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Brazilian plug translated!
Posted by: Bill Cable 09.17.03 12:01am
It turns out the plug I received on this Brazilian web site was a positive plug! Here's a translation of the text:
Mary from 'Balzac Squadron', sent to us a link of an interesting website that will make happy all the fans of Mos Eisley's Cantina: Creature Cantina is a site of humor, with comic strips of characters already seen in the film and also new characters (as the funny Mynoch Man), besides jokes, unusual pictures, and other information.
Click here and check this out!
Hugs!
Thanks for the plug, Mary! And special thanks to my personal Portuguese translator - Rafa! Brazil's premier source for carded Droids Glasslite figures!!!
CCGC graded ROTJ Stormtrooper on eBay!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 09.17.03 12:01am
For the first time ever, a CCGC-graded vintage Star Wars action figure has shown up on eBay! You can check out the auction here:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3145977850
That's right... this sucker is a very impressive CCGC2958! As you know, CCGC graded figures are graded on a scale of 0 to 5000 with NO DOUBLES! So if you have a CCGC4850, you KNOW it's mintier than your buddies CCGC4700. You're not some lost soul among the hundreds of people who own AFA90 12-backs. You know EXACTLY where your figure stands in the pecking order!!
And CCGC relies on the tried and true, traditional methods of sealing and protecting your graded figures. Screw these clunky, heavy acrylic cases! We've been doing better in the vintage hobby for almost 15 years!!
The cardback is the elusive "Friendly" variation. The cardback is unpunched, and the bubble is undamaged. Please be sure to check out this auction. I tell you - the days of AFA tyranny are numbered!
Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 09.17.03 12:01am
Ten Things NOT to say & do on a first date
Posted by: Jedi Tronzo 09.17.03 12:01am
I have recently been reading the Rebelscum Forums. They have gotten me to think how desperate some of our fellow collectors are. I don't mean desperate in terms of finding new figures or trying to find pieces to fill holes in a vintage collection. By the way if anybody has an extra set of chin-guns for a vintage AT-AT for sale....
Anyway, I mean desperate when it comes to the opposite sex. I have read forums about whether or not Amy Allen's boobs are real and posts about freaking out when a hot girl walks by. And the Star Wars sexual innuendos have really gotten old.
I have come to feel bad for these individuals, it's really sad to hear collectors argue about who is the "hottest" dancer from Jabba's Palace, which by the way is Lyn Me. And it is even sadder to know that some of these collectors haven't seen the light of day since Attack of the Clones was released because they never leave their parents basement let alone have any experience with a woman. This includes holding hands. It's so bad that these collectors are sitting around rubbing the boobs on the 12" Padme for a "good time." Yeah... it's a scary thought.
So being a fellow collector I have come up with a list of things not to say and do on a first date. Hell, these guys will be lucky if they ever get a date, so if they do get a date I don't want them to screw it up. It may be their only chance. Personally, I don't believe people like this should breed offspring, but who am I to judge. Besides what to do with a woman in the bedroom is a topic that we'll discuss at a later time, we need to make sure that they don't F-up the first date .
Here we go:
10 - Do not ask her if she wants to pet your "Ewoks"
9.5 - Do not ask her if she wants to play with your "Lightsaber"
9 - Do not wear your Jedi robes on the date. This also goes for Stormtrooper gear and X-Wing flight suits. For the best results do not wear anything that says Star Wars.
8 - Do not refer to your mother's station wagon or mini-van as the Millennium Falcon.
7 - Do not speak in your Yoda voice Ex. " The first date I have been on ever this is." Besides, She'll figure it out that it's your first date and that you're a virgin as soon as she meets you.
6 - Do not ask to make a toy run on the way to the restaurant or theater, she may think that you are a pedophile and never talk to you again.
5 - Do not talk about how you play with Star Wars toys. Why, it's kinda freaky.
4 - Do not ask her if she has ever been to the Dagobah system. I'll tell you the answer, NO! It is the same answer you give when you are asked if you have ever been on a date.
3 - When you merge onto the highway and accelerate your mom's station wagon or mini-van, do not say "Hold on Chewie, we're about to make the jump to hyperspace!"
2 - Do not act like Lando Calrission. You are not suave and charming, and you do not radiate sex appeal. Despite what your blow-up girlfriend tells you, you have NO game.
1 - Do not wave your hand like Qui-Gon-Jinn and say "You will have sex with me." Because her reply will be "No I won't", followed by a hearty slap to the face and a quick kick to the groin.
So now that we have addressed a few things that you shouldn't do on your first date, you may hopefully be able to get some "loven." Now you can quit "feeling up" that poor Padme doll. If you are a collector that has never been on a date please follow this list of helpful hints. Think of this list as a lightsaber, a weapon that no Jedi should be without.
If you, by luck, do get the chance to go on a date, please share your experiences with the writers and other readers of Creature Cantina. Because, we all need something to laugh at and make fun of.
Seriously though I'm desperate, if you have an extra set of chin-guns email me!
