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The Rage takes over...
Posted by: Bobby Sharp 4-2-01 10:51am
I just handed in a short story I wrote for my creative writing
class. It's a true tale about me hunting for Star Wars toys right
around the time when the Slave Leia figure was released. I was
living in Elyria and was taking a gander at the current pegwarmers
when I noticed that the "gentleman" standing next to
me had a shopping cart with approximately 20 or so of the Leias
in it. I kindly asked him if he would mind sparing one of them
for a fellow collector that would take her home, open here up
and perhaps place her into a compromising position with a random
figure (common, we all do it, even Andrew). "No", was
his response. I asked a few more times, all of which he told
me 'no' and finally to 'piss off'.
This man made two mistakes. First mistake
was telling Bobby Sharp to 'piss off'. You know me and how I
am *laugh*. His second mistake was telling me this while we were
standing next to a endcap full of boxed swimming pools. You know
the ones...about square foot in size and each weighing about
15lbs each? Anyways, to keep a short story short, I couldn't
help but reach over and shove a couple of them from a high shelf
down into his cart. The sound of bubbles crunching and figures
losing 'value' echoes throughout the aisles of Wal-Mart. He just
looked up at me with one of the most dumbfounded expressions
I'll probably ever see while alive and blinked. I showed him
both my middle fingers and continued on my way but not before
reaching in and selecting for myself, one of his figures. Ah...sometimes
things have happy endings....
Comic strip premiers!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-2-01 10:51am
There's a new comic strip on the Web, and I do it. It's mine
damnit... ALL MINE!! But I'll let you look, if you ask
nicely and Click Here.
PS: Kudos to whoever gets the homage.
Early POTF2 variants EXPLAINED!!!
Posted by: Marblehead 4-2-01 10:51am
I found this out when I started working for Hasbro. The reason
for the "long" lightsabers in the first wave of POFT2
Vader, Luke and Ben was due to the inadequacy, or "short
comings," of the designer responsible for those figures.
"Joe Flaccid" was projecting his loss into his work
hoping for a "karma effect." The reason the variation
was corrected so quickly was because Viagra became available
shortly after the release which calmed JF's feelings of performance
anxiety.
Brainwashing attempt discovered!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-4-01 11:33am
EXCLUSIVE: A federal investigator reports backward masking was
found in original Ewok Celebration "Yub Nub" song!
Agent Senoj, using the latest and most advanced recording and
transmission equipment, was able to discover the dark secret
of the last chapter in the original Trilogy. Senoj stated, "You
see, 'Yub' is obviously 'buy' sung backwards. And 'nub'... well,
we thing that's some sort of veiled sexual reference. But again
with the Yub part... we're ready to conclude that the vast majority
of the success of the Plush Ewok line of toys can be directly
attributed to the subliminal messages carried in this song. These
children heard 'Yub' over and over again so many times they had
no choice but to obey."
Senoj theorizes that Lucas changed the
song in the SEs to protect his secret in the advent of vastly
superior computer recording equipment.
SW blooper was NO ACCIDENT!!
Posted by: Marblehead 4-4-01 11:33am
Head Bonking Stormtrooper Reveals, "I did it on purpose.
You know, for the notoriety."
"Not one of us gets any respect or
attention. People say we all look alike. I didn't want to be
just another face in the crowd."
Yes, I am a greedy bastard
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-4-01 11:33am
I purchased this really awesome lot of vintage New Zealand-origin
variant figures. They had variations like different cardbacks
and non-US bubbles. Very cool stuff! Well, I only have one left...
a white Bespin Guard. I know... lamest figure of the whole vintage
line. But this is a white Bespin Guard on a no-offer premier
card with a freaky variant bubble! What a gem to add to your
collection!!! And priced to sell!! For details, go to New
Zealand. Now I'm going to go take a shower to get this icky
feeling off my skin...
Bothan Spies Chime in with disturbing information about a certain Mr. Lucas.
Posted by: Ric Nimrod 4-4-01 11:33am
While the next chapter of the Star Wars saga is being filmed
and George Lucas is doing a round of pick up shots in England,
Skywalker ranch is left without its Emperor. And as the old saying
goes, when the cats away the mice will play. Well, our spies
have found a detailed file that has Lucas responsible for the
current situation with the US Spy Plane and China, the rigging
of the presidential election, the financing of a private war
and the controversial Clinton pardons.
