This week's other comic strip!
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.04.04 12:01am
Every once in a while I come up with a really good, timely idea. I flawlessly meld current events into the story and it comes out spectacular and topical. But not this week. This week's strip you can throw on the pile of ideas that would have been really funny about two weeks ago. It still works, but not like it could have. Check it out in this week's edition of "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!

Doll house furniture, Barbie items and MORE!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.04.04 12:01am
Even though it's entirely off-topic, I'd like to take this occasion to plug some eBay auctions I'm running. And there's nothing anybody can do about it... HA HA HA!!! I'm selling some of my wife's childhood toys. Yes, they are my wife's damnit!! Most of what I'm auctioning are Tomy "Smaller Homes" furniture pieces. They're about 4" scale... so they'd work with your Star Wars figures!! I also have a laser printer, some electronics, and a few series of fantasy novels (those were mine). They're great books if you're into the whole swords and dragons thing. Check them out at http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/billcable/!!

The GalacticGearballLeague (GGL) upset by halftime show
Posted by: David Brown 02.04.04 12:01am
EEN-EmpireEthernetNews, - Feb-2nd 2004 - After singer Oola Jackson's breast was exposed on national holovision during the Galactic Gear-Bowl XXXVIII halftime show, the unhappy GGL announced it was "unlikely" JHV (Jabba's HoloVision Network) would ever produce another Gear-Bowl halftime. And that wasn't the half of the nudity Sunday evening at gearball's big show. "

Click here for the rest of the story.

Stray Blaster Shots
Posted by: Steve "Solo" Rensi 02.04.04 12:01am
Random Thoughts and Advice from Galactic Postal Delivery's #1 Postal Guy, Han Solo.

Oh and for my personal gratification, I'm about 2 weeks and 24 post from overtaking Supreme Commander Bill Cable in his own forums! HA....A new reason CC.com sucks.

The Cantina isn't the only SW comic strip!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.04.04 12:01am
Sometimes I like to think that "The Cantina" is the best Star Wars comic strip out there. But then something comes along to shatter my illusions. This week, it was Monday's episode of "The Boondocks." Aaron McGruder, the artist, is actually a huge Star Wars fan and collector (based on a bio I read of him someplace), and he likes to work in little SW references from time to time. This one really made me laugh:

http://www.ucomics.com/boondocks/2004/02/02/

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.04.04 12:01am

Wanted: Funny People!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.04.04 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com SUCKS! But lately, we've been a vacuum we've sucked so much. Because what's in a vacuum? NOTHING!! And nothing is just about the amount of content we've been providing to our readers in the past few months.

If you want a shot at the spot, send a couple sample stories to: cable@creaturecantina.com. Who knows... you could be the next big CC.com superstar!!

Want a comic strip?
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.11.04 12:01am
So you've scrolled to the bottom of the update to check out the comic strip. I know what it's like... wanting your desert before you eat your dinner. Well, we're more than happy to oblige. Special thanks goes out to Scott Fetzick from PSWCS for providing the name of one of the primary players in this week's edition of "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!

All 1138's Found!
Posted by: Durge 02.11.04 12:01am
Most Star Wars fanatics are aware that George Lucas puts the numbers 1138 in all of his films as a tribute to his first film "THX 1138." What many people are wondering is where they all are. Our secret sources have found the answers, and they are all being revealed for the first time on the internet only at Creature Cantina.

• EP1 - Number of death threats sent to Ahmed Best after only one week of Episode 1 being in theaters.
• EP2 - Number of clones born with a superfluous nipple, deemed flawed and therefore destroyed.
• EP4 - Number of shots taken by Stormtroopers until they can get a hit.
• EP5 - Number of women Lando was "seeing" at the time.
• EP6 - Number of fans who actually liked the concept of the Ewoks.

Greetings from ToysRGus.com!
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.11.04 12:01am
My good buddy John Wooten from over at ToysRGus.com sent us a nice little greeting card late last week. It was so nice that I had to share it. One thing's for sure, that Wooten gots some mad skillz...