Another "Cable Original" Han Drawing!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 09.17.03 12:01am
Just when you thought there weren't any other Hans any SW fan could imagine to be portrayed by yours truly as a "Cable Original," one more was dug up. Similar to the last EU inspired Han drawing, this Han never appeared in the movies. Well, I suppose he could be in E3 if Lucas wants to be that lame... but probably not. This is Han BEFORE he became the rogue smuggler we all admire... back when he was a goose-stepping Imperial trooper! Be sure to check it out in the "Cable Original" Star Wars Art Gallery!!!
PSWCS begs for more of your money!
Posted by: Bill Cable 09.17.03 12:01am
The Pennsylvania Star Wars Collecting Society recently celebrated their three-year anniversary. That's three years of PA collectors helping PA collectors. They also launched a spiffy new web site! What keeps the club going? Since there are no dues to join, they rely on member donations to pay their hosting fees and meeting expenses. And once a year they take some of those donations to eBay in an effort to earn some scratch.
Check out this year's list of auctions!!
Now I know what you're thinking - I don't need a large denim Star Wars shirt!! Hell, it probably wouldn't even fit 80% of Star Wars collectors out there! But it's not about what you need... it's about what you're willing to give to support this fantastic organization! And there are so many good reasons to bid! They network to thwart scalpers! They support the 501st! They're Steelers fans and/or Eagles fans! And if you're a member of PSWCS, you'd better damn well bid on something!!! So give them a chunk of your heart, and donate a big chunk of your wallet. It'll make you feel good!
And be sure to check the list again Wednesday Night! One additional, special item will be added to the list (a late donation). You don't want to miss it!!!
And the winning idea is...
Posted by: Bill Cable 09.24.03 12:01am
Last week, I issued a challenge to the readers of "The Cantina" comic strip to come up with a fitting finale to the "Jorg Sacul bashing" Trilogy. And my readers answered! With some really goofy and off-the-wall ideas! I chose and immortalized the best, and now I'm going to share the rest. Here's a sample of some of the submissions I received:
Aaron: The new character should be Young Anakin who beats down Sacul for making him that young, and then beats him down again for making him say "wizard".
Sandy Rivers: Thanks for making the main character the whiniest bitch in the galaxy!
Bruce L.:
- Dr. Evazan, for making his face so F-ed up that he cant get a date--except with a Hutt!
- The "snot" vampire last name of Jerriko sp?. He really wanted to be a "breast" vampire.
- Kabe, for making him so short that he can't reach the bar. He could kick Sacul in the shins.
- Ponda Baba, for giving him, as my kids call him, a butt-face.
- Lak Sivrak, who was up for the part in "Abbott and Costello Meet the Wolfman", but couldn't take it because he was under contract to Lucasfilm, or Saculfilm.
- And last but not least, the Tonnika sisters, who not only never got their own action figure, but lost out on all the good twin roles to Mary Kate and Ashley.
David Brown:
- Howard the Duck comes in and lays some major hurt on the big JS.
- Oola storms in, cracks JS across the jaw, and says "You promised me you were gonna CUT out that part", points to the other guys in the bar, and says "Dont say a word...", and then she storms out...
Arnaldo: don't know a good 3rd reason for beating up Sacul, but you should have a kid in the background say "Yippee! This is so wizard!" Not beating worthy, but it bothers me more than midichlorians ever did.
Beedo Sookcool:
- PANEL 1: Ponda (walks onscreen): Hey, who're we beating up on today?
Greedo / Momaw: Jorg Sacul!
- PANEL 2: Ponda (kicks Sacul while he's down): Awright! THIS is for everyone who lost an arm!
Sacul: Oooof!
- PANEL 3: Ponda (pondering): Hmmm. That gives me an idea.
- PANEL 4: Sign that reads "Hit Jorg Sacul, 2 Credits a pop". In the line to beat up Jorg we see Zam Wessel, a wampa, Darth Vader, Bespin Luke (and any other mutilation-fun characters you want, including Jango with his head under his arm), all cradling stumps and looking mean. Ponda is counting out his influx of credits and chuckling, while howls of pain are coming from offscreen.
Some great stuff there, huh? I wish I could do them all, but I'm too lazy. So what idea was the cream of the crop? Check it out now... submitted by our very own Marblehead... this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
Oh how the mighty have fallen...
Posted by: Bill Cable 09.24.03 12:01am
It saddens me to broadcast this unfortunate news about a once respected Vintage collector to the community. But there are some things we have no choice but to report. Veteran SW personality and collector "atst1138" (he remains otherwise anonymous) has delved into the cold dank realms of what his customers might describe as "misrepresenting eBay auctions" and "ripping people off." We don't know if the guy is down on his luck, or just took a turn to the dark side... but we pity him.
So what's this all about? We at CC.com were shocked when we stumbled upon the following auction:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3134323023
I can picture your reaction... "So what, it's a $1500 horse." Well, it's a $1500 horse that's advertised as "authentic, sealed, Mint on Card!!" But the winning bidder didn't agree with this description, as evidenced by his feedback:
| damie@videotron.ca(171) |
Jul_04_03 |
3134323023 |
S |
| Complaint
: DON'T TRUST HIM, bought seal card, sold a reseal,
don't want refund (thief) |
| Response by atst1138
- I did everything I could to correct his unhappiness, spiteful
buyer, email me |
Now, it's one thing to make a mistake. But how could such an experienced, intelligent collector such as atst1138 miss a reseal? This MOC horse is a legitimate grail item to LOTR collectors... and as can be seen in the auction description, it's an item that's often sold resealed. When you're talking about a $1500 item, shouldn't a seller put forth the additional effort to ensure that an item is as described? Shouldn't he at the very least send the thing to AFA to be graded??
