Threepio takes the wrestling world by storm!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 04.23.03 12:01am
It was discovered while doing a routine maintenance and lube job that C-3PO's "Fight or Flight" switch had been stuck in the "Flight" position for quite some time. After switching it to the "Fight" position, it seems that Old Goldenrod is finally letting go of all of the pent up aggression that had been building up in him since joining the crew of the Tantive IV. His new, "I'm prissy and I'm pissed" attitude has led him to the spandex world of Pro-Wrestling.

Here is a sneak peak of 3-PO taking the belt away from Triple H on Thursday night's RAW. When asked about his upcoming cage match with The Rock, "The Chromed Avenger", as he is now known said, "I do not understand why he insists on continuously asking if I smell what he's cooking! He knows perfectly well that droids do not have olfactory sensors."

CC.com Exclusive Interview: Yoda's Brother!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 04.30.03 12:01am
Creature Cantina.com is pleased to announce that after scouring the galaxy for more than three years, we have found and obtained an exclusive interview with Yoda's long lost brother, Roger!

CC.com: First off, let me say that it's a real pleasure to meet you, Roger!
Roger: Call me Roj.

CC.com: Great. Roj, I guess the first question our readers want to know is where have you been hiding?
Roger: Piscataway. I work at a body shop on the west side. Nothin' fancy, but it pays the bills.

CC.com: A body shop? But your brother is a Jedi Master!
Roger: Don't get me started on that freak I call a brother! What an embarrassment to the family. My poor mother had a heart attack when he told us he was moving to some swamp to pick up rocks with his mind!

CC.com: So you don't believe in the Force?
Roger: The Force? Ha! My no good brother was always telling me to "Feel the Force. feel the Force, Roger". The only thing I feel is the urge to break my foot off in his Jedi ass! I'd do it too, 'cept he'd whip that flashlight out and go all ninja on me! Why does everyone make such a big deal out of him anyway? He doesn't have a job, he lives in a frickin' tree in the middle of B.F.E., and he's got a frickin' speech impediment! He even completed his Jedi training at Coruscant Junior College!

CC.com: I see. Do you have any plans to reunite with Yoda?
Roger: I visited him once on Dagobah to try to talk some sense into him. I pleaded with him to try settling down and getting a real job like me. He muttered something about, "There is no try" and started laughing like a blithering idiot, so I got the hell outta there. I think all that swamp gas is getting to his brain!

CC.com: Well Roj, thank you so much for your time. Any chance I could get a picture of you for our readers?
Roger: Here's a picture of me on Dagobah when Yoda and me tried to patch things up. A couple of minutes after this picture was taken, some frickin' huge lizard tried to bite my ass!

Carbonite - not just for Bespin anymore!!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 05.07.03 12:01am
With the success of the "Episode II" breakfast cereal, General Mills has announced a new line of Star Wars related food products. "We want to take a ride on the Lucas cash-cow just like everyone else," stated a vice president for the cereal giant.

Creature Cantina.com was fortunate enough to receive a sample of their newest frozen treat, "Carbonite Pops," which depict our favorite rouge Han Solo frozen into an assortment of fun flavors. The "Blue Milk" variety was wonderful, but I found the "Juri Juice" flavor to be a little tart for my tastes.

If the product is as successful as hoped, General Mills then plans to release a line of snack pastries. Look for "Owen Lars Bars" and "Salacious Crumb Cake" in a bakery isle near you!

Who is Bill Cable... really?
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 05.14.03 12:01am
After lulling the webmaster of this site into thinking I'm a team player with three continuous cheesy and predictable picture posts since joining, it's time for me to break out of the norm and uncover something truly shocking...the man who started the website we've been faithfully tuning into every Wednesday is... AN IMPOSTOR!!!

The search continues, but the truth is out there... somewhere...

Nein Nunb joins new crew
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 05.21.03 12:01am
Frustrated by the realization that he would never be cast in the heavily-digitized Star Wars Prequels, Nien Nunb finally has come to grips with his fall from stardom and has taken a lesser paying gig with Chuck E. Cheese's "Pizza Time Players".