While this might be troubling to some,
Star Wars fans are bound to be far more upset by some of the
Star Wars related conspiracies that King George is responsible
for.
The file goes on to describe in detail
the Lucas devised plans to re-re-release the trilogy on VHS followed
by a bare bones DVD collection then in the year 2010 a deluxe
edition. According to the file, all fans should own 9 or 10 versions
of all the Star Wars films by the time he is finished. Also the
"resculpt" controversy is addressed and it appears
that not only is Mr. Lucas responsible for the constant resculpts
of popular action figures, he is also responsible for the seemingly
minute "variations" that drive cost up among the collectors.
One quote from the file says, "If
they accepted Greedo shooting first, they will swallow anything."
The file also marks Lucas as responsible
for the shortage of Playstation 2 game systems as well as Johnny
Depp being constantly ignored by the Academy Awards.
Hostile takeover at Yakface.com!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-4-01 11:33am
Contrary to the rosy picture of a smooth and peaceful transition
over at Yakface.com,
this reporter has inside information that the old guard didn't
go willingly. One contributor, who wishes to remain anonymous
so we'll call him "Greg,"
told us, "He beat me with a stick until I left! A stick!!
It might have been one of those big Slim Jim sticks!!!!"
Developing...
An URGENT message from CreatureCantina.com!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-8-01 12:01am
Remember... if you hadn't stopped by, you would never know that
I typed the word "boobies" today.
Four-Alarm blaze devastates toy store!!!
Posted by: Stofer 4-8-01 12:01am
The Eastlake Target on the corner of Eastlake and 5th burned
to the ground last night in a blazing inferno that firefighters
were barely able to keep from spreading to neighboring stores.
The fire occurred in the wee hours of this morning with firefighters
arriving on the scene at just after 3:15 am. Early morning inspections
indicate that the fire may have begun in the toy aisle. "I've
seen this before," says Fire Chief Winston Zedmic. "We've
had several cases very similar to this in the past year."
There has been a rash of department and
toy store fires recently including Walmart on the West side six
months ago and the more recent Kay Bee Mall tragedy in which
four were killed and sixteen injured. No one was hurt in last
night's blaze.
"It was a good thing this happened
at night. A day time combustion would have endangered lifes,"
says Zedmic. I appears that the fire was started by spontaneous
combustion of peg warmers in the action figure aisle. "It's
much like the wild fires in western U.S.," explains Zedmic.
"Those figures are sitting there long enough and the pegs
just keep getting warmer and warmer. Eventually they get hot
enough to ignite the cardboard the figures are packaged in. We've
warned toy companies of this, but they never seem to listen."
The Fraternal Order of Firemen has a charity
fund set up for victims of peg warming fires. The fund not only
helps with medical bills of burn victims, but also is actively
involved in political lobbying encouraging stricter laws for
toy makers. (To contribute, log on to www.pegwarmvictims.com).
Zednic says "Countless lives would
have been saved had these toy companies simply released new product
in a timely fashion to get these peg warmers out of the stores."
Cable Gallery UPDATED AGAIN!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-8-01 12:01am
No I DON'T work that fast! I held off on posting the R2 until
the new site launched; it's as simple as that. Lord knows I don't
want people to think I can turns one of these suckers out every
week. That would cut too deeply into my on-line porn viewing
time. Not that I would ever do that, mind you... Anyway, here's
the link.
Ponda Baba looking for work.
Posted by: Ric Nimrod 4-8-01 12:01am
Former Star Wars star Ponda Baba is an actor without a gig. "I
have not worked since 'A New Hope' was filmed in 1977" says
the one-armed troublemaker. Plagued with rumors of rabble rousing
and numerous bar fights, Ponda has found himself out of work
for over twenty years.
"There have been royalties as well
as a slight kickback from the action figures. They have made
three different figures of me, including one of the first 20
EVER MADE. But it isn't enough, I am FRIGGIN' BROKE! I need work."
rants the giant toothed gunslinger.
Some suspect that there just are not many
parts for one-armed aliens (Mr. Baba lost his arm in an accident
during the filming of "A New Hope"), others claim it
is that he is just not as creative since he split with his show
biz partner Dr. Evazan. Ponda and the good doctor split some
22 years ago after Evazan got a small part in "The Empire
Strikes Back" as a stormtrooper while Baba got over looked
for a part. Baba has not spoken to his old Vaudeville partner
since.