It's a sad day when a respected member of the Vintage community falls from grace. We can't comment on the circumstances that precipitated this sad event, only report and analyze the tea leaves we see in the feedback. Hopefully atst1138 will make good with the victim of his apparantly innacruate auction description and earn a follow-up feedback that all is well and good. I don't understand why a full refund wasn't issued immediately... that's what I would have done.
Kevin Smith Calls for ILM Help
Posted by: Big E 09.24.03 12:01am
It's been a long, rough road for the Hollywood power couple known as Bennifer, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Their relationship, reported as being on the rocks, is the second flop after their first movie together, "Gigli," tanked at the box office this year.
Because of this, Kevin Smith has reportedly called on Lucasfilm and ILM to help edit his 2004 film, "Jersey girl." The movie, which also casts Affleck and Lopez, was originally scheduled for November 2003 release but pushed back to avoid the final "Matrix" installment. Given the "Gigli" fiasco, the failed relationship, and extra time, Smith decided to overhaul his film using ILM's digital techniques to replace Lopez.
CC.com's insider at the Ranch says that Smith contacted Lucasfilm producer Rick McCallum to ask for his help. Perportedly McCallum, who wraps principle shooting on "Star Wars: Episode III" this month, agreed to help but only if he could obtain Lucas' approval. Knowing that ILM will be working hard on the next "Star Wars" film, McCallum didn't want to stretch his team.
At a meeting, attended and transcribed by our insider, McCallum brought this up.
"George, this Kevin Smith guy is calling. Want's us to fix his f**k-up. Edit out that J.Lo broad from his new movie, drop in a Jar-Jar-esqe digital character," said McCallum.
"Kevin Smith?" responded Lucas.
"Yeah, Death Star Contractors?"
"Oh... him. Funny. Get on it, bill him $1 million. Paramount can afford it. Get Hasbro on the horn, sell them SW geeks a figure of whatever you put in."
"Cool."
The meeting continued with discussion of Episode III.
According to our insider, McCallum will task a team of 3 people to work with Kevin Smith on the new character. Rumors from Smith's camp suggest that J.Lo will be replaced in the film by a likeness of Ellen DeGeneres seeing as Affleck has good chemistry with lesbians on screen.
At Least He Won't Have to Change His First Initial
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 09.24.03 12:01am
You know what I love about the vintage Star Wars collecting community? The diversity. There are so many vintage items out there that just about anyone can pick a character from one of the movies and amass an astounding collection solely based on that character. For example, our fearless leader, Mr. Cable himself, has an amazing collection of items solely based on C-3PO (not C-3PO with R2 though...evidently domes scare him).
Character collecting can be a rewarding experience. But be forewarned, you can go too far with it. There are those character collectors that are too obsessed with the character they collect. For those consumed by their characters, the drive to horde more and more objects with that character's image on them becomes so great that they actually begin to resemble the alien/creature/droid they collect. While recently visiting a friend of mine, I was shocked to find that his character collection obsession was so severe that there was little of him left!
It's hard to hold a conversation with a guy when he keeps sticking his tongue out to sniff you! It could be worse though... he originally collected Princess Leia items!
Billy, you will be missed!
(Special thanks to Billy "Baldylox" Bennett for sharing his condition with us!)
The LOST Cable Originals!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 09.24.03 12:01am
In the winter of 2002, I made a mistake. Actually, let's call it an "exception." I was approached by a collector with a unique proposition - he wanted to purchase two Cable Original drawings, but he wanted to ink them himself!! At the time I didn't have any work lined up, and I was strapped for cash, so I agreed. I mailed off the pencils with the agreement that he would E-mail me scans of the finished inks.
I received a scan of the inks for one of them - a Biker Scout - about a year later. And that piece has been in my gallery ever since. But I never received the inks for the second piece. I attempted to contact the guy a number of times and did communicate with him for a while. But I haven't received responses to the past couple E-mails, and I noticed the guy sold off much of his SW collection shortly after leaving the PSWCS mailing list. I can only assume that he's out of the hobby, and that I won't be receiving the inks on that other drawing.
So I was faced with a problem! What to do? I debated whether I should "un-retire" the character, or what. After consulting my PSWCS buddies, I came to the decision that I'd just post the pencils in my gallery. I'm going to replace the Biker Scout with my original pencils, and post the pencils of that second character. And they'll both stay "Retired" (sorry Alvarez).
So now you have the opportunity - for the first time ever - to gaze upon the pencils of that second character!! I wouldn't call it my best work (I've improved a lot in the past 18 months, IMHO), but it'll give you an idea what my completed inks start out as. Check it out in the Cable Original Star Wars Art Gallery!!!!!
Let's wrap this up!