When asked for comment, Nein was quoted as saying, "Mmmubub hoo ma subabba"...or some crap like that... I totally can't understand what the guy says. Where's Lando to translate when you need him?

Mr. Nunb can be seen Monday through Saturday, from 11:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m., and on Sundays from 12:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.. He performs every twenty minutes, and will even sing you a special birthday song if you phone ahead!

Worst Vintage Figure (if there is such a thing)...
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 05.28.03 12:01am
OK, what with work and the holiday and everything, I didn't really have time to put together a proper update for you fine readers this week. But, in a last minute attempt to cobble something together so that Bill wouldn't yell at me, I've come up with a topic that I hope you'll really enjoy!

For those of you that may not be aware, I am strictly a vintage collector. Kenner released some fabulous figures between '78 and '86, but there are a few aspects about some of the figures that I just can't get behind.

Take for instance Walrusman. What is the frickin deal with this figure? Is he supposed to be some sort of Praying Mantis Lifeguard or something? He looks absolutely nothing like the film character, except the butt crack in the middle of his face. Look at his eyes, for cryin out loud! He looks like he's been sniffing paint! He has a very "Crappy B Movie Sci-Fi Flick" look to him... like he should be battling it out with Mothra or something.

Walrusman gets my vote for "Lamest Figure Ever" award.

Tune in next week to see the First Runner-Up!

Know-it-all collector continues criticism of classics
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.04.03 12:01am
Maybe I came off a little strong last week with my tirade against Walrusman. Just so we're all clear here, I love the vintage line. I'd take the lamest vintage fig over any of the new stuff any day. I just wish that certain elements of certain figures were done better. Whew! Glad I got that off my chest!

With that in mind, time to unveil another "What was Kenner thinking when they came up with that" figure award!

This week's lucky winner is none other than General Madine. Honestly I don't have too much to say about the figure itself, except that no kid would ever pick a crusty-old general with almost no screen time over a main character or a cool looking alien. Kenner did make the figure older than the actor though, what with the gray hair and all (unless you count the green hair variation... then Madine is PUNK RAWK!).

My main beef is with his accessory! What's with his "Battle Staff of Righteousness"? It looks like he broke a car antenna off a Dodge Neon and brought it to work with him! What does he use it for... to give his platoon nasty welts if they step outta line?

Kenner came up with several lame accessories. To find out which are the lamest... TUNE IN NEXT WEEK!

WANT SOME CRAP? CLICK HERE!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.11.03 12:01am
This guys not selling anything Star Wars Related, but he's apparently selling EVERYTHING ELSE.

I think he's listed the cures to many diseases in there, but I'm not sure because I got dizzy half-way through trying to read it all and passed out.

Infamous Accessories, Part One
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.11.03 12:01am
Since unveiling Madine's antennae-esque super staff last week, I thought I'd take a closer look at some other interesting Kenner accessories. This week's strange accessory winner is Mr. Fish Face himself, Admiral Ackbar.

First let me say this, the figure is magnificent. Kenner did a spot on job with this one, and Ackbar has been one of my favorite figs since Jedi came out in '83. His accessory is another story. Another staff. Hmm. I definitely think Ackbar shouldn't have come with oh-so many blasters and weapons of mass destruction like his modern-era counter part... but this staff is... uh ... well let's just say it looks like it came out of the drawer at his bedside table... if ya know what I mean. No wonder he's red! He's embarrassed that he has to wave that thing at his fleet! If that was actually a screen used prop (which I know it wasn't), Return of the Jedi would be once step away from only being shown on Cinemax!

There are a few other accessories that don't quite match up to the figure. To see the next one, well... you know what to do...

Infamous Accessories, Part Two
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.18.03 12:01am
Last week I continued my fascinating journey into the best of the worst Kenner accessories. OK, I should replace "fascinating" with "tedious", "cheesy", or "boring as all hell"... but I've been busy at work and this is what you're getting... so be grateful, DAMNIT! Ahem... so.. without further ado...

ANOTHER FRICKIN' STAFF!!! It seems that whenever the big K were left up to their own devices on an accessory, they never got past the staff! What kid wants to play with this many staffs, I ask you?

