Because one Toy Wars wasn't enough... Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.10.04 12:01am Here's a lesson for you... if you send us enough crap to put on our site, we may have no choice but to add you to the staff. We're thrilled to welcome our newest contributor Tresob Yr formerly of the Star Wars Action Figure Theater. Send him an E-mail and say hi... just so he has something besides 100 SPAMs in his mailbox when he checks it. Oh yeah, and here's his latest comic, the sequel to his "Toy Wars" series called... wait for it... "Toy Wars 2!!!!"
Know Your Enemy Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.17.04 12:01am The Star Wars Figure Collector's Survival Guide Part One:
Name: The Investor
Affiliation: Capitalist Empire
Weapons of Choice: Cash; Credit Card
Vehicle: 1982 Ford Station Wagon
Allies: Marketing Strategist; The eBay Buyer
Enemies: The Collector; Children
Missions:
THE HUNT: The Hasbro shipment has arrived a day early at Target. Can you beat the hordes of Children and find the chase figures before they can get their greasy hands on the cardbacks?
THE PAYOFF: You've managed to secure every Ephant Mon in the tri-state area--now can you auction them all off at exorbitant prices on eBay?
Toy Wars 2 part 2... or Toy Wars part 5... or... Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.17.04 12:01am This week we continue with the toy photo comic strip with the most confusing naming convention ever. You see, this is actually the 5th Toy Wars comic. But it's only the 2nd of a 3-part arc called Toy Wars 2, so it's not really associated with the first Toy Wars, except in name. Well, that and that it has photos of toys playing with smaller toys... how freaky is that? But at least none of them are erotic toys. Now that would just be wrong. I mean... Greedo and a dil... well, I'll just leave it to your imagination. To help you erase that image from your mind, here's Toy Wars part.. something.
Toy Wars 2 FINALE!! Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.24.04 12:01am What could motivate boys to put away their toys? Not much, apparently. Delve deep into the obsessions of the Cantina patrons in the earth-shattering finale of Toy Wars 2!!!!
Know Your Enemy Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.01.04 12:01am A Star Wars Figure Collector's Survival Guide
In a greater effort to serve the collecting community and promote safe collecting habits, I present the second installment of the Star Wars Action Figure Collector's Survival Guide.
This edition focuses on one of the most nefarious scoundrels out there: that OTHER Collector.
I'm sure we've all seen this guy...not that any of us really know him. I mean, I know I wouldn't be associated with such a rapscallion.
Read. Learn. Collect safely.
Name: That Other Collector
Affiliation: Local Dragonmasters' Guild
Weapons of Choice: Credit Card; Cell Phone; Blogs
Vehicle: Mass Transit
Allies: The Stockboy; The Investor; Mom
Enemies: The Collector; Children; Mom
Missions:
THE HOARD: Make sure no one else can get their hands on the newest Fan's Choice figure by purchasing every one you see. Then hide them all in your mother's basement. Only you will ever know what happened.
THE ROCKET-FIRING BOBA FETT: They say the rocket-firing Boba Fett was just a legend...but you know better. Use your network of collectors to unravel an age-old international conspiracy and find the lost shipment of rocket Fetts.
Know Your Enemy Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.08.04 12:01am A Star Wars Figure Collector's Survival Guide
There are few things about collecting that are more irksome than when you are desperately trying to hunt down that one rare figure you really need to finish off your Coruscant Night Club sequence, only to see some punk at FFURG has managed to acquire the fig and replaced its head with a Rodian's. And so Creature Cantina presents...
The Collector's Survival Guide Part 3:
Every day dozens of action figures are taken off the collector's market.
Many will line a shelf in a spare bedroom.
Many are proudly put on display at computer terminals.
Many are tucked away by hoarding investors.
But a significant number of these figures fall into the hands of THE CUSTOMIZER and will never be heard from again...
Name: The Customizer, a.k.a. The Mutilator
Affililiation: Blockbuster Video Cardholder
Weapons of Choice: Scultpy, Rusty Tools, Scalding Water
Vehicle: Re-tooled Mustang
Allies: Pearle Art Supply Chick, Ignorant Yard Salesman
Enemies: The Investor, The Completionist
Missions:
RARE VINTAGE MAKEOVER: Acquire as many mint-condition vintage figures as you can and "improve" them by rescultping them as less memorable figures from the Prequels. The fans will love it as much as Lucas's Special Edition edits!
MAD SCIENTIST: See how many figures you can make to satisfy reclusive collectors' unnatural fetishes for Jedi Astromechs, Cyborged Ewoks, and Gamorrean Slave Girls.
Know Your Enemy Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.15.04 12:01am It's that time of year for stringing Christmas lights, stuffing stockings, and decorating indoor conifers in neo-pagan festivals.
And by that warm, fuzzy feeling that enters our heart as we push our way through now crammed toy aisles to take advantage of holiday savings, we know that this time of year is really special for the children.
That's why the Star Wars Action Figure Collector's Survival Guide is taking a special look at KIDS for the next few weeks.
Not only do those little people compose our primary competitors on the market, they are the number one threat to the preservation of mint-condition Star Wars collections everywhere.
If they haven't already infested your home, you can be sure that one or two of them will be caught burrowing somewhere in your house as relatives pay their visits and drop off their recycled gifts of fruit-cake (assuming your excessive Star Wars collection hasn't already ostracized you from the rest of your clan). So read and learn, before it is too late...
The first subject of our study is that most notorious and familiar of adversaries -- that miniature muncher himself, THE BITER...
Name: The Biter
Affiliation: Flinstone's Kid
Weapons of Choice: Teeth, Diaper
Vehicle: Car Seat
Allies: The Wiggles, Barney
Enemies: Child Safety Locks, Gravity
Missions:
The Shelf Elf: No respectable rugrat ever let something like altitude and safety prevent them from wreaking havoc. Create a makeshift siege machine from pillows and other household items in order to assault your uncle's most valued figures way up on the top of the bookcase.
Consumerism...Literally: See how many action figure accessories you can eat when no one is looking. Start with rebel pistols and work your way up. Double points if you can swallow Darth Maul's lightsaber without choking.
Learn about all the Star Wars Action Figure Collector's Enemies!
Know Your Enemy Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.05.05 12:01am A Star Wars Figure Collector's Survival Guide
War is Hell...and children can be some its chief devils.
Watch the ranks of casualties grow as the nearest runt, fresh from tearing through Christmas presents, tears through your pristine collection of newly acquired figures in a fit of blind fury and plotless violence.
Hope you bought enough deluxe Bacta Tanks when they went on sale, because you're about to get the chance to set-up that medical bay diorama you've always dreamed about...
Name: The Basher
Affiliation: Pokemagotchi-oh! League Champion
Weapons of Choice: Sheer Violence
Vehicle: Dirt Bike
Allies: Comic Book Store Owner, Scruffy the Uber-mutt
Enemies: Homework, Cooties
Missions:
The Good Stuff: Forget this little kiddie Playskool Galactic Heroes rubbish -- you want to play with real toys -- toys with articulation and potential choking hazards. Dig around closets and air-tight containers until you can find your uncle's hidden stash of plastic joy. Hint: The more tissue paper they are wrapped in, the more fun they are to play with.
Aggression Play Therapy: Your family therapist says that a lack of outdoor activities leads to a lot of pent up hostility. Manage your anger by using your Uncle's action figures to role-play alternative strategies for dealing with the schoolyard bully...or face life as a ritalin junkie.
I Was Sold on eBay Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.05.05 12:01am Tresob Yr
The Story of Princess Leia Organa Sends Shockwaves through the Action Figure World!
During a SWAFT NEWS expose, Gary Longsnoot uncovered a vast conspiracy of investors selling action figures over the Internet. Thousands upon thousands of action figures are snatched from marketplaces each year, thinking they will be taken to loving homes where children or thirty-year-old balding men will play with them. Instead, they mercilessly were displayed and sold over online auctions; carelessly packed into boxes, sometimes even flimsy manila envelopes; and shipped to remote locations. Princess Leia has chosen to tell Gary her story.
Leia asked to meet with us at a family-oriented boardwalk near her beach residence. "People get the wrong idea when they see me," she said. "Wholesome family values. That's what I'm all about. Sometimes I feel like no one can see through my metal bikini."
G: It's a pleasure to be able to speak with you today, Leia.
Know Your Enemy Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.12.05 12:01am A Star Wars Figure Collector\'s Survival Guide
And now to conclude the SWAFCSG's report on those diminutive terrors to collectors across the globe: KIDS.
What's cuter than a spear-chucking Ewok and twice as dangerous? Why, a little girl with a sweet tooth and proclivity for the visual arts of course!
She might be innocent and charming, but that never erased the magic marker from a Wookie or straightened out a bent card back. When it comes to preserving your action figures, danger can come in the most darling of packages.
Name: Little Miss Sticky-fingers
Affiliation: Junior Pixie Rainbow Corps Cadet
Weapons of Choice: Sucrose, Mucus
Vehicle: Tricycle
Allies: Santa Claus, Anything cute a fuzzy
Enemies: Proper Hygiene, Frogs
Missions:
Battle Damage Features: Help your uncle have a more realistic battle scene on his computer desk by getting your filthy little fingerprints all over his fingers.
Won't He Be Surprised: Uncle sure will miss you when he's gone... that's why you should make sure to draw him reminders of how much you love him someplace special where he is bound to look -- like on the backs of all those carded action figures he keeps on his shelf. Doesn't R2-D2 look funny with a mustache!
Toy Wars 4 from Tresob Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.19.05 12:01am The battle of "Who's the best action figure photo comic strip creator on CreatureCantina.com" continues with Tresob Yr's latest "Toy Wars" entry. He was supposed to write up some sort of snappy intro to the thing for me, but I guess he forgot. So this is all you get.
He did want me to note that an astute reader would notice that he skipped "Toy Wars 3" as an homage to Steve "Solo" Rensi's "flattering parody." I think that's Tresobish for "lame pile of crap," but my dialect may be a bit rusty. At any rate, here's part one of Tresob's "Toy Wars 4."
Toy Wars 4 - Part II Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.26.05 12:01am See the threat of a gambler's vice!
Witness the effeminacy of vanity!
Watch toys behaving badly as Lando tempts our hero to a decadent life of gaming while Han's own obsession with his plastic effigy grows. Gander at all this and read a pun-fully humorous punchline in this week's thrilling three panel installment of TOY WARS FOUR: THE BEST LIFE DAY PRESENT...EVER!
Toy Wars 4 - Part III Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.02.05 12:01am An afternoon's stroll proves alarming
As a cautious droid sees ancient fears
Arise from a seeming double-vision,
But the goldenrod's exclamation
Proves a golden inspiration
To a roguish scoundrel --
All in this week's eye-catching installment of... Toy Wars 4: THE BEST LIFE-DAY PRESENT...EVER!
Toy Wars 4:4 - CONCLUSION! Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.09.05 12:01am Gentlemen, take note!
Ladies, BEWARE!
The chains love won't keep a scurrilous scoundrel from his vice,
They'll merely lead him to devise this strange device!
Valentine's a week away but Love's already here
-Or a facsimile thereof-when Leia finds Han
Too good to be true in the last leg of Toy Wars 4: THE BEST LIFE-DAY PRESENT...EVER!
An outtake from SWAFT's "Beowulf" Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.16.05 12:01am
Hoth Han and Kit Fisto have a little fun hazing the new talent on the set of Beowulf.
Did Cupid pass you by this Valentine's Day? Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.16.05 12:01am Looking for a relationship with someone who can really give you the emotional support you need while hunting ROTS sneak preview figures?
Well, never fear, Star Wars Collector -- Creature Cantina has got your back!
Take a break from surfing eBay and meet up with one of our eligible singles looking for a dose of lovin' in this great big, lonely galaxy.
N.U.F.F. Said... Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.23.05 12:01am Washington, D.C. Amid smiles and hugs, Mon Mothma accepted her new position as the presiding chairperson over the National Union of Female Figures (NUFF) this morning. Members of the organization from across the country came to witness this historic occasion and to hear their new leader speak.
Mothma was visibly moved and had to pause several times between deafening applause and her own tears. "We are heading in a new direction," Mothma said. "I will find a common peg for us all to stand on."
Political analysts see Mothma's appointment as signaling a change in direction for NUFF.
"It used to be that we had to fight because there just weren't enough women being represented," said Scarlett, from the Valor vs. Venom chapter of NUFF. "But now we're dealing with how we are represented."
Conservatives were delighted to hear that among Mon Mothma's plans are strategies to promote decency laws to prevent the exploitation of female action figures. Others argue that more is at stake than good taste.
"Look at Arena Padme-not only is her midriff exposed, but she has claw marks down her back. This isn't just about perverted thirty-year old male wish-fulfillment-this is about violence against women," said Omnicon Arcee, head of NUFF's non-human sub-committee.
Mothma also addressed more practical concerns. "I ask you, when a woman has to go to war, does it really behoove her to wear a bikini? Our fighting women deserve better protection on the battlefield-and I'll see to it that they get the supplies that they need," the new chairperson of NUFF said.
Don't make me take out my slide rule... Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.23.05 12:01am In honor of Creature Cantina's newest contributor, I humbly submit the following...
It is a Dangerous Time for You... Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.02.05 12:01am Once a Padawan begins training, it must not ever be interrupted, lest the Dark Side of the Force seduce him while his mind is still vulnerable.
What could it mean then, when Master Yoda is missing from the Jedi Academy?
Know your enemy!! Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.09.05 12:01am The SWCSG Returns with a VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE!
Creature Cantina reporters have finally discovered evidence proving what many Star Wars Collectors suspected to be true from the very beginning.
The new fiery logo for the ROTS line does not actually represent Anakin Skywalker's unfortunate fall into a burning pit of lava. It is a veiled allusion to the truly Dark Forces at work behind the scenes.
Hasbro's Marketing Department is, in fact, run by Satan.
Many Bothans died to bring us this information.
Hasbro Marketing Executive
Name: El Diablo
Affiliation: Hasbro, Inc.
Weapons of Choice: Temptation, Brimstone
Vehicle: Stretch SUV
Allies: Cerberus, George Lucas
Enemies: Collectors' Girlfriends, The Almighty
Missions:
Cinema Scene Madness: Installing that rooftop pool sure has drained your resources. How are you ever going to send your satanic spawn to college now? Find out how many times you can package an exclusive new figure with two older figures that everyone already has to finance your children's education!
Peter Pan Complex: Can you track down the most devious advertising agents to convince collectors that they can escape the grown-up world of full-time employment and responsible bread-winning by desperately clinging to nostalgic yearnings for their childhood? (Hint: If wives or girlfriends try to intervene, release another round of scantly clad female figures.)
Tresob's Toy Wars returns!! Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.16.05 12:01am Because the author demanded it!
All-New Toy Wars Story Arc!
PRELUDE FOR PADDY'S DAY: "SOB"riety Test
It's a well-known rumor that when Lando's gambling debts get too high, he dips into the Bespin Municipal Funds.
In order to keep his floating city's treasury viable, he sometimes has to take extra measures.
Maybe this is why his Cloud Car Patrol is feared throughout the galaxy as being particularly ruthless...
Exclusive Card Back Revealed! Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.23.05 12:01am New evidence appears regarding the upcoming K-Mart Exclusive "Creature Cantina Edition" E3 Figs.
TOY WARS - Episode: Whatever Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.23.05 12:01am Part One: The Advertisement
Some men refused to join the Imperial Fleet.
Some men were refused by it.
But there's a little corner of the Galaxy where a man can wear a uniform without making a political statement.
A little corner of the Galaxy that goes unnoticed by the Empire.
A little corner of the Galaxy known as Bespin.
Do you have what it takes to join the men in blue?
Do you have what it takes to be a Security Officer of Bespin?
SOBs: The Interview Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.30.05 12:01am Black, white, mustachioed and cyborged--the Security of Bespin prides itself on being one of the most diverse law enforcement agencies in the Galaxy.
It takes people from different walks of life working together to keep the corridors of Bespin safe.
So what happens when a little ugnaught wants to join the ranks of the Floating City's finest?
Find out in this installment of Toy Wars...
Tresob's Toy Wars: (They read us in Scandinavia!) Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.06.05 12:01am No, they aren't already getting in line for ROTS; it's an SOB Roll Call!
The few and the proud are early to rise to make Sergeant Seeno's daily inspection of Security Officers of Bespin.
Can't wait a whole week for another dose of alien hijinks? Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.06.05 12:01am Maybe you've been too afraid of rejection to submit an idea for Bill Cable's "The Cantina" Comic Strip? Or maybe you're just a punk who thinks he's funnier than the rest of us.
Forsake your patience! Quell your fears! Revel in your pride! Lo and behold, "The Cantina" now belongs to the people!
That's right, thanks to insanely complicated advances in modern Internet technology and several weeks of ignoring work, you too can now be a comic genius like Bill Cable with a few simple clicks of a button using our exclusive CREATE-A-CANTINA click-and-drag technology.
For years, you've enjoyed "The Cantina." Now, with CREATE-A-CANTINA, humor is beyond YOUR imagination!
Instructions:
Select a beautifully rendered background (BG1, BG2)
Use buttons beneath characters to change poses.
Select character by clicking on its image.
Click and drag characters around cantina.
Remove images by dragging to left column.
Use "Clear" button to clear all images.
Activate up two text balloons with the text button ("...")
Click and drag the balloons by the edges, or click in the center of the balloon to add your own witty dialogue!
Click "Help" to read these instructions while playing!
Saving: We recommend using the Print Screen (PrtScrn) button and pasting the image into a paint program of your choice. You can end up with a fantastic comic of your own like this one:
We also recommend opening your Web browser to "Full Screen" to improve the grandeur of the experience...and drinking two beers to improve your sense of humor.
"Will Wire" Star Wars art gallery Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.06.05 12:01am In its short life, Creature Cantina has generated quite a... devoted... following.
One fan became so absorbed, nay, obsessed with the Cantina that he even attempted to emulate Bill Cable himself.
Indeed, he erected an entire Creature Cantina fan site not long after CC's inception.
Unfortunately, his Website was mysteriously shut down a few months ago, but CC staff members were able to retrieve several files still preserved in our browsers' cache. And so, Creature Cantina presents:
Tresob's AIM Buddies Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.13.05 12:01am As you can see... Tresob was bored this week...
Tresob's "Desk Jobs" Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.13.05 12:01am Here are some random single-frame comics from our resident four-frame photo comic guy...
Toy Wars 5-4: SOB Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.13.05 12:01am Bad Things Lurk in the Bowels of Bespin!
When danger leaves a package at your doorstop and peril drops by for a little visit, the Security of Bespin will be right there!
Watch the swift reaction and uncanny, feline reflexes of Capt. Cirrus when he finds out trouble is in the neighborhood!
Tresob's Toy Wars 5-5 Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.20.05 12:01am SOB HQ
Ever dutiful, ever vigilant, Security Officers of Bespin patiently await the call to arms at the SOB Headquarters.
These brave lads know that the safety of Bespin's residents and workers requires a watchful eye and an attentive ear...
Charity Auction for Katie Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.20.05 12:01am The DCSWCC is running a series of eBay auctions to raise money for Katie, the daughter of SW fan and renowned Stormtrooper Albin Johnson of the "fighting 501st".
Katie has been undergoing treatment for a severe brain tumor and he family is accepting donations.
DCSWCC members have donated various items to the charity auction and Creature Cantina's own Tresob Yr has donated five his "actors" from his Star Wars Action Figure Website. That's right, not only can you make a donation to Katie's family, you can take home a piece of Star Wars memorabilia AND theatre history!
Each SWAFT actor will also include a CD containing a home version of SWAFT as well as a Certificate of Authenticity signed by Tresob Yr himself to prove that your action figure did in fact appear in a SWAFT production. The sentimental value alone makes them priceless additions to any collection!