Posted by: Bill Cable 10.01.03 12:01am
You've again struggled to the end of the update. Congratulations!!! That's damn good work there. Dedication... focus... everything we require of a CreatureCantina.com reader!! I guess we'll let you come back next week. Until then, why don't you sit back and enjoy this week's edition of "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
RebelScum Buys eBay
Posted by: Big E 10.01.03 12:01am
In a move sure to stun any Silicon Valley stalwart, RebelScum.com bought on-line auction house eBay in a bold move today.
A niche market "Star Wars" fan site, RebelScum.com has been slowly buying up small companies in a bid to corner the Internet market for, well, everything. Taking over dating services, other "Star Wars" sites, "Star Wars" autograph market and even some lesser-known porn sites, RebelScum has built up a good head of steam. Enough to bag one of the few Internet success stories.
Sources at RebelScum say that eBay not only can immediately bring in revenue but will also allow RebelScum to corner the lucrative collectors market. "eBay is one of the top collectible sites on the Internet, you can get almost anything there," said our source.
"Not only will RebelScum have an in for 'Star Wars,' they'll also be able to capitalize on Transformers, GI Joe, even Longaberger Baskets."
Representatives from eBay were equally enthusiastic. Said eBay's Dan Wesson, "Star Wars has been a big market for eBay customers, RebelScum will be able to do something great with that. As for the rest of us? Eh, we're rich, time to retire and head to Miami."
RebelScum's founder, Philip Wise, could not be reached for comment.
According to other web masters contacted for this article, they're running scared. Said NetEnigma's Big-E, "I could be next! I mean, money would be cool, but then where would I vent, CreatureCantina or someplace? Man, it's only time until Wise gets his hands on that too!"
Our source also told this reporter that RebelScum may be looking to the news industry for their next purchase. "I wouldn't rule out a CNN or maybe MSNBC. Billy G. is still the 800lb gorilla on the block so, probably not MSNBC, but you get what I'm sayin'."
Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 10.01.03 12:01am
RebelScum consumes another soul
Posted by: toasty 10.01.03 12:01am
 We all know that RebelScum exist for one reason: to devour any and all independent Star Wars websites. One of the latest victims is Rebelscum's own Dustin Roberts. Dustin was a fledging news hound back in the day at Yakface.com when he upgraded his lifestyle and his status by switching to "TEAM SCUM." Dustin had it all - fame, power, all the perks of working for Rebelscum. But at what price? Once the powers that be learned that Dustin not only owned www.dustinroberts.com, but www.r2d2central.com as well, tragedy struck. Now both sites point to the main Rebelscum page. We tried to reach Philip Wise for comment, but none of our calls were ever returned. Strangely Philip's voicemail message stated "Leave a message for Emperor Wise at the beep".
 We sent ace TEAM CANTINA reporter/spy Marblehead to Texas to find the truth. Apparently, truth is stranger than fiction. Our man found out that Philip has gone a little too far towards the dark side. Using the TEAM CANTINA Kodak digital camera with the broken battery door, Marblehead achieved what few men have - he scored pictures of Emperor Wise himself. The pictures are shocking, as you can see that there is more evil than man. Luckily Marblehead was also banging one of the chicks at Sears Portrait Studios, and "acquired" a photo of Emperor Wise from his recent session at Sears. Apparently even evil cannot resist 12 wallet sized, 2 5x7s and 1 8x10 for $9.99 with coupon!
 As for Dustin, we're trying to bring him home to Cincinnati. He is currently working for Emperor Wise washing his cars and splitting skulls as a bodyguard at "Casa de la Wise". We don't know if or when Emperor Wise will make his move to take over Creature Cantina. We here at TEAM CANTINA HQ are stocked up on beef jerky, Iron City brew, and automatic weapons with armor piercing rounds. We'll try to keep you posted once the assault begins.
CC.com Contributor honored!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 10.01.03 12:01am
For the past two and a half years, one Cantina contributor has been with the site, if infrequently, through thick and thin. He started as our Q&A columnist, evolved into a news fabricator after the questions dried up, and most recently contributed the winning idea in the "Jorg Sacul Bashing" idea contest for "The Cantina" comic strip. Finally, after years of dedication, this contributor is seeing some real recognition.
In honor of long-term contributor "Marblehead," the city of Harrisburg has named a street after his memorable screen name. In an elaborate ribbon-cutting ceremony, Mayor Steven Reed dedicated the street to "Scott, the spacy, disjointed fellow on that Cantina site thing." Once the ribbon was cut, a ribbon that spanned Dartmouth Street for nearly two hours, the resultant gridlock began to dissipate. Jessica Hammons, a driver whose car was parked third from the front for the duration of the ceremony, was heard to exclaim "F&%# Reed and F&%# Marblehead!! Whoever that is!!!" as she sped away from the scene.
Our reporters arrived at the scene four days after the dedication to bring you the photo below. Savor this moment, Marblehead! Amazingly, you're the only contributor remaining from the original group. Thanks for all you've done for this place!!
Comic Strip
Posted by: Bill Cable 10.08.03 12:01am
Ah... you don't really want to read a big, creative intro anyway, do you? Nah... you just want to see this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
Good thing I didn't name him Jabba...