This one belongs to Luke's right hand man (literally), 2-1B. Again, magnificent figure... but the staff looks like an over-sized socket wrench.

It seems that Mr. 1B is not only a licensed practitioner of medicine, but can also tear down a transmission with the greatest of ease. I really would've like to have seen the scene in ROTJ where Luke has his hand lubed and tuned by 2-1B before heading off to Endor. And if he did get lubed, wouldn't that be considered a hand-job? (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

No Wonder He Collects a Girly Droid!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.25.03 12:01am
Ladies and gentlemen, what I'm about to show you is truly shocking. You may remember in weeks past that I proved the man responsible for this site is an impostor CLAIMING to be Bill Cable (the REAL Bill Cable being a celebrated minor film star who past away some years ago). At the time of my unveiling, I hypothesized that the Fake Bill was in reality a droid seeking to gain popularity with his weaker and more feminine droid brother-in-arms (aka C-3PO).

All I can say is... Lynda must be shocked!!!

Help me, Sandy Rivers. You're my only hope!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 07.02.03 12:01am

I'm very excited! Last week I received my first correspondence from a fan since joining the CC.com staff. And, what's more... not only did one true fan reach out to me through the magic of email, but three emails came flying into my life!

Click here for the rest of the story.

Yet another staffer limelighting!!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 07.09.03 12:01am
I am so stoked! I finally did something this weekend I've wanted to do for a long time! Over the 4th of July weekend I had the opportunity to renovate my collection room. I feel it's finally been brought up to "limelighter status", and it only cost me $50! A fresh coat of paint, a new color, matching colored shelves, and a new ceiling fan (yet to be installed) and the whole room has come alive with coolness! I'm sure to be the envy of all my friends!

Now I just need to snap a picture of me flipping all you guys off to make me, "THE ULTIMATE COLLECTOR"!!!

Jedi Padawan - FIVE POINTS!!!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 07.16.03 12:01am
While vacationing in the Great Oasis of Tatooine, Crime Lord Jabba the Hutt loves nothing more than to get behind the wheel of an old beat up landspeeder and hunt down would be Jedi. CC.com was able to obtain exclusive pictures of this barbaric sport by infiltrating Jabba's lair posing as a Skiff Guard.

Be warned, the following pictures are truly shocking!

First, the would be Jedi is captured and subdued by copious amounts of pork rinds and malt liquor. He's then dressed up like a NASCAR season ticket holder and left alone and defenseless in a sea of sand dunes while Jabba begins the hunt.

When Jabba spots his quarry, he moves in for the kill. Usually the Jedi in training is still in a drunken stupor and becomes road kill, but on this day the tables are turned! Our underdog Jedi summons the Force (along with what looks like a strong love for pie) and nimbly springs over the speeding vehicle.

Remembering rodeos from days gone by, the portly Padawan metaphorically hog ties the hapless Hutt's vehicle by filling the landspeeder with a white, trashy substance... slowing it down to a halt. Our hero then finishes off his opponent by slipping "Jim Neighbor's Greatest Hits" into the Eight-Track Player and letting Jabba drift off into a glassy-eyed haze.

With the danger behind him, the would be Jedi hot wires the Crime Lord's sweetest ride and drives off into the sunset. Pimpadelic!

It is rumored that the newly knighted Jedi will be reliving his encounter by jumping several vehicles at DragonCon in Atlanta to raise money for his somewhat troubling porno habit. He may even dress as Princess Leia Organa!

(Special thanks to Billy "Baldylox" Bennett for the pictures and allowing me to make fun of him.)

Tripping Droopies
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 07.23.03 12:01am
Fed up with the lousy pay and surly audience at Jabba the Hut's crime den, Droopy McCool called it quits with Max Rebo and his brood last week to seek other fortunes.

It would seem that his prayers were answered Saturday when he was seen playing with none other than Dave Mathews Band in Dallas!

When asked the reason for the sudden line up change mid-tour, Mr. Matthews was quoted as saying, "Leroi Moore was a great horn man... but let's face it, the guy was a fat turd. Droopy actually looks like a fat turd, but the kid's got spunk!"

