New podracing track a failure
Posted by: Darth Danno 05.31.06 12:01am
I don't know who had the bright idea to put a podracing track on Hoth. What were they thinking?

Of the 16 pods scheduled to race, 8 couldn't even get started. 3 froze up within the first mile. One couldn't even find his pod before the race as it was painted white and blended perfectly into the environment.One was doing quite well until he hit a snowstorm, lost all visibility, and ran into a wampa of all things. The wampa was fine, but the pod became undrivable and the racer became dinner for the wampa.

Another racer got lost and is still out there...somewhere. They sent a rescue team out, then a few hours thereafter, sent another rescue team to find the first rescue team who reported back they had become hopelessly lost. To date. neither the driver, nor either of the teams have been found. Yet another pod went out a few miles, lost all sense of direction, got completely turned around, and ended up going back the way he came, only to collide with the last remaining racer. There were no survivors. Hopefully next month's race will go better, I mean, what kind of obstacles could a podracer encounter on Endor?

Sound familiar?
Posted by: Darth Danno 06.07.05 12:01am
Fans have been going back and forth since the special editions have been released over the whole Han/Greedo - "Who shot first?" controversy. Did Han shoot first? Greedo? Did they both shoot at the same time? DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH!

(Many Bothans died to bring me this information.)

The fact is that Han's shot didn't kill Greedo! There was actually a second gunman on the grassy knoll, or in Tatooine's case, the sandy dune. Autopsy reports state that the size of Greedo's wound could not have come from a blaster, but a long range sniper rifle, probably with some sort of infrared scope attachment necessary to hit the target with any accuracy through the thick wall of the Cantina. Sources won't elaborate, but believe the shooter to be none other than the assassin droid, HK-47, the very same droid once believed to be owned by Darth Revan. After all, no one really knows what became of HK-47 after the Ebon Hawk left Malachor V. (Get "Knights of the Old Republic I and II if you don't know what I'm talking about)

Who ordered the hit? Was Greedo the target? If so, why? A massive cover-up of galactic proportions is underway to the point George Lucas has granted emergency powers to none other than Oliver Stone to get to the bottom of this in his new film: Han Vs. Greedo, or HVG. Dan Brown is on board to write the novel, whose working title is: "The Cantina Code". Expect more details to be revealed in the upcoming DVD release of the Classic Trilogy, and at Celebration IV. If I hear anything more, I'll keep you posted.

Indiana Jones and the Tombs of Korriban
Posted by: Darth Danno 06.14.06 12:01am
With all the vs. movies coming out these days: Freddy vs. Jason, Aliens vs. Predator, Robocop vs. Terminator (that one's a rumor, or an urban legend, not sure which). How about this? Fans have been waiting for a new adventure for their favorite archaeologist since the last film came out in 1989. The problem being, who should be the bad guy? He's already gone up against the Nazis (twice), an evil, human sacrificing, Kali worshiping cult, the Peruvian natives from "Raiders" and the Oriental gangsters from "Temple of Doom". Who's left?...The Sith!

Think about it. Indy comes across an ancient Sith holocron. (How did it get to Earth you say? Who knows? Maybe a Predator dropped it on one of his trips here, after all, the "Predator" and "Star Wars" movies are both 20th Century Fox. Plus, Lucas and Spielberg are friends and worked on the "Indiana Jones" films together. Did you know the little alien race from "E.T." was in the Galactic Senate scene in "Attack of the Clones"? But I digress.) The holocron opens up a portal that transports Indy back in time and across the galaxy to the Sith world of Korriban. Where he battles the forces of the dark side while exploring the tombs of the ancient Sith Lords: Ajunta Pall, Marko Ragnos, Naga Sadow, and Tulak Hord.

Not sure how a bullwhip would fare against a lightsaber, but Indy is known for holding his own and getting out of tight scrapes. Who could come to his aid? The Republic? Bounty Hunters? The New Jedi Order? The possibilities are endless. Now I'm sure you're asking, "Okay, so he has this big adventure on Korriban, when it's all over, how does he get back home?" Well depending on which Star Wars era it's set in, I think it would be really cool if he got a ride home in none other than the Millennium Falcon. Of course the obvious comparisons between Han and Indy would crop up.

Hey, If you don't think they'd ever make a movie on Han and Indy being related, they made one on Jesus and Mary Magdalene being married! Now thinking about that film. If Mary was the true Grail, then what's up with the cup Dr. Jones found in "Last Crusade"? But that's a plot for another movie at another time.

New Christmas Special planned
Posted by: Darth Danno 06.21.06 12:01am
Even though Christmas is still 6 months away. The folks at Lucasfilm are busy planning yet another Star Wars Christmas special, which according to my reliable sources (No Bothans died, just wished they were dead after hearing about this.) promises to be worse than the last one!

They've decided to re-make "A Christmas Carol", this time with a twist. Chancellor Palpatine will be playing Scrooge, and young Anakin Skywalker will be Tiny Tim, a young lad with a severe breathing problem and majorly impaired acting ability. Now since Anakin really had no father, (only his mother Shmi, who will be reprising her role) they cast Darth Maul as Bob Cratchit? Originally they tried to get Watto, but he wanted too much money and wouldn't take Republic credits. Then they thought to use Kleeg Lars, but he wasn't part of the story yet when Anakin was a boy.

Anyway, Palpatine, a very nice, kind, generous man who wants nothing but peace and tranquility for the galaxy, gets visited by the ghost of Darth Plageus late one evening. Plageus gives him a book: "The Dark Side for Dummies". The Chancellor is also told he'll be visited that night by three spirits: "When the clock strikes "Episode I" - Mace Windu (Christmas past). When the clock strikes "Episode II" - Yoda (Christmas present). And when the clock strikes "Episode III", the ghost of Christmas yet to come - a Jawa." They want to commend him for all the good things he's done for the galaxy. (Well, not so much the Jawa, he just gives him a great deal on some plans for an armored battle station that were found in an old R2 unit.)

The spirits plan backfires when the lack of sleep causes Palpatine to become cranky, angry, and evil. Add to that, the bags under his eyes end up spreading out to cover his whole face! So he gets up Christmas morning, starts plotting to overthrow the Republic, and destroy the Jedi for disturbing his much needed slumber. We all know what happens after that. I don't know about you, but just the thought of this atrocity coming to life scares the Dickens out of me...And May the Force be with us, everyone.

A first for Coruscant
Posted by: Darth Danno 06.28.06 12:01am
The business at Dexter's Diner declined sharply once Coruscant became the Imperial City. It's rumored the Empire got word of the Besalisk's ties to the Jedi, especially Obi-Wan Kenobi, so he and the diner were promptly "black-listed". Not having enough credits to transfer off-world, and no friends even willing to smuggle him out, it looked like the favored eating establishment in Coco Town would close its doors forever. Then came the revelation! Turn the diner into a "Hooters"! Dexter is denying all rumors he got this idea from his banished Jedi friend with whom he swears he has had no contact whatsoever. To quote him, "I have no idea where General Kenobi might be, and pay no attention to that figure in the brown robe hiding behind the bar."

Within 24 hours of making this announcement, the diner was mysteriously no longer black-listed, and the Emperor himself offered to donate the necessary funds to renovate the facility. Even Imperial officers volunteered their days off to come help with the reconstruction. The Senate is proposing they expand the property size to accommodate more people. Local owners who have buildings that surround the diner all seem more than happy to sell their land at rock-bottom prices. One Aqualish was reluctant to sell, but recanted when he was offered an all-expense paid trip to an Imperial detention block.

Numerous applications for waitress positions have come in from the shapely Twi'leks on Ryloth and Hermione Bagwa (a waitress at Dexter's) is flying to Polis Massa to have some...enhancements done. Yarna D'al Gargan has also submitted numerous applications, after all, she has three sets of...hooters. But the forms keep getting lost in the mail, or the transport ships carrying them keep getting blasted out of the sky. Dexter suggested she try Jabba's Palace, as he caters toward a more discriminating clientele. WA-7 (the waitress droid at Dex's) has refused any "upgrades" to her frame and will be relegated to hostess duties only. The grand opening is scheduled for sometime next year.

Now since Hooters is known for its wings. Dexter was asked if he would be able to supply the same fare at his establishment. He's currently in talks with the Kaminoans to see if cloning chickens is a possibility. Dex assures the prospective patrons that whatever they serve...tastes like chicken! You'll also be able to order them as spicy as you like. There'll be: Tame as a Taun Taun, Malachor Medium, Tatooine Tangy, and Mustafar Magma. The drinks of choice will be Mountain Dewback, HK-47up, or PepC3-PO, in addition to Jawa juice. They will not be able to get crab however, so no crab legs. But every once in awhile they'll have an "All you can eat Acklay legs" special. Could you eat more than one?