The two have been offered a tidy sum of
money to appear on "The Late Show with David Lettermen"
however neither side will comment on whether the reunion will
take place.
"There is a lot of pain still there"
explains Mr. Baba.
Dr. Evazan could not be reached for comment.
Hasbro Announces New Star Wars figure line!!!
Posted by: Stofer 4-11-01 11:01am
Last Thursday Hasbro announced it's newest figure in an entirely
new line of toys. "We're calling it the Extended Expanded
Universe or EEU for short," said Gayle Withers, a Hasbro
representative. The new line will debut in the third quarter
of 2001 with the Weird Al in Jedi Robes figure. "Everyone
here at Hasbro loves Weird Al's Star Wars song," Gayle continued.
"The first week it was released, we had it blaring on the
office speakers all day. It was only a matter of time before
someone came up with an idea for this figure."
The figure is in the likeness on Weird
Al from his video for the popular "The Saga Begins",
a mainstay on MTV. The Weird Al figure will have a removable
Jedi cloak and come with lightsaber and microphone accessories.
""We were able to use the same tooling from the Sy
Snootles figure from the 80's for the microphone," says
Gayle. "So it saved us some cost on the figure. We're thinking
of doing a Cinema Scenes three pack featuring Sy, Al, and Jon
Yowza (the new lead singer from the ROTJ Special Edition. ed)."
The Extended Expanded Universe will eventually
feature other outside Star Wars characters. Ms. Withers gave
us a hint at what's to come. "We've got Darth Sidious with
Sith Piano (also from the Weird Al video. ed) planned for later
this year and also hope to do a Bill Murray Lounge Singer figure.
After that, who knows? I think it's a wonderfully rich area of
Star Wars that has, until now, been essentially untapped. I'm
certain the line will do well."
The State of Star Wars Address!
Posted by: Ric Nimrod 4-11-01 11:01am
Here on Wednesday because Nimrod "had problems with his
E-mail" this weekend, The Mighty Nimrod Speaks
is here to bestow enlightenment upon you. Trust
me, you really want to Click Here!
New "The Cantina" Comic strip today!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-11-01 11:01am
Here in it's regular "Wednesday update" time slot,
The Cantina is ready to entertain you. Click
Here!
WE GOT ONE!!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-11-01 9:01am
Here it is... our first paying customer. You'd think I'd be thrilled
with getting someone to pay to get their auction promoted a short
11 days after the site opened, but no such luck. All I have is
stress.
See, I need to plug this auction:
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=577226806
It's for Jason Coulston, who seems to be
auctioning off a lot these days. So Jason
E-mails and says he wants to buy an ad; I'm all giddy; then he
sends the link. I open it, take a look, then just say, "man,
I'm so screwed." See he's auctioning this 20-back special-offer Stormtrooper, which
is all good, but he starts the bidding at ONE HUNDRED FIFTY DOLLARS!!!
You don't start an eBay auction with an opening bid of $150,
even on choice merch like this... you start at a dollar. People
avoid auctions with high opening bids LIKE THE PLAGUE, unless
it's a Rocket Fett or some shit. Hello??? Did you skip eBay 101
or something??? when you start the bidding that high, you're
just begging to get raped. I mean a mere 3 days ago, I got a
21-back C-3PO for cheap as hell because the seller started the
bidding too high, and I only needed to out-snipe one gimp.
So why am I screwed? Well, now what's
going to happen is this auction will get like one bid, and it's
going to look like no one went there as a result of this ad,
and my viability as a revenue generator just goes straight down
the shitter. This might end up being my first and ONLY paid ad.
Shit. So go
to his auction and bid for crying out loud... don't punish
the both of us for his inability to run a proper auction... The
auction ends tomorrow at 8:13PM EDT.
NOW I LOOK STUPID!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-11-01 12:01pm
OK, so I put together this sweet auction ad for Coulston here...
beat him down on his opening bid... and what does he do? Does
he keep it up and prove my point? Does he leave well-enough alone?
No, he RELISTS THE AUCTION!! Buck-fifty opening
bid!! I spent an hour on that first ad, and now it's all for
naught. DAMNIT! But hey, now he'll get some bids, and we'll look
like a viable revenue generator. So I guess I shouldn't be too
pissed. What is it they say about the best laid plans?