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 10.08.03 12:01am
As my loyal readers undoubtedly know, my wife gave birth to my son, Owen, a little over five weeks ago. Things are going great so far! He's really starting to get a personality all his own. There's one weird thing though...my son is...well...acting strangely as of late.
After consulting our doctor and doing some research on my own, I came across a little known tidbit of the Star Wars universe, known as "The Lucas Curse". It seems that old Georgey is so enamored by his little creations that any baby born after 1977 that shares it's name with one of the Star Wars characters begins to assume the characteristics and appearance of that character at one month of age!
It's only been a week since he started changing, and look!
I could live with his physical changes, if that was it... but I'm pissed because he won't let me go to Toshi's Station to pick up some Power Converters!
A new, goofy CABLE ORIGINAL!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 10.08.03 12:01am
I've received some strange requests for Cable Originals in my day... not even including all the weird porno suggestions I've gotten. Most are from people trying to skirt my "no repeats" policy... "But can't I have a Chewbacca from Hoth with snow in his fur???" But from time to time people make some legitimately unique requests. For example, I never expected to be asked to draw Cliff Clavin.
But I was! Granted, the character requested was Major Bren Derlin... but the person who commissioned this piece didn't want a tribute to Bren, he wanted Bren in a tribute to Cliffy. Interesting concept, huh? Well... I think I pulled it off. And the guy who bought the piece loved it! So prepare to view John Ratzenberger in all of his 23-year-old Hoth-garbed glory in the "Cable Original" Star Wars Art Gallery!!!
The end of this week's lame-ass update
Posted by: Bill Cable 10.15.03 12:01am
You read right - this is all she wrote this week. I'm just having a bad case of writier's block, and very little success in drawing out contributions from my staff. And it doesn't help that I'm a couple contributors short. Speaking of which... if anyone out there has the ability to write funny stories and the time to contribute to a weekly Star Wars spoof site for pretty much no compensation, send me an E-mail! We're always looking for new talent.
Until next week, when we'll hopefully have at least a few more stories, here's this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 10.15.03 12:01am
Top 10 Reasons We Had No Articles This Week
Posted by: Big E 10.15.03 12:01am
10 Columbus Day hang-over.
9 Glued to Jedi Master Points auctions.
8 RebelScum.com stole all the good stuff.
7 Articles? We don't need no stinkin' articles.
6 Lazy.
5 We were wacky on the junk.
4 Forgot it was Tuesday.
3 Too busy watching Yanks kick Bo-Sox butt.
2 Kill Bill marathon
1 We're just not that creative.
Mmmmmm... creamy!
Posted by: Bill Cable 10.22.03 12:01am
In this week's comic, we introduce a brand new beverage! Grab a glass and pony up to the bar for this week's edition of "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
Hottest Amidala ever...
Posted by: Bill Cable 10.22.03 12:01am
Nothing really funny about this one. Well, let me explain how I came across this image. I did a Google Images search for "Stormtrooper" to do some research for a logo I was doing. And this one popped up third. And really, it deserves to be first. Because this Amidala is just such a cutie. As CC.com contributor toasty put it, "You could grind cheese on that tummy." Enjoy...
George Lucas is lousy with the Sweet Stuff
Posted by: toasty 10.22.03 12:01am
We here at TEAM CANTINA take Halloween very seriously. Most of the staff has either produced offspring or helped create another bastard child. We know what kids like, and that is candy. Who hasn't awoke on November with their tummy feeling like we swallowed a mess of bees, or our head splitting like a cord of firewood? My Mom always taught me to go after the rich houses - you know, the ones where you got a BIG candy bar. None of that "snack sized" crap, but a real, standard-sized candy bar.
George Lucas does not give out big candy bars. In fact, all he hands out is very rare (but very stale) "Star Wars" Necco wafers from the late 1970's. That's right, that man is a billionaire and he stiffs little kids on Halloween. Everyone knows that Necco wafers taste like ass. Only your Grandma likes them, and that's because they didn't have sugar 100 years ago.
We tried to reach Rick McCallum to see what he hands out for Halloween. His secretary would only reply "Oh, he likes to egg any little motherf***ers who have the balls to walk up his drive-way." I guess anyone would get a potty-mouth working with Rick. Try to talk to Natalie Portman, and it's "f-bomb this" and "f-bomb that".
We at TEAM CANTINA are planning to T.P. and egg Skywalker Ranch and as much of the 110-acre property Lucas owns Halloween night. Anyone wanting to help, bring lots and lots of rolls of T.P. along with as many stinky rotten eggs you can get your little criminal hands on. We'll teach "Old Man Lucas" why it's never cool to hand out nasty-ass candy to kids... of any age. May the force be with you!
Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 10.22.03 12:01am
New Cable Original of SW's Greatest Character!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 10.22.03 12:01am
I've already drawn most of the iconic characters of the Star Wars saga in multiple outfits (well, except for Leia... I've only done a couple of her for some reason). With the options for main characters becoming increasingly limited, it's always a treat to take a crack at one of them given the opportunity. And it's a genuine blessing when it's the greatest character in the Star Wars universe.