New Death Star planned
Posted by: Darth Danno 07.05.06 12:01am
CBS (Coruscant Based SithLords) have announced plans for a new armored battle station, bigger and badder than it's predecessors. Set to be equipped with an even more powerful super laser than the one seen in Episode VI. Not only will it have its own defense shield like the first one, but Imperial engineers are busy with plans for numerous shield generators to be placed on worlds across the galaxy.

How this is supposed to work is: Suppose the Death Star is orbiting Tatooine, there will be a shield generator there protecting it, working like the one on Endor did. If that generator gets destroyed, the Death Star will still be able to fall back on it's own internally generated shield until it can travel to the orbit of another world, like Hoth, Dagobah, Bespin, etc... Where other shield generators will be set up. So no matter where it goes, it will almost always have the comfort of dual shield protection. Great for when those pesky rebels decide to launch an attack.

That's not even the biggest news. If this Death Star gets attacked in transit and by some slim chance the internal shield gets knocked out...this space station is also a TRANSFORMER! The Death Star becomes the enormous mechno-terror DARTH KORRIBAN! In the core of this behemoth is a special chamber set up for only the most powerful Sith Lord (Whomever that may be at the time of its completion.) The room is to be equipped with special amplifiers through which the Dark Lord can feed his force powers directly into the workings of the machine itself, amplifying them, magnifying them. So when the Death Star is in robot form, it will be able to hurl super star destroyer-sized bolts of force lightning, force-push starships all the way to the outer rim, and force-crush whole planets.

It is doubtful that Darth Korriban will be able to wield a lightsaber due to the fact that to make a lightsaber of that magnitude, would require a crystal the size of a small moon. No word on its expected completion date. If you're on the Empire's bad side, now would be a good time to make nice-nice.

Empire destroys own Death Star!
Posted by: Darth Danno 07.12.06 12:01am
Hot on the news of another Death Star being planned, sources within the Imperial regime leaked information that the Death Star seen in Episode VI was supposed to be the third one to be built! The second one was never mentioned due to...design flaws. Below is a portion of an decoded transmission between the Emperor and the second Death Star architect:

Architect: Not to worry, my Lord. Once it's completed, no one would dare attack your new battle station.

Emperor: Excellent! I take that to mean it will have stronger shields, larger defense turrets, a more powerful super laser, and a smaller exhaust port.

Architect: Actually...no. We decided to make this a kinder, friendlier, Death Star. Let me explain. (Unrolls blueprints.) After the last one was destroyed, my superiors thought that if we made the new one less...imposing, the galaxy wouldn't fear it so much, and in fact, WANT to visit the Death Star!

Emperor: Kinder? Friendlier?? We're the Galactic Empire!!! I WANT to instill fear and terror throughout the galaxy! (Looking at blueprints) What is all this?

Architect: Let's see...We got rid of the detention blocks, interrogation rooms, things like that. Now have a food court, amusement park, petting zoo, day spa, casino (for adults only!), shopping mall, water park, convention center, luxury hotel suites, workout room, 36 screen movie theater with THX surround sound, comedy club, and four 18-hole golf courses. We even got rid of that horrid super laser and replaced it with the Galaxy's largest speaker! Right now it's only set up to play "Dixie", but we're work...

Emperor: Amusement parks? Petting zoos? DIXIE???? Why in the name of Marko Ragnos would we want that???

Architect: It's your way of saying to a world, "HI, WE'RE HERE!!!! COME OUT AN PL..."

All that followed was some sort of electrical charge accompanied by lots of screaming.

Fan Club presidency under scrutiny
Posted by: Darth Danno 07.12.06 12:01am
Dustin Roberts wins! Or did he? Rumors abound that the poor soul whom we shall refer to only as Mr Y (for Y didn't I win?) who actually got the most votes, became the victim of a vicious smear campaign which labeled his love for Star Wars a lie and in actuality, was a closet Star Trek fan! Pictures of Mr. Y at the Star Trek experience in Las Vegas popped up all over the internet with an accompanying article about him being banned from said event after security caught him doing obscene things with a Captain Kirk mannequin. It's interesting that the "incriminating evidence" only appeared on SW websites that a certain Mr. R has made contributions. Coincidence? I think NOT!

Investigations are under way to determine if the presidency was bought with funds from individuals linked to Osama Bin Laden. Plus it's quite interesting that some of the new SWFC members have names like: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Bill Haley, Janis Joplin, and have addresses that are parking lots, baseball stadiums, airports, and landfills. Is there also any truth to a certain fan club president having something to do with the Trade Federation blockade on Naboo, or at least a deciding vote in the Toyfare fan's choice figure contest?

TheForce.net states that the delayed announcement regarding the presidency was due to hanging chads! Didn't know the Fan club's base was in Florida. What's next? A formal press conference to be held at the Watergate hotel? This is a job for Scully and Mulder, or at least the Lone Gunmen. (Too bad their shows were canceled years ago.) This smells like a wet Bantha. I say we vote emergency powers to Bill Cable to get this matter resolved. All in favor...

Star Wars to get a Clue
Posted by: Darth Danno 07.26.06 12:01am
We've had Star Wars versions of "Monopoly", "Battleship", "Risk", "Chess", and soon to be, "Operation". Plans are now in the works for a Star Wars: "Clue" game to come out sometime in 2007. Lucasfilm states multiple designs are in the works including a Tatooine edition, Coruscant edition, and Death Star edition. One new feature these versions will offer will be that in addition to solving who the murderer is, the weapon used, and the scene of the crime, players will also have to figure out who was killed!

Some possible decedents for the various editions include: Jabba, Shmi Skywalker, Owen, and Beru Lars, the Jedi council (it was decided to stay away from using younglings as this will be a game for all ages), Emperor Palpatine, Grand Moff Tarkin, Darth Vader, and Obi Wan Kenobi. The weapons of choice don't just rely on the old standbys like blasters, thermal detonators, vibroblades, or lightsabers either. There's sabotaged podraces, strangulation, stampeding bantha herds, hungry Rancors, Krayt Dragons, the all powerful Sarlacc, being pushed into a reactor shaft, force lightning and other dark side powers, poisoning by Kouhun, crushed in a trash compactor, blown up in a space battle, and executive orders! There will be no disintegrations however.

The usual suspects include all your favorite Rebels, Imperials, Bounty Hunters, Gangsters, Tusken Raiders, and every patron in the Mos Eisley Cantina. Originally there was to be a Naboo edition, but that was scrubbed do to those involved in test marketing kept putting the Jar Jar Binks card in the deceased pile, then abruptly stopping play as no one really cared to find out who the killer was. Will this one cut the Mustard? Is this the Plum product Lucas is looking for to rake in the Green? I think the only killing was done by George Lucas, in theaters, with a blockbuster!

Republic Commandos to get a sequel?
Posted by: Darth Danno 08.02.06 12:01am
Due to the success of "Republic Commandos", LucasArts is planning a part 2, so to speak. However, your favorite members of Delta Squad: Boss, Sev, Fixer, and Scorch won't be returning, nor will any member or version of clone trooper. Instead, LucasArts will be focusing on the classic trilogy with, "Republic Commandos 2: EWOK COMMANDOS"! That's right, fellow gamers, your favorite ferocious fighting fur balls are getting their own action packed game.

Now this single player game will not be restricted to the forests of Endor, it is not known yet on what worlds they will make their presence felt, all LucasArts would say is that, "they will go wherever they are needed to combat tyranny in the Galaxy!" How they will get from system to system is still in the development stage though. Armed with their traditional weapons: Bows and arrows, spears, slingshots, bolos, stone axes, and whatever traps they can set up. There may even be some short lightsabers placed in certain strategic locales that they may make use of. They're going to need all the help they can muster as they will go against some heavy hitters including: Trandoshans, Imperials, droids, bounty hunters, Sandpeople, and even the Sith!

One new feature this will offer is throughout the game, the Ewoks will be able to pick up "cuteness counters". When enough are collected, they can use them to appear so lovable and adorable, even the most vile of enemy will just want to pick them up and give them a big hug. Getting the commando in close enough for a fatal strike. This will only be allowed sparingly due to it's devastating effect. The Ewoks will also be able to curl up into a ball and roll into battle, much like the Droidekas of the trade federation. So if ya can't spear 'em, bowl 'em over!