SWAFT C3 comics! Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.28.05 12:01am I've been watching the homebound DCSWCC members gripe about not being able to attend C3, so I threw together this little action figure comic strip:
More of those Toy Wars SOBs... Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.28.05 12:01am ALMOST AWOL
Ever true and honest, Security Officers of Bespin take their responsibilities seriously and perform their duties with honor.
They, above all others, know to respect proper authority, for authority forms the basis of the law.
Even More of Tresob's Toy Wars:SOB Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.04.05 12:01am Blasted Blasters.
As any good SOB knows, a pistol can be very persuasive.
Though they obviously prefer not to use force, the Security Officers of Bespin are equipped with the most reliable and precise personal blasters legally available in the Empire...and they always handle these lethal weapons with the utmost discipline.
Tresob's other comic: Good Grievous! Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.04.05 12:01am
Toy Wars 5:8 - SOB #8 Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.11.05 12:01am S.W.A.T.
Fighting against the cunning criminal mind is a battle of wits. Security Officers of Bespin have to be quick, resourceful, and innovative...
One Boy's Petition Saves Star Wars Universe Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.11.05 12:01am Cartoon Network has chosen to cancel the premiere of the new Star Wars show "Star Wars Fanatics" claiming that it was responding to overwhelming fan protests. The show planned to update some of the most endearing and cuddly Star Wars characters to appeal to a younger, more violent generation. The main cast was to feature a ragtag band of galactic rebels under the leadership of Killer Jaxx, a modernized version of a space rabbit featured in Marvel's Star Wars comic book in the 1980s. Killer Jaxx leads such notables as Battle Binks, Wicked Ewok, and R2-Crush-U, using their razor-sharp appendages or bone-crushing treads to thwart evil.
Toy Wars: Premiere Edition Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.18.05 12:01am A jaded fan receives a very special visit from the Clones of ROTS to help get excited about the big midnight premiere!
SOBs: Blind Justice Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.18.05 12:01am The Security Officers of Bespin hold no prejudices of species, creed, or color. They are a fraternal order, holding each other and as equals, shield brothers enforcing the law.
Episode3 Holiday Special! Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.18.05 12:01am Today, George Lucas announced his plans to produce and direct an upcoming Revenge of the Sith Holiday Special for December 2005.
"This is going to be much better than that other Holiday Special," Lucas told Creature Cantina reporters. "It's going to be much darker and scarier. I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable letting my kids watch it." Subtitled Rudolph of the Sith, the plot follows Rudolph's rise and fall as he succumbs to the temptations of the evil Santa Palpatine (Ian MacDiarmond will be reprising his role for this made for TV movie). "The special will explain precisely why Rudolph's nose glows that eerie red color," Lucas further explained. "Plus, I wanted to tell a movie about how wholesome religious holidays could become a force of Western imperialism. You know, the first Holiday Special was produced during Vietnam, and it's truly unbelievable the parallels between Christmas and Vietnam." No station has yet bought the rights to air the Holiday Special, though it is further rumored that George Lucas might in fact start his own cable channel as an outlet to run his own movies 24 hours a day.
Revenge of the Sith Re-cut Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.25.05 12:01am Combing through George Lucas's trash, the Creature Cantina spy network has managed to acquire several pages from an early draft for Revenge of the Sith. We are now in the process of reconstructing this script in the form of an action figure comic.
This week our readers can see how George Lucas originally planned Ki-Adi-Mundi to escape the dreaded Order 66...
SOBs 11: Guna-a-blazin' Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.25.05 12:01am Brave. Fearless. Undaunted. The Security of Bespin is unflinching in its pursuit of criminals. Nothing can stop the SOB from getting its man...or droid.
The reasons for REVENGE... Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.01.05 12:01am The movie is called Revenge the Sith, but for what offense actually did the Sith desire vengeance?
According to an early draft of ROTS which Creature Cantina recovered from George Lucas's trash, Palpatine delivers very precise exposition regarding why he hates the Jedi so much. Though the lines were cut from the actual movie, we've reinserted them in this action figure comic re-enactment.
SOB 12: The day of the Ugnaught! Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.01.05 12:01am An extra-long Memorial Day weekend means a double dose of thrills for the boys of Bespin Security!
(Those with heart conditions and/or dial-up connections are not recommended to view the following action-packed comic strip.)
Tresob's SOB: Epilogue Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.08.05 12:01am Join the boys in blue and Sparky the Ugnaught for one last hurrah as everyone gets their due rewards for a job well done...
ROTS re-cut AGAIN! Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.08.05 12:01am While reconstructing shredded drafts of ROTS found in George Lucas's trash, we came across a dialogue scribbled in the margins of an unused scene including Mon Mothma. We're fairly certain that the dialogue was not an actual revision, but we thought it was worth depicting in an action figure comic nevertheless.
ROTS Re-Cut Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.15.05 12:01am We are quite proud to say that we now have evidence that Mr. Lucas himself is an avid reader of Creature Cantina. Only last week, Creature Cantina reporters digging through Mr. Lucas's trash retrieved a partially-used napkin on which was scribbled a follow-up scene to the dialogue we presented in last week's ROTS Re-Cut! See what could have happened if Mon Mothma really were the Sith Lord!
ROTS Re-cut: Preggers Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.22.05 12:01am Some critics have complained that Anakin's fall to the Dark Side seemed a bit abrupt and irrational.
It turns out that George Lucas was fully aware of this problem in his earlier drafts and actually provided significantly greater motivation for Anakin's moral collapse. In the following action figure comic, we have recreated one of those rejected scenes that showed a gradual increase in Anakin's frustration...
General Grievous 2.0 Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.29.05 12:01am As a sign of gratitude to General Grievous for all he's done in the name of the Separatist Army, Wat Tambor and the boys of the Techno Union decide to give him some special modifications to his cyborg body.
A public service from CC.com... Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.29.05 12:01am Even a Jedi Master is prone to accidents...but in these litigious days, not even Jedi are safe from frivolous lawsuits. If you can't afford Force-User Insurance, then the least you can do to protect yourself and your belongings legally is to post a friendly warning sign, like the following...
ROTS Re-Cut: Nether Say Die Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.06.05 12:01am Old friends re-unite in the afterlife of the Star Wars Universe as we use action figures to reconstruct another deleted scene from Revenge of the Sith!
Good Grievous 3.0 Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.20.05 12:01am Part organic. Part machine. All monster.
So what made General Grievous hate the Jedi so much?
Find out in this week's comic!
Star Wars v/s Dollar Story Toys!! Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.27.05 12:01am
Prologue:
Tresob Yr's apartment has been invaded by Dollar Store Toys! Will his overpriced Star Wars figures be able to withstand the onslaught of cheap plastic knockoffs?
Interview: Hasbro Research Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.27.05 12:01am This week, Gary Longsnoot conducts an interview with head of Hasbro Research and Marketing, Mr. Percival Cranrattle. During the interview, Gary asks some tough questions concerning Hasbro’s Fall line up of Star Wars action figures.
G: Let’s cut to the chase, Mr. Cranrattle. Fan reactions to some of Hasbro’s upcoming Star Wars toys have been ambivalent. While many of our readers are certainly looking forward to hours spent in fruitless pursuit of short-packed clone variants, many of them find the pursuit rather discouraging.
PC: Oh, Gary. You say that as if it’s a bad thing! No, you really must understand the method to our madness. It’s psychologically proven that in order to encourage repetitive behavior, it is much better to only sometimes give the test subject what they want. Think of consumers like squirrels trapped in boxes. There’s a button in the box. If the squirrel presses it, he’ll get an action figure. Now, what if we suddenly stop putting action figures out there when the squirrel presses the button? Well, he’ll soon think the figures have run out, and he’ll stop pressing the button permanently. BUT, if you randomly select when the button will bring action figures, that poor little bugger will just keep pressing that little button to no end, because he’ll always think there’s a chance a figure will come out. Now, instead of the box, think toy store; instead of the button, think cash register; and instead of the squirrel, think consumer.
Just a reminder... Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.03.05 12:01am
Star Wars v/s Dollar Store Toys 2! Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.03.05 12:01am The DST's are determined to take over Tresob Yr's apartment, one shelf at a time...and the secret Separatist hideout in Tresob's Entertainment Center is the first target on their list.
Tresob Yr MUST DIE!!! Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.03.05 12:01am Tresob Yr has gone too far this time. The once mild-mannered Star Wars fan turned action figure comic strip artist has now become an online gaming addict. Lacking sleep and logging inordinate hours playing Star Wars Battlefront, Tresob Yr is in danger of losing his already tenuous sense of humor, making him useless as a staff member here at Creature Cantina.
We are calling for an intervention on the part of the Star Wars community to save Tresob Yr from himself.
Our plan: kill Tresob Yr as frequently and as humiliatingly as possible within the Star Wars Battlefront online gaming world. Perhaps this will finally bring him to his senses.
As a thank you, Creature Cantina is offering a very real and very generous bounty for the BEST SCREENSHOT of Tresob Yr's demise. We are offering tangible prizes just for beating one of our own at video games! It's cruel and funny all at the same time.
Grand prize: ROTS Commander Bacara
Runner-up prize: ROTS Super Articulated Clonetrooper
Maybe you'll snipe him from across the Kashyyyk docks. Maybe you'll send him flying thirty feet in the air with a rocket launcher. Maybe you'll run him over in a tank. Maybe you'll just get lucky and snap a shot of him jumping off of Cloud City by accident...the more outlandish his death the better.
Submissions must be received by Monday, August 22nd 2005.
Submissions will be judged carefully based on originality and aesthetic merit, but they should not be altered in any way.
Submissions must include a screenshot identifying who has killed Tresob Yr (i.e., you can submit a second shot identifying who has killed Tresob Yr).
Observe that this contest is for the BEST SCREENSHOT of Tresob Yr being killed in Star Wars Battlefront. This means that the winner will be whoever e-mails Creature Cantina the best screenshot, and not necessarily the person who actually exterminates Tresob Yr in the game. Eg. If Killbot97 snipes Tresob Yr, but DarthJerk04 submits the best screenshot of Killbot97's handiwork, then DarthJerk04 wins the prize. Killbot97 does earn lasting notoriety, however.
We will only accept screenshots of Tresob Yr. Don't be fooled by Tresob Yr imposters.
Creature Cantina Staff members (especially Tresob Yr) are not eligible.
Killing the real life Tresob Yr or any other member of the CreatureCantina.com Staff is an immediate disqualification.
How to Take Screenshots:
According to the Lucasarts website,
To take a screenshot in Star Wars Battlefront, press the "p" key during the game. The screenshots are located in C:\Program Files\LucasArts\Star Wars Battlefront\Gamedata\Screenshots.
To find Tresob Yr, logon to the Star Wars Battlefront Multiplayer Network on Gamespy and track down Tresob Yr. When you select a server, a roster of players will appear in the lower right hand corner. Tresob generally likes to hide in servers with 20+ people.
If you would like to join an e-mail list so Tresob Yr can notify you when he logs on, contact tresobyr@yahoo.com
Star Wars vs. Dollar Store Toys Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.10.05 12:01am What cruel fate will befall the Separatists now in the hands of the DST's?
What tortures? What duress? What ignominy?
What the heck am I talking about?
Find out, in this week's comic...
Yet another ill-conceived CC.com contest flounders Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.10.05 12:01am Last week we announced our hastily-planned "Tresob Must Die" SW Battlefronts contest. After a week of near-constant on-line play, we haven't received a single entry to the contest. This despite the fabulous prizes of either a ROTS Commander Bacara or a ROTS Super Articulated Clonetrooper.
Perhaps it was poor planning. When Tresob gets on GameSpy, it shows about 80 games running. Most are vacant, but there's still a good number to sort through. And sometimes even when the people who are interested in participating are E-mailed the IP address of the server Tresob is on they can't find the listing on GameSpy. So for them, rather than finding a needle in a haystack, they're faced with finding a nothing in a haystack.
But we're not ones to give up! So we're keeping this S.O.B. rolling along. If you have a particular IP where you'd like Tresob to jump on so you can kill him, E-mail him at tresobyr@yahoo.com. Maybe he'll lead himself to the slaughter. Then you could amuse us all by posting your amusing screenshots... such as these:
Star Wars vs. Dollar Store Toys 4 Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.17.05 12:01am The comic that dares to ask "What is the price of happiness?" continues as a SW spy witnesses the DST conquest of Tresob Yr's entertainment center.
Battlefronts contest crashes & burns Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.17.05 12:01am Two weeks into our SW Battlefronts "Tresob Must Die" contest and we still haven't received a single entry. I did get 3 SPAM messages, though! It's looking more and more like that Commander Bacara and SA Clonetrooper will remain in my collection. Oh well, we tried.
And we're still trying. Tresob is still out there with a target on his chest. You could still kill him and win a figure! All you need to do is capture it in a screen shot and E-mail it to tresob-is-dead@creaturecantina.com. Here are some of Tresob's greatest examples:
You have until Monday, August 22nd 2005. Good luck!
New Miniature Revealed -- Sewiously Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.24.05 12:01am Wizards chooses none other than Creature Cantina to reveal its new "Impossibly Rare" miniature.
Despite not even being a licensed Lucasfilm character, Mod Strang is by far one of the most powerful characters available in the Universe series. Infinitely more powerful than any rancor monster, virtually invulnerable to conventional weapons, completely oblivious to the Force, and sporting a new set of special "Flash" powers, Mod Strang can take out a cantina full of aliens or an entire Imperial fleet. No miniatures gamer in his right mind would think of facing an opponent using this Mod Strang fringer. (Mod Strang may or may not actually be available in blind packaged Universe boxes, though he will certainly be available on eBay at absurdly high cost.)
Another New Kid on the Shelf... Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.31.05 12:01am While buying underwear at Kohl's, I managed to pick up one those elusive green Clone Commanders. Let's see how he gets along with the other toys on the shelf...
40-Year-Old Virgin Strikes a Nerve with SW Fans Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.31.05 12:01am Altoona, PA. Usually, when you see Star Wars fans thronging movie theaters while decked out in Imperial stormtrooper costumes, it means that a new George Lucas prequel is at least three months away. One group of Star Wars fans has been sitting outside a local movie theater for two weeks with a very different goal: protesting Steve Carell’s runaway hit The 40-Year-Old Virgin. “I’m offended, and I haven’t even seen it,” said a man dressed like an Imperial guard who would only refer to himself as THX16.
To sustain the group’s vigilante protest, the National Office of the Geek Anti-defamation League (N.O.G.A.L.) has provided the group with food and tents. Marvin Tinklewater, a N.O.G.A.L. spokesperson, said in a public address: “To see a 40-year-old virgin as the object of comedy and farce is cruel and demeaning. Countless Star Wars collectors across the country have forsaken the touch of a woman in order to protect and store a myriad of national treasures in the form of Star Wars paraphernalia. These men perform a thankless task to preserve often rare and priceless artifacts of Americana for future generations to enjoy. They deserve support, not degradation. Their self-imposed celibacy will no doubt be applauded by a future, more tolerant society. May the Force live long and prosper with you.”
Richard Simmons and George Lucas to Team Up Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.07.05 12:01am San Francisco, CA. Lucasfilm has just announced an unlikely pairing with none other than fitness guru Richard Simmons. Lucas and Simmons are set to produce a new series of Star Wars exercise tapes entitled Sweatin' to the Wookiees. "I'm as big a closet fan of the Star Wars series as anybody, silly," said Simmons. "But don't you know that when I saw that George's latest marketing spin-off was Star Wars M&M's...well, I just had to call George on the phone and give him a talking to. Next thing, we're just brainstorming ideas!"
That brainstorm led to the concept of a DVD series that would show the violent conquest and occupation of the Wookiee homeworld Kashyyyk through the genre of the fitness video. "Mr. Lucas always conceived of telling the story of the Wookiees this way," states a Lucasfilm press release. "Unfortunately, the technology did not previously exist to effectively produce such a film." In-between action sequences featuring Chewbacca and Captain Tarrful leading their hopeless resistance against waves of Imperial Clone Troopers, viewers will be invited to exercise to specially choreographed aerobic dance numbers set to a score composed by John Williams.
Many fans seem to welcome the idea. "I have to say," says Rob M. Blind, "ever since I saw that clip of Triumph the Insult Dog at the ATOC Premiere, I've been meaning to cut back on peanut M&M's and finally get in shape."
Familiar Faces... Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.07.05 12:01am The great thing (or not so great thing) about the Mos Eisely Cantina is that you are always bound to see someone you recognize...
Vintage Cantina Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.14.05 12:01am I was going through some old photo albums this weekend, and came across this classic vintage figure photo comic shot by my great grandfather, Tresob Yr VI back in 1922!
Don't bother wearing that same old musty Wookiee costume to yet another Halloween party this year... Instead, impress the men and wow the ladies in your one-of-a-kind Candy Corn Trooper T-Shirt! (We recommend either the black or orange ringer-T design, it has the certain Abercrombie look the kids go for, with just a flair of the fall season to boot.)
(Yet Another ) Star Wars Shop Exclusive! Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.21.05 12:01am Because the Star Wars Shop knows you love to spend your money on repaints, it is offering a very special Halloween Edition Clone Trooper in festive Halloween colors!
This item is limited to 1,000,000 units and priced at an absurdly low $40.00, so order yours today! Collectors will be eating this figure up...like candy!
Update on Halloween Exclusive! Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.28.05 12:01am Is it a trick or a treat? Hasbro announces a special limited edition variant to the Halloween Exclusive Clone Trooper. One in every 1000 Candy Corn Troopers shipped will be painted in Indian Corn Colors. Blind-packed in a special Halloween-deco box, there's no way of knowing what color trooper you'll receive... so make sure to order many and order often!
The Other Website Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.28.05 12:01am Take a sneak peek behind the scenes of Tresob Yr's other online project...
Good Grievous! Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.05.05 12:01am General Grievous examines the latest acquisition to his collection of lightsabers...
Tresob's Desk Jobs Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.12.05 12:01am
New Evolutions sets SNEAK PEAK!! Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.12.05 12:01am Hasbro has been so impressed with the quality of work here at Creature Cantina that they decided to give us exclusive sneak peeks at two upcoming Evolutions sets. Using research they gathered from Forums and various Q&As on collecting Websites, the Hasbro marketing team determined that collectors wanted some original trilogy characters to get the Evolutions treatment. So, check out these great shots of the Luke Skywalker and the Han Solo Evolutions Sets, to be released in December 2005!
Tresob's Desk Jobs Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.19.05 12:01am
The Diner Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.19.05 12:01am After another successful mission, Obi-Wan takes his clone regiment to Dex's Diner for some R&R.
Dex's Diner Part Deux Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.26.05 12:01am Clones--You can dress them up, but you just can't take them out.
Brach's Exclusive Trooper Set Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.02.05 12:01am Seeing what a bundle the Mpire has been making, everyone's favorite candy corn manufacturer decided it wanted a cut of the action. So Brach's came to none other than Creature Cantina to solicit the designs for our Candy Corn and Indian Corn troopers. To celebrate the post-Halloween sugar rush, Brach's is offering an exclusive clone trooper three-pack...now featuring the very hard to find (and look at) Candy Pumpkin Trooper!
Master Yoda Joins the Allies in Iraq! Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.02.05 12:01am (actual news...we’re not faking it this time!)
Jeremy Redmon of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports that Master Yoda has in fact been spotted among the American troops in Iraq. Seriously. Okay, well, maybe not the little green alien with pointy-ears and a lightsaber, but, there is a particular Major who has picked up the nickname. Here’s an excerpt from the article:
Bossert has gained such respect from the Iraqis that fellow U.S. soldiers have nicknamed him Master Yoda, the “Star Wars” movie character who has unusual powers. They gave him that name after witnessing him persuade obstinate Iraqis to agree to missions by simply waving his hand, almost as if he is using some unseen brainwashing power.