Top Five Fanboy Bumper Stickers
Posted by: Durge 02.11.04 12:01am

5. Wokling on Board
4. My son is an honor Padawan
3. "You don't need to see my identification."
2. I survived the battle of Yavin
1. My other vehicle is the Millennium Falcon

WooHoo! It worked!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.11.04 12:01am
Last week I posted an article asking for new contributors. Against all expectations, it ACTUALLY WORKED!! We have two new contributors to the Cantina!! First of all, I'd like to introduce Durge! This is the same Durge who posts over on the RS Forums all the time. I was also contacted by one other person who submitted some funny stories, but I'm still in the process of setting up his account so I'll need to introduce him next week. So welcome new guys! And here's something from Durge:

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.11.04 12:01am

Galactic Postal Delivery: Episode IV
Posted by: Steve "Solo" Rensi 02.11.04 12:01am
When you need a package delivered to the dangerous Island of Misfit Toys, who do you call? The Postal Guys of course! But what awaits our hero's on this island of toys that are ugly, stupid and have the just plain "What the..." factor? And will they be able to escape the clutches of the Evil Confederation who rule the island?? Also, Spiderman goes BLIND!

Galactic Postal Delivery - Episode IV: A Visit to the Island of Misfit Toys!!

A lesson in Psychology
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.18.04 12:01am
You've reached the end of the update, and just like at the end of every update you've found the week's comic strip. This week's strip explores a psychological phenomenon... a funny psychological phenomenon! Laugh out loud at this week's edition of "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!

Dummies on Display!
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.18.04 12:01am
Have you ever been to the StarWars.com forums? After reading one of their threads on Vintage collecting, I gotta say you'll not find a more wretched hive of ignorance and idiocy. Once you read this thread, you'll agree. Oh wait... the rarest vintage figure is Boba Fett!! He's Super-Rare!!!!

http://forums.starwars.com/thread.jsp?forum=23&thread=110897

The Top 5 Worst Things for a Star Wars Fan to Say on a Date
Posted by: Durge 02.18.04 12:01am

5. "Are you an angel?"
4. "How'd you like it if fired my torpedo in your exhaust port?"
3. "I think you'd look nice with a pair of buns on your head."
2. "I can make you scream like Luke, just give me ten minutes."
1. "I would kiss you, but you might be my sister."

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.18.04 12:01am

Baldy Interviews a Bounty Hunter
Posted by: Baldy 02.18.04 12:01am
Howdy Star Wars aficionados! This week CC.com presents a very special one time only, one-on-one exclusive interview with one of THE most elusive bounty hunters in the galaxy! I speak of course of the Trandoshan in Charge, Bossk! For the interview, I will be CC and Bossk ( rather his translator ) will be BT.

Click here for the rest of the story.

A new, bald CC.com writer!
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.18.04 12:01am
We're happy to introduce another new CC.com contributor. He's smoother than Lando, smarter than Yoda, and looks like Lobot!! Introducing: Baldy!!

New Droids Custom Wookie!
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.18.04 12:01am
In the summer of 2003 I embarked on a new journey in my Star Wars artistic efforts, creating my first custom carded figure: Bossk. I wanted to explore possibilities... what various characters may have looked like in the Droids line if they had appeared in the Droids cartoon. And I wanted to create a different sort of artwork than my Cable Originals... something more stylistic and fun.

My first efforts in this field were surprisingly successful! I auctioned off my first Bossk and it ended much higher than I could ever have hoped. And I sold out my run of 10 in about a week at a price that made it worthwhile to continue the "Cable Customs" line. And after several months of post-production, I'm ready to reveal the second figure in the line:

"Cable Customs" Droids-style Chewbacca

If you'd like to get your hands on your own Droids Chewbacca, send me an E-mail! I'll be selling them first-come, first served after my previous customers get their shot at them. I'll have six available to sell to the general public, so the sooner you E-mail me the better your chances. Don't miss out!!

Greedo gets some self-esteem
Posted by: Bill Cable 02.25.04 12:01am
Tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes? Then do what Greedo does in this week's comic - get some self-esteem!! What form might self-esteem take in the Star Wars Universe? Find out in this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!