That's right... this latest masterpiece depicts the one, the only, See-Threepio. I know what you're thinking... "But Bill... you already DID Threepio!!" And that right... well kind of... I actually did 3 Threepios already. But I didn't violate my "no repeats" policy because this time I drew Threepio naked. Wait... that didn't come out right (like you guys need more ammo to joke my collecting focus)! This time, I drew Threepio as seen in "The Phantom Menace." And that's completely different than the first "Cable Original" C-3PO! Not that I really need to justify it to you guys...
And yeah... I'll admit that not everyone considers Threepio to be the greatest character character in the Star Wars universe. Not every Star Wars fan is that smart. But for those of you out there that are thus gifted, check out the latest addition to the Cable Original Star Wars Art Gallery!!!!
Can you handle more?
Posted by: Bill Cable 10.29.03 12:01am
Finally - a beefy CC.com update! Many thanks to my staff for coming through in a clutch. And after formatting all this content, I simply don't have the energy to write another word. So here's this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
When eBayers stop giving a f@#%
Posted by: Bill Cable 10.29.03 12:01am
It's amazing the humor that can ensue when divorce and ignorance mix on eBay...
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3146042998
Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 10.29.03 12:01am
Where's Threepio?
Posted by: Marblehead 10.29.03 12:01am
Presenting a new feature of CreatureCantina.com - "Where's Threepio!" It's the fun game where you look at an image and find the tiny photo of C-3PO hidden within! For our first game, check out "Bees and Threes...pio." Yeah, we gotta work on the naming thing...
And yes, there IS a little photo of Threepio hidden somewhere within that image. It's not some gag where we're having you stare at an image for hours with no hidden image. We're not that cruel... at least not in this instance.
Toasty replies to your mail!
Posted by: toasty 10.29.03 12:01am
Albert, I'd like to thank you for your email. We here at TEAM CANTINA have had all kinds of trouble obtaining drugs since our dealer got a cap in his ass last month. Marblehead was down to drinking Robitussin for Christ's sake!
Thanks to your email, the TEAM CANTINA staff and all our readers can now obtain our much needed illegal drugs at affordable prices! There's one little problem. we don't have your mailing address. We'd like to send you a corporate check, so if you can send an email to drugs@creaturecantina.com with your address and information on who we should make the check out to, that would be great!
Again, thank you for keeping us stoned out of our gourds!
YOUR FRIENDS AT CREATURECANTINA.COM!
The CC.com no-prize Costume Contest!!!
Posted by: Marblehead 10.29.03 12:01am
Greetings freaks! Wanna get your ugly mug posted on CC.com? How about the ugly mugs of the people around you? We're running a "Worst Star Wars Costume" contest this year on the ol' CC.com. E-mail your photos and explain why what we're seeing is the worst Star Wars costume. The winning entry gets absolutely nothing, just the fame and glory of being pictured on our site! Want an example of what we're looking for? Presenting Oderous - the bastard love child of Malakili and his Rancor...
E-mail your entries to marblehead@creaturecantina.com!!
Another "Cable Original" and the sad story behind it
Posted by: Bill Cable 10.29.03 12:01am
Here I am, introducing another Cable Original. And kinda like the Dengar from a few weeks ago, this is a drawing that was finished a long time ago. I did it back in January, actually. And it's not really an "it" it's a "them" - it's two drawings that go together. So why was I sitting on it for all this time? It's a long story.
I did the drawings as a set... two views of the same "scene." The guy who commissioned the piece wanted Jango Fett and Zam Wessel "surrounded by thugs" and fighting them. As you know, I only do one character per drawing. But I did my best to accommodate the customer, composing the art to meet his request.
I mailed them out, and didn't hear back from the guy. For several weeks I tried to contact him with no success. Then he got back to me, saying his life had been "chaos." He said he received the art, but he wasn't happy with the Zam. So in accordance with my satisfaction guarantee, I offered to redraw it. He sent it back, and I penciled a replacement Zam. Before inking it, I wanted to get approval of the pencils (as it's a whole lot of work to ink something that might be rejected). So I E-mailed him a scan of the pencils. He made a few suggestions... I made some revisions and sent another scan. And I never heard back. I think the last time he contacted me was mid-May. I've E-mailed him probably a dozen times since then with no response. And since he's still updating a web site on a regular basis, I have to conclude that he's ignoring my E-mails.
So I figure, he paid me $50 down on the two drawings, I'll apply the down payment on the Zam to the balance due on the Jango and call it a done deal. I think I tried my best to make him happy, but when he doesn't reply to me for 6 months there's not much else I can do.
Here's the two pieces together so you can see what I'm talking about:
So now the Zam is in limbo. I'm not going to add it to the gallery, since as it stands it's not a commissioned piece. So I guess right now I'll just take offers on it. It's a sunk cost for me, with respect to effort. And it'd be a waste to just dump it in a folder. So if someone likes this rendition of Zam, you can get your hands on a Cable Original without the pesky 6-month waiting period! If I don't get any offers (I'm hoping for at least $25 + shipping), I guess it'll just go into the portfolio and Zam will be available to reserve again. And I can understand some people not being too comfortable with Zam's dynamic pose in the drawing. But if this sort of thing is your bag, baby, shoot me an E-mail!!
The same ol' schtick continues...