Pretty cool, huh? But if you think that’s interesting, you should read the complete article here:
P.S. Master Yoda also happens to be my uncle, so I totally expect to milk some mad SW fan street creds out of this.
Prototype released for new six-foot Star Wars Transformers Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.09.05 12:01am Every collector is excited to get their hands on those franchise-crossing, pencil-necked, Star Wars Transformers. In fact, Hasbro has such faith in this line, that they've been busily working on a super-scaled, transformable model of the Imperial AT-AT*. The designers have really outdone themselves with this one! Check it out here:
Dex's Diner part Trois Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.09.05 12:01am Some Tip...
After some quick jury rigged repairs, WA-7 tries to make her way home from Dex's Diner...
Dex's Diner part IV Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.16.05 12:01am After hearing about what a good time Kenobi had with his clones, Yoda decides to treat Gree to lunch at the Diner. Unfortunately, with WA-7 still out of commission, Dex is forced to run the diner Panera-style...
Thanksgiving Special... Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.23.05 12:01am Ever wonder who exactly you are giving thanks to on Thanksgiving? C-3PO is about to find out...
Ten Reasons Why I am Thankful for Creature Cantina Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.23.05 5:51pm In honor of Thanksgiving, I offer the following meditations on the boons of the Cantina.
CC.com provides an open, unfettered, and boundless medium for all of my high-concept, cutting edge, and intellectually-stimulating art.
The cool press release packets and rare collectibles I get sent directly from George Lucas himself!
Confusing foreigners.
The generous and extensive health benefits that Mr. Cable offers his staff.
The great deals I find on our banner ads. You should click one!
The heartfelt affection of my fellow contributors, particularly when Rensi gave me a touching cameo appearance in his comic.
Self-handicapping advancement in my career by spending hours on end taking photographs of toys.
The hot local singles and experimental medical wonders that have been introduced to my life through my very own Cantina e-mail address.
The four to six hits per month at http://swaft.info that my server traces back to links on the Cantina.
The satisfaction of knowing that you are reading this page, and some other Star Wars Website.
Thank you Bill Cable. And thank you, CreatureCantina.com.
ATOC Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.30.05 12:01am One rule of the Sith that Darth Sidious seemed to have forgotten is that it is generally a good idea to pick apprentices who are younger than you. Not only do geriatric apprentices have a shorter shelf-life, they are more difficult to train (if only because they can be hard of hearing...)
Oh, Those Sith... Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.07.05 12:01am There are some who say the powers of the Sith are...unnatural...but Governor Tarkin never could have expected this...
Last Respects... Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.14.05 12:01am Long before Bill Cable and crew brought their irreverent humor to the Cantina, another funnyman told his own brand of bawdy jokes from behind the counter...
A Creature Cantina Christmas Carol Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.21.05 12:01am This year, the Cantina presents a very special rendition of Charles Dickens' classic tale of an old miser's redemption as he learns the true meaning of Christmas...
Presents... Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.28.05 12:01am There are few things more fun for a kid than showing off their presents...unless, of course, that kid is a padawan...
Dropping the Ball... Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.04.06 12:01am A handful of action figures faced indomitable crowds and freezing weather to celebrate New Year's in Time Square...but the worst horror they would face would be themselves...
The Look Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.11.06 12:01am Solo reflects on every male geek's ultimate wish-fulfillment...and how he missed his big chance...
NSA uncovers DCSWCC overthrow plot Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.18.06 12:01am Top members of DC Metro Area Star Wars Collecting Club (DCSWCC) have been arrested on charges of conspiracy and treason. Invoking presidential surveillance privileges, Nation Security Agents used wiretaps and Internet "cookies" to intercept correspondence between DCSWCC members detailing plans to launch a coup d’etat on Washington D.C. Under the condition of anonymity, our sources indicate: "At first we noticed a lot of chatter on the Internet. We thought it was just about toys. Then we realized it was a code." Sources allege that conversations describing Hasbro's new 2006 Saga line with hologram bonus figures were actually a complicated system of code signs.
As Creature Cantina reporters learned, a 2006 figure itself might represent a person or a place, while the hologram it was packaged with represented a particular event. "When we started seeing a lot of people ask about Han-in-Carbonite packaged with a Darth Vader hologram, we knew it was time to act," our anonymous source said. Another source, who is not a 53 year-old bald man with the initials B.O. living at 3102 Juniper Street, indicates that the alleged plot involved removing the President Bush from office, appointing a life-size cardboard cut out of Natalie Portman as the new head of state, and setting up an army of 3.75" clone trooper action figures in a defensive perimeter around the White House.
The Pits Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.18.06 12:01am In their daring effort to rescue their friend Han Solo, our heroes allow themselves to be captured by Jabba the Hutt. Cruel and merciless, Jabba sentences Luke, Han, and Chewbacca to be thrown into the Pit of Carkoon. What Jabba doesn't realize, is that he is playing right into Luke's plan...
From a certain point of view Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.25.06 12:01am What shenanigans and hoodwinks will those wily space creatures stumble upon in this week's photographic funny? Click on, ye lads and lasses, and find out in this week's rousing edition of VINTAGE CANTINA!
State of the Union Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.01.06 12:01am Confused by all the political language of the Star Wars prequels? This week's comic explicates in plain English the complicated political allegories that George Lucas subtly buried within the script of Revenge of the Sith.
The BIG One Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.08.06 12:01am Bill Cable wasn't the only guy excited about Sunday night....
The Star Wars movie everybody has been talking about! Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.15.06 12:01am Though George Lucas was thrilled with the success of Revenge of the Sith, he has expressed disappointment in its lack of critical acclaim. "I wanted a movie that would impress more than just fans who would pay to watch a film of me blowing my nose," Lucas said. "I wanted to make a movie that would get the attention of the academy...a movie that would get nominated for best picture. I failed...but now I have a script that what will finally get me the recognition I deserve..."
Unrequited Love Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.15.06 12:01am With all the romance in the air, a little redheaded girl catches R2-D2's optical sensor...
In the House... Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.22.06 12:01am With no medical droids allowed on the premises and Dr. Evazan still recovering from his encounter with that old British guy, cantina patrons have few options in the event of an emergency...
Machine-Man Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.01.06 12:01am Anakin Skywalker's life seemed to go nowhere but downhill once he became the Sith Lord known as Darth Vader...until one bright spark of hope entered his so-called life, only to have it snuffed out before his eyes. Men, steel yourselves before you gaze upon the tragedy. Ladies, keep your tissues handy.
Shameless plug Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.01.06 12:01am Well, I figure it can't hurt to throw a shameless plug in there, right? But I didn't want to be cheap and make it the only comic I did, so there's another one below.
And when you are done, come back and use one of Creature Cantina's Sideshow Collectibles Affiliate links to buy something really expensive!
Budget-Priced Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.08.06 12:01am Emperor Palpatine's motivations have always been suspect at best. Sure, he's a Sith Lord who wants revenge on the Jedi in order to settle some ancient grudge match...but was it really necessary to erect a whole Galactic Empire and conquer countless worlds to accomplish his goals?
It turns out that Palpatine is a serious action figure collector who has arranged the interplanetary war as an excuse to acquire planets in possession of rare Star Wars collectibles...
Old News Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.22.06 12:01am Most people come to the Cantina to escape there problems...thus, it should come as no surprise that its patrons are sometimes a little behind on political news.
Playing Politics Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.29.06 12:01am Rather than introduce this week's comic, I would just like to mention to certain parties...be they staff members or otherwise...that I do not currently have a Hyperspace account. That's right, I am not an official member of the Star Wars fan club, nor have I ever subscribed to the Star Wars Insider. Why, you may ask, would such a longtime fan of Star Wars and prolific member of the action figure comic strip community not want to be a part of the official fan club? Because it's fifty bucks! Now, if anyone, say, wanted to give me a subscription to the Star Wars fan club as a gift before May 15, 2006...I would most certainly be very "grateful" to that person when I was filling out the subscription information. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.
Coming next week... Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.29.06 12:01am
Chase figures Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.05.06 12:01am
Marketing departments know what we want.
Shiny things.
Oh, yes, the seductive glisten of a rare foil cardback...drawing us ever closer into the flames of hopeless consumption...
We don't need special figures.
We don't really need Ice-cream maker men or even six-breasted Tatooinese escorts...
What really makes collectors happy is metalized bases for our action figures and silver lined cards...
But if you like to UGH, then you'll love the next marketing scheme...
CC.com brings new meaning to 'Drinking Games' with The Cantina Collectible Card Game Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.05.06 12:01am Relive all the excitement and hi-jinx of The Cantina Comic in parody card game form!
What? A parody Star Wars CCG? After five years of living on the cutting edge of Star Wars humor, is the CreatureCantina just a Johnny-come-lately when it comes to the whole gaming scene? Not a jot, sirrah! We know that miniatures are in and that Star Wars CCG's are on their way out...but have you ever tried downloading a set of plastic miniatures and printing them at work for free? Not a pretty sight, my friends. Not a pretty sight at all. So the CantinaCCG it is!
But what is the nature of this perfectly crapulous game of chance?
Designed to be playable by hyper-intelligent Yu-Gi-Oh-addicted third graders during recess or inebriated members of campus Hellenistic societies during dormitory quiet hours, the CantinaCCG is elegant in its simplicity yet furious in its pace. Players draw cards of nefarious Cantina patrons and arm them with lethal weapons to acquire the most covetous prize in all of Tatooine: memory-cleansing booze. To win the booze, you will pit patrons against each other in all out bar fights and high stakes bounty hunts. The player with the most booze points when the tap runs dry wins. It's a game of chance, quick wits, and skill.
More devious yet, once you have finished printing your cards and making your girlfriend and/or mother cut them out for you, you can begin your hunt for exclusive chase cards that have been strewn across some of the most popular Star Wars fan sites in the galaxy. If you don't want to download them for their insanely powerful abilities, then you'll want to do it because you are a compulsive collector and can't help it.
All of the cards feature Bill Cable's original art in the style of The Cantina comic, and three spectacular cardbacks created exclusively for the game!
Here is this week's set of six basic CantinaCCG cards!
And finally, here are the play instructions. You might want to wait a few weeks to build up a more balanced deck before you play. The exclusive cards have some fairly powerful abilities, so playing with all exclusives might be a bit wonky. But if you want to try now, nobody's stopping you!
Every Kilobyte Counts Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.12.06 12:01am After last week's fateful crash, I decided to modify my comic's format so as not to unnecessarily burden the server.
Good Grievous Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.19.06 12:01am Because knock-knock jokes never get old...
New CantinaCCG Downloadable Cards Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.19.06 12:01am This week, we present a favorite regular and an optical oddity: Hammerhead and Myo. With this wall-eyed Ithorian and myopic Abyssian in your deck, your opponent is bound to end up cross-eyed...
Hammerhead's not looking for a fight, but his whopping 7 Strength means he's ready to defend his drink against some of the toughest competitors out there. You'll definitely want to max out on his card in your deck. Myo can hold his own against most patron's with his respectable 5 Strength, but he'll probably do best if armed.
And remember, ten other Websites are still hosting exclusive, high-powered CantinaCCG patrons! If you haven't found them all yet, here's a list of the sites (in alphabetical order):
Satisfaction Guaranteed Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.26.06 12:01am Without new films to drive the collectibles market, future special editions of Star Wars movies will include new footage to promote the franchise's many licensees...
More CantinaCCG goodness! Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.26.06 12:01am This week features ol' "W" himself...
WUHER!
And if there's one thing Wuher does better than serving drinks, it's stealing them away from patrons! Just win the first barfight with Wuher, and he'll take all the other booze cards in play.
Oh, yeah, and then there's Hem Dazon.
He doesn't really do anything special.
He gets lonely on the weekends sometimes.
It's sad for him.
Anyway, make sure to download a Corellian Spice Ale, a Fizzbrew, a Blaster Pistol, and a Jawa Disrupter to round out your booze and weapons decks.
We've also created a page on the site with links to ALL the CantinaCCG cards. Find the ones you missed over here.
Birds of a feather Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.03.06 12:01am This week, we continue our tribute to those pint-size warriors, the Galactic Heroes. Those fellas really know how to make inter-stellar warfare and devastation as cute as can be!
The CantinaCCG Update Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.03.06 12:01am We went with a Big and Small update this week, presenting that lovable, huggable arachnid Muftak and that classic alien with the distinctive tooth, Snaggletooth.
Muftak is going to provide you with some heavy cover, boasting an impressive 8 strength (and you'll want to give him the new Gamorrean Axe with its bonus to already strong characters). The diminutive Snaggletooth, though, isn't exactly the barbrawl type. He doesn't even have any special powers. What were we thinking? It's Snaggletooth! We should have thrown him some kind of bone. But decisions had to be made. And we're deciders. At the very least, he has a slight advantage if attacked with our other new weapon, the difficult to pronounce gaderiffi stick, whose variable power depends on the strength of the opponent being attacked.
And on the table, we also have two new drinks, the effeminate Cassandra Brandy and the potent Old Janx Spirit (with a bonus to lightsaber users).
(Incidentally, we've started using the very helpful Halagad's very useful list of Star Wars drinks that he's posted at http://blogs.starwars.com/abelgpena/23 )
Send us some feedback!
OK... Here is this week's set of six basic CantinaCCG cards!
We've also created a page on the site with links to ALL the CantinaCCG cards. Find the ones you missed over here.
THIS THREAD IS CLOSED Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.03.06 12:01am Have you ever posted an idea in an online Star Wars fan site forum, only to discover that your post (if not the whole thread) has suddenly disappeared?
Ever spark or jump into in an interesting debate, only to find out that the thread has been locked because someone went off topic?
Ever get the feeling that maybe you've been misunderstood?
If so...then click below, and find out the truth behind online forums!
New apprentice Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.10.06 12:01am Order 66 has been carried out, and only Yoda and Obi-wan are left to confront the Sith. What Yoda doesn't know, however, is that Darth Sidious has violated a treasured Sith protocol...more than two, there are!
Who is USCWannabe? Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.10.06 12:01am Wanting to keep its readers well informed with unbiased news on presidential candidates, Creature Cantina trolled the Internet looking for dirt...er...helpful information...on the presidential leader, uscwannabe.
This week's CantinaCCG Booster Pack Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.10.06 12:01am While the patrons are pretty much just roster-filler and cannon fodder, this week's weapons and booze cards can definitely tilt the direction of any given game.
At the bar, our patrons include Lak Sivrak and Feltipern, two generic patrons just taking up space.
On tap, we have the specially-brewed Daranu, which wins you two bonus booze cards if acquired during the barfight. Look out, though! Somebody has smuggled in the dastardly Yoda Bong...and that spells trouble with a capital B...or maybe a Y...Win this thing, and you're poor little alien critters will be so wasted that you actually LOSE booze points.
In the armaments department, we have a handy (and reusable) Biker Scout Pistol. It doesn't do much damage, but you can pass it around during a barfight. And last, but most certainly not least, the dreaded Technological Terror itself arrives from deep space: THE DEATH STAR! While this orb of destruction won't win you any booze during a fight, it is a great way to stick it to your opponent by permanently removing cards from play for the duration of the game.
Just in case you've missed a card, find the entire deck right here.
Momma... Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.17.06 12:01am Delayed by intergalactic war, a few clones made it home a little late for mother's day...
Get this week's CantinaCCG booster cards! Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.17.06 12:01am Two cards enter, one card leaves!
Two cards enter, one card leaves!
This week, we present an intergalactic sultan of swing: the Bith musician. His tunes are so catchy, he'll distract your opponent's cards in a barfight with his handy ability.
And making a speedy exit across the floor is none other than everyone's least favorite party-crasher, the self-righteous and garrulous goldenrod himself, C-3PO.
3PO doesn't offer much to the game at the moment.
Really, he's just a liability. But he's a funny liability.
So don't be one of those insecure and uptight gamers who has to win all the time or else he'll pack up hs cards and go home to whine to his his MMORPG friends.
Be a man.
Put 3PO in your deck.
Real men embrace loserdome.
Checklist Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.24.06 12:01am As any Empire-at-War player knows, pan-Galactic warfare can really be a logistical nightmare and General Kenobi is about to find this out from first-hand experience.
New CantinaCCG Booster Card! Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.24.06 12:01am This week, we are only posting one booster card. This isn't because we only had time to create one card. Obviously, we wouldn't short change our readers like that. No, rest assured we have many, many cards still to come in our ever-expanding and fully-playable collectible card game parody.
We wanted to take a moment to spotlight a very special individual in the Star Wars Universe: a character so significant to the lore and mythos, that he deserved the spotlight to shine on him and him alone...
Yes, tonight's update features the highly-coveted WILLROW HOOD, the Ice-cream Machine man, card.
Download. Print. Enjoy.
And keep sending those questions, comments, and typographical corrections to tresob.yr@gmail.com.
Rho Iota Delta Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.31.06 12:01am Some Star Wars figures have found adjusting to the Transformers universe to be a little awkward at times...
More new CantinaCCG booster cards Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.31.06 12:01am The Techie and the Nerd
This weeks booster cards feature two recent additions to cast of "The Cantina," the cuddly co-pilot from Kashyyyk and trivia-totin' rebel Major: Chewbacca and Derlin!
Chewie is a pretty heavy-hitter in his own right, but put any weapon in his hand, and he gets a whopping +4 to his total strength in addition to the weapon modifier. Sometimes its better to let the Wookiee win.
Derlin, meanwhile, likes to use brains over brawn and gets a +2 bonus whenever he does NOT use a weapon.
Five most disturbing Star Wars figure features Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.31.06 12:01am I assume that, as desirable as the job may seem, being a Star Wars Action Figure Sculptor is a lonely life. This isn't based on some kind of prejudice or stereotype against men who spend their lives carving out toys for a living.
Rather, I have come to this conclusion through careful inspection of my action figure collection.
If you think Disney has trouble with animators hiding weird little perverted Easter eggs in their movies, wait until you check out what's up at Hasbro...
Boba-Sitting Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.07.05 12:01am Whether Boba Fett learned to follow in the shadowy footsteps of Jango Fett or whether their shared genetic make-up made him predisposed towards the life of a bounty hunter is unclear. Less perplexing is when Boba Fett first earned his infamous reputation...
The CantinaCCG Booster Cards Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.07.05 12:01am The Unwelcome
This week's cards feature a vengeful Rodian and a hopeless droid.
Beedo Sookool...hey...wait...isn't that the name of a regular contributor to Bill Cable's "The Cantina" Comic? Why yes it is!
See, being part of the Creature Cantina family not only means lasting notoriety within and sidelong glances from the collecting community, it can also mean lasting fame in collectible card game form! So send in those stories and ideas, people!
(This messages has been sponsored in part by the CC.com Talent Search Committee.)
Anyway, Beedo can take the edge off those pesky bounty hunts by depriving your opponent of a game-tipping win.
Also trying to make it through the door is 8D8, here to annoy everyone with another Droid Rights protest. Add him to your deck at your own risk.
Beach party Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.14.06 12:01am It's summer, Star Wars fans! That means it's time to hit the beach and show off that finely sculpted body you've been working on when you aren't sitting in front of your computer reading Creature Cantina!
Another pair of CantinaCCG booster cards! Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.14.06 12:01am The Passion and Parents Collection
Hey, The Cantina CCG fan, are you looking to win over the heart of some dewey-eyed damsel? Maybe you've been stalking...I mean...looking for an opportunity to meet that geek-chic girl that haunts the manga section of your local comic book store. Fret no more, little Romeo, for this week your friends at the Cantina are going to help you out with the ladies.