The group is still a quad consisting of some old, and some new: Wicket - the leader, Paploo - the communications expert, Jub-Jub - computer tech, and Babaloo - demolitions. (An Ewok with explosives??? I guess that explains why early production stills depict him as bald.) LucasArts will neither confirm or deny that Luke, Leia, Han, Chewie, 3PO, and R2 are hidden within the game. It is also unclear as to weather the celebration at game's end will resemble the regular or special edition ending. Rumors regarding the game containing a web link to an animated short about Johnny Cash's concert on Endor called "Ewok the Line" have been vehemently denied. I've been told we can expect this to come out when Mustafar freezes over, or Christmas, whichever comes first.

Mel Brooks returns to the galaxy
Posted by: Darth Danno 08.09.06 12:01am
Mel Brooks' newest production will incorporate the Star Wars universe once again. It will NOT however, be a sequel to "Spaceballs". None of the characters from that movie will return, nor will any references be made to it. When asked about this, Brooks replied, "I wanted to do something new, something unique and fresh that celebrates life (hence the announcement being made around Life Day), and something with...singing!" So fresh from his most recent success with "The Producers". We give you, "Padme's Funeral - the musical".

The production has yet to be cast, but I'm told the motion picture will contain a lot of well known songs including: "Force Lightning," "I'm Getting Buried in the Morning," "Sith Apprentice going on Sith Lord," "Jar Jar the Senator's Dead," "How do you Solve a Problem with the Republic," "I'm Going to Wash that Mandalorian Right Out of my Hair," "Naboo Bayou," and the soon to be hit, "Springtime for Vader." The show will also feature plenty of dancing with "Clones in Clogs" doing their own rendition of "Send in the Clones," and the Mos Eisley Ballet under the helm of Boris Kolenkov.

Other acts already signed are: Iziz the Jawa and his trained Banthas, Rancors on rollerskates, and the Acklay Acrobats. Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick, who are producing this epic, promise this production will either be "A force to be reckoned with," or "a farce to be amused with." What do you expect when the tagline is going to be, "We put the 'fun' in funeral." It may even be adapted for Broadway if it becomes a runaway hit. To quote Mel Brooks, "I hope it's a runaway hit, in fact, I hope it runs away and never comes back!"

Fans demand their CC.com!
Posted by: Darth Danno 08.16.06 12:01am
It is unknown who started the internet rumor. (Considering the websites on which the announcement appeared, speculation has fallen on a certain fan club president who may not have been too happy regarding certain articles posted about him on this website.) Nonetheless, it had been announced that numerous members of CreatureCantina.com were to appear at Wizard World Chicago to meet and greet fans, pose for pictures, and sign autographs. The announcement further asked fans to boycott W.W. Chicago to protest their appearance. The plan backfired tremendously.

Initial counts show attendance was up some 673% from previous years. The longest line wasn't for Kristen Bell or Thomas Jane, it was for the information booth due to all the inquiries from guys regarding where the CC.com booth was, who from CC.com was here, and were they going to be here all weekend. The most commonly asked question from the female attendees was, is Bill Cable single? Wizard ended up having to post signs all over the convention floor stating the error, flyers denying the internet rumor were inserted into all the goody bags, and announcements were aired over the public address system at regular intervals letting everyone know about the lack of CC.com at Wizard World Chicago.

Most of the fans were deeply saddened, but tried to enjoy the convention as best they could. Some attendees became very angry though, and started a riot in the parking garage, blocking traffic and refusing to leave until they got Tresob Yr's autograph. Police were called, tear gas was used, and multiple arrests were made. Now even though I did attend, I went incognito to avoid the paparazzi. One fan, so distraught by the thought of not getting to meet her idol, Darth Danno, threw herself in front of a car, laid there for a half hour before she realized the car was parked and empty. She is now under psychiatric observation and I've had to change my phone number.

I guess this fantasy grew to such proportions that numerous events set up in CC.com's honor had to be canceled. The Coffee Klatch with CreatureCantina, the Bill Cable look-alike contest, and the celebrity Jell-O wrestling match for charity pitting the guys from CreatureCantina.com against the girls of Camp Dangerous Curves. (Maybe that's why Kari Ann Peniche never showed up at their booth, even though I waited and hour and a half for her on Sat. to sign my Playboy!)

Due to the events at this years convention, Wizard is talking about sending a formal invitation to the members of CC.com to attend next years show, and may even make Bill Cable the guest of honor. What do you wanna bet that invite gets lost in the mail? After all, it IS just a big "con".

The question here is... WHY?
Posted by: Darth Danno 08.23.06 12:01am
Someone must have lied to director Paul Verhoeven, telling him his...film, "Showgirls" was a hit, as he is planning a Star Wars themed sequel WITH THE FULL APPROVAL OF LUCASFILM!!!!! What are they thinking????? Is George really that hard up for money? The teaser trailers are expected to start running around Christmas time of this year, with an early 2008 release date. The working title is: "SHOWGIRLS 2 - SLAVEGIRLS". A tale about life in servitude to Jabba the Hutt.

The story revolves around a young Twi'lek named Imin Heet, and her story of being sold into slavery as a young girl, going from one cruel master to another, until she ends up in the hands of Watto, who wagers her in a podrace and loses to Jabba. The Hutt is only too happy to accept her, as his last concubine gave her life to save him. (Actually, an assassin tried to kill Jabba and in trying to escape, the Hutt fell on the slave, crushing her.) He changes her name to Orgasma and begins marketing her to satisfy the desires and fantasies of the local scum and villainy, but not without adding numerous credits to his already overflowing coffers.

She becomes one of the hottest commodities in the galaxy as she sheds her clothes for layouts in Huttsler, Hutt Society, and PentHutt. Also appearing in films like: "Hutts like Butts 18," "Neimoidian Nympho-Nurses" and "Sex over the Sarlacc." She even endorses a new line of vibro-massagers. The precious little down time she has left is spent sating the sinful desires of her obese overlord. I'm sorry, but does anybody really want to see Jabba getting it on? Does he need any stimulants to assist him? What do they call it? "Vile"agra? One good marketing ploy is the popcorn buckets will also double as vomit bags.

Orgasma meets and falls in love with a bounty hunter, much to the displeasure of the Hutt. The bounty hunter is shot multiple times, and left for dead. But a little known corporation named OCP resurrect, rebuild, retrain, and rename him, turning him into: ROBO-FETT. Now the story becomes a tale of revenge as Robo-Fett starts hunting down all those responsible for his demise, even doing battle beneath Jabba's throne room with the Hutt's pet Wampa (a Wampa...on Tatooine???).

The movie climaxes (literally and figuratively) with a fight to the death between gangster and bounty hunter that gets Orgasma so excited at the thought of having two beings fighting over her, she works herself into such a state of ecstasy, she accidentally strangles herself with her own lekku. The two combatants immediately cease their skirmish, stare dumbfounded at what has just occurred, then turn and stare blankly at each other. Jabba just shrugs, offers the assassin a high paying position as his own personal hitman, complete with paid holidays and vacations, medical and dental coverage, and a 1138K (after all, this film does occur during the time of peace and prosperity within the Republic.) As for Orgasma, her body is fed to the krayt dragons, and her clothing and possessions are sold off on the holonet auction site eBounty.

I'll bet when the classic trilogy gets re-re-re-re-re-released at whatever anniversary the decide to do that again, be it 40th, 50th, 75th, etc..., on whatever medium is popular at that time. Be it, video, DVD, or directly patched into your brain via satellite and played out through a special viewer you wear over your eyes. If you watch the trash compactor scene in Episode IV, you'll see added to the refuse, numerous copies of this film floating around in there. Here I thought the new Christmas special I had discussed previously was going to be bad...

Scent of a Jedi
Posted by: Darth Danno 08.30.06 12:01am
We knew it had to happen sometime. The Star Wars franchise has touched so many areas of our culture that one is left to say, "What else could they possibly come out with?" Well look out Axe and Tag, Lucas Licensing has just given their approval for a line of body sprays and body washes.

The new line, called "Saber" will be available in 7 different fragrances, each named after a form of lightsaber combat: Shii-Cho, Makashi, Soresu, Ataru, Djem So, Niman, and Vaapad. Now what each one will actually smell like hasn't been revealed. But I have been assured that the fragrances of these products will remain true to their tag (no pun intended) line: "Become a Force to be Reckoned With." I hope so. That's all us guys need, to spray one of these all over, or take a shower with one, and end up smelling like a wet Bantha or a decaying Tauntaun carcass.

Lucas Licensing is also issuing a disclaimer on the products that "These fragrances and body washes are only intended to make you smell great. No Force powers are given or implied. Ingesting any of these products in the hopes of gaining the ability to perform the Jedi mind trick would prove harmful, fatal, and extremely stupid. In addition, pouring these products over any toy or replica lightsaber will NOT turn it into a real lightsaber and make you a Jedi Master, but it will damage the item, especially if said item has electronic parts.