Here's the new link:
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=578984211
PS: Be sure to check out all the brand
new news updates under the first ad.
Programming note:
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-13-01 1:01pm
Just letting you know that there won't be an update on Sunday;
it being Easter and all. As much as we appreciate garbage hits,
we don't want to be pissing all you guys off as you hit refresh
thirty times on Sunday looking for the latest junk. Our next
update will be 4/18. Happy Easter!!
eBayer gives left nut for "mint" vintage figure!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-18-01 10:01am
Check this one out:
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=578842670
You're not imagining things... yes, someone
paid over a grand for a 12-back Leia. But this Leia was EXTREMELY
special, because it's sealed in a plastic box! A plastic box
I say!!
The reaction to this auction has been both
varied and intense. Elite vintage collector Ron Salvatore commented:
"I'd only pay that for crack, or maybe some young whores."
If you doubted anyone could be THIS stupid,
the bidder "casefreshtoys" himself told CreatureCantina.com:
"There is no telling how much these could go for with a
strong U.S. economy and an actual Star Wars movie release ...
They are truly magnificent pieces that I am sure are very RARE
in condition and will appreciate more in time."
"The Cantina" Comic strip released!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-18-01 10:01am
As dependable as a life-indebted Wookie, The Cantina
has undergone it's weekly update. Enjoy!! Click
Here!
Ask Scott Something... RIGHT NOW DAMNIT!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-18-01 10:01am
What the hell is wrong with you people??? Don't you want your
questions answered by our resident expert? This guy actually
worked for Hasbro. He's seen what goes on on the inside! And
now he's pissed-off enough to tell everyone about it since those
bastards laid him off. So don't miss your chance... take this
opportunity and Ask
Scott Something!!!
Websters redefines "rare"
Posted by: Stofer 4-18-01 10:01am
In an unprecedented move, the Webster Company, publisher of the
best selling of all reference books, has made a radical change
in the definition of the word "rare."
"This has never happened in the history
of our company," Webster spokesman Arnold Erstwhile commented.
"We're always adding new words, but to completely revise
the definition is something that's just not done."
The move came just as the 2001 edition
of Webster's dictionary was going to press. "In an ever
increasing online world, Webster has tried to stay on the cusp
of modern terminology." Erstwhile said. "It changes
so quickly that honestly, we've had a hard time keeping up."
Erstwhile attributed the move to a significant online usage of
the word "rare", especially on sites such as eBay.
"The word is being used in radically different ways than
we've ever seen before," explains Erstwhile. "We felt
the new dictionary should take these usages into account."
The end result of this progression of language
has resulted in the traditional definition of "rare"
(Infrequently occurring; uncommon) to be downgraded to the the
second most common definition of the term. The new definition
will appear like this in the 2001 Webster's dictionary: rare:
adj. 1. available for sale or exchange for money or it's equivalent
"We noticed, especially on the online
auctions sites, that the people posting obviously were coming
up with a new use for the word," Erstwhile states. "It
was quite plain that most of these listings were not actually
for items that fit the previous definition of the word, so we
had our lexographers analyze the usages for commonalities."
That study led to the current new definition
for the word and making such phrases as "Rare action figure
for sale" redundant. Now a seller would only have to say
"Rare action figure" because the fact that the item
is for sale is taken into account by the use of the word rare.
"It will save everyone a lot of words,"
Erstwhile says. "It's exciting to see language change like
this. It's an unprecedented day for Webster and for the English
language."
OK, damnit... I am braggin'! So sue me!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-22-01 2:31pm
Yes I am an egomaniac. But I know you're riveted by what's going
on in my life!! There was a double-whammy of good Star Wars news
for me this past week. My second achievement was to have my first
entry posted at ToysRGus.com.
If you haven't heard of them, TRG (or "The Archive"),
is THE premier vintage Star Wars site on the 'Net. They post
images and descriptions of the greatest vintage finds on a regular
basis, with an emphasis of prototypes and rare finds. On 4-18,
they posted a page for my Brazilian bootleg C-3PO. You can read
all about it here. What I love about this figure is it's
made out of LEAD. To really appreciate that fact, you have to
imagine all those little Brazilian children licking and sucking
on their lead Star Wars figures on the streets of Rio de Janeiro...
oh the beauty of the slums of Latin America!!