Just invite her to play a riveting round of The Cantina CCG, and make sure to slip a couple extra Princess Leia: Ladies' Night Cards in the stack. She'll be sure to win the game, and you'll be sure to win her heart. Oh, yeah. It's summer time, and we feel a heat wave coming.
Or, maybe you've already won the heart of your soul mate, settled down, and had a kid or two. Well, you don't want them wasting all these summer hours in the basement playing Battlefront II, Dungeons and Dragons, and The Cantina CCG...just stick this handy Darth Maul: Half-Time card in their deck, and you'll see them outside exposed to solar radiation and smog in no time!
Willrow Hood is the Winner Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.21.06 12:01am In recognition of our strong devotion and advocacy of Willrow Hood, Creature Cantina was given an exclusive sneak peek of the upcoming Willrow hood Fan's Choice Figure. Feast your eyes on this ice cream making bad boy:
Or maybe not. But at least you now can take comfort in the thought that you'll be able to easily customize a Willrow Hood figure by replacing the head of the upcoming Naboo Flight Crew figure with the head of the Endor Rebel.
Global warning ALERT Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.21.06 12:01am
Hem Dazon Know It, But... Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.28.06 12:01am Now, Hasbro has just released a full-bodied Hem Dazon figure, but have you ever wonder why the only part we get to see of Hem Dazon in the movie is a head?
Read on to find out...
Patriots Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.05.06 12:01am What happens when a lovable, plucky rebel major meets a sinister, sadistic imperial general? Find out in this week's comic!
Jabba wants a drink Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.05.06 12:01am Jabba's a little thirsty. But nothing is little for a Hutt. He can send his right-hand man Bib Fortuna to the Cantina to pick up some of his favorite beverages, but that wimpy twi-lek is about as weak in the arms as he is in the mind. So Bibby brings along some muscle in the form of Hermie Odle to help haul kegs. Neither of these goons have trouble riding on Jabba's coattails, and you'll find that you'll want to play them early in the barfight.
Don't forget the little guy Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.12.06 12:01am R2-D2, formerly touted as the running mate of our new Star Wars Fan Club President Dustin Roberts, learned one of life's hardest lessons this week...
This week's Booster Cards Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.12.06 12:01am One character, you've never seen in a movie. The other, George Lucas wished you didn't (at least in this form).
Yep, that's Tsavong Lah scoping out the only lady brave enough to strut her stuff topless in this joint: Sy Snootles.
And who didn't have a crush on that yellow-skinned, blue-freckled, hot momma when he was a kid?
Playing out torrid love triangles between Han, Leia, and Sy in a veritable Star Wars Cabaret was half the fun when you weren't bashing your Chewie and Boba Fett together. And don't scoff. You know you did it.
As for Tsavong Lah...well...being EU illiterate, I had to actually look him up on the Star Wars databank. Even though he technically appears in The Cantina, I was worried that purists would think we were somehow losing our integrity to include him in the game. Thus, you should find a compromise that everyone will feel happy about.
Star Wars bored games Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.26.06 12:01am While all other Websites' reporters were busy capturing digital images of Slave Girl Leia statues and anime jail bait, CC.com's finest were scouring the displays looking for the real scoop. After a working the beat, our efforts finally paid off. Feast your eyes on an exclusive news report.
You might have thought the Star Wars empire had conquered just about every major board game. Monopoly, Life, Stratego, Battleship, had all fallen. Yes, even the upstanding interrogators of Trivial Pursuit had turned their dice over to the Dark Side. But the Star Wars marketing conquest was not yet complete. Not until now, at least...
Troop building... Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.26.06 12:01am With his resources nigh exhausted by the skyrocketing cost of action figures, Greedo attempts to conserve money through focus-driven collecting...
Political race Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.02.06 12:01am Unfortunately, I pretty much missed all the ridiculously cheap clearance sales at a major retailer this week thanks to a dump truck that decided to plow into my car. I did, however, manage to snag a single Skirmish at the Senate Battlepack and finagle its price down to a mere six dollars. Thus, the origin of this week's comic...
The Art of War Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.02.06 12:01am War isn't just a bunch of clones running around with repeating blasters blowing up hardware. War is an art.
They say the key to the dramatic arts is conflict, and where else can you find greater conflict than in war?
Thus, war should lend itself to the greatest of all drama.
Indeed, the greatest of Shakespearean tragedies are shrouded in war with its the high political stakes and its questions concerning the value of human life.
For Shakespeare, however, war was not merely firing gunpowder, clanging swords, or blasting squibs on stage. No, the essence of war was conveyed as much through words, words that conjured fiercer, more epic, more spectacular battles in the theater of the mind's eye than could ever be put on stage (certainly four hundred years before the advent of computer graphics).
And so, seeking how to best convey the true drama of war, I have compiled the following dialogues, taken from public chatlogs of online Battlefront 2 matches, and assembled them in a script format for your great edification.
The hunt for Grievous error Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.09.06 12:01am Ah, the Hunt for Grievous Battlepack...finally in my clutches. For a mere twenty-five dollars, my drab squad of colorless clone troopers was expanded into an elite fighting force of highly-accessorized and kit-bashed commandos!
Only, it seems one very important ARC trooper is missing a distinctive component of the ARC trooper uniform...
Tresob's little helper Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.16.06 12:01am Do not be deceived by the seemingly brief credits on this week's animated short. In order to make the deadline, Bill Cable and Tresob Yr had to call emergency reinforcements...
Chaos at 20,000 feet! Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.16.06 12:01am Bill Cable and Tresob Yr have been working on this project for more than two months to get it ready in time for the premier of Samuel L. Jackson's cinematic masterpiece: Snakes on a Plane. Of course the first 5 or 6 weeks of that time were spent mostly jerking around, and the past two have been a non-stop blur of fumbling and corner-cutting. But we did it! We made the deadline! And now we ask... what would happen if Snakes was set in a different time, and in a galaxy far, far away...
If you'd like to pass around this movie, please link to this dedicated page.
Attacktix-Off Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.23.06 12:01am I can't say that I'm a huge fan of the Attacktix line. I've always said that there is something about blind packaging that just ain't American. Still, when I stumbled upon a couple of loose figures that I liked, I dropped a few bucks to add them to my desk display.
Charlie Clone vs. The 555 feet 5 and 1/8 inch Tall Wookiee Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.30.06 12:01am In an effort to help the DCSWCC unload its last few charity pins raising funds for The Children's Inn at NIH, SWAFT's very own fictional staff member, Charlie Clone, ran one of his plucky reviews on this official, Lucasfilm-recognized accessory. Check out the review here: http://swaft.info/ccrevue/revue9/revue9.html
Or, if you are afraid the remaining inventory of pins might disappear while you are chuckling away at Charlie's nutty antics, you can just go straight to DCSWCC's online shop and order the pin right away, here: http://dcswcc.com/osCommerce/catalog/
The Big Guns Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.30.06 12:01am Find out what happens when Attacktix figures threaten to put some paintwear on two mint condition clones in this week's comic...
A figure's figure Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.06.06 12:01am When I was a kid, holograms were cool three-dimensional images on a two-dimensional surface created with laser photography. Now, apparently, any drab, monochromatic toy with sparklies mixed into its plastic counts as holographic.
How safe is your collection? Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.13.06 12:01am
Jaded Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.13.06 12:01am Some relationship experts recommend couples never to talk about their previous loves. Luke Skywalker proves the point all too poignantly...
CC.com presents its first ever Goldenrod Award Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.20.06 12:01am I, Tresob Yr, as a contributing member of the Creature Cantina Website am honored to bestow the first ever, highly coveted CC.com Goldenrod Award for the most august category of Best Backgrounds in an Action Figure Photo-Comic to Master Samos's Star Wars Site.
Bearing an uncanny resemblance to the unfortunately named Jedi Master Plo Koon, Master Samos has made a spectacular debut into the world of fan-based action figure photo-comics, making shrewd use of some familiar background art. Indeed, not only does his comic employ Bill Cable's very own masterfully computer-rendered backdrops, his comic's subtle, sophisticated, and erudite themes rather effectively emulates the typically highbrow fare on CC.com itself. And while the rest of Master Samos's site is virtually non-existent, we look forward to witnessing it blossom into a pre-eminent shrine of fan-based goodness. Master Samos's homespun charm and almost hourly e-mails to Cantina staff members perfectly define the qualities that the CC.com Goldenrod Award seeks to applaud.
Thus, I confer upon Master Samos's Website, the title of CC.com Goldenrod Award Winner, with all of the corresponding rights and privileges due thereunto...which pretty much consist solely of being allowed to post the accompanying graphic with an embedded link to http://creaturecantina.com.
Congratulations, Master Samos, may you host with pride our self-aggrandizing advertisement...that is...your hard-earned and well-deserved award.
Order 95 does what must be done! Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.20.06 12:01am Feast your eyes on the future, action figure photo-comic fans!
Starting next week, Creature Cantina becomes the galactic headquarters for the biggest event in Internet fan-site history: Order 95.
Featuring prolific artists such Dan Curto and Scott Corrales of The Custom Alliance, ST-321 of Yodasnews.com, and Beedo Sookcool of Beedo Sookcool's Cool Sci-Fi Page, this is a photo-comic spanning the Internet and beyond.
Execute Order 95 Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.27.06 12:01am Finally, the mystery of Order 95 is about to be revealed...
But before you enjoy our first inaugural submission, I want to take a moment to tell you what we're really trying to do with this project. Scott Corrales, Dan Curto, Beedo Sookcool, and ST-321, and myself started a correspondence a few weeks ago about creating an Internet-wide collaborative, cross-over comic. Essentially, we saw a need for an open-narrative story arc that could spill onto the Webpages of any Star Wars fan artist with imagination. Sure it sounds sentimental, but we feel this is what fandom is all about: connecting fans from all backgrounds through a common discourse. You need only follow a few reasonable guidelines, and we will include your comic's page in a link list that will appear right here on the Cantina. But you can read all that legalese later. For now, enjoy the beginning...of the end.
What should an Order 95 comic look like? Well, CC.com's very own Beedo Sookcool has already posted his first set of Order 95 comics at his Cool Sci-Fi Page, providing an excellent model. Check out all five of his Order 95 comics here: http://www.geocities.com/beedosookcool/Order95index.html
CreatureCantina is your Order 95 HQ! Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.04.06 12:01am Clones versus stormtroopers? Clones versus Lukes?
Whatever their opinions may be about the prequel trilogy, the photo comic artists this week certainly have shown their preference for prequel figures!
Go to the Order 95 HQ page and check out the HQ this week's updates by ST-321 and Yodascorch!
Also, don't miss our own contribution:
And it's never to late to become part of the Order. Simply post your Order 95 comic somewhere on the Internet, and send a link to tresob.yr@gmail.com. If you've followed our very basic directions, a link to your comic will soon appear on the Order 95 HQ page!
Friend or Foe: Order 95 Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.11.06 12:01am With Order 95 well under way, we're seeing an awful lot of inner turmoil among Imperial forces (props to Nibcrom Central for taking a more satirical approach to marketing departments rather than wanton violence).
I suppose it makes sense that genocide, like charity, would begin in the home. But one has to wonder just what do the Rebel Alliances thinks of the big O:95...
And make sure to stop by the home page of the newest Order 95 Spy: Mistabinks at Archival Star Wars! http://www.archivalstarwars.com
Check out that swanky O:95 button sitting in his affiliates list.
And you can download your favorite Order 95 buttons, banners, and graphics at the Order 95 Media Page http://www.archivalstarwars.com. Host a link to Order 95 and we'll list you as a Spy on the Order 95 HQ page, too!
And be sure to bookmark Order 95 HQ to keep track of all the latest additions to the Order 95 saga.
POTF2 strikes back! Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.18.06 12:01am In a desperate bid to preserve his own display value, POTF Death Star Gunner attempts to stop a squad of clone troopers from releasing a MOSC Saga Death Star Gunner. He might be able to outwit the troopers...but what about their leader?
Order 95 sallies forth! Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.18.06 12:01am Check out a furious five updates from Yodascorch and read up to page seven on NibCrom Central! Also, ST-321 moves his comic out of the Internet ghetto and on up to the prestigious ranks of an official Yodasnews.com update!
In Yodascorch's comic, Han, Chewie, and Lando engage in a morality play, Luke and Ben seek a way to thwart the Empire's devious Order, and some unopened POTF2 figures contemplate their destiny. Poor little fellas...trapped in plastic coffins for ten years. It could drive a figure mad.
Meanwhile, NibCrom Central takes us back behind Imperial lines as Commander Cody receives his fateful orders.
And stayed tuned for a brand new trailer from Beedo and Tresob, coming soon!
Keep checking Order 95 HQ for the latest updates to the Order 95 saga.
Ghosting Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.25.06 12:01am With Halloween just around the corner, I thought I'd take a peek at what the Jedi Spirits have been up to...and, let me tell you, it turned out to be scarier than I ever imagined...
Your Order95 update Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.25.06 12:01am This week, Yodascorch makes O95 history as the first contributor obsessive enough to generate over ten pages of comics and reach Commander status! We also discovered that Master Samos's Star Wars Site has been hosting the Order 95 poster for who knows how long, putting it in the Spy squad. The latest Flash animation from Beedo and me should be done any day now, barring real life intrusions. We think you'll like it even more than the first one. And I'm still getting e-mails from plenty of new contributors who are putting finishing touches on their photo-comic masterpieces!
Remember, it's never too late to create a comic, put it on the Web, and join Order 95! Do what must be done!
Check out the latest comics Order 95 HQ here at the Order 95 HQ Page!
Order 95... a family affair Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.01.06 12:01am This week marks the Order 95 debut of the Varela Family. Featuring all forms of POTF2 brutalization from trampling to decapitation, and from asphyxiation to to powerhouse Wrestlemania movies, these folks show absolutely no mercy for the POTF2 figures.
And remember, kids, the family that plays together, stays together.
New beginnings Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.01.06 12:01am
Hey, remember The Cantina CCG? Probably not...so we figured this would be a great opportunity to jog your memory.
We've got some new cards to play with...and what better way to start a new round of cards than to create fancy new "initiative modifiers?" Yep, if you draw Garindan and R5-D4 when determining the first player for the round, you'll activate some handy bonuses that will really suck the moisture out of your opponent's vaporator! And I'm not just talking bocci!
Garindan, that sneaky longsnoot, forces your opponent to reveal their cards during barfight set-up. Meanwhile, R5-D4's bad motivator will keep your opponent's Jawas distracted so you can swipe their drinks!
Zuckuss to be you Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.01.06 12:01am So the Greatest Hits 2007 Showdown polls seem to be quite the provocative conversation piece over at Rebelscum.
Personally, I'm having a really hard time understanding the logic behind your voting habits. It seems like half of the figures winning the polls are just variations on the same three troop builder figures that we know we're going to see again soon. But then there's Zuckuss...the POTF2 bounty hunter whose dress showed a little too much leg...Nevertheless, that little cockroach seems to be defying the odds...
A little Halloween nightmare... Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.01.06 12:01am Before Darth Danno reached celebrity status as the most prolific propounder of prose on CC.com, he had his start as a volunteer script writer for The Cantina comic. Indeed, D.D. submitted so many script concepts, that Bill wouldn't have had to come up with another original idea for about four months. In order to make sure other readers got a fair chance to have their submissions see the light of day, Bill sent a goodly number of the concepts to me to see what I could do with them. Thus, I took several of the scripts, and used them as the foundational properties for one of those fancy arthouse-style Flash animations. This all took place many moons ago, but we were unable to release the cartoon to the public because it was still missing something crucial...a legally reproducible soundtrack. And thus Bill Cable, being the creative network hub that he is, put me in contact with the electronica-jammin', houseblend stylin' musical artist known as Stratos (whose psychedelic, geek-culture grooves are available for download on iTunes http://tinyurl.com/uf7j9).
So without further ado...I present, La Reverie de Daniel...
Buffer zone Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.08.06 12:01am Order 95 isn't just about shelving space and survival. It's about the hunt. And being the genetically engineered replicants of a fearsome and cunning Mandalorian bounty hunter, clone troopers love a hunt. They just aren't always so good at it.
Order95 - Sucking up bandwidth across the galaxy Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.08.06 12:01am Check out Order 95's Promotional Video #2 Flash Animation here: http://swaft.info/order95/trailer2.html. It's half the size of the first animation with twice the entertainment value.
So keep submitting those URLs to your Order 95 comics, folks! And if you haven't sent a submission yet, keep in mind that it's never too late to do what must be done!
Jabba, Jabba... Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.15.06 12:01am This is not the first time this gag has been used...but it is the first time it's been used by me...on this site...since last November, at least...
Order 95 one kickoff and one wrap-up Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.15.06 12:01am Will any POTF2 figures escape the purge in mint condition? Only time will tell! But in the meantime, enjoy the latest additions to the saga.
This week, Yodascorch began the wrap-up to his most voluminous Order 95 story arc with an impressive stop-motion animation on Youtube! Take that Lonely Girl!
Plus, CC.com's own Steve "Solo" Rensi gets into the action with his first Order 95 comic!
And, in an outreach effort, I've started an Order 95 story over in the Rebelscum forums...
Don't forget to check out the entire archive of O95 productions at the Order 95 HQ!
Remember, Order 95 is an Internet wide, fan-based phenomenon. If you post your own Order 95 comics online, contact tresob.yr@gmail.com to be added to the HQ page!
Do what must be done!
TG day Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.22.06 12:01am It's certainly been an exciting year on my desk. From hunting down hard-to-find-soon-to-become-ubiquitous variants on eBay to exploiting others' generosity in delivering scarce exclusives, from scrambling to acquire coveted VOTC to mutilating figures for my first custom, I've been a busy little collector in 2006 (not to mention financially exhausted). So, as we near Thanksgiving, I thought I would take a minute to sit down with some of these hard won figures to find out what they were grateful for...
Oh, and I've added another couple of pages to "Order 95: My Enemy's Enemy" on the RS Forums (where you can leave some feedback)...or you can access the pages directly via the aforementioned HQ.
Join in on the Order 95 fun! Just depict your account of the extermination of the POTF2, post your images online, and e-mail the URL to tresob.yr@gmail.com!
You the Man Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.29.06 12:01am Sometimes I wish that the animated Clone Wars series had been Episode One, Revenge of the Sith had been Episode Two, and Episode Three was still to be made. I suppose it has something to do with the way that the Jedi in the animated Clone Wars do the kinds of things that I had always imagined the Jedi doing, like creatively using their force powers to wipe out wave after wave of hostile aggressors...whereas the Jedi in the actual movie are really only good at creatively dying.
Yakkin' it up with Order 95 Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.29.06 12:01am Niktom's very popular "Yak's Pub" over at the Yakface.com forums has just been struck with Order 95 fever! See the fun start here. Evidently, the Pub will be running Order 95 gags all week...so drop in and drop a line! Tell them Tresob sent ya.
O95: Lord Yodascorch, Rise! Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.06.06 12:01am It gives me great pleasure to announce that the Order 95 Inner Sanctum has voted to elevate our most prolific contributor, Yodascorch, to the title of DARTH!
According to the rules of Order 95, a Darth is a contributor who has produced at least one full-length, 24 page photo-comic or a 100 scene photo-novel. While Yodascorch technically falls just shy of this count in terms of actual pages (he has contributed 18 discrete units to his story arc), his last three contributions make up a stop-motion animation grand finale incorporating over 850 images! Besides for inspiring photonovelists to produce, Yodascorch has, at the very least, given us all someone to point to when our girlfriends think we are spending too much time with our toys.
And so, we salute you, Darth Yodascorch! May your displays shelves always be level and your plastic never yellow. Now go watch his grand finale, spliced into one video here.
And in other Order 95 news...
Niktom has completed his week of Order 95 comics over in the Yakface.com forums, here. Thanks for all the coverage, Niktom!