Some possible activities after use would include: go on a date, hang out with friends, and have fun. DO NOT take on the Trade Federation, commence an assault on an Imperial Battle Station, or attempt to slay a Krayt Dragon." If they didn't put this stuff on there, who knows what some whacked-out nerf herder might try. After all, what else is there for a die-hard Star Wars fan to do now that all the movies are out? I'd say to get a life, but considering there already is a Star Wars Life board game, that's a moot point.

DVD release in Star Wars style
Posted by: Darth Danno 09.06.06 12:01am
The countdown is on! 6 days to go until the classic trilogy is released on DVD in their original format. In keeping up with all the other Star Wars products, you'll be able to buy these DVD's in numerous variations, each related to a world from the galaxy far, far away. To explain, the DVD for the...

  • Tatooine Edition: Will be covered in sand.
  • Mustafar Edition: Will be melted.
  • Hoth Edition: Will be sold in the frozen food section and need to be thawed out before watching.
  • Utapau Edition: Will have numerous holes in it.
  • Kamino Edition: Will need to be dried out first, but can be cloned easily.
  • Dagobah Edition: This one is on backorder as retailers are "swamp"ed with orders.
  • Death Star Edition: The most expensive edition, as it is programmed to blow up your DVD player after watching.
  • Kashyyk Edition: Disc will need a shave and a haircut before watching.
  • Coruscant Edition: Extremely rare! You'd have to "order 66" of 'em to get this version.
  • Naboo Edition: Comes encased in a casket, but is the only set to offer twin DVD's.
  • Ryloth Edition: Comes with a jar of Lekku wax and a coupon redeemable for a free movie ticket to "Showgirls II: Slave Girls"
  • Geonosis Edition: This one is being delayed as there are still a lot of bugs that need to be worked out.
  • Bespin Edition: Just like any other edition except the price is in the clouds.
  • Endor Edition: Comes with a seed packet to plant your very own sequoia tree in the backyard.

Decisions, decisions...

Accept no substitutions
Posted by: Darth Danno 09.13.06 12:01am
The weekend of Aug 26th, Glamourcon came to Chicago. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a convention where you can go to meet your favorite model, bunny, or pin-up girl. Get an autograph, have your picture taken with her, act like you've got a shot, etc... Well, who shows up there but one of the CC.com staff...NOT!!! Some jamoke starts going up to the girls, saying he works for CreatureCantina.com, hoping to impress (after all, who isn't really a Star Wars, and especially a CC.com fan, right?) We all heard about women's intuition and they thought something about this guy smelled like a wet wookiee, so they decided to test him.

They asked, "What the crowning point of Episode IV?" He responded, "When Flash Gordon blew up the Borg cube!" Now it's one thing to upset a woman, it's completely another to upset a woman about something she holds dear (like CC.com), especially when she's wearing 6 inch stilettos. Boy did he get his comeuppance! Here I thought the torture scenes in "Hostel" were brutal. Instead of pin the tail on the donkey, it was "shove the Sharpie". I'm not going to go into details, suffice it to say he wasn't lovin' where the Sharpie's were being shovin'. I guess someone got the whole thing on video, but this isn't the kind of website where we could show it. "For heaven's sake man, think of the children!!!"

As for the guy, he's alive and well (if you can call being in a coma and fed through a tube alive and well). I heard they extracted all the sharpies themselves, but one cap is still missing. So to all those gorgeous gals of Glamourcon, we send our sincere apology and will try to appear in person next year if you so desire. After all, most of you ladies appear in my dreams nightly, but this isn't the site to get into descriptives about that either.

Star Wars DVD recall
Posted by: Darth Danno 09.20.06 12:01am
I have recently received a classified communiqué from none other than Baron Papanoida himself stating that a recall is out for the recent release of the classic trilogy DVD's for not one, but two reasons. The first is that during the packaging process, before the packaging was shrink-wrapped, someone removed one of the DVD's from their case and replaced it with a disc that actually contains the schematics of the Empire's armored battle station, the Death Star! Now you would think the switch involved one of the DVD's from Episode IV, but that has not been verified. What has been confirmed is that since there was only one set of plans, it's the only one out there, making this the rarest SW collectable in the history of Star Wars collecting!

Never fear fellow fans, if you're unable to get your hands on that little gem, you may be able to get your hands on the second, and more numerous DVD error that is also being recalled. Early in the development stage, some laser brain thought DVD stood for Darth Vader Dimensions. So I'm told there are @ 100 discs out there that instead of being round, like normal DVD's, are shaped like Darth Vader's head! Now I'm sure they look really cool, but these abnormalities are slightly larger than a normal DVD and therefore, don't fit into normal DVD players. I'm not sure of the breakdown as to how many from each of the trilogy are like this. But I do know that all three films can be tracked down in this form, providing you're willing to pay the bounty on these babies! Let the hunt begin!

Sith-mania!!!!
Posted by: Darth Danno 09.27.06 12:01am
All right, fight fans. Forget extreme fighting, pass on professional wrestling. It's mortal combat at its hottest! Just in time for Halloween. Direct from the Coruscant sports arena, in the beautiful Imperial City, we bring you...SITH-MANIA!!!!! You see, since he turned to the dark side last year, Darth Sidious has put Darth Vader through some rigorous training in various forms of combat, lightsaber and hand to hand. He has also been working with him to hone his dark side force powers, and now it's time to put that all to the test. The Emperor has assembled a rogues gallery of some of the baddest baddies ever to come into being to go up against the dark lord himself. But wait, it gets better! First these evil entities will have to square off against each other to prove themselves worthy of a final showdown between themselves and Lord Vader.

Who has Palpatine assembled, you ask? Well hold on to your seats because he's gotten: Freddy Krueger from "A Nightmare on Elm Street". Jason Voorhees from "Friday the 13th". Leatherface from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre". Chucky and Tiffany from the "Child's Play" films. Blade, Tunneler, Pinhead, Six Shooter, Jester, Torch, and Leech Woman from "The Puppet Master" movies. Norman Bates from "Psycho". Jigsaw from "Saw". Pumpkinhead from...well, "Pumpkinhead". the Tall Man from "Phantasm". Santanico Pandemonium from "From Dusk Till Dawn". Michael Myers from "Halloween". Pinhead from "Hellraiser". An Alien from "Alien". And a Predator from...you get the idea.

So every week from now until October 25th, I'll be bringing you a blow by horrible blow description as these gruesome gladiators are pitted against each other in a human demolition derby to the death! Then, on Nov 1st, the winner will face off against ol' raspy himself...Darth Vader!!!! Who will be crowned "official" Sith Apprentice? I know after hearing this news, you're all just quivering with excitement and anticipation. It's an all you can bleed buffet and we've got the first course all lined up and ready to be served! So without further jibber-jabber we bring you...Alien vs. Predator!

ALIEN vs.. PREDATOR - All right folks, get in, sit down, shut up, and hold on because the bell has rung and these two combatants are eager to get their first victory under their belts, which should be quite interesting considering the Alien isn't wearing a belt, or even pants for that matter. The alien has just charged the Predator and the Predator has impaled the Alien in the chest with his spear. The Predator is now lifting the Alien over his head and waving him around like some giant flag. The Alien is not pleased and is kicking and clawing and screaming for all his worth. Acid blood is going everywhere. The Predator doesn't seem to care as victory is imminent.

He prepares to launch the Alien off the spear and out of the ring...but wait! The Alien has just wrapped his tail around the Predator's neck! The Predator flings the Alien, spear and all, off into the scattering crowd. OOOOH!!! The Alien's tail managed to take the Predator's head with it as he took flight. The Alien crashes into some vacated seats...AND CAME DOWN RIGHT ON THE SPEAR!!! Man, that's gotta hurt! The spear is now completely through his body and boy, is he pissed! But considering the Predator's head is now somewhere behind the concession stand. The Alien is the winner! Wait...what's that beeping? It's coming...from...the...spear? Oh oh...everybody take cover!!!... BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!

WINNER: A draw, neither fighter survived.

Next week: Freddy vs. Santanico, Michael vs. Norman, Pumpkinhead vs. the Tall Man, The Puppets vs. Child's Play, Jason vs. Leatherface, and Jigsaw vs. Pinhead.

Sith Mania - Round 2
Posted by: Darth Danno 10.04.06 12:01am
All right fans. We've got a lot of action taking place this week as these frightening fighters ferociously face foe after foe, clawing their way to become the official Sith apprentice. But first they'll have to get past the current apprentice...Darth Vader! So let's jump right into the action!!!! Now this week is definitely separating the wheat from the chaff as a lot of these fights were somewhat...short. So forgive me if I just list the highlights for some.