DMB plans on hooking up with Max Rebo for a blow out gig later this summer. It is rumored that The Modal Nodes might even open! Look for tour dates and ticket prices soon!

"C" is for Carded Collectibles in Crappy Condition
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 07.30.03 12:01am
It seems that Sesame Street's beloved blue connoisseur of circular confections, Cookie Monster, has turned from cuddly to criminal. First reported by a member of Rebelscum, some hapless collector posted a freshly defaced MOC IG-88 on eBay after a visit from C. Monster in the hopes of selling the now worthless piece of crap on to get rid of the ghastly reminder of "the day the Muppet snapped."

CC.com decided to dig deeper. We recently contacted the now captured and incarcerated Monster to ask him exactly why he went on what has been described as, "a hissy fit," by witnesses of the crime.

"That punk Yoda and I were shooting dice behind Oscar the Grouch's trashcan, and the bitch pulled some Jedi mind trick and stole all my money. After stewing about it for a week, I lost it. I saw this geeky PBS executive on the set showing Gordon and Linda his newest eBay nerd toy, and that Star Wars picture reminded me of the pointy eared fool. So I chewed it up. And I'd do it again, too!"

When asked how "the Blue Menace" (as he is now dubbed on the show) suddenly has become so articulate, Mr. Monster replied with, "I do that Me like Cookie stuff on the show only, understand? "K" is for kiss my ass!"

Here is a photo of the Monstrous Muppet caught in the act during the destruction of the prized possession.

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 08.06.03 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 08.13.03 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 08.20.03 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 08.27.03 12:01am

My Latest Addition
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 09.10.03 12:01am
I bet you, my loyal and faithful readers, wondered where my always fabulous contribution was last week (a guy can dream, can't he?). Well...even though September 1st was a government holiday this year, I still received a bundle to add to my collection! It even came by USPS (United Stork Postal Service)!

Owen Paul Rivers (my first) was born at 5:46 a.m. on September 1st! He is 21 1/4 inches long and weighed 7 lbs. 10 oz.

A few points:

• We chose Owen as his name because it was the only boy name my wife and I can agree on. I didn't even really realize the Star Wars connection until months after we selected the name, but it's good to know there are so many fan boys out there that get a kick out of it! ;-)
• I don't think he has the Force. In fact, so far I've only been able to feel the Farts flowing within him.
• I'm pretty sure he'll get the collecting bug like his daddy. He's the only 10 day old I know that has a full set of First Shots from the Playskool Millennium Falcon Playset!

Here is a pic of my boy with his Stormtrooper First Shot:

Mom and baby are doing great!

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 09.17.03 12:01am

At Least He Won't Have to Change His First Initial
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 09.24.03 12:01am
You know what I love about the vintage Star Wars collecting community? The diversity. There are so many vintage items out there that just about anyone can pick a character from one of the movies and amass an astounding collection solely based on that character. For example, our fearless leader, Mr. Cable himself, has an amazing collection of items solely based on C-3PO (not C-3PO with R2 though...evidently domes scare him).

Character collecting can be a rewarding experience. But be forewarned, you can go too far with it. There are those character collectors that are too obsessed with the character they collect. For those consumed by their characters, the drive to horde more and more objects with that character's image on them becomes so great that they actually begin to resemble the alien/creature/droid they collect. While recently visiting a friend of mine, I was shocked to find that his character collection obsession was so severe that there was little of him left!

It's hard to hold a conversation with a guy when he keeps sticking his tongue out to sniff you! It could be worse though... he originally collected Princess Leia items!

Billy, you will be missed!
(Special thanks to Billy "Baldylox" Bennett for sharing his condition with us!)

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 10.01.03 12:01am

Good thing I didn't name him Jabba...
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 10.08.03 12:01am
As my loyal readers undoubtedly know, my wife gave birth to my son, Owen, a little over five weeks ago. Things are going great so far! He's really starting to get a personality all his own. There's one weird thing though...my son is...well...acting strangely as of late.