And an up-and-coming photo novel artist in the RS forums going by the handle of Master Grievous has just given us a preview shot here.
Learn from Darth Yodascorch, Master Grievous!
Be sure to keep an eye on the Order 95 HQ page! And keep e-mailing me links to your Order 95 comics!
Toy Wars 100 Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.06.06 12:01am Hey, remember when I used to call my comic "Toy Wars?"
Yeah, that didn't last very long.
But it was over two years ago...in a time before the saga was complete, and before the massive population explosion of action figures in my abode.
Anyway, I've done some calculations, and it would appear that this is pretty much my 100th comic. And that's not even including all the other digital amusements that Bill Cable has generously allowed me to display on his site.
So, to commemorate this momentous occasion, I decided to go back to where it all started...
The naughty side of the Force Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.13.06 12:01am Sure, it's easy to get cynical this time of year. There's plenty of commercialization, materialism, and gluttony. Worse yet, pretty much all the toy aisles have been gutted by Philistine parents who don't know they are snatching away hard-to-find-figures from needy collectors just so that their little Bobby can have one of those fancy Star Wars figures to open, even though Bobby doesn't have a digital camera to take pictures of his figures for use in his weekly photocomic...
But all that set aside, who can resist the true power of the holidays?
Order 95: A quick study Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.13.06 12:01am Last time we checked in on ol' Master Grievous on the Rebelscum forums, he gave us a sneak peek single panel teaser for his installment of Order 95. Well, he's been a busy little artist, as he just posted a whopper of a photonovel: over 50 images long! That makes him an instant commander!
I've also been churning a steady output as part of the Order 95: My Enemy's Enemy story arc, here. You can also link to all ten pages via the Order 95 HQ.
And, as always, if you ever get a hankering to contribute your own comic to Order 95, e-mail tresob.yr@gmail.com.
Order 95: Tarantino style Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.20.06 12:01am A photo-novelist going by the name of Jordo hit the Order 95 scene this week on Archival Star Wars. Jordo approaches the Order from the gritty, seedy underbelly of the Empire. Keep an eye for more in the future...
And if you are looking for another dose of Order 95 mayhem, My Enemy's Enemy (an ongoing O95 comic by yours truly) is now up to page 11...
Holiday Adventure Set Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.20.06 12:01am Realizing that collectors seem to be hooked on Clone-filled Battlepacks, Hasbro decided to release not just one holiday figure this year but a holiday-themed four pack.
Better than coal... Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.27.06 12:01am Battle droids were getting massacred by Jedi left and right before General Grievous came along...so this season, the military hardware decided to thank their leader with a very special and hard-earned gift...
Stickshift Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.10.07 12:01am Has anyone else noticed that a certain facial feature on the Dud Bolt figure has been surgically removed from all of the official Hasbro images of him, including the image on the cardback itself? If only I had this figure back when I did the top five most inappropriate Star Wars figures of all time...
Order 95: Always two there are... Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.10.07 12:01am Another Darth stalks the photocomics circles! Master Grievous makes the second contributor to reach top status over the holiday when he released a massively huge second and third part to his Order 95 epic. Yodascorch continues to upgrade the graphics of his previously released comics here. And my O95 comic, My Enemy's Enemy, is now up to page 14.
As always, the complete set of all O95 submissions can be read here. You might notice from this week's update that Order 95 is alive and well in the Rebelscum.com Forums, but it's still thriving elsewhere on the Internet as Jordo bumps up to Commander with his continuing (and not exactly family-friendly) Order 95 comics at Archival Star Wars. There's still time to join the Order 95 fun if you haven't already! E-mail me a link to your submissions!
Hologram Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.17.07 12:01am I can't say I've been a huge fan of the mini-holographic figures that were the pack-in of choice for last year's figures. They just didn't seem very "usable." It would have been one thing if all the holographic figures were nondescript poses, as if the characters were really speaking over a holographic projector. Instead, they all look like they were caught on candid camera, or Unleashed prototype rejects. Take, for instance, the holographic Darth Sidious. Did we ever see Darth Sidious waving around a lightsaber over his head in any holographic transmissions? And what exactly would the Emperor have to say over a subspace communication that would require such a threatening posture? Find out in this week's comic...
Order 95: RebelSoldier makes Darth in no time! Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.17.07 12:01am In a blazing blitz of photo-comic fury, RebelSoldier ascends to the rank of Darth in just about a week! That's one dedicated 95er! Check out his seemingly endless stream of panels on the Rebelscum forums, here. That makes RebelSoldier our third Darth and twelfth artist!
Also, Jordo has published part three of his shockfest Sin City parody at Archival Star Wars.
Go to the Order 95 HQ page to keep track of all the genuine Order 95 story arcs, and, as always, e-mail tresob.yr@gmail.com to get your Order 95 comic on the HQ page.
Holograms not included Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.24.07 12:01am With the 30th Anniversary Collection just around the corner, loose holograms across the world have been getting as jumpy as a couple of yellowing POTF2 stormtroopers with paint wear in an Order 95 comic. Witness the terror strike their translucent little hearts in the harrowing comic strip that follows! (P.S. Try not to notice the lack of background graphics. My hunting party got lost in Garamsythe Waterway in a failed attempt to take down a mutated Flan, thus wasting my the precious geek time...I mean free time...I normally use to add the finishing touches to my comic.)
A Clone of my own Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.31.07 12:01am Ah, clones. As something of a recovering clonophile myself, I keep wondering how far Hasbro can really take these variants. For a while there, I needed every commander. And then I found myself needing at least two clones to flank the commander. Now, suddenly, I'm supposed to need an airborne trooper and an AT-RT driver in the correct paint scheme for each clone regiment. What's next? But something tells me that I'm not the only one facing clone-collecting anxiety...
O95: Can't Stop Me Now! Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.31.07 12:01am RebelSoldier is going to force us to create a new ranking system as his O95 epic thunders on in the Rebelscum forums, here.
Jordo wraps up his dark and gritty Sin City parody at Archival Star Wars.
And I'm still getting reports of new recruits signing on, as well as some old veterans returning to the Order.
Mara Jaded Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.07.07 12:01am No expanded universe figure has generated such a rabid cult of fans like Mara Jade has. Indeed, Mara Jade fans have been so eager for Hasbro to release another figure of her, that they have gone so far as to semi-officially designate figures from other toylines as Mara Jades.
You get the idea...
So, with that in mind, on with the comic...
Padme's Valentine's date Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.14.07 12:01am Chick figs.You know you want them. You just have to find a way to convince your girlfriend that you aren't a pervert for buying them.
And, let me tell you, acquiring the lead actress for this comic was a hard sell this weekend.
I even tried pitching that I needed to buy the figure because it had a Yoda Hologram and that was the only hologram I didn't have (fortunately for my argument not a single one of the umpteen million Combat Engineer Clones had a Yoda on the back).
Needless to say, any chance of acquiring those new Force Unleashed figures will have to rely on generous donations from readers.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the following comic, especially since it came within 3.75 inches of ruining my love life...
Repaint Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.21.07 12:01am I know a lot of collectors are annoyed that the Elite Clone Trooper isn't quite exactly movie-accurate. Maybe Hasbro intentionally released this less-than-CGI-perfect model because it anticipates releasing a more accurate version down the line and wanted to hit up all of us clonoholics early in the year. But, when you think about how inaccurate figure sculpts have been in the past, this one hardly seems like something over which to gripe.
And in the worst case scenario, you have another Biker Scout...and we all know that if there is one figure Hasbro can always get us to buy other than Boba Fett, it's a Biker Scout. That being said, I'm not sure how effective that camouflage pattern they've painted on him really is...
Nibcrom's 95 comes back strong; Rebelsoldier keeps truckin' Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.21.07 12:01am Nibcrom Central dropped another three pages into its Order 95 comic this week, boosting its comic up to Commander Status! Check it out here.
And RebelSoldier is up to a mind-boggling part 15 of his Order 95 epic!
Keep Order 95 alive and POTF2 on the run by sending links to your comics to tresob.yr@gmail.com!
CreatureCantina gets the scoop on upcoming Star Wars TV show! Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.28.07 12:01am Because its reporters will leave no stone unturned, no trash unpicked, and no cleaning service immigrant worker unsolicited, Creature Cantina is able to bring its readers exclusive information on one of the upcoming Star Wars television programs. Indeed, we even have documentary proof in the form of a promotional poster that (according to sources that choose to remain anonymous) allegedly came from within the Lucasfilm marketing department. Feast your eyes on the future, readers:
From what our nameless sources can tell us, we have determined that the Starch Wars television program will mark a tremendous evolution in broadcasting. It will air weekly on the CartoonNetwork in high-definition Wonkavision. Each episode runs for a full one-hour, without any commercials. We are still unable to determine who is sponsoring this commercial-free program, featuring characters from the popular and tasty M&M's(TM) Candy MPire(TM) line battling none other than collectable and kid-favorite Playskool's(TM) Darth Tater(TM) aboard his sugar-tablet dispensing PEZ(R) Death Star(TM).
This just in: Plans to air the pilot episode in Wonkavision were abandoned when the FCC and the DHS declared that the chocolatier's broadcasting system to be a threat to national security.
O95: Master Grievous steps back into the ring Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.28.07 12:01am You'd think by now everyone would have run out of POTF2 figures to pick on in their Order 95 comics...but not so!
Master Grievous (Darth class Order 95 member) launches a new wave of Order 95 comics in his "Figure" series: The POTF2 Strike Back.
For links to all of MG's work (as well as everybody else's) go to Creature Cantina's Order 95 HQ.
And don't forget to e-mail tresob.yr@gmail.com links to your very own Order 95 comics?
P.S. You can also now watch the Order 95 Promotional Video 2 via Youtube, here!
Nibcrom's got new pages Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.07.07 12:01am Nibcrom Central is about halfway to Darth status...see the latest pages here.
Don't miss your opportunity to ride the Order 95 wave! Send a link to your Order 95 comics here tresob.yr@gmail.com!
And, as always, check out all the Order 95 submissions via the Order 95 HQ page.
Don't be a Smart Ash Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.07.07 12:01am His coming was foretold by prophecy. His name begins with A. He's got a robot hand, and he's full of attitude.
No, he's not Anakin Skywalker...he's Ash from the Evil Dead series, and his 3.75" likeness makes a cameo appearance in this week's comic! (Don't worry, folks, it's still Star Wars related.)
Action figure oddities Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.14.07 12:01am This week, I'm doing something a little different with my comic here at the Cantina. A few weeks ago I went on a little Mardis Gras splurge at my local store with the big red dot, but I've been troubled with certain aspects of some of the acquisitions I made. It's not that I'm complaining about quality control or anything. I've tried painting a custom figure at a meeting of the DCSWCC, and I'm not going to fault the poor Chinese factory workers for a lazy eye on an action figure here or there. Still...some of the features on these recent releases deserved to be highlighted...
Clone Armor Design 101 Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.21.07 12:01am My predilection for clones is well-known. It's a guilty pleasure. Don't get me wrong, I don't have to have every single solitary paint scheme or variant. I usually restrain myself to buying only one or two of each design, unless, of course, we're talking about battle packs. Anyway, I do own a heckuvalot of clones by now. But not all of them are quite as cool looking as others. For instance, I've passed on the "I have a dot on my chest" clones. I've also passed on the "Two lines on my helmet makes me different" style. It does make one wonder, though. If some of these really lame clone designs are the ones that made it through the approval process, what kind of designs were rejected....
Purists Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.28.07 12:01am Before Hasbro released the official figure, I was perfectly content with designating my lone ROTS Tactical Ops trooper as Commander Appo. It worked well enough. In the movie, Appo looked just like any other 501st trooper. And then Hasbro had to put that darned pauldron on the Saga Appo, just to make him different. Of course, if I wanted to, I could just remove the pauldron and make him movie accurate...but why should I buy a figure with a pauldron just to take the pauldron off? (Not that I actually bought this figure for myself. Thanks Isabel!)
Celebration IV goes Green! Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.04.07 12:01am Does anyone else see at least one similarity between the C4 poster and a recent documentary about environmentalism?
Some of the regulars show up Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.04.07 12:01am Because last year's anniversary update so effectively rocked the underground world of print-them-yourself collectible card games, we thought we'd add a few more cards to your decks. Help our annual tradition of crashing the CC.com servers by downloading this Cantina Regulars Four Card Expansion Deck, featuring "The Cantina" renditions of BoShek, Dice, Kabe, and Labria so you can further mix up the already confusing game rules!
Order 95 Update: Check out new Niktom and new Nibcrom! Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.04.07 12:01am Niktom from Yakspub.com sacrificed untold hours and many little plastic men to bring us this thrilling, uber-deluxe (or should I say anti-deluxe?) Order 95 music video. And counting the number of frames in that video also bumps Niktom up to Darth rank...Congratulations on being a plasticidal maniac!
You can see all of Niktom's O95 submissions, as well as our entire Order 95 archive at CreatureCantina.com's O95 HQ page.
And remember, you can send your own O95 submissions to tresob.yr@gmail.com. Down with POTF2, and up with whatever Hasbro wants to sell us! Join Order 95! Do what must be done!
The Exploitive Impulse Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.04.07 12:01am What happens when Tresob has too much time on his hands after finishing Final Fantasy XII? He puts together a Flash documentary! Check out this fantastic Flash movie by clicking the thumbnail below.
The new guy Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.11.07 12:01am I got me one of them fancy purple Galactic Marines in my Easter basket this weekend. It was almost like they were released in holiday colors. Anyway, countless collectors have had their Commander Bacara figures sitting all alone on the shelf...quietly waiting for some troops to boss around, while all the other commanders had waves of repacks, repaints, battlepacks, and kitbashes fall under their authority. So, I figure it's about time that the Bacster got to throw his weight around.
Order 95 Exclusive two-packs hitting shelves this summer Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.18.07 12:01am Due to the unprecedented popularity of Order 95 and incessant demands from its fans, Hasbro will be releasing a series of O95 Commemorative Two Packs as Target exclusives this summer. And if you don't believe it, then feast your eyes on this remarkably and obviously not-digitally enhanced advertisement which Creature Cantina operatives managed to smuggle out of the Imperial HQ.
Handyman Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.18.07 12:01am When Hasbro decided to make a Bespin Luke with removable-hand, I think most of us gave a morbid chuckle. Then they decided to make a Darth Vader with removable helmet and removable hand, and most of us probably thought that was a nice nod to movie-accuracy. A removable limb on a character that is dismembered in the movies is fair game. But recently, figures are coming with removable limbs without the feature being necessarily advantageous to the collector...
Shiny round things Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.25.07 12:01am
Good Idea: Getting the Thirtieth Anniversary Collection finally on the shelves some time during the actual Thirtieth Anniversary year. Bad Idea: Reminding aging collectors precisely how old they are. Good Idea: No longer packing figures with useless and repetitive hologram figurines. Bad Idea: Packing figures with even more useless "Collectible Coins."
Are they taunting us by having us exchange real money for fake Star Wars currency?
Another face in the crowd Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.02.07 12:01am The 70s and 80s were simpler times. Kids didn't always understand what was happening in the movies we watched. Heck, in my days as little Tresob, I used to get caught up in epic debates in the backyard as to whether stormtroopers were humans in armor or just robots. I don't remember which side I argued on, but I'm sure I had good arguments. After all...doesn't the uniform in some ways strip the man of his humanity? In any event, such deep philosophical questions will never arise for kids today...not since the advent of the removable helmet. Of course, this can lead to a new set of identity complexes...
Carded Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.09.07 12:01am Star Wars might be celebrating its 30th Anniversary Collection, but, I tell ya, the figures just keep looking younger and younger.
NAACP sues pants off Hasbro Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.16.07 12:01am In a stunning legal action sure to set a landmark precedent in the toy industry, the NAACP filed a suit against Hasbro, Inc. for its refusal to recall Target Exclusive Order 66 Darth Vader. The figure in question uses all black plastic for the figure's head. Star Wars collectors will note that, with a few exceptions, Darth Vader is usually portrayed as a pasty-white bald man under the helmet.
The plaintiffs argue that the repack is racially insensitive. "It's not just that the head depicts a Sith Lord in grease paint," a representative of the NAACP said. "Just look at the hand sculpts, and the bendable knees. This figure was clearly meant to recreate the infamous ‘Jazz Singer.'" The Jazz Singer was a controversial blackface minstrel character portrayed by the white actor Al Jolson in the early twentieth century.
"We were merely trying to find a cheap way to repack a popular figure," Hasbro executives replied. "We couldn't afford to pay the Chinese factory workers another nickel per day to paint the head...so we cast the skull in black and glued the helmet in place. A child would have to pull really, really hard to take that helmet off."
But the NAACP doesn't seem to be buying it. "Hasbro has a long history of exploiting people of African descent," the Rev. Sal Shrapnel said in a statement issued yesterday. "From token black characters like Roadblock and Lando Calrissian, to other minstrel figures like Jar Jar Binks, and the infamous black face Djas Puhr. Hasbro has had this lawsuit a long time coming."
Silly Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.16.07 12:01am George Lucas: writer, director, producer...critic.
I haven't seen Spider-man 3 yet, so I can't really comment on the accuracy of his assessment (I was too busy getting tickets to see Simon Pegg's Hot Fuzz...highly recommend it); but it seemed easy fodder for an action figure comic.
The day a Sith was born Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.23.07 12:01am Because there's only one thing more traumatizing to a Star Wars fan than turning Sith...
Access your Clone Eyebrow Recognition Field Guide Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.23.07 12:01am Can you identify all nine Republic Clone eyebrow formations?
Vintage Cantina: 30 Year Special Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.30.07 12:01am Feeling old, my fine collector? Well, a hearty guffaw at the wily antics of our indefatigable vintage action figurines is surely the best medication you can find outside your local apothecary!
Coup(on) D'etat Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.06.07 12:01am Everyone seems to have an opinion on this Hasbro Coupon debacle. If you haven't being paying attention, here's the skinny.
Hasbro issued a "Friends and Family" coupon for 25% off and free shipping for the Hasbro Toy Shop (HTS). Everyone who got the coupon was told to forward it to all of their friends and family (one nasty rumor was started to say that it was only meant for Hasbro employees and their kin, but that doesn't seem to be the case). So people spread the coupon love. Eventually, the coupon code appeared on several high profile fan collecting sites during Celebration IV weekend and, when HTS put the C4 Exclusive McQuarrie Concept Luke Skywalker figure up for sale, these same sites reported that the coupon worked on the Luke figure. Many people, your faithful contributor included, swiftly placed their order for the figure and made use of the coupon. We then received confirmation e-mails saying that everything had worked fine...Luke was 25% off with free shipping, and would be sent out on June 11th.
But then, after the coupon promotion reached its deadline, Hasbro sent another e-mail indicating that the coupon was never meant to be applied to the C4 figure. Their initial e-mail confirmation was in error. We would be charged the full price of the Luke figure and the cost of shipping unless we called Hasbro Toy Shop and canceled our order. If we did nothing, it would cost us more money.
There was a line in the original coupon e-mail that indicated that the savings did not apply to Celebration IV Exclusive action figures.
But we had all found the coupon code online sans fine print.
None of us read the rules.
Things turned ugly.
Customers called and e-mailed HTS and complained. Some went to the BBB.
Collectors lamented on forums.
Other collectors derided the collectors that lamented on forums.
The lamenting collectors complained about the collectors deriding them, and the deriding collectors derided more.
It was no longer just retailer against customer. It was collector against collector - a Star Wars forum geek civil war broke out.
The love and zeitgeist of Celebration IV had become tainted by a poorly programmed online retailer checkout feature.
In essence, we were fighting over who got to play with the toys.