Posted by: Bill Cable 11.05.03 12:01am
Just how long can I stretch out a tired, old joke in my comic strip? I'll tell you one thing for sure... it's at least one more week! See the proof in this week's "The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!! By the way... if you have any good ideas for strips, why don't you let me give my brain a rest and send them to cable@creaturecantina.com? It's damn hard being this uncreative week after week after week...
Dr. Jones - LOOK OUT!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 11.05.03 12:01am
If you thought the Indiana Jones Trilogy DVDs were the best digital incarnation of our favorite archeologist, then you obviously haven't seen Indy take on the Death Star!
http://www.mausland.de/indiana.html
Australian Poster Consumes Forums
Posted by: Big E 11.05.03 12:01am
Late breaking news: RebelScum's bid to take over the Internet may have hit a major roadblock today. Crushed under the weight of forum posts from "Bounty Hunter GNT," the RebelScum.com servers buckled this afternoon taking a large part of the Internet with it.
Inside sources say that administrators at RS are currently working to delete some of the 30,000 GNT forum posts in order to recover. It's unknown how wide-ranging the effects of this current outage will be. Combined with large solar flares late last week, and more to come this week, the impact could disable Internet sites in not only the US but also Australia, where GNT is from.
Said one forum poster "He digs up year-old threads, post pads and he's a moderator? Somebody should put a stop to this guy. I mean, 30,000 posts in 3 years? Does the guy sleep?"
Philip Wise, owner of RS, could not be reached for comment.
Amazon, Dell and Yahoo were feeling the effects from this outage late this evening. Slow response was had from all three sites with Yahoo being the least affected. Curiously, CreatureCantina was not impacted furthering the rumors that Bill Cable may, in fact, be in league with either GNT himself or, at least, some Dark Side practitioners.
We'll keep you up to date as this situation develops.
Zam back in circulation!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 11.05.03 12:01am
It turns out nobody wanted my completed Zam drawing. I understand... it was a bit out-there. Certainly not everyone's cup of tea. So the original now will get dropped in a folder someplace, and Zam will now be available to any interested parties who want to request or reserve her. Check the details over in the Cable Original Star Wars Art Gallery. I promise the next one won't be a gratuitous crotch shot...
Maybe I Shouldn't Eat the Microwave Burritos at the Office...
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 11.05.03 12:01am
Ok, I got really, really, ridiculously busy at work this past week and didn't have time to put together anything for my legions of loyal readers. But, as I was up late working one night, I got to thinking....
Hammerhead's "real" name is Momaw Nadon. All of my cousins on my mom's side of the family and my brother and I called my grandmother "Momaw" when we were kids. My grandmother looked very much like a female version of James Earl Jones. James Earl Jones was the voice of Darth Vader! So, does that mean that Lucas made a mistake in the Prequels and Hammerhead is actually Luke's father? Or does it mean a really weird plot twist is coming in Episode 3? Inquiring minds want to know!
Jabba the Hutt rumors TRUE!
Posted by: toasty 11.05.03 12:01am
Jabba the Hutt is ready to join the likes of Sarah, Duchess of York, as a success story for Weight Watchers Intergalactic! No longer will Jabba be known as a "fat, overweight, slug-like creature".
Jabba tried everything to lose weight, but nothing seemed to work - until Weight Watchers. Here's what finally made him say "enough."
"I started really gaining weight when I was about 12 years old. I tried everything to lose the weight, but I always gained it back. By the time I had became the crime lord on Tatooine I was up to 8,500 pounds. That was the low point. Or the high point, depending on how you look at it."
"The last straw was when I stepped on and broke the ladder on my new swimming pool. I think I cried for about three months over that. Finally, I got remorseful. It's really hard to look at yourself in a mirror when you have to pay a guy to wipe your butt. So I started Weight Watchers last year. I found it fairly easy to incorporate the POINTS® System into my life. What I needed was that accountability - somebody to look me in the eye once a week and hold me responsible. My Leader was so helpful and encouraging.
"WeightWatchers.com was also great because it helped me find recipes for foods I've always loved, like French toast. I can still eat the things I like (those juicy little frogs!). I just have to tweak them a bit here and there. Instead of eating 20 or 30 frogs at a time, I just eat 5 or so. I perused the Message Boards a lot, too. Every time I faced a struggle, I went on the Boards and found that someone else was in the same boat."
"Honestly, I don't think the Plan was ever that hard because I had so much fun with it, trying to figure out how to get the most food out of my POINTS allotment. What wasn't so easy was the exercise - yuck! Because I was so overweight, I had a good deal of pain in my hips, knees and feet, which most people don't realize I had! I started crawling the very first day I was on the Plan, slowly at first, and as the weight came off, I was able to increase my distance and my pace.
"Now I move so fast nobody can keep up with me! Bib Fortuna and I walk around the palace a lot. We started with about a half a mile, and now we're up to about five miles at a time. It gives us a lot of good time to talk, so it has two benefits."
What a great story! It just goes to show that will a little help, anyone can lead a healthy and satisfying lifestyle.