After consulting our doctor and doing some research on my own, I came across a little known tidbit of the Star Wars universe, known as "The Lucas Curse". It seems that old Georgey is so enamored by his little creations that any baby born after 1977 that shares it's name with one of the Star Wars characters begins to assume the characteristics and appearance of that character at one month of age!

It's only been a week since he started changing, and look!

I could live with his physical changes, if that was it... but I'm pissed because he won't let me go to Toshi's Station to pick up some Power Converters!

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 10.15.03 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 10.22.03 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 10.29.03 12:01am

Maybe I Shouldn't Eat the Microwave Burritos at the Office...
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 11.05.03 12:01am
Ok, I got really, really, ridiculously busy at work this past week and didn't have time to put together anything for my legions of loyal readers. But, as I was up late working one night, I got to thinking....

Hammerhead's "real" name is Momaw Nadon. All of my cousins on my mom's side of the family and my brother and I called my grandmother "Momaw" when we were kids. My grandmother looked very much like a female version of James Earl Jones. James Earl Jones was the voice of Darth Vader! So, does that mean that Lucas made a mistake in the Prequels and Hammerhead is actually Luke's father? Or does it mean a really weird plot twist is coming in Episode 3? Inquiring minds want to know!

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 11.12.03 12:01am

Wanna be a Scruffy-Lookin Nerf Herder?
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 11.19.03 12:01am
With the holiday season fast approaching, I've decided to give a gift to one lucky reader! OK, actually I'm just suffering through a bad case of writer's block (or is it PhotoShopper's block?) and this is an easy way not to have to come up with anything new for 2 weeks. ;-)

Anyway, I've decided to hold a contest! Have you always wanted to be a character in the Star Wars Universe? Well if you have, you are in luck!

Here's the deal: Send me a picture of your face (a close-up would be great), and I'll PhotoShop one lucky winner's image on a Star Wars character's body! Show your family! Impress your friends! Guaranteed conversation piece!

Send your image by 9:00 Eastern on Sunday. The winner will be shown on next weeks update (and I'll email my creation to you as well). The best part is, unlike one of Toasty's contests... I'll actually come through with this one! :-P

Here are some examples for your perusal:

Stay tuned next week for the lucky winner!

And the winner is...
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 11.26.03 12:01am
Last week I announced my super-cool "PhotoShop your head on a Star Wars character's body" contest in which I would...well... PhotoShop his/her head on a Star Wars character's body. Catchy title, no?

Note to readers: CC.com does not advocate the act of falling into an open sewer and dying. This is a comedy site, and comments like these should be taken in stride. Although, if you do fall into an open sewer... SEND US A PIC!

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 12.03.03 12:01am
And as soon as I write up my story, I get a late submission. Thanks a ton Sandy...

Weirdest thing you'll see on CC.com THIS YEAR!!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 12.10.03 12:01am
We here at CC.com have posted some outrageous content (the Galactic Postal Delivery comic strip comes to mind). But nothing even comes close to this... this... ABOMINATION!! I don't know what other word to describe this... Flash... "game." How horrible can it be? Well, I'll let title speak for itself...

CreatureCantina.com Presents: "Let's Play Dress up!"

Can You Guess the Character?
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 12.17.03 12:01am
You've all seen those picture puzzle type games where you decipher a bunch of crap to come up with a saying or a phrase, right? Well, here's your chance to do it Creature Cantina style!

Decipher the pictures to reveal these three Original Trilogy characters!

Answers to come in next week's update!

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 12.24.03 12:01am

Can You Guess the Character II?
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 12.24.03 12:01am
Last week's puzzle actually spawned not only a thread in the forums, but I also got my first real email since joining! So, since evidently these type of puzzles are loved by millions, I've decided to milk it for all it's worth and stretch it out a few more weeks!

Decipher the pictures to reveal these Original Trilogy characters!

Answers to come in a future update!

Can You Guess the Character III?
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 01.14.04 12:01am
I always say, things are better in threes! Three Little Pigs, Three Blind Mice, and that one chick in Total Recall! So I thought I'd finish up these puzzles by putting together a trilogy!

Decipher the pictures to reveal these Original Trilogy characters!