In the midst of the chaos, HTS sent out another e-mail, saying that customers needed to call to confirm whether or not HTS was allowed to charge them more or allowed to cancel their order. But if we did not call, they would cancel the order anyway.
Now if we did nothing, it would cost us the figure.
So here we stand in the hollowed out crater of an online shopping disaster area.
Hasbro Toy Shop stands by its claim that rules are rules, and that it would be unfair to C4 attendees if non-attendees could buy the exclusive for eleven dollars without shipping. Disappointed customers sulk and stammer in confusion while forum jerks defend Hasbro like scabs crossing the union picket line...
And I tried to capture the moment the best way I knew...in a tryptych of plastic.
Controversial new concept figure announced at C4 Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.06.07 12:01am If you think releasing a prostitute with a sestet of mammary glands would raise eyebrows among parents, just wait until you see the backlash against what might well be the most controversial figure ever produced by Hasbro. During an exclusive presentation by representatives of the toy giant, Creature Cantina reporters were offered a glimpse at a McQuarrie Concept chase figure that has been named “Roddy McPhalc-hed.” Also known by collectors as the “Earthworm Jim Trooper,” among other more colorful names, this variation on the Rebel Commando represents an alien species that is a distant cousin to the Cereans, Ki-Adi-Mundi’s race of aliens with conical craniums. “Well, since he is based only a concept design that we found in a pile of rejected McQuarrie sketches, we’ve had to make up much of his backstory,” the Hasbro representative said, “But I think it’s safe to say that he’ll be very popular with the chick figs [sic] on any collector’s shelf.”
Style Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.06.07 12:01am I meant to finish this when you were still settling on a new look for the Cantina comic... It's not quite as germane at the moment, but here goes...
On the market Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.13.07 12:01am I picked up one of those nifty (and expensive) new TAC Jawas the other night...mostly for the LIN droid. It's one of those things that I remember looking at in a Star Wars picture book and thinking: I wish I had a figure of that. Not that there is anything particularly stunning or amazing about the LIN droid. I liked the idea of a droid that was pretty much just a dome. Simple. Sleek. But somehow mysterious. Like a big ol' horseshoe crab.
Anyway, what better way to celebrate a 30 year long wait for a toy than to feature it in a comic?
Stool Pigeon Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.20.07 12:01am I am a man of very modest means, so, for me, seven dollars is a lot to spend on an action figure. I often use this comic to justify (or rationalize) the expense. I don't want you, the reader, to get bored looking at the same group of figures all the time. And, after all, aren't you worth it?
Ultimately, that's why this week's comic features the TAC Jawa that came with the LIN droid in last week's comic. The more comics I can squeeze out of a figure, the more I can spread out my overhead. I figure that means that each of these comics is costing me about $3.50. See, unlike some people who like to make Star Wars films, I realize that money can't buy you everything. Sometimes, financial constraints can function as a form of artistic discipline.
That being said, if I had a couple of million dollars, I'd be featuring comics with figures that weren't even released yet, and I'd pay people to generate cool computer-generated backgrounds, and I'd create a program that would randomly generate scripts. But, I'm still poor, so I can't. When I'm rich, I'll be able to afford being hypocritical.
Mixed lot Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.27.07 12:01am Every now and then, I like to snoop around the eBay mixed lots categories. Some sellers just throw random stuff together that they pulled out of their kid's closet, snap a picture, and post the bid. You can get a lot of weird stuff for really cheap this way. It's not always mint condition, but if you are a more casual collector like me, that's not a problem. Plus I can always airbrush out paint-wear for the comic. The real trick is trying to get your high-priced modern figures to get along with some of the more eccentric oddities you might end up purchasing...
"GUNS!" Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.04.07 12:01am Ever since LEGO decided to tap us as an official "Lego Movie Making Contest" affiliate site, Bill's been bugging us contributors to find ways to brown-nose the shirts at the toy company. So I dug up one of the six Lego sets that I owned and made a comic with it. Then I decided that mere static panels were not good enough to advertise the aforementioned "Lego Movie Making Contest." So, now, I present to you, this week's contribution in an animated gif featuring Creaturecantina's own patented STILL-FRAME-O-VISION technology!
Old Yeller Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.11.07 12:01am I remember a time before Legoland was torn asunder by race and color -- a simpler time when all the little Lego people lived in blissfully harmony, ignorant of ethnic differences. It was a world where everyone bore the same lemon yellow skin, regardless of nationality or background. Those days are long gone...but not forgotten.
GeoMFilms to Launch Action Figure Epic Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.18.07 12:01am A Youtube filmmaker going under the alias GeoMFilms has put together an awesome-looking fanfilm with crossovers between the two Star Wars trilogies. Pushing the art of action figure-based entertainment to a whole new level, what really sets this video apart from other really cool action figure movies is its generous heaping of special effects with a relish almost equal to Lucasfilm. Lightsabers really glow. Blasters really blast. Droids really spark when they get hit by glowing lightsabers or blasting blasters. It's definitely worth taking a look. I know I'm jealous, and that's probably the highest praise that someone who takes pictures of his toys can give to someone who does the same. Star Wars Generations is going to do to action figure films what the Rykrof Enloe series did to photocomics. Now, if we can only get him to do an Order 95 shoutout...
Director's cut Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.18.07 12:01am I felt inspired by the logo for the LEGO contest...so I went ahead and made yet another teeth-clenching, knuckle-whitening, suspense film in Creature Cantina's very own patented Still-Frame-O-Vision!
McChewie Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.25.07 12:01am I told myself I wasn't going to go on fruitless hunting excursions trying to acquire these wacky "McQuarrie Concept" figures, although it seems to me that these things are selling almost completely on the virtue of their scarcity. Short-pack a figure, and a collector has to have it. I think this can be the only reason why anyone in their right mind would ever purchase the concept figure for Chewbacca (I only bought mine so that I could take pleasure in the knowledge that no one would be selling it for absurd prices on eBay). But I challenge you to take a good look at this figure, and tell me you can't see why these designs were rejected. Could you imagine if this was what Chewbacca had looked like? Our childhoods would have been traumatized irrevocably. I certainly don't see this fellow being mass produced as a huggable plush toy...and if he had, children would have been driven mad from sleep deprivation. It seems pretty clear that Hasbro has finished scraping the bottom of the barrel and is now trying to sell us the stuff that leaked out and collected in a filthy puddle underneath the barrel.
The price we pay Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.01.07 12:01am The SDCC is over. We've all seen the pictures. We're all thinking the same thing.
How do we afford all that?
For myself, I would like to let any distributors, retailers, or manufacturers know that I am more than willing to sell my artistic integrity for free toys. All of these action figure comics are really just product placement gags, anyway. Just look at the marketing blitz I launched for the LEGO movie promotion? I'm sure that at lest 75% of all traffic sent to the LEGO Webpage was sparked by the Creature Cantina Still-Frame-O-Vision films. So if Hasbro, or EE, or anyone else wants to send me free toys, I am more than willing to feature them and your Website in upcoming comics.
The sad thing is...I'm only being partly satirical.
Anyway, here's my feelings on the matter expressed in action figure form.
Collecting unfocus Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.08.07 12:01am Last week, we watched as Luke exploited C-3PO's metallized-foil body in a last ditch attempt to make some quick toy-money over eBay. Will his efforts to defray the costs of the seemingly endless supply of new Star Wars figures work, or will the money burn a hole in his pocket...Does he even have pockets?
That's your homework this week. Somebody find out if Tatooine Luke has pockets.
Random figs Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.15.07 12:01am This weekend, I attended another meeting of the DCSWCC. Perhaps my favorite part of these meetings is when members bring huge tubs full of fodder figures that they no longer want. Being the good-hearted guys and gals that they are, they will usually sell these figures for outrageously low prices. I can usually snag a handful of older figures that I wouldn't mind owning but for which I refused to pay retail when they were first released (and for which I continue to refuse to pay eBay shipping charges). Thus, for this week's comic, I show off a mere selection of the goodies* I took home for song in a random set of three single panel cartoons.
*The Scorch was not purchased this weekend. It was a previous gift. However, there was a Scorch in the same bin as all the other figures, so I could have bought him for this comic.
Rejects Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.22.07 12:01am The fact that it took me about twenty minutes to figure out what box I had stored Xizor away in adds a whole meta-dramatic layer of irony to the following comic...
Figure on a Clamshell Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.29.07 12:01am In some kind of deranged frenzy, I actually ordered myself the Obi-wan Yoda concept figures. The fact that they were a two pack made the fifteen dollars plus shipping a little easier to swallow than the concept Luke...which I never actually ended up getting despite all of my whining. Anyway, for that much money, you can expect me to be exploiting these figures in as many comics as possible. Just a warning...
Figure on a Clamshell Part II Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.05.07 12:01am What goes around comes around as VOTC Greedo finds his efforts to become a rare collectible have backfired even worse than he could have possibly imagined...
Chick figs Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.12.07 12:01am I'm very pleased that I've managed to get my hands on at least one of the available corner pieces for the cantina bar sets. Not only did I manage to get one, but I even managed to get it on eBay without having to pay exorbitant scalpers fees. Apparently, no one else wanted to buy a non-mint carded M'iiyoon Onith, so my final bid, with shipping, ended up being under what it would cost me in a store. Pretty sweet. And this is the first TAC figure that I didn't really mind paying seven bucks for, given the coolness of the accessory. However, all that has pretty much nothing to do with this comic...other than the very disturbing back story that the cardback gives for M'iiyoon...
Baldness epidemic runs rampant among female SW figures! Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.12.07 12:01am A new study from the Polis Massa Institute for Health and Cosmetics (PMIHC) confirms that baldness afflicts approximately 53% of participating female Star Wars action figure characters. In a survey conducted among 38 female characters, twenty were found to be completely or nearly bald, twelve were definitely not bald (although they might be using extensions, donning wigs, or adopting manly hair cuts), and six were declared to have indeterminate follicle mass.
The Twi'lek Galactic Slavers Council (TGSC) has issued a protest saying that the PMIHC findings will injure sales. In a recent press release, the TGSC argues that tentacles growing out of a female head are the racial equivalent of hair. The PMIHC has answered that female Twi'lek share other very obvious mammalian traits, thus a lack of scalp hair does constitute a form of mammalian pattern baldness. One should note, however, that the study did not take into account racial background or different versions of the same character and that the sample population consisted almost exclusively of figures discovered in a single collector's apartment.
Hasbro has indicated that it will be shifting numbers in favor of women possessing definite, observable scalp hair with the release of several upcoming Expanded Universe Comic Two-Packs.
Here's a complete breakdown of female hair rates:
20
Bald:
12
Not Bald:
6
Unknown:
Aayla Secura
Ashla
Assajj Ventriss
Aurra Sing
Ayy Vida
Cat Miin
Gragra
Kitik
Lyn Me
M’iiyoom
Oola
Shakka
Shaak Ti
Shu Mai
Sly Moore
Sy Snootles
Taun We Droids ("female" designation)
EV-9D9
WA-7
TC-14
Aunt Beru
Barris Offee
Depa
Greeatta
Kabe
Leia
Mara Jade
Mon Mothma
Padme
Rystall
Sabe
Yaddle
Adi Galia
Luminara Unduli
Rabe
Stass Allie
Tusken Raider female
Zam Wessel
Femme Fatales Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.19.07 12:01am Hasbro has released three female cantina aliens: Kabe, M'iiyoom, and Kitik.
One is a bat-lady. They suck blood.
One is a preying mantis. They have a tendency to kill and devour mates.
One, according to the cardback, has a "razor sharp tongue that is used in a deadly mating ritual."
Those are pretty much the current options if you want to hit on the ladies at the Cantina.
So does anyone think someone at Hasbro development has ever had problems with meeting women at bars?
The CantinaCCG releases new Bounty Hunters Expansion Pack! Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.19.07 12:01am With millions of kids returning to school, it’s the best time to re-launch the smash-hit, fan-based, collectible card game: The CantinaCCG - the geeky card game that permanently changed the face of recess and/or drinking games across the globe.
And there could hardly be a better way to get everyone pumped up for another round of exciting expansion cards than to start with the coolest bad boys (and gals) of the galaxy: BOUNTY HUNTERS!
So for the next four weeks, come back to the Cantina to download cards with bonuses that will kick The CantinaCCG bounty hunt round into hyperdrive...
Big Hands on Deck: Aurra Sing and Amanaman
First up in the BH series are the two aliens with the biggest hands in bounty hunting: Aurra Sing and Amanaman. As you would expect, both cards have modifications during the bounty hunt round. Aurra draws upon the lightning fast reflexes she acquired during her incomplete Jedi training, allowing her to wield a bonus weapon card. Meanwhile, Amanaman provides some excessive force (and excessive syllables), sometime at the cost of earnings (and the ability to pronounce his name).
CCCG: Fangs and Fortune: Bossk and Djas Puhr Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.26.07 12:01am Enter Bossk and Djas Puhr. The scaled scourge of galactic scum minces his foes with his impressive savagery attack – practically guaranteeing a weapon bonus of at least five during bounty hunt. Or perhaps you prefer your law meted out at the end of a blaster...make that two blasters, blazing electric justice in the hands of Djas Puhr.
CCCG: So I rewired it: IG-88 and Zuckuss Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.03.07 12:01am Zuckuss really gets a kick out of the big guns – so much so that he gets a small boost to his weapon power when wielding them (but watch out...he gets a penalty for using weak weapons).
And then there's IG-88. All that lethal programming does him no good if he can't get past the droid detector!
Corner Pocket Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.03.07 12:01am In what might be the first time I've bought a toy via Amazon since she was dumped by Geoffrey, I managed to get my hands on an Elis Helrot with free shipping. Oh, how I love free shipping...
But more importantly than giving free advertisements to major online companies, this means I now, at long last, have a nice long bar, double-cornered bar for the patrons of my own personal Creature Cantina. This, of course, means that I must make a comic about aforementioned corner bar pieces...
Auditions Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.10.07 12:01am So now that we have figures of concepts that Mr. Lucas rejected as well as tons of figures that he accepted, it's about time that we compared the two to see if we can learn anything about the master film maker's aesthetic sensibilities...
CCCG: The Fett Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.10.07 12:01am This week features but a single card...but when that card is Boba Fett, do you really need any other?
He's pretty much guaranteed to win.
Unless your opponent has some really weird card that we've forgotten that we made.
Pick of the litter Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.17.07 12:01am The real trick to love isn't finding a way to be attractive -- it's finding a place where the competition is even more repulsive.
CCCG: Regulars and Irregulars Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.17.07 12:01am Phew. With all of those bounty hunters creeping around this place, it makes it hard for a decent scoundrel to get a drink without being hauled off to some detention center.
Fortunately, nobody seems particularly interested in hauling in these two patrons.
Ellors Madak can pretty much bore anyone to death with his unending stories of space travel...although that isn't his featured ability. It would have been a good one though. But it isn't the one we gave him. Then there's Krelman...one of the most absurd aliens ever created for the Star Wars Universe...even by the standards of the Holiday Special from which he derived. You shouldn't want to put him in your deck, and we've made that point clear with an ability that is almost as annoying as his method of imbibing.
CCCG: Snitches Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.24.07 12:01am Only one card on deck today: the wily and mischievous Imperial snitch named Garindan. He can turn out to be your best friend, or your worst enemy...depending on whatever card is next in your opponent’s patrons deck.
Creative impulse Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.24.07 12:01am So I've done this joke a couple of times now...but this time it has a creepy Halloween flair to it.
Plus, I couldn't help revisiting this topic given that I just picked up a General McQuarrie figure.
Does anybody else have a problem with this kitbash's head popping off all the time? It seems that his mullet doesn't quite clear the collar of his Hoth fatigues...
Easter Eggs for your Halloween basket! Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.31.07 12:01am Not to mix holiday metaphors, but up-and-coming action-figure movie director GeoMFilms has alerted me to an awesome Order 95 shout-out in his epic-length fanfilm extravaganza: Generations. And what better way to get a Cantina contributor to plug your work than to advertise a project associated with CC.com within said work?
Generations is a whopping hour-and-a-half of professional quality special-effects laden over a live-action, 3.75" drama. The plot features a cross-over between the heroes and villains of the Prequel and Original Trilogies, and the whole thing looks really, really good. It also features a lot of POTF2 figures getting plastered, hence the O95 allusion.
To check out the complete library of Order 95 comics posted by artists all over the place, check out the Creature Cantina Order 95 HQ page. Obviously, we're still accepting submissions to O95...and stay tuned for an exciting O95 contest to be announced soon!
Costume Party Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.31.07 12:01am I hate costume parties. I don't have a problem dressing like a pirate or zombie or a Japanese school girl, or even talking to complete strangers at a party while so attired. My real concern is that I'll get in a horrible car accident in costume while en route to the party and the last image anyone will ever have of me will be in some freakish disguise or in make-up. Not the end I'd wish for, lad. Now, if I could afford some kind of 501st get-up, I might be a little more amenable to the idea...If my number comes up, I might as well go out in style.
Torture-Me Han Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.07.07 12:01am Hasbro has finally given us the Bespin Torture Chamber set. It may well be one of the most intentionally disturbing action figure concepts that they have rolled out in a while. But once the children tire of strapping rebels in and inflicting human rights violations on them, how will Hasbro feed kids' new voyeuristic appetites? Maybe a Leia-licking Jabba, complete with gaze-averting C-3PO? An Incest-Action Medical Bay Luke and Leia two pack? Baby-launching, Maternity Ward Padme? We can only hope so.
Longshot Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.14.07 12:01am So a few weeks ago, I decided that I needed to reduce the total volume of space occupied by my action figure collection. Rather than actually get rid of stuff, I thought it would be easier to open some older figures, and those bulky, boxy Jedi Council scenes seemed like a good place to start. When I began to wrench free Even Piell, however, I discovered that the Chinese laborers opted to secure the figure in a most unusual way...resulting in the image for this week's comic...and turning his name into something of a pun.
Thanksgivin' Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.21.07 12:01am For those of us from the States with apparently very disposable incomes, Thanksgiving is the time to take a look around at our material wealth and appreciate the fact that we are Americans buying these toys and not Chinese factory workers making them.
Order Your CreatureCantinaShop Exclusives! Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.21.07 12:01am CC.com has been selected as the home for a new set of exclusive Star Wars Transformer Mini-Cons, just in time for the mad holiday rush of conspicuous consumption! No collection will ever be complete without them. Seriously. Make sure you buy them. Do it. Don't say we didn't warn you when you end up paying three times the retail cost to get them on eBay.
When Greedo, Momaw Nadon, and Ponda Baba are mysteriously turned into giant robot versions of themselves, they realize Wuher will never let them in the Cantina again! Using the awesome power of Transformers Technology, the three aliens disguise themselves as every day bar items to sneak drinks unnoticed!
Order today for only $89.99 in the CreatureCantinaShop!
The Sick Scents Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.28.07 12:01am Not only did Lando use Han's death as an opportunity to steal back the Millenium Falcon, he also stole Han's wardrobe.
Little could Calrissian expect that his old friend would still manage to exact revenge...even while in carbon freeze hundreds of lightyears away.
Anticipation Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.05.07 12:01am I might be about two months behind the retail stores, but I finally decided to crack open the Christmas decorations...so expect some hall-decking action in this week's comic. It also gave me an excuse to finally break into that VOTC Snowtrooper, and, man, are those clamshells a pain to open!
Demonstration of Power Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.12.07 12:01am It was a long an arduous process of skilled craft, military-precise construction, and laborious patience, but the technology was finally assembled and completed under the careful eye of Grand Moff Tarkin and the ever-looming presence of the Emperor's watchdog, Lord Vader.
The question remaining was, would it make an effective display of power when finally activated...
Holiday Confusion Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.19.07 12:01am The Emperor's new plan to get everything he wants for Christmas this year doesn't seem to be going as well as he would have liked...