Click here to read the Sith Mania - Round 2!!

Sith Mania - Round 3
Posted by: Darth Danno 10.11.06 12:01am
Here we are again folks, back for round 3 and have we got some exciting match ups in store for today. The tension is high and there's slaughter in the air. So let's go right to the action!

PUMPKINHEAD vs. TIFFANY This is a true David and Goliath match up and if Tiffany can pull this out, could be one of the greatest upsets in the history of Sith Mania.

Click here to read the Sith Mania - Round 3!!

Sith Mania - Round 4
Posted by: Darth Danno 10.18.06 12:01am
Here we go fright fans! It's getting down to the wire and the only thing standing between Freddy, Jason, and Pumpkinhead facing off against Lord Vader is...well, Freddy, Jason, or Pumpkinhead! Two must go down for one to go on to fight the ultimate battle to become "Official" Sith Apprentice! This week, one fighter will rest and two will rumble. Lots were drawn, dies were cast, and heads were rolled before it was decided the match this week would be...

Click here to read the Sith Mania - Round 4!!

Sith Mania - FINALE!
Posted by: Darth Danno 10.25.06 12:01am
THIS IS IT!!! Sith Mania is ending one week early and what a final match we have in store for you! Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith is going against not one, but 2 opponents in the hopes of retaining his Sith apprenticeship. Can he hold on, or will we have a new threat in the galaxy? And if Freddy or Jason win, will the Emperor be able to control them, or is even his supremacy in danger? Let's not waste another minute and get right to the action!

VADER vs. FREDDY vs. JASON

Click here to read the Sith Mania Finale!!

Next week... IT BEGINS
Posted by: Darth Danno 11.01.06 12:01am
Next week will mark the beginning of quite possibly the greatest and most exciting project I have ever undertaken. Right here at CreatureCantina.com will be the debut of an original Star Wars story, written by yours truly! Now this is set to be a serious piece that actually took place in the Star Wars timeline. It will run in sections, 1 a week, and the whole thing will take @ 6 months to complete. Some of the characters you know well, others came from my own imagination. All things Star Wars remain the property of Lucasfilm and are used without permission. This is meant solely to entertain and is not meant to be copied, sold, or anything that will incur the wrath of George and/or his attorneys. Thanks to Bill Cable and CC.com for allowing me to present this to you. So be sure to be here next week and every week for a whole lotta weeks after for "The Greatest Sith...That Never Lived".

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 11.08.06 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the first chapter of Darth Danno's epic short story "The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived."

CHAPTER I: MEDITATION and REFLECTION

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 11.15.06 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the second chapter of Darth Danno's epic short story "The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived."

CHAPTER II: SEEKING THE SITH

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived`
Posted by: Darth Danno 11.22.06 12:01am
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CHAPTER III: THE PLOT THICKENS (Part I)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 11.29.06 12:01am
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CHAPTER III: THE PLOT THICKENS (Part II)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 12.06.06 12:01am
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CHAPTER IV: THE LEGEND OF THE MASTER

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 12.13.06 12:01am
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CHAPTER V: A PADAWAN FLEES

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 12.20.06 12:01am
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CHAPTER VI: DEBACLE IN THE DOCKING BAY (Part I)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 12.27.06 12:01am
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CHAPTER VI: DEBACLE IN THE DOCKING BAY (Part II)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 01.10.07 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's epic short story "The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived."

CHAPTER VII: CONUNDRUM ON CORUSCANT (Part I)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 01.17.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER VII: CONUNDRUM ON CORUSCANT (Part II)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 01.24.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER VII: CONUNDRUM ON CORUSCANT (Part III)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 01.31.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER VIII: THE PRODIGAL RETURNS (Part I)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 02.07.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER VIII: THE PRODIGAL RETURNS (Part II)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 02.14.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER VIII: THE PRODIGAL RETURNS (Part III)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 02.21.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER IX: ENTER THE APPRENTICE

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 02.28.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER X: AN UNEASY ALLIANCE BEGINS

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 03.07.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XI: THE APPRENTICE REVEALED

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 03.14.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XII: SUSPICION GROWS

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 03.21.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XIII: STALEMATE (Part I)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 03.28.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XIV: STALEMATE (Part II)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 04.04.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XIV: THE PIECES COME TOGETHER

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 04.11.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XV: THE SEEDS OF SUSPICION

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 04.18.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XVI: THE BEGINNING OF THE END (Part I)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 04.25.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XVI: THE BEGINNING OF THE END (Part II)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 05.02.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XVII: A THIRD SITH?

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 05.09.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XVIII: IT ALL BOILS OVER

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 05.16.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XIX: SURVEILLANCE, SUSPICION,and SABOTAGE (Part I)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 05.23.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XIX: SURVEILLANCE, SUSPICION,and SABOTAGE (Part II)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 05.30.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XX: THE SECRET REVEALED

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 06.06.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XXI: EXPLANATIONS…AND REVELATIONS (Part I)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 06.13.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XXI: EXPLANATIONS…AND REVELATIONS (Part II)

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived
Posted by: Darth Danno 06.20.07 12:01am
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CHAPTER XXII: ALL FALL DOWN

The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived CONCLUSION!
Posted by: Darth Danno 06.27.07 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the FINAL chapter of Darth Danno's epic short story "The Greatest Sith... That Never Lived."

CHAPTER XXIII: CONCLUSIONS…AND COMPARISONS

The Greatest Sith - the inside story
Posted by: Darth Danno 07.04.07 12:01am
Well, after eight months, my “epic” tale has drawn to a close. This wasn’t a story I had all written out beforehand, and each week, would have a section put up on CC.com. It only existed within the confines of the trash compactor known as my mind, (and you should see the size of the Dianogas I’ve got running around in there!) I knew how I wanted it to start, and I knew how it was going to end, but getting from point A to point B wasn’t clear until I actually sat down to write each week’s chapter.

I wanted to make each section readable in a short period of time, hoping to give just enough so that readers would be sure to come back next week for the next installment. Each time I sat down to write, new and exciting possibilities presented themselves to me to help expand the characters and the story, and I kept those which I felt would be most beneficial and necessary, without making this go on any longer than it needed to. So many times I’ve read stories where the authors spend so much time and paper setting up a scene or location or whatever, I start to lose interest and end up skimming over it to get to the “good parts”, the dialogue, the action, the meat and heart of what’s really going on.

I did a lot of research on StarWars.com, and in such books as “The New Essential Guide to Alien Species” to keep it as SW factual as possible as far as alien races and planets, and Darth Ruin was mentioned in “Star Wars Insider Issue 88”. The other names of the Sith and the Jedi came from my own imagination, and a little help from my friends.

I hope you have enjoyed this, I know I did. Starting next week, it’s back to my regular updates beginning with a new SW Lego game that’s set to hit the market. In the fall, I’m thinking of doing another ongoing story, this one is about what happens when another iconic character visits the Star Wars Galaxy. Who is it, you ask? Well, you’ll just have to make sure you check back here often, (why not weekly?) I will tell you that it’s not going to be one of those stories with the last chapter having the character waking up and realizing it was all a dream, that’s LAME!!! I’m still working out all the details, but I know that what I’m thinking about now will undoubtedly change once I actually sit down to type it out. Plus I need to get the “OK” from my editor.

So I want to close by thanking him, Bill Cable (or Jedi Master Belac, as he’s referred to in the tale.) for allowing me to present this to you, and hopefully he’ll permit me to astound you once again with another epic saga in a few months. Until next week…

New Star Wars LEGO game announced
Posted by: Darth Danno 07.11.07 12:01am
You’ve played the prequels, and conquered the classic trilogy, so what’s next, you ask? Well Lucasfilm and LEGO have partnered once again to re-make a classic with: “Knights of the Old Repubrick”. Why mess with a classic, you ask? (Many wondered the same thing when George Lucas altered the original trilogy, but let’s move on.) Again, you can either rise to become a Jedi Knight, or fall in leagues with the Sith Lords, as you travel across the galaxy to stop Darth Malek and destroy the Star Forge before it wipes out the Republic, or Repubrick as it were. Travel to all the same planets as the original: Dantooine, Tatooine, Kashyyk, Manaan, and Korriban. All your favorite characters are back too, including: Bastila, Canderous, Jolee, Carth, and HK-47 to name a few. As this version is meant to be more kid-friendly. Some of the more nasty Dark Side powers such as: Plague, Horror, Insanity, Drain Life, and Death Field have been removed, and replaced with such abilities as:

  • Strip – leave your opponents wearing nothing but their Star Wars Underoos (remember those?). When you use this on droids, they do their best “Episode I” C3PO impersonation.
  • The Bantha Belch – I don’t remember them ever having problems with indigestion, but I guess being able to replicate their burps would make you the life of any party, or the death, depending on what you ate beforehand. (Works on droids who are easily offended by the uncouth.)
  • Force Tickle – Really “crack up” the enemy, leaving him vulnerable and open to attack. (Doesn’t work on droids)
  • Brain Freeze – Forget the slurpee or squishie or whatever, this one’s compliments of the Force. (Doesn’t work on droids either.)
  • The dreaded…Force Flatulence – nuff said, other than if the droid you’re using it against has no sense of smell, you guessed it, it won’t work on them.