Stray Blaster Shots.
Posted by: Steve "Solo" Rensi 02.25.04 12:01am
Random Thoughts and Advice from Galactic Postal Delivery's #1 Postal Guy, Han Solo.

The Invasion is Over!
Posted by: Steve "Solo" Rensi 02.25.04 12:01am
As of last week, Bill Cable was de-thrown in his own Forums. The fighting was fierce, but I was eventually able to overtake Bill's post count and shame him in his own territory. As I write this the post-count was Solo:161 to Bill's 149. But I have decided to be a gracious victor and invite all of you to come enjoy the most humorous forums of the web. So register now and join the fun! Except for you rafae...er jedi5...your not welcome.

Hasbro to Re-Release POTF2 Figures: Collectors Revolt
Posted by: Big E 02.25.04 12:01am
In a bizarre move Hasbro announced in a post-Toy Fair press release that they would re-release the entire 1995 Power of the Force 2 line of toys beginning in the fall of 2004.

Click here for the rest of the story.

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.25.04 12:01am

Over-the-top-rope Star Wars savagery!!!!
Posted by: Baldy 02.25.04 12:01am
Welcome everyone, to the galaxy's largest, oldest and most prestigious arena in the cosmos, Madison Quadrangle Gardens and Pawn Shop! This is your announce team, Admiral Ackbar and Salacious Crumb! Guys, take it from here

AA:Evening creatures and beings from all corners and welcome to this months Pay Per View Extravaganza! If you are just tuning in, you have missed a great show and are ready to see our main event! An 8 man over-the-top-rope match! It's a free-for-all and the winner gets to go on to meet the grand champ at the next PPV for the title! Crumb, what do you think is going to happen in this match?

Click here for the rest of the story.

The Top Five Sexual Innuendos in Star Wars
Posted by: Durge 02.25.04 12:01am

5. "Look at the size of that thing!"
4. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
3. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
2. "Rise, my friend."
1. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed!"

Shirts for sale! Cheese at its best!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.25.04 12:01am
Hey gang!

One night last week I was up late eating a big bag of the cheapest and spiciest tacos found around town while I was brainstorming ideas for this week’s submission. Frustrated that my creative juices just weren’t flowing that night, I hastily scarfed down the last 2 tacos and headed off to bed. I drifted off into a fitful sleep, tacos a’churning inside me. Sometime during the night, I had an epiphany!

Maybe it was a stroke of genius. Maybe it was divine intervention. Maybe it was a precursor to the worst fire-rrhea ever experienced by a human being. Whatever it was, it’s great news for you, my loyal readers!

I was inspired to create a series of crudely drawn, cheesy Star Wars tee shirts featuring some of your favorite characters of the Original Trilogy! These quality shirts are made of heavy cotton, come in a great assortment of sizes (Children 2-4 & 6-8, Adults S-XXL, and Women’s M Girly Tee), and are very reasonably priced!

ORDER NOW!!

Wear ‘em with pride! And don't forget to rate the shirts!

Posted by: Bill Cable 02.25.04 12:01am
What a long, strange trip it's been... I started drawing commissioned Star Wars artwork back in the fall on 1997! I had just joined OSWCC after moving to Ohio after graduating, and had submitted a couple ideas for the first OSWCC T-shirt. One of the members, Andrew McGinley, was so impressed with the art that he purchased the design we didn't use. That Boba Fett art became the first "Cable Original."

In the mean time, check out the 75th addition to the "Cable Original" Star Wars Art Gallery!!!!

Why don't you write me anymore???
Posted by: Bill Cable 03.03.04 12:01am
You know... it's been FOREVER since you guys have sent me a good idea for a comic strip! Sure, I got one from my wife a couple weeks ago... but it's been like 6 weeks since I've gotten one from a "reader" of the site. Come on guys... get on the ball!! It doesn't matter so much on a week like this week, when I have a fabulous idea... but you don't wanna read the lame fillers I'll come up with when I'm not thus inspired! So send me your ideas!! You might even see them in print some day!! But you'll need to be satisfied with my own offerings in this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!