The middle one is hard, but you guys are a wily bunch, so I know you'll do just fine.

Answers to come in next week's update!

Special thanks to Michael Chomyn (CanadianCollector) for doing almost all of my work for me this week!

Last Week's Puzzle Answers!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 01.21.04 12:01am
I had a lot of fun putting together those puzzles, and you all seem to really like 'em, but I'm going to shelf them for now. Normally I'm all about driving winning ideas into the ground until all that's left is the bitter taste of regret, but I can't have you kids thinking I'm a one trick pony, now can I?

You haven't seen the last of the puzzles though, that's for damn sure. So don't you fret! I'm sure to bust these bad boys out the next time I get hit with a mad case of writer's block. Fo Schizzle.

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 01.21.04 12:01am
Generally I come up with these ideas on my own. But when CreatureCantina.com gets an E-mail from someone claiming: "I've got a Star Wars idea that I (and apparently only I) think is funny," we know we've gotta explore that idea. This Quick Shot was inspired by a concept from Kevin Lentz, a distinguished member of OSWCC. Thanks Kevin!!

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 01.28.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.04.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.11.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.18.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.25.04 12:01am

Shirts for sale! Cheese at its best!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.25.04 12:01am
Hey gang!

One night last week I was up late eating a big bag of the cheapest and spiciest tacos found around town while I was brainstorming ideas for this week’s submission. Frustrated that my creative juices just weren’t flowing that night, I hastily scarfed down the last 2 tacos and headed off to bed. I drifted off into a fitful sleep, tacos a’churning inside me. Sometime during the night, I had an epiphany!

Maybe it was a stroke of genius. Maybe it was divine intervention. Maybe it was a precursor to the worst fire-rrhea ever experienced by a human being. Whatever it was, it’s great news for you, my loyal readers!

I was inspired to create a series of crudely drawn, cheesy Star Wars tee shirts featuring some of your favorite characters of the Original Trilogy! These quality shirts are made of heavy cotton, come in a great assortment of sizes (Children 2-4 & 6-8, Adults S-XXL, and Women’s M Girly Tee), and are very reasonably priced!

ORDER NOW!!

Wear ‘em with pride! And don't forget to rate the shirts!

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 03.03.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 03.10.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 03.17.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 03.24.04 12:01am
For the dim among you, click on the thumbnail below for the full image...

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 03.31.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 04.07.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 04.14.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 04.28.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 05.12.04 12:01am
Warning: This week's Quick Shot is rated PG-13

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 05.19.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.02.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.09.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.16.04 12:01am
This week Sandy continues his series of "Force-centric" Quick Shots. Enjoy!

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.23.04 12:01am
This week Sandy continues his series of "Force-centric" Quick Shots. Enjoy!

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.30.04 12:01am
This week Sandy concludes his series of "Force-centric" Quick Shots. Enjoy!

Posted by: Sandy Rivers
Help me! Bill's kept me locked in a little box under the stairs for 6 months now! He only let's me out to force me to make Quick Shots! I smell like Ted Nugent, for God's sake! I have to type quickly while he's taking a whiz before he comes back and beats me with a 12 inch 3-PO doll! Call the police!

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 07.28.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 08.04.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 08.11.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 08.25.04 12:01am

Photo compliments of Garrison Carida

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 09.01.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 09.29.04 12:01am
I know you're probably all wondering, "What happened to Sandy? Didn't he used to give us the goods every week without fail? Didn't he used to fulfill our lives with the sheer hilarity of his Quick Shot once every seven days, so that we could go on living on this miserable rock of a planet? Didn't he used to LOVE us, his dear readers?"

What can I say? The sun was in my eyes. Actually it wasn't so much the sun, but me busily busting my hump to keep the a/c on and food on the table.

No matter though. Come, my children ... suckle at my teat by feasting your eyes on this week's fabulous Quick Shot!

And if you guys wanna throw me a bone now and then and submit some ideas, you know where to find me. Bill can't bogart all the fan submissions! I call shotgun!