In lieu of Santa coming to town... Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.26.07 12:01am You better pay up;
you better not spy,
And never dump spice
when Imperials pry.
Holiday Fett is hunting you down.
He's looking for you
With tracking device.
He'll take you in
for the right price.
Holiday Fett is hunting you down.
He's known for carbon freezing
The smugglers that he takes.
If the bounty is "dead or alive"
He might just disintegrate...
You...
With flamethrower wrists
and a sawed off ray-gun,
With funky-painted armor
from a Mandalorian,
Holiday Fett is hunting you down
So...
You better pay up;
you better not spy,
And never dump spice
when Imperials pry.
'Coz Holiday Fett is hunting you down!
010108 Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.02.08 12:01am This year, no one can accuse me of not having flipped to at least one page of my day calendar...(with a little help from my plastic friends at least).
Return of the Sith Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.09.08 12:01am Christmas time is over, which means huge deals in the clearance aisle, and monster return lines.
It's when you finally have to return something that you suddenly realize how hard you must have been to shop for in the first place...as Darth Vader discovers in this week's comic.
New CreatureCantinaShop Shadow Exclusives! Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.09.08 12:01am CreatureCantinaShop is proud to provide collectors with only the finest and most unique Star Wars merchandise in the galaxy! That's why we're very excited to offer our readers a deal they won't find at any of those other online retailers: the Imperial Shadow Forces three-pack!!
You've gotten your Shadow Trooper and your Shadow Biker Scout, now complete your Shadow Collection with three never-before-released* figures that Hasbro guarantees will never again be available anywhere else!!!**
Lead your stealth flight missions with the Shadow Fighter Pilot!!!!
Silently take down rebel X-wings with your Shadow gunner!!!!!!
And interrogate prisoners to great effect with the deadly Shadow Vader!!!!!!
All for only $19.95!!!!!!! Order now!!!!!!!!
* that is, as Shadow figures.
** unless, of course, the Hasbro marketing team changes its mind.
Boba's Boo-Boo Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.16.08 12:01am With the Crystal Skull (I'm guessing it's aliens!) pushing Indiana Jones merchandising to a fevered pitch, it is only inevitable that the geeky makers of action figure photo-comics are going to launch a series of Indy-Star Wars franchise crossovers, and I aim to have me a sweet seat on that bandwagon...
4-Lorn Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.23.08 12:01am Action Figures are getting a lot like media. Not only are they constantly being re-released with updated features or repacked with all kinds of bonus material, but they also have a nasty habit of being re-released in a new format that renders all of your old collection pretty much obsolete.
Taking a backseat Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.30.08 12:01am All of these mini-fig rich LEGO sets are certainly a welcome addition for troop builders, but one has to ask whether the influx of these younger-demographic kids' toys are making the whole hobby a little too juvenile. You decide in this week's comic!
All the dirt Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.06.08 12:01am You have to hand it to Hasbro: when it comes to troopers, they will leave no stone unturned, no color scheme unpainted, and no regiment un-kitbashed. I am, of course, referring to the super-cool, Dirty-Kimono-Hawkbat Battalion clone trooper. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of soft-goods. They always fray at the edges, and they always betray the figure's scale when you photograph them. But when you throw a little brown handkerchief on an Evolutions Clone Trooper to transform it into a poncho-wearing extra from a spaghetti space western, you do all right in my book.
Bad Dog Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.13.08 12:01am Ever notice how almost no one ever seems to have to go to the bathroom in epic adventure films like Star Wars? People have to take care of business at some point, but we're just left to assume Han and Chewie ducked into the lavatory on the Death Star while escaping Stormtroopers or that Jango Fett just finished "powdering his nose" before Obi-wan barged into his apartment on Kamino.
Something had to leave a pile for Jar Jar to step in when he was wondering Mos Espa, so it isn't like all the creatures in the galaxy far, far away just have more efficient digestive systems.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy scatological humor, because it makes up the punchline in this week's photo-comic.
Cantina surfers...Rise of the Rejects Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.20.08 12:01am As if this site alone didn't provide you with enough collecting humor and wisdom to see you through the week, we thought we'd share some highlights of our own web surfing in this update.
In the midst of all this Toy Fair hullabaloo, collectors have been madly forwarding each other a link to Star Wars toys that never were. We're talking real one's this time, not the goofy rejected toy parodies like "The Force" action figure.
Jason "ToyOtter" Geyer reveals some pretty wild concept art for rejected toy ideas that he and his comrades proposed to Pepsi during its epic promotion of the doomed Episode One.
I can easily see Lucasfilm taking another look at some of these items ten years later. I mean, if Hasbro is willing to make toys of rejected movie concepts, why not make toys of rejected toy concepts?
On the one hand, I can see why the Jedi mood ring was a little too corny and the Carbonite-Han mini-fridge a little too creepy. On the other hand, the Cockpit Sun Shade seems too good an opportunity to miss. Heck, I'd cut out little eye-holes in General Veers and drive around with the thing taped to my windshield all the time if I had one (which is maybe the real reason why they never made it).
I also imagine there will be floods of fans trying to produce their own Jabba Bean Bag Chairs and Bespin desk lamps after seeing the designs here.
Anyway, before I give away all the too-cool-to-be-made concepts in the attempt to whet your appetites, hop on over to Toy Otter's site...
Elsewhere on the Internet...Clicking random ad-links over at BBspot.com led me to Jek Porkins and Ponda Baba in: Haunted House Candy Hunt over at I-Mockery.com.
The game appears to have been up for quite a while, and I can't say I bothered playing it long enough to beat it. Nevertheless, it features everyone's favorite overweight rebel pilot holding hands with one of the Cantina's scummiest villains as they explore a haunted mansion. As far as I can tell, there really is no reason why this game needed to feature these guys as playable characters other than for the draw of Star Wars fans that would inevitably ensue. The old-school C64 gameplay style certainly isn't its most endearing feature, I can tell you that much. Fortunately, there are some fun Star Wars allusions when the player characters die...which is often.
The Look Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.20.08 12:01am Lego-people should be happy...even the ones being suffering under an oppressive, totalitarian, absolute monarchy.
After all, shouldn't a band of freedom fighters at least appear to take some modicum of satisfaction in the righteousness of their political subversion?
Sadly, not all Lego-people can express the joy and hope that we want to instill in our children, but they can reveal how even role models of democracy might struggle with a hard life to achieve their goals.
Or, as the Lego-rebels teach us, freedom don't come easy.
Cantina Surfers: Star Wars Summaries Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.27.08 12:01am I remember the time when I first realized there was a complicated backstory to Star Wars. I was in high school...and I was wearing out my VHS copy of the movie. Grand Moff Tarkin strolled into the Death Star briefing room and announced that the Emperor had just dissolved the Senate and that local governors would now be controlling their systems...or something to that effect.
Holy banthas! This "kid's movie" that I had been enjoying all my life suddenly had much broader social implications and historical allusions. How was it that I had missed the richly textured environment that had been so painstakingly crafted as a backdrop for this sci-fi adventure? How had I gone a decade and a half without realizing the complexity of the Star Wars universe?
Well, probably because I spent the most of my life thinking of Star Wars according to this featured YouTube video... http://youtube.com/watch?v=EBM854BTGL0
I'm pretty sure that kid's parents are gunning to get her a spot on a Welch's commercial...although I really think some video-effects artist should take the time to splice her out of her parents' kitchen and drop her in the Cantina.
Up next (via BBSpot.com), the Episode IV Gif... Foldsfive pretty much captures the essence of a five year old's impressions of Star Wars in a charming and highly pixilated animated gif: Star Wars Episode IV Gif
Pick Foldsfive's gif as your avatar, and you'll be able to push all kinds of forums beyond their bandwidths in no time. And if that's not enough, you can see a whole collection of Foldsfive's OT and Indy animated gifs here: http://www.hfm2.com/photopost1/showgallery.php/cat/959
Death of a Vanguard Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.27.08 12:01am The repaint/kitbash wave is coming on pretty strong in my neck of the woods. There's a certain twisted logic that Pax Bonkik is actually a better version of Greedo than the even the vintage collection Greedo was. There was, no doubt, a sigh of relief among investors when it became clear that R1-B1 was not going to be a straight repack of his Episode One incarnation. Personally, however, I was most pleased by the Vanguard kitbash. I was quite relieved to see that his sleeveless vest revealed the shoulder articulation that had been missing on the Endor troopers. Plus, I was a total mine-noob back in my early days of Star Wars Battlefront, so it's great to have this little guy on my desk without having to drop thirty-five bucks on some exclusive BF2 battlepack. Now, if Hasbro could just get around to releasing the rest of the BF2 figures in single packs.
Cup o' Jango Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.05.08 12:01am I'm digging Casual Attire Jango. I'm pretty sure that it's the first time we've seen a version of a Star Wars bad guy in his play clothes...home from work, ready to kick back, play some catch with his son, and maybe down a cold one watching the big game. Now, all we need is a Fetts' Apartment Playset.
There is, however, one minor issue with this figure, and it's not the conspicuously missing battle gauntlets...
Symbology Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.12.08 12:01am Oh, Evolutions Boba Fett, the more I look on thee, the more disappointed I become.
I guess I'll just have to imagine that the paint on Boba's armor was burnt off by the digestive juices of the Sarlaac...maybe he should have used a better paint sealer.
Hasbro reveals genius Boba Fett marketing campaign Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.12.08 12:01am In what might be the cleverest marketing strategy that Hasbro has ever deployed, the toy manufacturer has just revealed that its previously released Thirtieth Anniversary Collection Stormtrooper figure is actually Boba Fett in Stormtrooper Disguise.
"At first I was confused," one collector said. "I've waited 28 years to see what Boba Fett really looked like under that helmet, and to think that when I finally got to take a peek, it was nothing other than a kitbashed head from a scarred stormtrooper! Then, I read online somewhere that Hasbro planned it all from the beginning. How could I have ever doubted Hasbro?"
Another collector observed, "I must buy at least ten Boba Fett figures a year, so I was really hoping Hasbro would get the removable helmet version done right. For a while, I thought Hasbro really phoned in this figure, but when I realized how deep what they were doing really was, I was totally blown away."
Some fans have pointed out that Hasbro previously released a Titanium Boba Fett with removable helmet that lacked any scars, but Hasbro has announced that figure was actually a figure of Mandalore the Ressurector disguised as Boba Fett.
"We're experimenting with the genre of the disguised action figure," a Hasbro representative informed. "We hope to increase the worth of our product by releasing figures and then letting fans and collectors realize they didn't buy what they thought they were getting. It's somehow like they get to discover they are getting more than what they originally paid for!" Future versions of the TAC Stormtrooper will be released with a sticker overlay indicating the change of identity.
Brooding: An Open Letter to George Lucas Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.12.08 12:01am Dear George,
How are things going for you? Everything cool? I imagine you must be very busy between putting together your new cartoon, live action show, video game, and giving your stamp of approval on countless sundry items. It must take quite a toll on your time...which leads me to my next question: How's your love life?
I only ask because I care, George...and from what I've been seeing as of late, you've got me worrying quite a bit.
I'm your friend, and I want what's best for you...for us.
See, I've just gone and done something pretty drastic, something I never thought I'd be capable of doing. I intentionally threw away an unopened Star Wars action figure -- a new one at that. When the package echoed in the dumpster, it was like the sounds of a million collectors suddenly crying in pain.
Holiday confusion Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.19.08 12:01am Too...many...holidays...too...many...themes...
Generation gap Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.26.08 12:01am Remember when you actually knew the names of the Star Wars figures you were buying? Remember when you knew what movie they appeared in, whether they were original trilogy, special edition, or prequel? Remember thinking, "Ohmygosh, that's sooo cool! Who would have ever thought they'd make a figure of that guy!"
Remember when you knew which of the figures on your desk were even from Star Wars?
Now Loading: Order 95 v 2.0 Posted by: Tresob Yr 03.26.08 12:01am The battle between HD-DVD and Blue-ray might have concluded...but the war between competing technologies is far from over in Beedo Sookcool's latest Order 95 comic! View Beedo's: "Built-in Obsolescence."
In this lengthy installment of the 095 saga, Beedo takes us inside the invisible world of droids, introducing his new super-articulated TAC-bots to their less mobile POTF2 ancestors. Let's just say that the new models are not reverse compatible.
Order 95 is an Internet-wide, epic crossover photo-comic recounting the ongoing conflict between the classic, beefcake monster figures of the 90's Star Wars Renaissance and the resculpts, repaints, and repacks seeking to replace them. Read all of the O95 submissions from the O95 HQ here at Creature Cantina!
And now that ROTS is finally getting the resculpt treatment, we look forward to seeing some new submissions! So get cracking, all you photonovelists! Beedo isn't saying quits on Order 95, and neither should you...
The Anniversary Comic! Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.02.08 12:01am This week, an old friend drops by to celebrate another year of Star Wars collecting hi jinx and to deliver a very special message from yours truly, Tresob Yr!
New Feature: Boba Fett's Video Blog! Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.02.08 12:01am Here's another anniversary first! Blogs are all the rage these days. And video blogs are the cutting edge l33t! Say some stupid emotional crap up on YouTube every once in a while and you'll draw legions of fans. Well, Star Wars characters like to share, too! We're proud to present the first installment of...
Hosehead Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.09.08 12:01am Why do practically all of the Force Unleashed characters look like they belong in some kind San Francisco parade? At least half of them appear to be advertising items from a BDSM catalog...from what I hear, at least.
Is it just that the Dark Side is kinky?
Heck, the line even somehow managed to make the Jump Trooper look vaguely gimpish with that crazy and seemingly gratuitous protuberance coming out of his mouthpiece.
It brings new meaning to calling someone a "hoser," eh?
Hasbro Unleashes new round of FU cheat codes Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.09.08 12:01am One of the pack-ins which Hasbro is featuring in the Force Unleashed line is a set of four random cheat codes for the upcoming game (which, if forums are to be believed, are Holocron, Mandalore, Wookiee, and Lightsaber). Now that everybody and their myspace friends seem to know the cheat codes, Hasbro has decided to release another four codes into the mix.
Once again, Creature Cantina is proud to scoop the other collecting sites and be the first to announce these new cheat codes in an exclusive that you won't find anywhere else on the Internet...yet.
Return of the Jango Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.16.08 12:01am One of the many things absent from the prequels that made OT great was the development of a principle villain. In the OT, we could rely on Darth Vader to show up in all three movies and do something really horrible. But we also got to see him mature as a character and become more than just an obstacle for the protagonists to overcome.
In the prequels, we never really got to watch a villain develop, since all of the coolest villains are killed shortly after being introduced. Sure, we get to watch Palpatine rise to power...but not really develop as an actual person.
So...I wonder...what would Jango have become if he had survived the Battle of Geonosis?
Short Stack Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.23.08 12:01am I just picked up the Tsui La Choy Mein Order 66 pack (you know, the little blue guy with a fish for a head), so I'm in a mood to appreciate the little figures. I'm generally a sucker for the half-pint characters. Maybe it's because the difference in height makes for variety among the 3.75" toys. Maybe it's just my collector's sense of space consciousness. Anyway, it's pretty awesome that the Jedi Council has a squad of diminutive commandos that can call on for missions where size does matter...
Aqualishous Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.30.08 12:01am Beedo totally hooked me up with some figures this week, including the Aqualish Senator Po Nudo. At first, I had planned to go for political satire, and make an "Elect Po Nudo" sign, but the politics of the Star Wars universe got too confusing for me after a day of work. In the end, I decided to send a shout out to all of the SP-loving Anonymous out there...
Go to the Star Wars Roadshow; win Tresob's stuff! Posted by: Tresob Yr 04.30.08 12:01am This morning I made a six-figure donation to the DCSWCC. That's six action figures, not a monetary sum containing six digits. They are going to be prizes at a raffle at the Star Wars Road Show in Maryland this Saturday.
Yes, I do consider it a news-worthy update whenever I part with toys.
I also gifted 40 Star Wars minis to be used as door prizes for the first people who show up. I hear they are going to be reserving the rare minis for attractive female registrants...or maybe it was just female registrants...one can't be too picky.
If swag isn't enough to entice you, then maybe the fun-filled, family-oriented atmosphere will be. The DCSWCC Star Wars Road Show is a unique event modeled after PBS's Antique Road Show, only with uber-collectors from the DC Metro Area Star Wars Collecting Club showing off their geekiness by identifying your hopefully rare Star Wars collectibles and then telling you how much they would have been worth if you hadn't opened them up and played with them as a kid. But the most exciting part of it all is, again, the chance to own toys that were once in my possession.
The Star Wars Road Show is being held Saturday, May 3rd from 1:30pm until 4:30pm at West County Area Library, 1325 Annapolis Road Odenton, MD 21113.
Indiana Jones and the Golden Idol Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.14.08 12:01am With the resurrection of 3.75" Indiana Jones toys, a set of Indy comics was inevitable...wasn't it?
Boba Fett's Video Blog Part 2 (Plus Bonus Video Response) Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.14.08 12:01am It's been a couple of week's, but everyone's favorite Mandalorian has finally gotten around to transmitting his thoughts on the depiction of that dastardly smuggler Han Solo.
Cantina Surfers: Star Wars gets Sweded and Boba Fett responds! Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.21.08 12:01am One of the top hits for a "Star Wars" search on YouTube this week is Chris Parrott's Star Wars (Sweded): A Cardboard Hope.
Cringe as an architecture student at Sheffield makes fools out of his friends by dressing them up in wood-pulp and forcing them to recite lines from Episode IV.
I'm sure they all will have a good laugh about it in the future when potential employers see the video while running Internet searches on their names.
Too much of a good thing Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.21.08 12:01am You know, I'm not actually planning on seeing the new Indiana Jones movie on Thursday. Don't get me wrong. I'm planning on seeing it this summer, just not on Thursday. I think I've been burnt too many times by the Star Wars prequels to let myself really get worked up about it. I didn't even buy any of the Indy figures based on new characters out of fear I would jinx the experience.
That being said, I still need to squeeze some more value out of the Indy figures I did buy to rationalize the insane seven dollar price tags...
I hate these guys... Posted by: Tresob Yr 05.28.08 12:01am I hear that Lego Indiana Jones will not feature any depictions of Nazism. On the one hand, I can see how people might get a little concerned about kids playing a game with cutsie-pie Nazis, especially if they are unlockable characters. It's one thing to play as a fictional Sith Lord who likes to electrocute his victims with lightning that comes out of his hands, but I'm not sure I'd want a Tresob Jr. unlocking a Lego-style Adolf Hitler. On the other hand, I'm also uncomfortable about letting my kid play a game that sounds like it was programmed by Holocaust deniers.
A word from our sponsor Posted by: Tresob Yr 06.23.08 12:01am Between Star Wars toys, Indiana Jones toys, Transformers toys, and G.I.Joe toys, I feel like I'm spending as much per month on toys as I did during my entire first childhood. In other words, things are getting tight in Tresob Yr land...so...with few other legal options to make ends meet, I've sold out my comic space this week to advertisers. I know, it's a blow to my artistic integrity, but it had to be done.
ENTER: The Shadow Trooper Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.02.08 12:01am Given the current cost of gas...and the cost of toys...I can't say that I've been making as many toy runs as I was wont. With my shopping habits curtailed, I'm pretty much left to the mercy of serendipity (or the generosity of fellow collectors to help me out). Thus, I was quite surprised to walk into a local Toys 'R' Us (which almost never has anything when I arrive) and find the troop builders' mother load. Shadowtroopers, Covert Troopers, Commando/Battledroid Two-packs, and all kinds of fun things that I hadn't seen in so long that I forgot I was even looking for them. And so, TRU guarantees that I'll be a fairly regular customer even though I probably won't find anything there for another year.