The Top Five Rejected Star Wars Cereal Names (And their slogans!)
Posted by: Durge 03.03.04 12:01am

5. Poodoo-O’s (Turns milk brown!)
4. Bespin Berry
3. Wookiee Bran (Unleash the walking carpet in every box!)
2. Japor Snipit Charms (Now with 10% more ginko biloba!)
1. Qui-Gon Crisp (With marshmallow flames!)

Jobs or professions that Star Wars characters SHOULD have had.
Posted by: Baldy 03.03.04 12:01am

• C3PO should have been an interior decorator.
• R2D2 should have been a trash compactor.
• Han Solo should have been a truck driver.
• Luke Skywalker should have been your friends older brother that went off to college and "found himself" and is now a hippie and jobless.
• Princess Leia should have been a stripper.
• Admiral Ackbar and Squidhead should have been sushi.
• Nikto, Barada and Klaatu should have been bouncers at your local bar that keeps getting closed due to health hazards.
• Gargan should have been Martha Stewart.
• Jabba should have been a webmaster for a stupid site that no one reads.
• Boba Fett should have been Barney Fife or any other local law enforcement officer of the same caliber.
• Obi-Wan Kenobi should have been the Smuckers Jelly rep.
• Darth Vader should have been a high school coach. Talk about a pep talk, sheesh.......
• Chewbacca should have been ANY bearskin rug.
• Ree Yees should have been selling eyeglasses or contacts.
• Lando should have been a pimp. Or is he already? hmmmmm......
• Greedo should have been a pet store clerk.
• All Ewoks should have been shot, stuffed and sold as Cabbage Patch Bears.
• Emperors Royal Guards should have been English Guardsmen. They both just stand around and look silly, except the English Guards have cooler hats.
• Yoda should have been a Muppet. Oh wait....
• Bib Fortuna should have been a porn star. Come on, what chick don't dig those lekku?
• Dengar should have been the marketing director for Ace Bandages.
• All Biker Scouts should have been NASCAR drivers.
• All Ugnaughts should have been garbagemen.
• Salacious Crumb should have been the organ grinders monkey on a chain.

Sandy trolling for DROID PORN!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 03.03.04 12:01am
An anonymous tip brought my attention to the rather embarrassing efforts of one of our CC.com staffers to acquire some particularly disturbing, sexually explicit Droids photographs. I didn't know this sort of thing even existed!! I almost hate to share this with you, my innocent readers, but you do have a right to know the type of people you're receiving your Star Wars news from...

The Original Tie Fighters
Posted by: Marblehead 03.03.04 12:01am
Most people in the Star Wars community, when they hear the mention of TIE fighter, envision a baseball type of object with stop sign shaped, honey-combed covered disks protruding from either side. The TIE fighter has been portrayed in various incarnations. The early version previously mentioned, the Darth Vader angled version, the truncated Interceptor version and even the double chili dog, Bomber version. Each of these models played some sort of role in the story and ultimate outcome of the sci-fi Star Wars fantasy films. However, these inanimate objects pay no homage to the origin of their namesake.

Click here for the rest of the story.

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 03.03.04 12:01am

Durge takes on Mr. Cable!!
Posted by: Durge 03.03.04 12:01am
Hi everyone! It’s Durge and for the first time I’m posting something worthwhile on the site. Sure the Top Five articles are funny (right?), but I needed something with more substance. Something that’ll make the readers laugh out loud when they think about it while daydreaming at work and/or school. But until I have the opportunity to write such an article, here’s an interview with the man himself, BILL CABLE!

Click here for the rest of the story.

CreatureCantina.com steals YOUR IDEAS!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 03.10.04 12:01am
Last week I posted a plea for some reader-submitted comic ideas. Well, the readers responded!! Well... I guess I shouldn't make that plural... Anyway, many thanks to Josh Ellis for inspiring greatness! See what developed in this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!

Exclusive Behind the Scenes Look at EP3!
Posted by: Durge 03.10.04 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com has received an exclusive image from the set of episode 3, featuring one of the new environments to be featured in the film. Now, if you don't look at spoilers, I would suggest hitting the back button now.

Remember, you saw it at CreatureCantina.com first!