Also, bombs and high-powered firearms have been taken out, but never fear, there are plenty of water balloons and super soakers to go around. (You can really have fun around droids with these, considering so many Force powers don’t work on them.) Like its two predecessors, you never really “die”; your character just…breaks apart. You can also collect Lego pieces to use as currency on the many different worlds you travel to. (Even back then, most didn’t take Rebubrick credits.) You can buy different foods to enhance your Bantha Belch or Force Flatulence, upgrade your armor, or buy bottles of Gamorrean Glue – the strongest stuff in the Galaxy. Use it on yourself so you wont break apart as easily.

Hopes are high to have this little gem in stores by this Christmas. It depends on the success of the game to determine weather we’ll ever see a Lego version of “Knights of the Old Repubrick II”. The sad part is it will only be available for two game consoles. Which ones, you wonder? Why, the XBLOX and XBLOX 360, of course!

Final "Harry Potter" book to have "Star Wars" twist
Posted by: Darth Danno 07.18.07 12:01am
Once again, my Bothan informants…or did I buy this info dirt-cheap from the Jawas?

Maybe I won it in a Sabaac match. Who can remember after too many glasses of Corellian Spiced Ale. Anyway, I have the scoop on some of the most eagerly anticipated news of the year: What happens in the new and final Harry Potter book? BEWARE!!! Many secrets are to be revealed in the following paragraph, if you don’t want to know what happens, then read no further...

Okay, let’s get on with it. First off, it is revealed that Lord Voldemort is none other than…Darth Plagueis! In the final battle with Harry, he is betrayed and murdered by his apprentice, Darth Sidious, who uses magic of his own to open an inter-dimensional wormhole and escape to Naboo. Harry finds out Hermione is his twin sister, and a princess to boot. She falls for Ron, who rather than going solo, saves Hagrid from the Dementors who in turn, swears a life debt to him, and decides to really let his hair down.

After graduating from Hogwarts, they start their own career as smugglers, smuggling magical paraphernalia to the muggles who can afford their prices. MadEye Moody goes off to some deserted swamp to commune with the spirits of Dumbledore and Sirius Black, and also learns to yodle. Severus Snape develops a glandular disorder, gains a couple thousand pounds, and turns Hogwarts School for Wizardry into his own little crime hut. He enlists the now out of work death eaters as his personal bounty hunters, and Draco Malfoy as his personal majordomo, forcing him to constantly wear a bib and tell fortunes.

One of the Weasley Twins (Fred) loses an eye and both of his legs in the final battle, but has wheels installed on his knuckles, and a third, retractable wheel put into his torso to help him roll around. When told he’d be no good to anyone anymore, he replied, “Are too!” (Personally, I thought it would be more grammatically correct for him to say, “Am too.” But what do I know.) The other twin (George) is turned to gold by a magical, less powerful form of C-4 known as C-3. Though pretty PO’d, he ends up with limited mobility, but luckily is still alive, thanks to certain magical protocols put in place prior to the battle.

So there you have it, J.K Rowling’s tales are over, but her woes are just beginning thanks to all the licensing she blatantly stole from Lucasfilm. George is having his Imperial lawyers suit up as we speak, to commence primary ignition on Hogwarts defense generator, or Rowling’s bank account. Whichever would be more cost effective.

Yet another LEGO game in the works!
Posted by: Darth Danno 07.25.07 12:01am
I meant to bring you this last week, but that was pre-empted by the Harry Potter spoilers I received. Apparently both Lego and Lucasfilm are just tickled at the similarities between Republic and Repubrick, so they are re-making yet another video game smash with “Repubrick Commando”. Once again the fab four: Boss, Sev, Fixer, and Scorch are back to battle Trandoshans, Geonosians, Battle Droids, and all the other nasties from the original. But now, the commandos have special Lego-based powers! As each of the team is made up of interlocking blocks, now the squad can transform and reform into weapons the others can pick up and use.

  • BOSS becomes a DC-17m Interchangeable Combat Weapons System (he can pick up the Anti-Armor Attachment throughout the game play.)
  • FIXER becomes a DC-17M Sniper Rifle
  • SEV becomes a EWHB-12 Mounted Turret
  • SCORCH becomes a LS-150 Heavy Accelerated Charged Particle Repeater Gun

At certain times in the game, the whole squad can disassemble and combine together to become An AT-TE, or a Republic Gunship. Of course, since Hasbro is in charge of manufacturing all Star Wars-related toys, the Star Wars Transformers versions of the Commandos are also being released to coincide with the release on the video game. However, this is the first game to take part in the Ultimate Galactic Hunt. There will only be a limited number of these produced, as at the end of each game, you will receive a unique code # specific to your game alone, (so you can’t use it, then put it up on the internet for everyone to use). You write down the # on a piece of paper, mail it along with a check for $99.95 to the address on the closing credits screen, and you will receive your very own George Legos figure. I haven’t seen any pictures of him yet, but I’m told the similarities are uncanny. In fact, he’s a chip off the old block, (or would that be brick???).

Star Wars: From big screen to small screen to... STAGE???
Posted by: Darth Danno 08.01.07 12:01am
Yes, that’s right, some small town playwright with some galaxy sized dreams, and an Imperial Battle Station-sized inheritance decided to bring Star Wars: Episode IV, to the stage, and when I say bring it to the stage, I mean the WHOLE thing, complete with special effects, accurate costuming, and a full orchestra! Needless to say, it met with disastrous results.

First off, the audience is seated, the lights go down, and the music builds to a thunderous crescendo, as the Rebel Blockade runner passes by overhead, followed by the immense Star Destroyer, the Rebel Corvette disappears into a break in the curtains. The Star Destroyer follows, or at least attempts to follow as something goes wrong and the starship grinds to a halt. Backstage crew work feverishly to get the craft mobile again. They succeed somewhat when the cable supporting the ship breaks, sending the huge model crashing down on top of the orchestra. The evening’s performance is canceled as numerous members are taken to the hospital with headaches, stiff necks, concussions, etc... Thousands of dollars on debit blastercard.

A few months later, the entrepreneur tries again, using two full sized elephants dressed as Banthas for the Tusken Raider scene. Except the weight of the elephants overloaded the weight limit on the stage, sending them crashing through the floor. One was badly injured and will require many months of surgery and therapy. The other elephant was too badly hurt and had to be put down. Again, the performance had to be cancelled and monies refunded while crews worked to get the elephants free, and police kept PETA at bay. Hundreds of thousands of dollars on debit blastercard.

Almost a year later, the budding playwright believes that the third time will be the charm, and decides to give it a go one more time, except now he needs to find a different theater after the whole Bantha episode. So find one he does, and things go okay until the scene where the Death Star blows up. Now fortunately he had the foresight to hand out sunglasses to all audience members, he just didn’t count on the power surge caused by his light show knocking out power as far as ten miles away to hospitals, restaurants, etc... Millions of dollars on debit blastercard.

Getting all the mishaps on film, and marketing it as one of the greatest disaster films of all time... Priceless.

(At least until Lucasfilm’s lawyers came knocking, as the unfortunate director failed to acquire any sort of rights or permission for using the Star Wars license.) I don’t know about you, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this...

Darth Danno

Next week – What is this…Debit Blastercard???

The Imperial Debit Blastercard
Posted by: Darth Danno 08.08.07 12:01am
Even as far back as the Clone Wars, the Emperor planned to build the Death Star. The groundwork was being laid to bring this technological terror to reality; he just lacked the necessary funds. After all, a space station capable of dispensing firepower of that magnitude does not come cheap, so he sat down with his Imperial consorts to come up with a solution. Many suggestions were tossed around: Selling oceanfront property on Tatooine, raffling off a chance to be tortured by Lord Vader himself, or creating a reality show and selling advertising space on it. All of these ideas were discarded in favor of…Debit Blastercard!