Carida seeks donations for children
Posted by: Bill Cable 11.05.03 12:01am
GALACTIC CITY, CORUSCANT - The aisles of the 17th Avenue branch of Werri Bee Toys turned chaotic Tuesday afternoon as a garrison of Stormtroopers commandeered the retail outlet and began confiscating "donations" for a purported children's charity. The pegs of the action figure aisle stood nearly bare after a rampage of looting and destruction.
Garrison Carida Commanding Officer TK-0076 offered details of what he claimed to be an "official mission" for the Empire. "We came to solicit donations for our forthcoming visit to area children's hospitals. We give these toys to the kids, and pose for photos. Move along."
Our field reported was blasted after pressing TK-0076 for additional details.
One witness described the action figure aisle as "decimated." "They cleared out almost everything," explained Tendau Bendon, a shopper who was in the store at the time of the event. "The only thing left in that aisle was about 30 Jango Pilots. Of course, those have been hanging there for almost two years now."
After some intense research, we've turned up additional details with regard to Garrison Carida's "Toy Drive." You can discover all the nitty-gritty details by clicking here.
Hot babe visits 'The Cantina'
Posted by: Bill Cable 11.12.03 12:01am
Check out the Cantina's newest patron... it's a girl! How will she interact with the Cantina regulars? Find out in this week's
"The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
He posted WHAT on a Star Wars site??
Posted by: Lord Melbury 11.12.03 12:01am
Note from Melbury: My 7-year-old gave me this idea.
Note from Cable: Don't blame me for this!!!
Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 11.12.03 12:01am
A new Webmaster takes on eBay
Posted by: Lord Melbury 11.12.03 12:01am
Here's a great example of one collecting site's determination to be the absolute best - at bringing you the information first! To see "hard-earned sponsor dough" in action, click here:
http://cgi6.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewBids&item=3154962728
It looks like they still have a ways to go to bring you this "exclusive coverage" of these figures... but they're in the hunt!! SirSteve loves to sell; Galactic Hunter loves to buy. eBay at it's finest!
(for those of you that are new to Star Wars collecting, "collectstarwars.com" is GalacticHunter's previous identity)
PSWCS members snagged in Toy Drive bust!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 11.12.03 12:01am
Dealing a crushing blow to PSWCS's efforts to collect 170 toys from members to benefit Garrison Carida, two members where apprehended while looking for toys in enemy territory!! Members Shawn Storey and Gary Haertter were taken into custody by representatives of Empire City Garrison while searching for toys at the Chiller Theater Convention in New Jersey.
An unnamed ECG representative was overheard saying, "Don't those Carida goofballs know Jersy is our turf???"
But further investigations dispute this assessment. A quick glance at the 501st garrisons page indicated that New Jersey as a "NorthEast Remnant" and not under the jurisdiction of any specific garrison.
Whatever the case, that doesn't change the fact that two members of PSWCS in good standing are still in the custody of Empire City Garrison troops, and haven't been heard from in more than 72 hours. We're starting to fear for their lives. Have you seen these guys:
Note to people who don't understand this is a comedy site: This is a comedy site.
Aurra Sing makes another lasting impression...
Posted by: Bill Cable 11.19.03 12:01am
My exploration into this new Cantina patron continues... in this week's
"The Cantina" Comic Strip!!!!
The Luke/Frodo connection!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 11.19.03 12:01am
Check it out, guys... this web site PROVES the new Lord of the Rings movies TOTALLY rip-off Star Wars!! Peter Jackson is such a HACK!! I mean... "The Fellowship of the Ring" is almost a point-by-point copy of "A New Hope." I didn't even realize it until after I saw this site. It really makes you think! I'm to the point where I'm going to boycott "The Return of the King." Many thanks to David Jay Brown from bringing this to light!!
http://www.ameritech.net/users/sean_ohlson/page1.htm
Steve Comenzo ABANDONS STAR WARS!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 11.19.03 12:01am
Ah yes... it is a great day in Star Wars collecting history!! It looks as if Steve Comenzo is finally getting out of this hobby we love and cherish so much. The former "Zoman@juno.com" who scalped POTF2 figures in the days of RASSCM and denied being SirSteve of sirstevesguide.com has gone and sold what I assume to be a huge chunk, if not all, of his POTF2 collection!! We can only hope that this means he's finally leaving the hobby... perhaps to get into the lucrative field of Alpine Video Bypass Switchs. Here's our friend Steve's completed auction...
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3155812541
Being as sirstevesguide.com is now owned and operated by Action On-Line these days, we don't foresee the site going away anytime soon. But even if the spawn of his actions lives on, if he himself is no longer associated with the hobby that'll be a wonderful thing.
AFA protester hospitalized
Posted by: Bill Cable 11.19.03 12:01am
An anti-AFA vintage zealot was seriously injured this weekend while demonstrating against AFA grading outside their corporate headquarters in Duluth, Georgia. A large, heavily-tattooed collector beaned the unidentified protester with a Brazilian lead "bootleg" version of the vintage Obi-Wan Kenobi action figure. a nearby witness heard someone yell "Let people collect whatever they want," shortly before seeing the protester collapse. Another eyewitness was able to take a photo just before the protester fell over...
Note: This image arose from a discussion over on the Archive Chat and will probably be a whole lot funnier if you were there when it happened...
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