No, I'm not braggin'...
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-22-01 2:31pm
I simply need to share a great accomplishment of mine. A couple
months ago, I submitted some art to the "Fans Gallery"
at AnthonyDaniels.com.
I just discovered that they accepted two of my submissions. So
to check out my new-found fame, click on the "Fans Gallery"
link at AnthonyDaniels.com.
As a big 3PO fan and collector (I have 20 different vintage carded
C-3PO figures, and over 100 3PO items overall), this is a great
honor.
RebelScum wiped out by powerful cleaning product!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-22-01 2:31pm
No, it wasn't heavy traffic of jealous hackers that was able
to take down the behemoth Star Wars collecting Web site - Rebelscum.com;
it was a simple container of cleaning fluid. Reports out of Network
Solutions, Inc. state that the name server WWW.WISE-ADVICE.COM
was severely damaged when a full bottle of the cleaning product
"Greased
Lightning," was accidentally spilled on top of the computer
case. The product seeped through the openings in the case and
shorted out the processor and motherboard. The damage was catastrophic.
Cleaning staffer Lester Ludd explained,
"I was diluting a capful of 'Greased Lightning' in a bucket
of water to clean up this greasy spill in the lunch room. I turned
around, and it must have been a rat knocked that bottle over
and it splashed all over this computer. It started shooting sparks
and flaming... reminded me something out of a movie. I've never
seen a stronger reaction to a cleaning product. I told those
guys not to put them computers in the janitor closet."
A spokesman for A&M Cleaning Products,
the manufacturers of Greased Lightning, issued a press release
stating, "Though we express regret for the downtime Rebelscum.com
is claiming, we feel this further proves our position that 'Greased
Lightning' is the best product on the market to wipe out scum.
Soap scum, rebel scum, any kind of scum you may have, if you
use 'Greased Lightning' it'll disappear."
Phil Wise, webmaster at Rebelscum.com commented,
"like I need this f*ckin' irony."
Washed Up Rock Stars Totally Star Wars Collectors Club (WurstSWCC) Forms
Posted by: Stofer 4-25-01 12:01pm
Brian May, former lead guitarist of the
70's rock supergroup Queen and Rock Metal Bad Boy Alice Cooper
have formed a new Star Wars Collectors Club for members of the
60's and 70's music scene.
Brian got the idea after a recent purchase
of four pewter sculptures by Compulsion Gallery (see the story
here: http://www.compulsion.net/brianmay.html).
Having heard Alice was also a fan of the movies, Brian called
him up and the idea was hatched.
"We know there are some others in
the rock world who have the same collecting bug Alice and I do,"
May said. "We wanted a way we could all get to know each
other and share our collecting experiences. It's hard to acquire
this stuff when you're on the road so much. It's not easy to
snipe eBay auctions from a tour bus."
The pair came up with a list of potential
members for their fledgling club and started putting out feelers.
"We really wanted to get Robert Plant and also Jon Anderson
from Yes involved and it sounds like both are interested,"
May says. "And I think all the members of Iron Butterfly
might join. I'm crossing my fingers for that one to happen."
There were a few disappointments though.
Geddy Lee of Rush turned them down flat. "I know he's a
Star Wars freak," May explains. "He's just got to be
willing to come out of the geek closet and join us." Also,
the new club was unable to reach Ozzy Osbourne who's secretary
said he was too busy biting the head of a Mynock action figure
to answer the phone.
If you're a a washed up rocker who loves
Star Wars find out more about the new club at www.wurst.com.
Are you pissed like I am?
Posted by: Ric Nimrod 4-25-01 12:01pm
I have this kick-ass, surround-sound home theater system. It's
2001. And you're telling me the best version of the Trilogy I
can watch is on frickin' VHS? Share
my pain in the latest "The
Mighty Nimrod Speaks!!!!"
Your weekly dose of cartoon goodness...
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-25-01 12:01pm
You know you were just itching for this... repeatedly hitting
"Refresh" all morning until it popped up. So don't
even front, just go ahead and Click
Here for the latest "The Cantina" comic strip!!