Smells like dionaga Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.09.08 12:01am At some point in the process of packing my stuff up to move, I thought it would be a good idea to save space by opening up some of my figures. It may well have been the last time I ever open anything from the POTF2 Collection...so I thought I should make the most of it for this week's comic strip.
The Dark One Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.16.08 12:01am Look out, smugglers! Bounty hunters are nothing compared to vigilante justice!
Order95 update at Nibcrom Central Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.16.08 12:01am Nibcrom Central is on a roll again with Order 95, posting page 15 last week! Head over, say "hi" to the wire ball, and tell them Tresob sent ya! And don't forget about the Order 95 home page, still up here at good ol' CC.com.
Force sensitivity training Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.23.08 12:01am As the Imperial ranks become more and more open to the presence of female officers, it also becomes increasingly important that all personnel receive proper guidance on appropriate behavior in the workplace.
And speaking of military romances...don't miss Boba Fett's video response to JStormTrooper's "Stormtroopers in Love," now playing on YouTube. (It might help to watch JStormTrooper's video first, here.)
Left behind Posted by: Tresob Yr 07.30.08 12:01am If you've been paying attention to my blurbs, you'll have noticed by now that I am in the process of moving.
The average rational person would have packed up all of his stuff in a truck and hauled it to his new locale in one fell swoop.
Not me.
I opted for the long, drawn out, torturous month-long relocation, slowly transferring banker's box after banker's box of junk...until...
Tresob's new desk Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.13.08 12:01am After about eight hours, and a whole lot of carpal tunnel syndrome later, I managed to assemble my new Staples Apothecary office furniture.
It's very black.
I'm not sure how the Jedi are going to take it.
Also, I'd like to salute all the Pennsylvania collectors who managed to stay one step ahead of me in my efforts to hunt down a Wokling the last couple of weeks. I had been unsuccessfully trying to track one down ever since a Walmart employ ripped it from my hands before the release date. One was finally gifted to me this week, although I fear the giver was forced to pay the absurd KB Toys retail price.
Moving Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.13.08 12:01am As I've been lamenting for the last few weeks, I'm in the process of a move.
So how did I handle relocating the action figures, you ask? Well, I heavily invested in 1) Lots of ziploc baggies, 2) endless rolls of bubblewrap, and 3) one ginormous rubbermaid tub.
(Interesting factoid of the week...Gmail flags the words "ziploc", "bubblewrap", "rubbermaid", and "Gmail" as typographically incorrect, but "ginormous" apparently gets a green light.)
Kitbash-a-Droid Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.20.08 12:01am If you can still afford to be a completist, the build-a-droid program is a deal. It's like getting a figure you never wanted for free with the purchase of four figures that you may or may not really want. If you are like me, however, and have started becoming more selective with your action figure purchases, then you might have something like this sitting on your desk right now.
Computer generated Shakespearean actor steals show in Clone Wars Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.20.08 12:01am
Movie critics are all abuzz about the latest installment in the Star Wars film saga, mostly owing to the stellar performance delivered by the computer generated clone of Sir Lawrence Olivier.
"You know, every now and then you hear about some rogue, oddball fan will complain that the original trilogy was better than prequels," said Clone Wars director David Filoni. "So when Mr. Lucas comes to me and says, 'David, take this TV stuff you're doing and make it into a movie,' I says to myself, 'What were the new movies missing and how do we fix it?'"
Filoni says that what was missing revealed itself to him while choreographing a fight scene using some POTF2 action figures.
"I just looked down at that little Obi-wan Kenobi, the one with the crazy open slit in his robe, and I says to myself, 'David...those movies had Sir Alec Guinness...he did like Shakespeare and stuff.'"
That's when Filoni told his animation staff to digitally render a likeness of Sir Lawrence Olivier as he appeared in his classic film version of Shakespeare's Hamlet.
George Lucas was delighted with the decision, stating: "This is the beginning of a new era in filmmaking. For Clone Wars 2, we are going to digitally recreate the actors David Garrick from 18th Century portraits and Will Kemp from a Renaissance woodcut in order to bring even more artistic integrity to the series...and the entire cast of Indiana Jones 5 will consist of dead actors!"
Say "No" to the Ho Star Wars collector campaign Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.27.08 12:01am Still no Ice Cream Maker Guy, but, don't you know it, there are plenty of interplanetary prostitutes lining the shelves. Way to go fans. You really won a victory during the fan's choice poll with this one.
Of course, the Hasbrotoyshop.com listing describes Yarna D'Al'Gargan as "a dancer in Jabba's palace, entertaining the Hutt with a graceful ballet that soothes the irascible gangster when nothing else can." Riiiight. In other words, she's what Jabba keeps around when his slave girl would rather become Rancor-chow than "sooth" him during the hard times.
I know a lot of you completists and/or perverts went out and snatched up this figure during midnight madness, but there's still hope for some of you to keep your collections free of this figure.
She'll only end up spreading space-cooties.
So keep your eight bucks for a better, brighter day...and say "no" to the ho.
The Helmet Posted by: Tresob Yr 08.27.08 12:01am Only figures that meet my grueling standards of coolness are worthy of being bought at full retail price.
Otherwise, I'll usually wait a year until they go on clearance...like the TAC Death Star Trooper in this comic.
The Real Deal Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.03.08 12:01am If there was ever a figure that invited a simple headswap, I'd have to say it's the new Legacy Clone Wars Micro-Series Volume One-style Obi-Wan Kenobi.
That boy's got anger-management issues written all over his face. So much for the calm, peaceful mindset of the Jedi warrior...
Plus, the fact that it takes seven words to convey precisely which Obi-Wan I'm talking about really suggests that this hobby is reaching entirely new levels of complexity for the casual toy collector.
Hasbro joins the ranks! Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.10.08 12:01am BREAKING NEWS FLASH:
Order 95 officially sanctioned by Hasbro!
Creature Cantina steals pictures from another Website to prove it!
When Jason Dooley sent pictures of his most recent toy acquisition to Rebelscum, he revealed the fruits of the biggest fan-driven efforts to influence Hasbro since the release of the Ice Cream Maker Man figure after last year's fan's choice contest.
Although unobserved by the Rebelscum blurb, an Order 95 logo has clearly been printed among the licensing information on the back of the box. Way to go 95ers! Do what must be done!
Minty Fresh Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.10.08 12:01am Somehow, Old Yeller has managed to find his way out of storage and is up to his old tricks again on the shelves...
Rescuing the Princess Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.17.08 12:01am A lot of fans don't like the "Marvelized" paint schemes on some of the earlier comic pack figures, but I actually didn't mind the blue washes on the stormtrooper armor-clad Luke and Han. At the very least, it saves me from having to engineer complicated lighting effects. Plus, I don't ever really put their helmets on. It kind of defeats the purpose of having a Luke head on a Stormtrooper body if you are just going to put a helmet over it.
And, on a related point, you would think Hasbro would quit with the flimsy rubber removable helmets and just pack interchangeable heads with figures. Swappable heads would solve the big-helmet/little-head phenomenon, the stretched-out helmet problem, and the head-got-stuck-in-the-helmet syndrome. Hey, I think I just came up with another week's comic...
Playwear Posted by: Tresob Yr 09.24.08 12:01am I have a confession to make, fellow Star Wars fans...
The Clone Wars Theatrical Release -- didn't see it, yet.
The Force Unleashed -- didn't buy it, yet.
I didn't stand in line at a Gamestop to get the exclusive Stormtrooper Commander.
I don't even think I've purchased a figure this month (though I did buy toys from other lines...scandal!).
I'm a disgrace to the Star Wars community--a total Star Wars poser...
Lucasfilm Announces Force Unleashed Theatrical Release! Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.01.08 12:01am Given the mediocre reviews of The Force Unleashed by all of the major game sites, George Lucas has decided release a complete playthrough of the game as Star Wars Episode III.i next summer. Alternate version endings entitled Star Wars: Episode III.i.a-h will be played at IMAX theaters. Fans will have great fun surprising themselves as they drive to various IMAX theaters trying to find all of the alternate endings. Smaller theaters playing the PS2 version of the game will offer viewers a free small popcorn as an added incentive. "This is really what I envisioned Star Wars to be all along," said Lucas. "Ever since I first played Pong back in the 70s, I knew that video games would be the future of the film industry." Lucasarts also recently announced that a revised version of the video game with a new player character and additional cutscenes called The Forced Unleashed Special Edition would be available sometime before Christmas.
2RT-FT Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.01.08 12:01am Sometimes, I plan on making one comic...and then I end up making another.
The comic I originally intended was to have a bunch of the more sinister-looking Imperial Astrodroids hanging out in a clique, when along comes the brightly colored R4-M9. The punchline was essentially going to be that R4 couldn't hang out with them because he didn't look evil enough.
Oh, the humor with which you would have received such a comic would have known no bounds.
But in the course of setting up the figures, I notices something peculiar about the little R4 unit, and decided I had to switch gears...
Variant hunters, beware...
The New Apprentice Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.08.08 12:01am Although I have yet to view the theatrical release of The Clone Wars, I was able to sneak a view of the first two episodes of the new Clone Wars TV Show.
Hey, if nothing else, it's better than The Phantom Menace, right? Of course, the original animated Clone Wars managed to pack more story, character, and excitement into a three minute micro-episode than either of these episodes managed to produce in a whole hour...but they were still better than The Phantom Menace. If the original cartoons had been Episode One and these cartoons had been Episode Two, we'd all be in a better place now, I think.
TFU Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.15.08 12:01am I just beat TFU for the PS2, so here's a spoiler comic for you.
CC.com Video Game Review: The Force Unleashed for the PS2 Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.15.08 12:01am The first thing you see when you load the game is an option to play the game in English or French.
That’s never really a good sign. It means that you are playing a snobby game, and snobby games almost never deliver. The starting game interface also screams “Cheap!” There’s something about the oversized font and lack of cool 3D graphics that reminds me of budget PC games. It’s little things like this that annoy me, especially since this game was touted as being so thoroughly developed. When you started Bounty Hunter, at least you had a console interface and an animated, 3-D reflection of Jango Fett staring back at you.
The Clone Wars Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.22.08 12:01am Thanks to the miracle of YouTube, I have been able to witness grainy versions of the new Clone Wars cartoons, frequently with poorly synchronized audio. It's certainly not the worst thing on television at the moment, but I can't help but think the show would be far more interesting if I never saw Revenge of the Sith.
My pet theory regarding this is that George Lucas isn't making this show for the fans of today, but for the fans of tomorrow. As the yet unborn generations of Star Wars fans are finally welcomed into the world, they will have the opportunity to enjoy the saga in chronological order...and perhaps thereby experience greater suspense when main characters face peril.
Hopefully, future episodes will have characters confront choices whose resolutions are not predictable based on our knowledge of the last prequel.
Why you should download Gametoast's Conversion Pack 2.0 Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.22.08 12:01am Modding – it's sort of like the video game equivalent of fan fiction.
For the most part, mods are glitchy, unevenly designed novelties that squeeze a few more hours of amusement out of a game you no longer enjoy playing.
Order 95 marches on at Nibcrom Central Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.29.08 12:01am The spirit of Order 95 still burns brightly in one heart of the galaxy!
Nils over at Nibcrom Central has just posted his sixteenth page of his O95 epic.
Check out the rest of the O95 saga here at the CC.com O95 HQ!
Guess who Posted by: Tresob Yr 10.29.08 12:01am I have to confess that last week's episode of The Clone Wars exceeded expectations, so I have renewed hope in that animated series. The clone sequences are almost always more entertaining for me than the Jedi business. It's probably because clones' lack of force powers generates more exciting action sequences and doesn't leave you wondering why they don't just force crush the bad guys whenever they show up. Plus, we have more to learn about clones, and they look cooler than Jedi. Heck, they look so cool that the Jedi have had to start stealing their armor just to look moderately cool beside them. Anyway, perhaps all that clone action on Friday inspired this week's piece...
Plug 'n' Play Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.05.08 12:01am I thought about doing an election comic, but I decided against it in the end.
It was going to feature Senator Jar Jar being elected to Chancellor, until I realized the inevitable problems with such a depiction. If one candidate won, it would open up the whole can of worms about Jar Jar and racism. If the other candidate won, then Rensi would hunt me down and do horrible things to my house.
So forget about the elections for a minute, and check out this completely non-topical action figure comic strip.
Insubordination Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.12.08 12:01am A clone is genetically-engineered and rigorously trained to do anything for the sake of the Republic...even to the point of making the ultimate sacrifice.
Unfortunately, I recently discovered that clones do have limitations when it comes to sacrificing themselves for the sake of humor.
Hypnotherapy Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.19.08 12:01am Who picked up an Ahsoka Tano figure for five bucks at K*Mart last week?
That'd be me.
Oh, yeah.
Five smackers for a brand new figure...just like the good ol' days of the late '90s.
At five bucks, I even picked up a few of those Droid Factory figures to get the crazy evil-eye R2 unit...well, to get his head and torso at least. Now I need his thrust legs...
(I still couldn't bring myself to by a Yarna, though. Not even for five bucks. Yickth.)
All this is to set up an Ahsoka comic. It might not be the funniest comic I've ever done, but it was the best script I could come up with that wouldn't land me on an FBI watch-list for sexually exploiting underage action figures.
Ahsoka Tano in underage photo scandal Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.26.08 12:01am It seems the pressures of fame and public spotlight have claimed yet another rising starlet as underage padawan Ahsoka Tano has found herself at the center of recent photo scandal. Although Lucasfilm itself hired world-famous photographer Annie Leibowitz to take photos of the teenage Jedi-in-training to promote its new Clone Wars television program, some of Tano's costars expressed shock when they saw the resulting images of Tano posed suggestively covered with only a bedsheet. "She's hardly old enough to be a padawan, let alone be in pictures like this. It's a clear case of child exploitation," said a visibly disappointed Obi-wan Kenobi. Less troubled was Anakin Skywalker, Tano's master and trainer, who told reporters, "I didn't know they were going to strip her down and put her in a blanket... although she usually wears next to nothing anyway, so I'm not entirely sure what the big deal is."
Modern Thanksgiving Posted by: Tresob Yr 11.26.08 12:01am Here in the States, it's Thanksgiving Week... and you know what that means!
No... not turkey feasts...
No... not Black Friday specials...
It means gratuitous and annoying Thanksgiving spoilsports trying to ruin all of our imperialist fun by playing the political correctness police!
Black Friday steal Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.03.08 12:01am I was not intrepid enough to embark on any Black Friday quests this year...and I certainly haven't had any luck on a Black Friday since retrieving an Ephant Mon from the bottom of a toy bin at Toys 'R' Us for $2.99 back when he was new and going for $30 on eBay.
Looking at those endless lines of campers and reading about the various Black Friday fatalities has handily convinced me that I would be more than willing to pay the extra hundred dollars just to not have to deal with other customers.
But if I had gone out to face the droves, I imagine it would have gone down something like this...
Appropriate attire Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.10.08 12:01am Does anyone else out there have a tendency to set up more Hoth figures during the winter months?
The last thing I want to look at during a sweltering summer day is a bundled up Luke or Han being chased down by a hairy Wampa...
But as I shiver in the sub-arctic temperatures of my house, I can at least take comfort knowing that my little friends are all toasty and warm.
Christmas Caroling Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.17.08 12:01am This one goes out to all of the lonely collectors out there...
Santa's Little Helper Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.24.08 12:01am Poor Palpatine. Coal, coal, coal for Christmas, year after year.
This time, however, he's striking back and going right to the source in order to insure all of his Christmas dreams come true...
Vintage Year Posted by: Tresob Yr 12.31.08 12:01am Holy smokes! Has 2008 bit the dust already?
Has it really been fourteen years since POTF2 and the dawning of the Action Figure Renaissance?
Have I really spent more years buying toys as an adult than I ever did as a kid?
Heck, there are people who grew up playing with POTF2 who have already sold all of their toys at garage sales and moved on to cars and girls...
Well, whatever stage of collecting you are in...I hope you have a happy new year and enjoy the following comic...
Droideka Do-Over Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.07.09 12:01am Last week, Darth Danno and I serendipitously turned last week's update into an Episode One Anniversary special.
In that same prequel spirit, I thought I'd revisit some of the classic scenes of The Phantom Menace.
This week, we look at how the course of events might have changed if our heroic Jedi got a little less panicky at the sight of force-field wielding droids...
Unforeseen consequences Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.14.09 12:01am Given George Lucas's apparently insatiable desire to suck the mythic out of his own mythos, I suspect that any upcoming special edition of The Phantom Menace might include a scene that looks a little like the following comic...
Lines of argument Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.21.09 12:01am Who am I, really, to complain and nitpick about plot holes in The Phantom Menace?
Isn't it getting a little old to still be complaining about the movie ten years later?
It's just a movie, after all. If the plot doesn't make any sense and if the characters seem to lack sophistication to the point where it cripples my suspension of disbelief, why should I get upset?
Is it because I was promised something bigger than all expectations? Something so magnificently wonderful after such a long dry spell that it couldn't hope to possibly live up to the expectations that I had set out for it?
Perhaps.
Perhaps I should just let it go.
Perhaps I should just move on...let bygones be bygones.
Perhaps I should grow up a little and stop wasting so much time with my snobbish deconstruction of a simple movie.
Perhaps.
But then I wouldn't have a comic this week...
The Phantom Premise Posted by: Tresob Yr 01.28.09 12:01am Remember when Star Wars used to be all about the epic conflict of Good versus Evil?
That was before the prequels... before the struggle of Eye Candy versus Confusing Plotlines.
It's been ten years since I've watched The Phantom Menace, and I'm still not entirely sure what was happening at the beginning of the movie, but it sure looked perdy.
The C stands for Creepy Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.04.09 12:01am So I originally was planning on doing some kind of congratulatory Steelers comic for Bill this week. I even had my G.I.Joe Steeler figures all ready to go to work in a brilliant cross-toy-franchise pun...but...in the end, I didn't.
I was slightly afraid that bringing the subject up would launch Bill into a post-game euphoria, resulting in the comic never getting posted.
Instead, I continue another week of Episode One 10th Anniversary comics. This time I attempt to take what was arguably one of the worst choices Lucas made in the film, Anakin as the maker of C-3PO, and try to make it at least a little more dramatically interesting...
Bombad General Posted by: Tresob Yr 02.11.09 12:01am In my opinion, Captain Tarpals was the only Gungan worth his bonga.
If Qui-Gon had run into him in the jungles of Naboo instead of Jar Jar, things might have turned out much differently.
Boss Nass would have still been a fat, vaguely offensive dictator, but I'm sure he could have been persuaded much more easily of the need to arm against the Trade Federation if the Jedi were introduced by a respected military leader rather than the village idiot.
So here's my salute to the mustachioed catfish man himself...(incidentally, I'm pretty sure "Catfish Man" would have been his actual name if he was a Cantina patron back in 77.)
Obama defeats Darktrooper in latest Fan Choice vote!
"Huckabee" rejected as Cantina patron name... "Too strange"
Revealed: Hillary Clinton played Emperor in original 1980 ESB holo scene!
Plans to turn Geonosian execution arena into a shopping mall met with a few bugs
Romance on Kashyyk, the truth behind Wookie Nookie
Jabba joins Salvation Army due to misunderstanding. He thought it was the Salivation Army
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This site is created by a bunch of people with nothing better
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goes on in this hobby, and maybe get a chuckle in doing so. If
you want to sue us, well, I'm already broke so have at it.
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I, Tresob Yr, as a contributing member of the Creature Cantina Website am honored to bestow the first ever, highly coveted CC.com Goldenrod Award for the most august category of Best Backgrounds in an Action Figure Photo-Comic to 
