And I'm such a sucker for public praise that I secured permission from Mr. Home to share that E-mail...
From: Gerald Home <geraldhome@***.com>
To: cable@creaturecantina.com
Date: Wed, 09 Feb 2005 13:00:15 +0000
Subject: Greetings
Hello Bill,
As you'll see from the address above, it's Gerald Home here - yes, the proud owner of your Squid Head drawing. I have to tell you I am absolutely thrilled with it; you did a great job and I'll forever be grateful to Todd for giving it to me. It's one of my prized possessions.....and I still can't quite comprehend that Todd actually commissioned this for Little Old Me......so original and thoughtful of him.
Did you know that Squid Head (aka Tessek) was Jabba's accountant?
Well, until I read your site a moment ago, I thought he was using some kind of "calculator" or ancient calculating machine in your drawing............ appropriate to an accountant!!!!!!! I think that maybe this is subconsciously what you had in mind!!!??? It looks like it anyway......and I love that because there is no other picture of Squid Head as an accountant, doing accountant-type work.
I attach a jpg - taken with my camera - of Todd Carlton of Dallas All-Con and me with your drawing. I think the drawing might be clearer in this photo than in the one on your site - so please feel free to use mine if you want to.
Finally, if you want some more info on Squid Head - and the other character I played in RETURN OF THE JEDI - have a look at my new website:
www.GeraldHome.com
There are 3 great articles there, written by a guy at Star wars New Zealand.
Finally, Star Wars continues to take over my life! I got this link from Brazil tonight:
http://www.501st.com/.../honorary.htm
(I'm in between Mark Hamill and James Earl Jones).
I'm thrilled and delighted and honoured by this. Mind-blowing.
By the way, everyone here in London who has seen your drawing thinks it's great, which it is.
Cheers Bill - and well done.
Gerald
How that for high praise? So you'd better hurry and send in your "Cable Original" requests to me - Bill Cable, Artist of the Stars - soon, before all the good characters are spoken for! It'll be money well-spent!! And be sure to check out Gerald Home's Website... but proceed with caution! For whatever reason Mr. Home has posted numerous photos of himself clad only in his underwear on his site. I know most people here wouldn't be offended, but I wanted to put out a warning to any of our readers with more delicate sensibilities.
Let's see if this one's funny
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.23.05 12:01am
Here's yet another last-minute, thrown together comic idea. Of course I wouldn't have to do that if you lazy punks would SEND ME SOME IDEAS!! But hey... I'm sure somebody somewhere is gonna laugh their ass off over this. I don't know if that goes under "there's no accounting for taste," or "there's a sucker born every minute." You decide after reading this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
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