Wuher "backstage pass" renamed "idiot badges"
Posted by: Bill Cable 4-29-01 1:31am
For many months, Star Wars Fan Club members and "Star Wars
Insider" subscribers were offered the opportunity to order
the club-exclusive Wuher 4" action figure for a low-low
price of $9.95 + S&H (which worked out to just over $14 per
figure). To "add value" to this offer, The Fan Club
threw in a free laminated backstage pass featuring the portrait
of our favorite Cantina bartender.
Collectors were stunned earlier this month
when the "exclusive" figure started showing up in full
cases at their local Toys R Us stores, at the clearance price
of $1.97. It was a gratifying turn of events for those collectors
who love Star Wars, but can't justify subscribing to the fanboy
rag. However, all was not well; in order to acquire the laminated
pass, you still must order from the Fan Club.
In order to honor the special status that
collectors must have achieved to get this pass in their possession,
an independent panel of experts has decided to change the name
of the Wuher "backstage pass" to the Wuher "idiot
badge." Think about it... if you have one of these badges
in your collection, there's no question about where you got your
Wuher. POTF2 fanatic Andrew McGinski told CreatureCantina.com:
"I bought four of these Wuher figures from the Fan Club,
knowing how valuable they would be on eBay in a couple months.
Boy, do I feel like an idiot."
Similarly, PSWCS
member Brad Klup stated, "Now every time I go to someone's
house for a meeting, I can look around and count the number of
Wuher badges there are. And I can think to myself, 'THREE BADGES???
What an idiot!'" When asked how many badges Klup had in
his own collection, he stated, "Come on now... what do I
look like to you, an idiot?"
When pressed for comment, a spokesman for
the official Fan Club blurted out, "We didn't force these
idiots to spend $14 per figure here... they made that decision
of their own free will." When asked for comments about the
appropriateness of the name change, he replied, "We think
very highly about all of our Fan Club members, and recognize
them as the most well-informed and discerning group of collectors
on the planet. To call them idiots just because we suckered them
into dramatically overpaying for one of the lamest characters
available in a 4" figure would just be too humiliating."
Joel Schumacher to direct new Batman/Star Wars crossover film!!
Posted by: Ric Nimrod 4-29-01 1:31am
In a bizarre marketing turn, George Lucas has allowed WB to cross-license
the Jar Jar Binks character in their next Batman film entitled
"Batman and Robin and Jar Jar." There is a chance the
title may change to "The Gotham Gungan."
An insider from the studio had this to
say: "If fans hated Jar Jar in Episode One and they hated
the last Batman movie (directed by Schumacher and accused of
being made for the sole purpose of selling toys) then they are
REALLY going to hate this film. But what the hell, we are going
to sell a shitload of toys."
The plot of the impending celluloid disaster
is being kept under tight security however a spokesperson for
Mr. Binks (who is currently out on bail after his Oscar night
brawl) stated that "Jar Jar is a great talent and is eager
to branch out and destroy other franchises as he did with Star
Wars."
Warner Brothers also has plans for a Superman/
Ewoks film if the Jar Jar/ Batman movie is as financially successful
as hoped.
CreatureCantina.com FEATURED eBay LINK!!
Posted by: Dianoga 4-29-01 11:31am
As you are well aware, eBay is the marketplace
for Star Wars. And as much as some of us would like to think
that Star Wars is the center of the eBay universe, we cannot
ignore the fact that eBay offers us an innumerable array of purchasing
options. From time to time, I will share some of the wondrous
consumer goods eBay has to offer. So I submit the following for
your enjoyment... only on eBay...
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1000303130
PS: You can submit your odd and freakish
eBay links to Dianoga.
Yaks Sue Hasbro!!!
Posted by: Stofer 5-2-01 7:31pm
GAPTY (The Global Association for the Preferential Treatment
of Yaks) has sued the Hasbro corporation for their naming of
a Star Wars figure. "This is an outrage," head Yak
Baab Alouma said in a phone interview yesterday. "With the
resurgence of Star Wars figures, this has recently come to our
attention. It's an insult that's been going on for decades!"
Baab is referring to the action figure
made by the Kenner Company (now owned by Hasbo) named Yak Face.
The final figure in the 1980's line of Star Wars toys, the company
named the figure because of his supposed likeness to a Yak. "The
figure doesn't even look like a Yak," Baab explain. "Yaks
don't walk on two legs. And the face is absolutely hideous. To
imply this figure has the face of a Yak is to insult our entire
culture." Hasbro representative Gayle Withers was unable
to be reached for comment.