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 10.06.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 10.13.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 11.03.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 11.10.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 12.01.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 12.08.04 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 12.15.04 12:01am
This week's shot should really be called "Lee Fay's Quick Shot," as the idea comes from Sandy's loyal coworker Mr. Lee Fay. Sandy reports that Lee is "not a fan of the site," which leads me to ponder just why he's wasting his company's time putting together ideas for it. I mean... doesn't he have better things to do? Like maybe monitor the security as a bunch of people's houses? Or was his favorite BBW porn site slow in updating that morning? Or maybe he's one of those obsessive non-fans... you know the kind who hate a site, but for whatever reason dedicate their lives to demonstrating just how much they don't frequent it? Like those guys in the JediDefender.com forums who constantly talk about how horrible RS has become? Or maybe Sandy just knew how lame this idea was and wanted to pawn it off on some fictional "coworker." Whichever the case, here's the product:

Sandy's Quick Shots!!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.16.05 12:01am
He's Back!!

Sandy's Quick Shots!!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 02.23.05 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 03.09.05 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 03.23.05 12:01am

Deep thought..
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 03.30.05 12:01am
My cat's butt smells like cat butt.

Papa's Got a Brand New Bag! PART ONE
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 04.06.05 12:01am
First, my apologies for keeping this little gem under my hat for so long, but I wanted to make sure my research was complete before the grand unveiling. It came to me as an innocuous package one brisk November day while I was in the midst of lamenting the pitiful performance of the Dallas Cowboys, a bright beacon of hope on an otherwise bleary and gray day. As I opened the box, the faint waft of pineapple and coconut filled my nostrils and I could hear the distant sound of a steel drum. The day had come, I'D BEEN BAGGED!!!

After screaming like a first-time teen beauty pageant winner, I decided that I would take up the cause and become the Bag’s historian. After months of exhaustive research, here are my discoveries:

The Bag was found in a dumpster outside of Kenner by long-time collector Steve Denny, where he kept it as a novelty souvenir from one of his many "diving expeditions." Soon after the Bag's discovery, Steve inexplicably disappeared from the public eye. In 1989, almost a decade later, he was found in a cave surrounded by proof cards and mumbling something about "My Precious."

Click here for the rest of the story!

Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag! PART TWO
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 04.13.05 12:01am
Last week I revealed the hidden whereabouts of the infamous Bag. This bag is amazing, and I was very surprised at the quantity and variety of old items left by former Inner Circle initiates. Although not all IC members have signed the Bag for anonymity purposes, the items I found certainly point to some very well known collectors.

Take for example these items which were discovered together: A gallon of Trans Am Polish and a Bootleg “Star Wise-Guys” Bikerscout from New Jersey with “Fuggidaboutit Action Feature.”

And what about these two items? Upon digging a little deeper, I found a 5th grade graduation trophy with the inscription of “Most Likely to become a Porn Star”, presented to someone with the initials “SY”. Shortly after that discovery, I found a “C-3PO’s” cereal box written in Hebrew.

In the northern quadrant of the Bag, I discovered a cache of empty LaBatt’s Blue cans and bottles Maple Syrup (actually I found several of these). One can only assume these items came from Canadian IC initiates. Further south, in the “Breadbasket” area of the bag, I found an “Alien Mystery Date” board game, which evidently is a little-known marketing endeavor of the Sigourney Weaver movie. Near the bottom of the Bag, I unearthed two items that look like they've been in there a while and must've certainly been left by an IC founding member: A half-used supersized jar of Dippity-Do and a worn copy of “The Cynic's Dictionary”.

Click here for the rest of the story!

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 05.11.05 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 05.18.05 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.01.05 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.08.05 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.15.05 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 06.22.05 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 07.20.05 12:01am

Time to Take a Star Wars Sabbatical
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 08.17.05 12:01am
Those of you who know me know that I have been dedicated to collecting vintage SW toys for the better part of 8 years, and I have for the most part thoroughly enjoyed myself. I’ve made some really good friends, learned an awful lot about the toy production process, and amassed a collection of really cool stuff.

Click here for the rest of the story.

Sandy's Quick Shots!
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 03.29.06 12:01am

Sandy's Quick Shots
Posted by: Sandy Rivers 04.05.06 12:01am