Now how this works is, the card is just like your normal debit card, except instead of the funds coming out of your own personal bank account, they are taken directly from the Imperial coffers! You can buy whatever you want, like, or need, and the Empire will foot the bill. BUT…there's a catch. You of course have to pay back the money you've borrowed each and every month, and for every credit you spend, you're charged an additional credit. So let's say you spend 500 credits in a standard month, upon receiving your bill, you'll see the amount you owe is 1000 credits! Now why would anyone want to sign up for this plan? Well, that's the beauty of the whole program, as no one actually signs up for it! Many receive strong recommendations to apply, if they ever want to see their family alive again, their droids in one piece again, or their ships remaining space worthy. The Lars family was a prime example of what happened to those who denied the Emperor's generous offer. Quite a few retailers and cantina owners now ONLY accept the Debit Blastercard, those that didn't…well, the Jawas who sold R2 and 3PO fell into that category.

Supposing the time comes for you to pay your bill, and you don't have the necessary funds, or have some, but not all of what you owe. Never fear, the Emperor has easy payment plans! Just stop by your nearest Imperial detention facility for all the details. Or perhaps you would prefer to work off your debt in servitude to one of the Hutts, for apparently they are backing Palpatine's newest venture. (For a cut of the profits, of course. Plus they fully endorse and support slave labor, just ask Anakin Skywalker.)

If you're thinking of running away and hiding out to avoid repayment, well, I'm sorry to say that's not going to work. You see, part of the enrollment process involves the prospective cardholder being rendered unconscious, (unless your part of the gold plan, where you're kept awake and coherent throughout the whole thing) and surgeons implant a transponder behind one of your eyes. (I think whoever thought this part up saw "SAW II" too many times.) For those species that have no eyes, well…just don't bend over while filling out the application. Anyway, though very small, the transponders are very powerful and have a signal that can reach all the way from Coruscant to the Outer Rim. Numerous bounty hunters have been contracted to track down delinquent payees. How much you owe determines weather you're wanted dead or alive, or both.

So there you have it, makes you want to "discover" the possibilities "visa" vie the Imperial Debit Blastercard. It's everywhere you want to B-Wing. (nuff said).

Fans still demanding their CC.com (Part 1)
Posted by: Darth Danno 08.15.07 12:01am
Once again, I attended WizardWorld Chicago this past weekend. It was a chance to meet celebrities, pick up more Star Wars stuff, and forget my troubles for a few hours. The place was packed! The lines to try out the latest games were long, the line for Michael Madsen was even longer, but the longest line of all was for... well, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Click here for the rest of Danno's report!

Fans still demanding their CC.com (Part 2)
Posted by: Darth Danno 08.22.07 12:01am
Quickly but cautiously, the three of us made our way along the line of eager fans. "What would we find at the beginning? Who started this, and why?" I wasn't leaving until I had some answers.

Down hallways, around corners, into one room and out of another, this line seemed to have no end. Yet we pushed on as we…were on a mission.

Click here for the rest of Danno's report!

Fans still demanding their CC.com (Part 3)
Posted by: Darth Danno 08.29.07 12:01am
Slowly and cautiously, I pushed the bathroom door open a crack to see what was going on outside. Dave watched for me and when he saw me, he nodded that all was well…for now. I nodded back and slowly shut the door. Glancing at my watch, I saw the time was already 5:00, only two hours until the convention closed for the day. I took a deep breath, centered my thoughts, and exited the bathroom in grand fashion, careful the door closed immediately behind me, so no one standing in line could get a glimpse of the "signing room’s" actual contents. Upon noticing my arrival, many of the gathered started bombarding me with questions. I raised my hands for silence, and then began my impromptu speech.

Click here for the rest of Danno's report!

Fans still demanding their CC.com (Part 4)
Posted by: Darth Danno 09.05.07 12:01am
The city of Rosemont was not too happy regarding the events that took place at the Convention Center during WizardWorld Chicago ’07. The center had to be closed while the air conditioning units were replaced, so numerous shows and exhibitions had to be postponed or canceled in the interim, costing the city thousands upon thousands of dollars in revenue.

Click here for the rest of Danno's report!

New Star Wars Christmas album
Posted by: Darth Danno 09.12.07 12:01am
That's right everyone! You're hearing it here at CC.com first. Set to be released some time in October, (exact date and price to be announced.) Now this isn't just some nobodys getting together and writing some Christmas jingles with a Star Wars theme, no sir! All those characters you know and love from all six films have decided to get into the act and try their hand, or should I say vocal chords, at the music biz. Here are some of the songs you'll hear, and who will be singing them!

  • Aayla Secura - Blue Christmas
  • A quartet of Hoth Troopers - Walking in a Winter Wonderland and
  • A quartet of Rebel Pilots - I saw Three Starships
    Not to be outdone, the Empire got into the act with...
  • A quartet of Death Star Troopers - The Little Gunner Boy and
  • A quartet of Stormtroopers - White Christmas and
  • A quartet of Snowtroopers - (what else?) Frosty the Snowtrooper
  • The Jedi Council from "The Phantom Menace" - The Twelve Days of Christmas
  • Luke and Leia - I saw Mommy Kissing Vader Claus
  • Han and Chewbacca - Oh Wroshyr Tree
  • Obi Wan and Qui Gon - Jar Jar the Red faced Gungan
  • Darth Vader - Silent Knight
  • C3PO and R2D2 - The Death Star is Coming to Town
  • The Polis Massans - What Child is This?
  • Darth Maul and General Grievous - Dueling Around the Christmas Tree
  • Jango and Boba Fett - The First No-Disintegrations
  • Sy Snootles and the Max Rebo band - Jingle Bell Rock
  • Sebulba and the Mos Espa Podracers - Sleigh Ride

All these and more can be found on the regular edition, but my sources tell me there is a special edition in the works which will also contain the following:

The Entire Cantina singing Oh Little Town of Mos Eisley, under the direction of Wuhrer, backed up by Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes, AND the big news is none other than...The Emperor himself, reciting the tale of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. He even got Jabba the Hutt to read the part of Cindy Lou Who. Weather the special edition will just be the additional songs and story, or if it will include video footage as well, is yet to be determined. These items may be available at local retail outlets, or only sold via the web at such sites as Starwarsshop.com and CreatureCantina.com. I don't know about you, but news like this is music to my ears. Until next week...

Darth Danno

New Star Wars video game plans scrubbed (Part I)
Posted by: Darth Danno 09.19.07 12:01am
Many times on this very website, I've reported new SW video games that would be hitting the market in the near future. Well, today I'm bringing you the story of one that won't.

It started off as an idea that truly had potential. Some no-name video game designer and part time Star Wars fan decided to approach Lucas Licensing to promote the idea of a Dejarik video game.

Here's the scenario: You start off on the bottom rung of the Dejarik circuit. (I didn't even know there was a Dejarik circuit, but that's beside the point.) Jabba the Hutt is only too happy to back your rising career, for a healthy percentage of the winnings. So you better keep winning to keep Jabba happy, ‘cause if he ain't happy, he's only going to be too happy to make the bounty hunters guild very happy by putting a contract out on you!

You start out with only four creatures: the Kintan Strider, K'lor'slug, Houjix, and Monnok. As you win more matches and earn more credits (after all, you are playing for money) you are able to add more holomonsters to your repertoire: the Mantellian Savrip, the Ng'ok, the Ghhhk, and the Grimtaash. As you rise into the upper echelons of Dejarik players, you may even acquire such magnificent beasts as the Molator, Rancor, Wampa, and the great and powerful Sarlaac. (A Sarlaac, in Dejarik? Whatever.) As you win more matches, you get the chance to unlock different secret opponents, and play on different worlds. Perhaps play against Boba Fett on Bespin, Padme on Polis Massa, or Darth Maul on Dantooine. The possibilities are endless. Some of the locales even feature timed games. Not only do you have to win, but you have to do it in a required length of time. For instance, you're playing a game on Hoth, right in the middle of the battle of Hoth. (Imperial Walkers marching across the frozen terrain, Star Destroyers lurking in orbit, waiting the catch the escaping Rebel fleet, and you find the time to play a game, let alone find someone to play against, riiiiiiiiiight.) You have to win the game and do it in time to catch your transport before it leaves, otherwise you'll be stuck, surrounded by a lot of Imperial troops, and a very angry Darth Vader who just had the Millenium Falcon escape from his grasp.