GAPTY has filed suit in a Rhode Island
court and plans to take the matter "all the way to the top"
if necessary. Similar groups representing Walrus and Squid are
also thinking of taking action.
Another Wednesday, another comic strip...
Posted by: Bill Cable 5-2-01 7:31pm
I have jury duty today, so it's going to be a short update. Plus,
I was at work last night until 1am and had to wake up this morning
at 7. So I'm tired as hell. But I was able to get a comic strip
done... Click Here to read "The
Cantina!!"
Eight arrested in HUGE POTJ bust!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 5-6-01 11:01pm
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Pittsburgh, PA (APA): Local residents were
generally undisturbed when eight Pennsylvania residents were
arrested for POTJ dealing following a toy show in Monroeville,
PA. Undercover policeman "Officer Glenn," led the sting,
aided by numerous hidden cameras situated in the "meeting
room," where the dealing took place.
Officer Glenn recalls: "I had never
seen such a madhouse... they were dealing vintage. They were
dealing new. They were dealing foreign and domestic. You'd need
a calculator to keep track of all that was going on..."
When asked to describe the chain of events,
Officer Glenn described it as such: "Following the toy show,
these 'collectors' gathered at a private meeting room several
miles away, obviously trying to avoid detection. The meeting
began with each guy showing off his best scratch. There were
some amazing items (some of them worth the drive from Philly
just to see). The show was as much posturing as it was to determine
what was going to be dealt... you could see the pecking order
develop as the meeting went along."
"At the head of this group was a guy
we only knew of as 'Jawie' before the meeting. You can see him
in the fifth image from the top. This guy had by far the sweetest
stash to deal. He had multiples of the newest, hottest, and most
rare things on the market... stuff that hits $40 or more on eBay
due to its rarity. When we discovered Jawie was attending this
gathering, we knew out months of investigations into this 'PSWCS' collecting
ring would pay off."
"It got pretty tense when everyone
started eying up what they wanted. When five guys all want the
same three figures you never know what will happen. I'm not ashamed
to say that yeah, I was scared. You never know how many of these
freaks are packing, and you never know what can set them off.
Somebody calls someone else a Gungan... all you can do is dive
for cover. But Jawie kept it all under control, and no violence
erupted."
"When the cash started coming out,
we knew we had the evidence necessary to blow this wide open.
The SWAT team broke in and hauled all their asses downtown. We
can all rest easier knowing that Jawie guy is behind bars. And
hey, I confiscated a sweet EB Kit in the process, so I'm happy."
Editor's note: All suspects were released
shortly after it was discovered that all items were either traded
at even value or sold at cost, and that several toys from the
event were donated to the pediatrics ward at a local hospital.
No officers were available for additional comment.
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Maul Offered Development Deal
Posted by: Ric Nimrod 5-9-01 3:31am
WWF chairman Vince McMahon has offered former Star Wars star
Darth Maul a development contract in his popular World Wrestling
Federation. While this does not guarantee the movie baddie a
spot on the roster, it does allow him to show his moves to Mr.
McMahon for the next twelve months.
After several months of auditions for film
and television roles, it might seem as if Mr. Maul has finally
found a home.
"When I was turned down for a walk
on 'The Steve Harvey Show' I knew me career needed to take a
turn for the better" said the Sith Lord.
The WWF roster, full of big names like
Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Undertaker, is not an easy roster
to crack into, but the red and black faced villain seems positive
he will make the cut despite some harsh words from his competition.
"If that hermaphrodite comes at the
great one with that saber spinning crap, The Rock will take that
saber, turn it sideways and stick it strait up his roody poo,
candy ass!" says WWF star The Rock, whose movie "The
Mummy Returns" broke Mauls "Phantom Menace" opening
weekend record for highest grossing weekend in film history.
The contract begins on July 1st, 2001.
Spotlight on THE HORROR that is eBay
Posted by: Dianoga 5-9-01 3:31am
It's the one place in the world where you can find anything you
want to buy (except for a
decent carded 20-back Fett offer C-3PO - B.C.).
And I'm proud to bring you these:
At least he has a long time to save up
to pay for it...
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1000000003
When you have a statement to make, make
it in TEAK...
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1000323819
And finally, an HONEST title...
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1000328341
YES! I did do this week's comic strip...
Posted by: Bill Cable 5-9-01 3:31am
Better late in the day than never, but ALWAYS worth the wait...