OT Revisionism prompts protests!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 03.10.04 12:01am
We're not the only people offended by Lucas' re-cut of the Han/Greedo scene in the Cantina...

http://www.geekculture.com/joyoftech/joyarchives/530.html

This Week in SW News
Posted by: Durge 03.10.04 12:01am
StarWarsShop.com makes it's debut tomorrow. When Lucasfilm was asked what time they would be opening the shop, their response was "Wednesday morning". Well that helps me a lot. Now, is that Wednesday morning in China? New York? Illinois? California? Should I be looking for the changes at 3 AM or 9 AM? It's vague answers like this That make me frustrated at Lucasfilm and StarWars.com. Oh and I won't even get in to the "Lucasfilm milks the fans" topic now.

Until next time,
Durge

Star Wars geeks with video cameras
Posted by: Bill Cable 03.10.04 12:01am
You know, there's a billion Star Wars web sites out there. (ok, maybe 5.2 million... at least that's how many Google came up with). Much like CreatureCantina.com, 99% of those sites aren't worth visiting... ever. My wife brought one of those sites to my attention earlier this week: EternalStorm.com.

It is a snazzy, old-skool black starfield/yellow text Star Wars site... those are always fun to look at. And the staff page is a riot! So I guess the lesson is "Bookmark the site, and maybe one day you'll be able to see one of their productions!!" Or something...

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 03.10.04 12:01am

GPD-V: Hey, It's a Bar Fight!!
Posted by: Steve "Solo" Rensi 03.10.04 12:01am
After working a long & tedious day delivering the mail, the Postal Guys go where the always go to relax, the Cantina! Usually the fighting starts after they're drunk, but this time...

Galactic Postal Delivery V

You guys are lucky...
Posted by: Bill Cable 03.17.04 12:01am
You know... I was this close to throwing up my hands and giving up on this week's comic strip. It seemed as if the very gods themselves were aligned against me when I tried to put it together. The problem - new computers. See, the Graphics Department at my job got upgraded to G5s. Those puppies run OSX. OSX has a different sort of Chooser... not the old easy kind where you can click on Apple Talk and browse to see the server you need. So it took me forever to find my scanned and colored art to copy and paste into my backgrounds (mostly because it was linking via IP to an old server that used to replicate the one I was using, and I saw some files in the directory I usually have stuff in, but the files were dated 9-24-03... I was pulling out my hair!!). Then the Macs didn't have the same font set as the old one, so I couldn't use my trusty Arial Bold. It was just a fright from beginning to end.

But I muddled through... and was able to put together a strip. I hope you find it worth the effort. Check out this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!

SPOILER - "Commander Cody" Revealed
Posted by: Durge 03.17.04 12:01am
Most of us have heard of the rumored "helpful clone" nicknamed Commander Cody who will appear in Star Wars Episode 3. CreatureCantina.com gives you your first look at the newest character in the SW trilogy. Be forewarned though, spoilers ahead!

A little advice you freaks.....
Posted by: Baldy 03.17.04 12:01am
Why is it that people have no clue on an online forum? What actually goes through peoples minds when they type useless drivel and expect NO retaliation? Is it our school system? Is it the lack of parental beatings? TELL ME NOW!!!

DarthFett Sells His Collection
Posted by: Durge 03.17.04 12:01am
It happened with the blink of an eye. DarthFett, the well known Star Wars vintage toy collector and Rebelscum forum regular announced that he was selling his entire collection. Sadly, he also announced that he was leaving Rebelscum. This shocked many members, including myself.

It is truly a sad day for the collecting community. While I am sure he sold most of his good stuff, you could probably find most of his leftover "scraps" on eBay.

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 03.17.04 12:01am

SPOILERS: Top 10 Things we hope to hear Grievous say!
Posted by: Bill Cable 03.17.04 12:01am
If you hadn't heard the news, John DiMaggio will provide the voice of General Grievous, a villain who will be introduced in the final Episode of the Clone Wars cartoon. DiMaggio was also the voice of another famous villain... Bender from Futurama!! So here's what we hope to hear from Grievous...