If you are able to beat all those you go up against, you get a chance to play against the Dejarik grand master himself: Chancellor Palpatine! The thing to keep in mind is, knowing who Palpatine becomes, (watch Episode III if you don't know what I'm talking about, but if you don't know what I'm talking about, you wouldn't be reading this article, or even visiting this website, unless you're just a fan of great artwork.) you can beat the Chancellor, just make sure you don't beat the pants off of him (does he even wear pants under all those robes? Let's move on, shall we? I'm rambling as it is.) As with all unsavory characters in the game, you beat them too badly, they could get mad and put a contract out on you, or even worse, just take you out themselves. What's the point if you win the game, but lose your life?

Next week, a portion of the dialogue I secretly recorded between the head of Lucas Licensing and the video game designer, and what went terribly, terribly wrong. You see, despite all of the designer's brilliant plans and schemes for this project, he seemed to overlook one ...small...thing...

New Star Wars video game plans scrubbed (Part II)
Posted by: Darth Danno 09.26.07 12:01am
All right folks! By now, I'm sure you've all been wondering what could possibly have gone wrong with plans for such an awesome and cool game such as Dejarik. Like I said, the game was meticulously crafted; yet one crucial element was lacking. Thanks to my network of spies and informants among the wretched hives of scum and villainy throughout the galaxy, I was able to acquire a recording of the conversation between the head of Lucas Licensing and the video game designer. So here it is, uncut and unedited for your reading pleasure. (I've put the dialogue from the head of Lucas Licensing in italics to help differentiate between who's speaking.

Click here for the rest of Danno's report!

Star Wars tricks and treats in store for October
Posted by: Darth Danno 10.03.07 12:01am
Can you believe it's already October??? If you remember last year at this time, I brought you the premiere of "Sith Mania". Now I had a lot of ideas for Sith Mania II, just none that grabbed me by the neck, slapped me around a bit, and made me say, "That's the one!" Now I had heard Lucasfilm was planning a Star Wars Halloween special, but if it were to be anything like the Star Wars Christmas special, that would be a horror in and of itself. So George himself flew out personally to see me, (hey, I can dream, right? Just like that dream I have about Jessica Alba in Princess Leia's metal bikini, and she's just freed me from that block of carbonite, and I'm blind and I start using my hands to...oops! Let's move on shall we?

Before I need to stop writing and go take a cold shower, a very cold shower, "Hoth" cold. Anyway, he asked if I could come up with some spine chilling tales of terror, Star Wars-style, to put all the CC.com fans, and Star Wars fans in general (after all, what hard-core SW fan doesn't check out the Cantina each and every week, am I right?) in the holiday spirit, or should I say "howl" iday. (Rim shot please!) So be sure to be here each and every week throughout October, starting next week with, "The Legend of Gungan Hollow" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Legend of Gungan Hollow
Posted by: Darth Danno 10.10.07 12:01am

Sit back everyone and I'll tell you a tale

That by the time I'm done, it will leave you pale

I'll start at the beginning, where most stories do

On the peaceful, idyllic, word of Naboo

The events of "The Phantom Menace" have long since passed,

But the residual effects continue to last.

Click here for the rest of Danno's tale!

A Nightmare on Coruscant
Posted by: Darth Danno 10.17.07 12:01am
Anakin awoke with a start in the middle of the night. His body was caked with sweat, his gasped for every refreshing breath of air. Glancing to his side, he saw Padme sleeping beside him; fortunately his late night tossing and turning didn't wake her. He moved to the edge of the bed and planted his feet on the floor, as he ran his fingers through his hair. He knew these dreams were coming more frequently, and becoming more and more vivid. They all involved the death of his wife. He knew he had to do something; he could not let these visions come to pass. He had to protect the love of his life and their unborn child at all costs. Talking with Master Yoda was no help; perhaps he should speak with Obi Wan? No, he shook his head, Kenobi was holding him back as it was. What help could he possibly be? Anakin knew he had surpassed his master in every way, but was being held back just the same. His time was coming, and coming soon. His reputation was growing with every victorious campaign in the Clone Wars. He was a born leader, why didn't the Jedi see it? Palpatine saw it. Yeah, that was it; he would go and talk to Palpatine.

Click here for the rest of Danno's tale!

Frankenvader
Posted by: Darth Danno 10.24.07 12:01am
The Emperor stood in the bowels of his secret lair on Coruscant, staring down upon his latest creation. It was an imposing figure, clad entirely in black, from the helmet that adorned his head and face, to the boots which covered his cybernetic feet. Once brought to life, this...thing would become his new apprentice, and help him rule over his newly created Empire. All he needed was one component to make him complete.

Click here for the rest of Danno's tale!

Another epic story to begin Next Week!
Posted by: Darth Danno 10.31.07 12:01am
As I promised awhile back, I would have another ongoing story premiering right here at CC.com. (and where else would I want to showcase something of this magnitude? Nowhere else!) Next week...it begins. Now if you remember, I said a popular icon would be coming to the Star Wars galaxy, and not ending where the whole thing was just some lame dream. This is going to be the real deal! Now before I tell you who the mystery guest is, I'll give you some hints of what SW characters you'll re-meet: Darth Maul, Jango Fett, Aurra Sing, and Jabba the Hutt to name a few. This story will be ongoing until the end of May, for reasons that will make sense by the time you read the end of this paragraph, so phone your friends, notify your neighbors, and relay this to the relatives. Be sure to be here next week and every week for, (drum roll, please!)...

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone

Until next week...

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 11.07.07 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the first chapter of Darth Danno's new adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 1: A RELUCTANT MEETING

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 11.14.07 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 2: BROKERING A BOUNTY HUNTER

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 11.21.07 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 3: THE CHOICE IS MADE

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 11.28.07 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 4: JANGO'S RETURN

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 12.05.07
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 5: THE PACKAGE IS DELIVERED

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 12.12.07 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 6: DR. JONES, I PRESUME?

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 12.19.07 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 7: THE PROFESSOR AND THE PROTOCOL DROID

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 12.26.07 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 8: THE QUEST REVEALED

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 01.02.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 9: SITH STONES AND ANCIENT TOMES

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 01.09.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 10: PREPARATIONS AND PLANNING

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 01.16.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 11: AND NOW A WORD FROM DARTH MALEK

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 01.23.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 12: WHEN IS A MAN... MORE THAN A MAN?

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 01.30.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 13: THE STONE VS. THE ARK

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 02.06.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 14: DESTINATION DANTOOINE

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 02.13.08 12:01am
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CHAPTER 15: EVERYBODY GETS INTO THE ACT

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 02.20.08 12:01am
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CHAPTER 16: EXCAVATING THE GROVE

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 02.27.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 17: PADAWANS IN PERIL

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 03.05.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 18: JONES MEETS THE JEDI

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 03.12.08 12:01am
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CHAPTER 19: REPERCUSSIONS

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 03.19.08 12:01am
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CHAPTER 20: THE COUNCIL’S CONCERN

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 03.26.08 12:01am
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CHAPTER 21: INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF... KASHYYK???

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 04.02.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the anniversary edition of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 22: PREPARING FOR BATTLE

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 04.09.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the anniversary edition of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 23: EXPRESS LANE TO THE SHADOWLANDS

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 04.16.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 24: DR. JONES GOES IT SOLO

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 04.23.08 12:01am
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CHAPTER 25: YES, IT GETS WORSE

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 04.30.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 26: DID WE MISS SOMETHING?

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 05.07.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 27: INDY MEETS... WHO WAS THAT AGAIN?

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 05.14.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 28: REPORT FROM DANTOOINE

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 05.21.08 12:01am
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CHAPTER 29: TOMB BE OR NOT TOMB BE

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 05.28.08 12:01am
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CHAPTER 30: A LATE NIGHT INTRUDER

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 06.04.08 7:30pm
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 31: TAKE MY TEMPERATURE, I THINK I'M RUNNING A FEMUR

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 06.11.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 32: REPORT FROM KASHYYK

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 06.18.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 33: WELCOME TO MANAAN

Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone
Posted by: Darth Danno 06.23.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present the next chapter of Darth Danno's thrilling adventure saga "Indiana Jones and the Sith Stone."

CHAPTER 34: WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE, AND HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS ONE?

Danno Does Chicago
Posted by: Darth Danno 07.02.08 12:01am
CreatureCantina.com is proud to present something completely different... Darth Danno's write up of his eventful visit to Wizard World Chicage, entitled: Sensing a disturbance in the Force at Wizard World Chicago

Obama defeats Darktrooper in latest Fan Choice vote!
"Huckabee" rejected as Cantina patron name... "Too strange"
Revealed: Hillary Clinton played Emperor in original 1980 ESB holo scene!
Plans to turn Geonosian execution arena into a shopping mall met with a few bugs
Romance on Kashyyk, the truth behind Wookie Nookie
Jabba joins Salvation Army due to misunderstanding. He thought it was the Salivation Army