We proudly present the latest
strip of "The Cantina!!"
Bitching and Moaning my way into the hearts of Star Wars fans...
Posted by: Ric Nimrod 5-9-01 3:31am
Yes, it's been a couple weeks in the making. Yes, I know you
hoped t was gone forever. Well piss off - I'm here for the long
haul!! READ the latest "The Mighty Nimrod Speaks!!"
Damnit... almost forgot: BUY THIS THING!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 5-9-01 6:01pm
Man, this is just not my day! I completely forgot to plug Bobby's
Uzay Emperor's Royal Guard auction on eBay. Here's the link:
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=586945175
Now you don't have to worry... this is
not, I repeat IS NOT the same Uzay ERG that SirSte... err...
that bastard sold to Kirsten a couple years back that he said
was C-8 MOC when in fact it was much worse; then refused to refund
the money. So this figure CANNOT be removed from the bubble via
GAPING HOLES AND CRACKS in the bottom. There ARE NOT multiple
staple holes across the top of the card. And IN NO WAY, SHAPE
OR FORM is the head of the figure detatched from the body. No,
the head isn't broken off like the one that POTF2 scalper sold
to Kirsten. So you can bid on this one WITH CONFIDENCE that it
is exactly as advertised. This is a very rare piece, so don't
miss your chance (since the moron didn't even list it as Featured,
it could easily slip by for cheap).
CreatureCantina.com gets MORE LAME!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 5-13-01 10:01am
After an in-depth analysis of our access statistics, we figured
out a couple of things:
- We don't get any hits Sundays (despite
the regular updates)
- We get a whole lot of hits on Wednesdays
(despite the regular updates)
Since we're not stupid (contrary to published
reports), and we are lazy, there seems to be only one logical
course of action. I'm going to sleep in Sundays, and post all
the stuff I would post on Sundays on Wednesdays. So get ready
for some huge updates every Wednesday! To the four or five people
who regularly visited every Sunday, we appreciate your support,
but tough cookies.
Thank you DAVE BROWN!!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 5-16-01 11:31am
I just wanted to take a second to recognize Dave Brown, CreatureCantina.com
reader and PSWCS
member. Dave submitted the first "Headline" on today's
update (the hyperspace one), and in doing so becomes the author
of our first fan-contributed content. Yaaayyyy Dave!!!!!
PS: Someone else is sure to pop
up and chew out my ass for forgetting their own earlier contribution.
It's been a long morning, so forgive me. I can honestly say that
I deeply appreciated your contribution, and I blame my lack of
good sleep for the error.
Order the Carbon Freeze Chamber on-line NOW!!
Posted by: Bill Cable 5-16-01 11:31am
This is no joke...
I went on-line to order the Fan Club Carbon
Freeze Chamber. I found that you need to be an on-line member.
I've been in the FC for years, but I never signed up on-line.
You'd think it would be quick and painless to sign up, but NOOOOO!!
This is the actual text of the support E-mail I received on how
to sign up:
Here's how you register on our
new site:
Step 1: First, go to our website
at swfan.wizards.com
Step 2: Registering on the website.
You do this by clicking on the link to 'Create an Account' located
in the greeting paragraph. This will take you to our 'New Shopper'
area. Once here, you can enter your email address and create
a password of your choosing (be sure to pick something easy to
remember). Once this is done you are logged onto the site.
Important! You will notice that
the site does not identify you as a 'member' at this stage -
Don't be alarmed, this is normal.
The site does not distinguish
between non-members and members unless we tell it to. Bear in
mind that non-members can log into our site and purchase items
- they just don't get the member benefits of lower prices and
shipping etc.
Step 3: Getting recognized as
a member.
Once you've registered, you must be 'activated' as a member on
the site; call us on 1-800-TRUE-FAN or send us an email including
your name, address and log-on email. Once we have activated you,
Watto will recognize you as a member on future visits.
Hope this helps. Any problems?
Contact us on 1-800-TRUE-FAN to speak to a representative.
So to experience the convenience of ordering
on-line, you must either CALL 1-800-TRUE FAN and wait
on hold for 40 minutes, or send an E-mail and wait who knows
how long to be activated. You'd think maybe they'd tell us this
BEFORE the hottest new collectible around became available or
something. Nah, that would be silly.
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